39. Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Ena
Ena held the baby in her arms, rocking him back and forth in the old, creaky rocking chair in the corner of the bedroom. She watched his eyelids get heavy and close as sleep overwhelmed him—his tiny breaths just evening into a steady rhythm—when she heard a light knock on the door.
Ty entered, his eyes searching the room briefly until they landed on her and Ladon.
Embarrassment and turmoil flooded her as their eyes met, and she looked away.
She felt incredibly foolish for the way she’d abruptly left the planning meeting—it was unlike her to get so emotional like that.
But what was worse was that she couldn’t exactly say what had happened, or why she’d felt that way.
She knew Ty was about to ask her about it, though, and it made her tense all over again.
“Hey,” he said, coming cautiously over to her and speaking gently, as if to a spooked horse.
“Hi,” she replied simply, avoiding eye contact and pretending to be engrossed in the baby.
“You want to talk about what happened back there?” he asked calmly, but with a commanding directive to his voice.
Part of her wanted to push back—get angry at his tone—but she didn’t have the energy. Instead, Ena sighed, looking up at him reluctantly. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, meeting his gaze with shame.
“Sorry for what?” he asked, his tone softening. He knelt down beside the chair she sat in, reaching out to put his hand over hers.
“For running away when everyone needed me. I—I don’t know what’s going on with me,” she said, feeling like an absolute failure all of a sudden.
She knew they all wanted her to Change and use her Gift—that it was the best idea they’d had for taking out Cole, something that she also really wanted.
And not only that, but if she had this amazing ability, why would she not want to use it?
This wasn’t like her Gift—it wasn’t forbidden.
There was no one holding her back but herself.
She couldn’t explain it, but for some reason, the idea of using it absolutely terrified her. Like somehow, if she gave over to this new part of her, there’d be no going back to how she was.
“It’s okay,” Ty said gently, and the gentleness of his voice pissed her off.
She didn’t deserve gentleness; she deserved to have someone yell at her, tell her to grow up and stop being a baby.
She was a mom now, no longer a scared teenager.
No longer a witch afraid of her rare Gift.
She was over all that—she’d embraced it—and she needed to embrace this too.
But she wasn’t. She wasn’t even close to what she was supposed to be—how she was supposed to be—and that admission gutted her.
“It’s not okay, Ty!” she said, the words bursting from her and startling the baby, who stirred in her arms. Irritation instantly flooded her at her own carelessness, and she had to force herself to calm before she started speaking again. “I—I just can’t do it all. It’s too much.”
“What’s too much?” he asked, his brow furrowing as he looked at her with concern and love.
“Everything!” she said. Ladon had mercifully fallen asleep once more, and she could feel her emotions overwhelming her again, so she stood up and placed him gently in the crib Greya had given them, wondering how long they’d have before he stirred again.
“What do you mean everything?” Ty asked, his voice hushed so as not to wake the baby.
Ena gestured to the door, leading him quietly out into the hallway, and into the room next door where they’d slept.
It was sparse after the fire that had burned the previous house—most of her furniture had had to be replaced, but her old bed was there, and a small armoire with an aged mirror on the front.
“Ena, talk to me,” Ty said as he shut the door behind them. “What is going on?”
Ena sighed again, looking at the floor—she couldn’t bring herself to look at him when she said what she had to say next.
“I don’t know who I am anymore, Ty,” she said quietly, the confession cutting her, even though the words were so simple.
“So much has changed—too much. A year ago, I was just a witch. I was lost, searching, but I knew my place at least. And then I got a Gift I didn’t understand, and then you came back and burst my world wide open and then… ”
She trailed off, finally finding the courage to look up into his beautiful green eyes. He was watching her with every ounce of his attention—listening—so she continued.
“When I followed you to the Underworld, I thought my place was with you. That I would follow you anywhere, because we fit, and then even after the ugliness that happened there, and the unexpected news of the pregnancy, it didn’t really scare me that much, because I had you back. But then…you were gone, Ty.”
She saw Ty swallow, his throat bobbing with the motion, as guilt and sadness flooded his eyes.
“I thought you were gone. And I didn’t know what to do without you,” she said, her heart aching at the memory of having to walk away from that river and continue life without him.
“And I realized how lost I still was. That I couldn’t even stand on my own without you.
And then, it turned out I was part stryx—and nowhere close to the person I thought I was—and then I became a mother, and I live for someone else’s needs, day in and day out, and now…
I feel like I have no idea what I am doing, Ty.
Or who I even am anymore. Who am I without you?
Who am I without Ladon? Who am I now that I’m part witch and part stryx—what does that make me?
Where do I fit now? It terrifies me to not know, because I feel like I’m…
like I’m drowning with nothing to hold onto.
And now you all need me to change more and I’m just not strong enough to handle it all. I need to be stronger.”
Ena’s confession echoed between them, and she felt her heart thumping in her chest. She felt both relieved and immensely guilty at the same time.
Because how could she say all that? Shouldn’t she be grateful that Ty was alive, that their baby was healthy, that she was healthy?
How could she possibly complain when she had all that?
She looked away again, but Ty wouldn’t let her. He reached out, grabbing her chin gently and tilting it up to look at him.
“Ena,” he said gently, but his tone was firm.
“You need to hear me when I say this, because I’ve never meant anything more in my entire life.
You are strong, my love. You are one of the strongest people I know.
Struggling with everything—with all the ways your life has changed, and everything that has been asked of you—it does not make you weak.
It makes you human. And you are strong, because you have endured it anyway.
You have not been lost—you have just been enduring the chaos. ”
Tears began to fill Ena’s eyes at his words, and part of her still didn’t want to let them in, but he wouldn’t let go of her chin, and she couldn’t look away.
“There is chaos in life, Ena. There is change, and there is pain. There is loss, and there is suffering. But in between, there is balance, there is peace, and there is joy. And you are strong enough to handle it all—I see that in you. I always have.”
Ena scoffed slightly, rolling her eyes a bit at his unshakable faith in her. How could he have it, when she didn’t have it herself?
“You think I haven’t changed?” Ty asked, challenging her reaction.
“I’m a husband and a father now too—that’s weird as fuck for me.
My mother is back in my life, when I never thought I’d get the chance to meet her.
I am responsible for so many.” Ty’s voice cracked, and for a second, she could feel the weight of all that for him too.
And he’d held it all in so well—so stoically—she never would have known.
But she should have guessed, and the fact that she’d been so self-centered made her feel unimaginably guilty.
“But I’m here to change with you, Ena. It’s you and me.
There is nothing we cannot do together—I believe that.
And even if you didn’t have me…there is nothing you could not do alone.
Because you are you, no matter your circumstances.
No matter what you’ve been through. You are so smart and capable.
Kind and brave. Vicious and strong. You are my viper, my dark goddess, and I fucking worship you because I see all that in you. You just need to see it yourself.”
Tears were streaming down Ena’s face now as he spoke. Because he was right. She knew he was. Feeling lost was just that—a feeling. Something she told herself when she felt unsure, when she didn’t know what to do, or couldn’t do something perfectly.
But in reality, maybe she did have that strength already. Maybe she just needed to be reminded that it was there—that she was herself, no matter what, and she could find a way to thrive.
Could she do that? Could she believe in herself, and let herself become whatever it was she was becoming?
Ty released her chin and held out his wrist to her. He reached down and pulled out his dagger from his belt and slowly dragged it across until blood welled up from the cut.
Ena watched it, enthralled, and her heart began beating faster—the smell of it suddenly permeated the air, making her mouth water. She dragged her lip into her mouth, holding herself back.
“Drink, Ena,” Ty commanded. “Drink and Change, and I’ll be right here for you. Whether I’m buried deep inside you or dead in the ground, my love will always be with you. Always.”
Ena didn’t think. She just looked up at him, meeting his eyes for a second, before she reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling it to her mouth.
The blood hit her lips, and the taste of it almost made her eyes roll back in her head. It had only been a day or two since she’d last drunk from him, and yet this time, she didn’t just do it to keep her bloodlust at bay. She did it to draw power into herself.
She fed on his strength, on his love, on his desire for her.
His confidence, his vulnerability, his very being filled her, and as she drank, she reached down into her Knowing.
She Knew the blood running in her veins, felt her own as well as his.
She felt her bones and her skin, her hair, her eyes, her muscles.
She Knew herself and her body like never before.
How it worked, how it thrived. Where it was strong, where it was weak, and then she went deeper—into her well of power where her Gift lay.
She could call for her visanis now if she wanted to, but instead, this time, she reached for something different.
Something deeper. Something that dwelled in her very bones—in the very heart of who she was—and she summoned it.
It was a will of her own that she drew from—not like Gaia’s or Iblis’s. It was her very own, and she willed herself to Change. To grow. To become something new, different, but something that was still inextricably her.
All at once, she pulled her lips back from Ty’s wrist, and met his eyes—hers wide and full of awe, as she looked down to see her body Changing.
She felt her muscles fusing together, and her bones shrinking—altering her very makeup.
It hurt, it ached, but just like labor, it served a purpose—to bring new life.
Involuntarily, she let out a grunt as she fell to the floor on all fours. She shut her eyes—too scared to see, and needing to just feel.
And what she felt was…otherworldly. Her old self melted away—her skin shedding from her like leaves in the fall. She let out a quiet exclamation of pain as she felt her limbs disappear—her hair, her eyes, her internal organs changing seamlessly—as if this was what she’d been meant for all along.
It wasn’t without pain—in fact, it was excruciating—and she felt confused and elated and afraid all at the same time. But for the first time in her life, she didn’t fight it. She let the fear flow through her—the joy, the pain, all of it. And she embraced it.
When the pain and movement inside her finally stopped, she cautiously opened her eyes.
She was lying on the floor, so close down to the worn wooden boards she could feel the grain of it everywhere along her body.
Movement caught her eye, and she whipped around to see a large man crouching on the floor, looking down at her.
Whatever she had Changed into was smaller than her human form, but faster. Much faster.
She stared at the man in confusion for a second, the memories taking a second to click into place, until she recognized him.
It was Ty.
He reached out to her slowly, cautiously, extending his hand toward her in offering. Instinctively, she moved towards him, her powerful body doing so with ease.
She slithered onto his hand—it was warm, and the feeling brought her a deep sense of pleasure, so she moved onto him further, sliding up his arm, onto his shoulder, and nestled herself into the crook of his neck.
Curling around him, she saw her sleek, black body for the first time. Covered in scales, but strong and solid. Powerful and dangerous. She squeezed him, wrapping around him like he belonged to her, and she felt his throat vibrate as he spoke.
“There’s my viper,” he said, and even in her new skin, she Knew that his voice was full of love.