Chapter Twenty-One #2
Christmas Eve – the day of Joy’s wedding anniversary, and the reason for her cruise. If Tom had lived to see this day, they would be together, stepping quietly through the heavy wooden doors of the Arctic Cathedral with the cold crisp air of Troms? fading behind them.
Instead, as Joy entered, she stood alone.
With her shoulders taut, a weight seemed to press down as she heard organ music that Tom loved, rich and resonant, swelling into every corner of the vast space.
Joy was aware of the empty space beside her and the absence of an arm linking her own.
The thought should have saddened her, but instead it left her curiously confused, tilting between sorrow and a guilty lightness.
Once inside, she strolled into the silence of the place of worship and stared at the architecture.
Light and shadow interplayed across stark white walls, and when her fingers brushed lightly against a wooden pew, she decided to sit and contemplate the immensity of the building surrounding her.
Soaring triangular panels of aluminium rose like shards of ice, and, as it always did when she thought of his death, the absence of Tom weighed heavily.
Would he have enjoyed this experience on the day that celebrated four decades of marriage?
Coloured light from a glass mosaic cast soft blues and reds across the polished floor, and biting down on her lip, Joy refused to let thoughts of Tom cloud her day. After all, it was Christmas Eve, and tonight she was going to Lady Eleanor’s soirée.
But then she thought of Henry.
What to do about Henry? He was the unexpected rock who’d silently comforted her when she was filled with emotion during Matti’s song.
Joy had held herself together through so much, for so long, and although she didn’t understand the words, Matti’s voice was so raw and full of aching beauty that something had unravelled within her.
As though he understood her silent pain, Henry hadn’t said a word; he didn’t press or question.
But he’d helped her to the coach and, with his arm around her shoulders, was a comfort throughout the journey, an anchor in the dark.
Once back on the ship, Joy suddenly felt exposed.
She’d let her guard down and leaned into someone she barely knew.
What must Henry think of her, so incapable of holding herself together and crumbling pathetically during a song?
Avoiding his eyes, Joy had muttered a quick thanks and hurried away to her cabin, her thoughts churning.
Now, as she sat in the beautiful cathedral, Joy stared at her hands.
It wasn’t just the song or the emotion it had stirred; it was the way Henry had simply been there when she needed him.
And that scared her more than anything, because Joy knew that the people who stayed were the ones who could hurt you most.
But why was she thinking of Henry? Audrey was back in Skipton, no doubt waiting by the phone for Henry’s call. With Audrey in the wings, Joy had no right to let her thoughts further fantasise about friendship with a man she hardly knew.
She was about to stand and make her way out when a hand lightly touched her shoulder.
It was Leticia. ‘Room for a little one?’ Leticia asked and indicated to Jim that she was going to have a chat with Joy.
Jim nodded and pointed to the glass mosaic behind the altar, then propelled his chair forward, smoothly down the aisle.
‘So, how are you?’ Leticia asked and arranged herself on the pew. ‘If I’m not mistaken, today would have been your fortieth wedding anniversary?’
With a flicker of discomfort, Joy turned towards her, surprised that Leticia had remembered.
‘Would you like to talk about Tom?’ Leticia’s voice was soft, her eyes full of kindness.
For a moment, Joy hesitated. ‘Actually, I’d rather not.’ Joy clasped her hands and lowered her gaze.
‘Is it still too painful?’ Leticia asked.
‘Yes,’ Joy replied, almost in a whisper. ‘At times.’
Leticia gave a slight nod and reached out to pat Joy’s knee. ‘Well, my dear, I’m a good listener, if you ever feel ready.’
Joy’s mind flicked back to Leticia’s words by the jacuzzi, days earlier. I’d like you to tell me about your husband, when we get a moment to ourselves.
Could Leticia sense something? Was she psychic, or just incredibly perceptive? Suddenly, Joy wanted to pour her heart out and felt the dam about to break. The fear, the guilt, the story she hadn’t told anyone. But not here. Not in this sacred place.
Instead, Joy straightened her spine, smoothed her coat, and asked with a practised smile, ‘Did you have a good evening?’
‘Yes, the reindeer were magical, weren’t they?’ Leticia giggled. ‘Especially when a reindeer butted Kenneth and he lost his comb-over companion.’ Leticia shook her head. ‘I know I shouldn’t laugh, but it was very amusing.’
‘I’m afraid I missed that.’
‘Perhaps your thoughts were elsewhere?’ Leticia raised an eyebrow. ‘I saw you with Henry and watched how he looked at you. You both looked very cosy together.’
‘Er … well, he is a very kind man,’ Joy faltered.
‘Is he becoming more than just a cruise buddy?’
‘Oh, heavens, no … I couldn’t possibly think of him in that way …’ Joy stumbled over her words.
But Leticia wasn’t fooled. ‘Why not?’ she asked. ‘Wouldn’t Tom want you to be happy?’
Joy stared straight ahead. Once again, she wondered how much she could share with Leticia.
Would talking about Tom bring back memories?
On today of all days, their wedding anniversary.
But as Joy thought of Henry, she had an urge to confide.
Feelings she hadn’t thought possible were spinning in her head despite knowing that they’d never be reciprocated.
As though reading her mind, Leticia continued. ‘I can tell that you like Henry, and he is clearly smitten with you.’
‘I don’t know what I feel,’ Joy said quietly, and the words tasted like a lie.
Leticia waited and didn’t press.
‘It’s not that simple,’ Joy began. ‘Henry has someone. You may have heard him mention Audrey.’
‘Audrey? Are you sure?’ Leticia was puzzled. ‘Does he talk about Audrey the way he looks at you?’
Joy flinched. She tried not to think about the way Henry looked at her, but she knew it was more than just wanting to be her friend. His glances and how he’d held her. His hurt look last night, when she’d muttered her thanks and hurried away. ‘Maybe he’s just being kind,’ Joy said.
‘Or maybe you’ve both found something neither of you expected?’
‘Oh, I don’t know, I’m just being silly and I’m far too old to fall in love.’
Leticia reached out and took Joy’s hand. ‘My dear, you are never too old to fall in love.’
‘But Audrey is waiting for him, back home …’
‘And what’s waiting for you, Joy?’
Joy couldn’t answer. She thought of the dormer bungalow. The ghostly rooms, the garden she’d neglected.
‘Don’t talk yourself out of something just because it isn’t in the script, Joy. Take each day as it comes, and if you enjoy your time with Henry, make the most of it.’ Leticia squeezed her hand. ‘You have an invite for a plus one tonight for the soirée in Lady Eleanor’s suite. Why not ask Henry?’
‘But … I couldn’t,’ Joy hesitated, ‘I’m sure he wouldn’t want to …’
‘Stop it,’ Leticia laughed. She took her phone from her pocket and tapped in a number.
‘What are you doing?’ Joy asked.
‘I’m leaving a message with guest services.’
‘But …’
‘Hello,’ Leticia began when her call was answered, ‘I’m Mrs Joy Bradley in an Ocean View cabin, number 2617, and I’d like to leave a message for Mr Henry Halliday, who is staying in a Terrace Cabin on the promenade deck.’
Joy’s eyes widened in alarm. ‘No, please …’
But Leticia had a mischievous grin. ‘Yes, that’s right, please ask him if he’d like to accompany me to Lady Eleanor’s party tonight and to meet me in the Ocean Bar at six-thirty.’
‘You’re outrageous,’ Joy lowered her voice. She was conscious of being in a church, receiving several disapproving glances, as Leticia returned the phone to her bag.
‘Well, it’s done, so no more dithering. What are you going to wear?’
Joy sat back. It was no use. Leticia had forced the situation, and now, she must go along with the ride. ‘I spent a couple of hours in the ship’s boutique, and I have a new dress.’
Leticia punched the air. ‘Hurrah!’ she mouthed.
‘But what if it’s all a mistake?’
‘Then you’ll enjoy a few drinks, and a good look at the finest suite in the fleet and have plenty to tell me in the morning.’
Jim had made his way back to them, with a questioning smile, and Leticia, maintaining her cheerful composure, told him they were ready to leave. She touched Joy’s arm. ‘Come on, Cinderella, let’s get you back to the ship and ready for the ball.’
Joy glanced down at her sturdy walking boots, fleece lined trousers and sensible winter coat. She was hardly Cinderella, but the thought of the new dress and the party, the soft clink of glasses and, with any luck, Henry waiting for her, gave her an excited feeling.
As they stepped out into the bright light and made their way to the coach, Joy’s evening lay ahead, and she wrapped her coat a little tighter. She didn’t know what might happen or even if Henry would accept. But somewhere beneath her uncertainty there was a bubble of excitement in her chest.
Joy Bradley was going to a posh party. Who knew what might happen next!