Chapter Twenty-Nine
Sailing through the fjords as they whisper their timeless secrets …
Joy and Leticia found a cosy corner table in the café of the chemist shop museum and ordered coffee and cake.
On their way in they’d admired the apothecary’s polished wooden cabinets lined with glass jars and antique bottles from a bygone era.
A huge brass scale stood on a counter alongside souvenirs of art nouveau tiles, fridge magnets, notebooks, and coloured prints of the town.
‘I can almost smell ancient herbal remedies and tinctures,’ Leticia said as she stirred her latte. ‘It seems to seep from the oak panelling.’
‘This was the first house to be rebuilt after the fire,’ Joy said.
She took an enamelled handled fork and sectioned a fat slice of a fluffy meringue cake, topped with almonds.
Rich vanilla custard oozed from the filling.
‘The chemist rented out the second floor and was the wealthiest man in the town. I believe there’s a large safe where he secured his money, somewhere in the building. ’
As they settled in, a man suddenly darted across the room and vanished around the corner where more tables were situated. His trapper hat was pulled low, almost covering his eyes, and he didn’t notice the two women.
‘Wasn’t that Kenneth?’ Joy whispered.
They both froze as voices floated in from the adjacent room, the conversation clear despite the distance.
‘Babs, old bean! I knew I’d find you in here, your sweet tooth always gets the better of you and this is the only place open.’
‘Go. Away. Kenny.’
‘I thought you weren’t speaking to me?’
‘I’m not.’ Barbara’s voice sound muffled, as though a piece of cake had wedged in her mouth.
‘Well, I’m here to tell you that despite your vicious cruelty, I fixed my unpleasant problem that you created. You needn’t think that it will ruin the rest of my cruise.’
‘Bully. For. You.’
‘Hah! Got you! You can’t help yourself.’
‘Sod. Off.’
‘There’s no need to be like that …’
There was a crashing sound as though a chair was being thrown across the floor and a moment later, Kenneth reappeared and dashed from the café.
‘What do you think his unpleasant problem is?’ Joy asked, trying to keep a straight face. ‘Do you think they might sell something in here to help him?’
‘I’m not sure if they stock Viagra or hair restorer.’ Leticia grinned.
‘Look out, Barbara’s coming …’ Joy sat up and brushed crumbs from her lips.
Shaking out her hat, Barbara turned when Leticia called out a greeting.
She quickly tucked the fur over her flattened hair and forced a smile.
Her sour expression indicated that she was far from pleased to see the schoolteacher, but Margaret’s threat of ruining any hope Barbara had of cultivating Lady Eleanor’s favour had reined in her campaign to discredit Joy.
‘Hello, you two, I see you’re carb-loading again after your indulgences yesterday.’ Barbara nodded towards the cake-laden plates.
‘Just like you.’ Leticia smiled sweetly, pointing to a piece of meringue clinging to the fur at Barbara’s bosom.
‘How was the captain’s table?’ Joy asked.
‘Marvellous.’ Barbara pigeon-puffed her ample chest and cooed, ‘Captain Lindholm and I are such good friends and he’s such a charming man. You saw I was seated right beside him?’
‘Yes, just like Joy,’ Leticia replied.
Barbara’s eyes narrowed. ‘Well, I mustn’t keep you, you have a lot to get through before the ship sails,’ she added staring at their cake.
‘We’re looking forward to having your company at our table tonight,’ Leticia called out. ‘Kenneth too!’
As Barbara glided away, Joy turned to Leticia. ‘Are we really?’
‘I suppose not, but I wanted to talk to you about that. I know a way that you can avoid it.’
‘Do tell.’
‘Have dinner with Henry.’
‘Sorry?’
‘Book a table for the two of you, why not try the French restaurant, it would be very romantic.’
‘Romantic?’
Leticia set her fork down, her eyes steady on Joy. ‘Joy, isn’t it about time you stopped pretending that Henry is just an acquaintance and nothing more than a friend?’
‘But …’
‘No buts. I’ve seen the way you look at each other. Heavens, after everything we’ve discussed today how time is too short and we should live in the moment, like Jim and I, don’t you think you should do the same?’
‘Leticia …’ Joy searched for the right words. ‘But what about Audrey? Henry has a partner at home and although I’m sure he has feelings for me, I am not going to come between them.’
‘Are you sure about that?’
‘Yes, he talks about her often.’
‘Then why hasn’t she come on the cruise, especially at Christmas?’
‘I’ve no idea, perhaps she’s infirm.’
‘Well, you’ll never know if you don’t ask him.’
‘I suppose I could …’
‘I suppose you will!’ Leticia was adamant. ‘Unless there’s another reason why you hold back?’ she asked softly.
Joy pushed her empty plate away. It was now or never. The taboo subject that she bottled up. Was it finally time to expose it and release the anxiety that had crippled Joy for years?
Leticia gently stroked Joy’s hand. ‘I’m going to order another coffee,’ she said, ‘and when I come back, I want you to tell me all about it.’
‘Everyone thought that Tom was wonderful,’ Joy began. ‘He had a way of lighting up a room and always knew what to say to make people feel special. You would have liked him,’ she added, slowly stirring the coffee Leticia had placed before her.
‘Go on,’ Leticia encouraged.
‘But behind closed doors …’ Joy paused, ‘Tom chipped away at me, bit by bit, until I was broken. If I’d gained a promotion, he’d say, “Don’t let it go to your head, it’s big enough. You only got it because there was no one else.”’
She stared at Leticia with a weary sadness.
‘Sometimes it was the little things that hurt more than most. I used to love painting with watercolours, and I remember a series of seaside scenes that I was proud of. One day, he came home from work and made a bonfire of them in the garden. He said they were too pathetic to display.’
‘That’s not a little thing,’ Leticia said and squeezed Joy’s hand.
‘Or he would have a cruel look in his eyes and ask who I’d slept with to earn the promotion.’ Joy laughed, but it was hollow. ‘At first I thought he was joking …’ She gripped a napkin and twisted it in her fingers. ‘But then he got crueller. He never hit me where anyone could see.’
‘Oh, my dear …’
‘I never told anyone about his abuse. My parents were dead, and Susan adored him. Tom was her hero, and I didn’t want to take that away from her.’
‘What about your friends?’
‘Tom made sure there were none. Other than work, he never let me out of his sight. I’d built a career, but he made me feel like I was worthless.’
‘But you ran a team, mentored others, and even got an MBE?’ Leticia’s eyes were wide.
Joy gave a dismissive shrug. ‘I felt inadequate beside him, as if any light that fell on me was somehow stolen from him. He made me feel as though the honour of the MBE didn’t matter.
Even for the ceremony, he wouldn’t let me buy a new outfit and said my old navy dress would do.
I felt like my achievement was an inconvenience to him. ’
‘Why didn’t you leave him?’
‘I led a double life at work and home. It’s not easy when your partner controls all the money, and by the time I wanted to leave, he’d made me feel like I was lucky that he’d stayed with me.’ Joy’s voice cracked. ‘And the worst part was that I started to believe him.’
Joy was silent and cradled her cup. She paused to sip her drink and, with a shaky smile, looked up at Leticia. ‘When Tom died, people were kind, and his colleagues were sorry for my loss.’
‘And you?’
‘I … I wasn’t sorry; I was glad and relieved. But then I felt guilty for feeling that way, crushed by it all because no one knew. No one was truly aware of the man I lived with; they only saw the public performing side of Tom.’
Leticia took a deep breath, and her grip on Joy’s hand tightened.
Exhaling slowly, she began to speak. ‘Thank you for telling me, she said gently. ‘I knew something was troubling you from the first time I met you, but I had no idea what. I am truly sorry that you’ve had to go through all of this. And that you’ve gone through it alone.
’ Leticia paused and looked Joy in the eye.
‘I wish there was someone that you’d felt safe enough to talk to,’ she continued.
‘B … but if Tom had found out …’ Joy stuttered.
Leticia stroked Joy’s hand. ‘I understand, there would have been consequences.’ She saw Joy nod. ‘But you were never the problem. He dimmed your light because he couldn’t handle how brightly you shined. He lied to you about your worth, and his fear surfaced by way of control.’
Leticia let the words settle.
‘And your guilt? Well, that’s playing tricks on you and shouldn’t ever be a burden you carry.
You didn’t fail Tom. He failed you. In every single way that mattered.
’ Leticia’s eyes were damp. ‘I won’t let you carry this weight any longer.
’ She smiled. ‘Joy, my darling girl, you have survived. You’ve survived something that tried to erase you, and you’re still here.
Still beautiful Joy, still kind, still amazing and still truly wonderful and good. ’
Joy pushed her chair back, and as Leticia stood and wrapped Joy in a hug, the two women rocked gently. ‘Don’t let the past spoil your future.’ Leticia whispered.
After a few minutes she pulled away and held Joy at arm’s length. ‘Do you remember that I asked you if we could be cruise buddies?’
Joy nodded.
‘You never answered me.’
Joy gave a soft, tearful laugh. ‘Yes, of course, yes.’ She wiped her cheek with her fingers and smiled. ‘I just didn’t know how much I needed one until now.’
Leticia’s eyes were gentle. ‘Good. Because, unlike that rotter you were married to, I’m not going anywhere,’ she grinned.
Like bobbing boats on a silent sea, the two women nodded. And in that moment Joy knew that her new cruise buddy would be beside her for life.