Chapter 36 #2
He gave a sad sigh as he turned his head to lay it down again.
“A few reasons. I was told the chances of me being deployed were relatively low, you know, what with it being peacetime and all. It was a fixed contract, so there’d be a definite end.
More than anything, though, it’d be above reproach, even from him.
” He paused, and I thought that might be the end.
Then he added, “You know, I’m not even sure he cared when I was taken?
Probably thought it reflected on me not being manly enough or some shit.
Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely my fault, but my manliness or lack of had nothing to do with it. ”
I wanted to tell him no part of it was his fault, regardless of how he saw it. Except I knew how well that went over when people told me that. So I kept my mouth shut… for now.
“He just… nothing was ever good enough. You know?” Marc’s voice was a mix of frustration and a lifetime of pain that stabbed at my heart.
“What about your mom? You mentioned she was busy before. Where was she for all of this?” I asked, hoping that the question wouldn’t come out accusatory.
He sighed again, and I resumed rubbing his back.
“Don’t get me wrong, my mom’s great—the best, really.
It sounds way worse than it is. She’s not a bad mom or anything like that.
She’s just really busy, always has been.
She’s where Alex gets her drive. It sucks, though, because it meant that while she was often away on business—”
“It left your father to be the driving influence in your life,” I filled in.
“Yep. But I also love my mom and wouldn’t change a thing about her. She’s super passionate about what she does, and she’s damn good at it. I hate that she’s gotten so much flak over the years for having a career. No one would have batted an eye at any of her choices if she were a man.”
“Gotta love the irony,” I added when he didn’t continue, to which he characteristically snorted.
Abruptly, he pulled away and looked at me. “I wanna know more about this super exclusive school you and Andy went to. He and Mitch said a few things while they were here that made me wonder. Just how bad was this fancy school?”
I smiled at him, momentarily forgetting the shadows of the past, shadows that eerily looked like the ones that occupied the vast halls of my alma mater. “Ulwich Preparatory Academy was a viper’s nest.”
He raised an eyebrow, undoubtedly at the vitriol. “What the hell happened at that place?”
“Take your pick. Abuse, neglect, assault—most of which were at the hands of other students.”
He waited a beat, then asked the obvious question. “Where was the faculty for all of this? The parents? You’d think they’d be all up in the school’s business, given how posh it is.”
I snorted. “Wrong kind of posh. Ulwich wasn’t some jumped-up prep school. It was where the elite sent their kids to become just like them… by whatever means necessary. Boys either figured that out early and learned how to work the system or at least fly under the radar. Or…”
“Or?” Marc asked, though his tone suggested he knew exactly what that “or” entailed.
“Or they learned the hard way. Typically, at the hands of their peers. I saw things…” I squeezed my eyes shut, but no amount of darkness would ever erase the cruelty I’d witnessed.
Cruelty subtly encouraged by the faculty, cruelty meant to break you, cruelty for cruelty’s sake.
“As for the parents. Let me put it this way. The only way to attend Ulwich is as a legacy.” When I finally opened my eyes, Marc was searching my face.
“They knew. They knew exactly what you would have to endure at that place, and they sent you anyway.” There was something validating about the undercurrent of horror in his voice. “How young were you when you started there?”
I shrugged as well as I could, given our positions. “It’s modeled after a lot of European boarding schools. The youngest they’ll take is nine.”
“You didn’t answer the question. How old were you?” Marc emphasized, narrowing his eyes.
I kept my gaze fixed over his shoulder. “Nine.”
“Jiminy Cricket,” he gasped. My eyebrows shot up, and I couldn’t help but look at him. That was a new one. “What about Andy?”
Was it weird that I loved how his consideration included my little brother?
Probably, but I didn’t care. “Andy was a little luckier on that front. Our parents waited longer to enroll him because he was so small. He didn’t start until he was eleven.
Not that he was that much taller,” I added with a smirk.
Marc just shook his head. “Son of a biscuit. That shit makes the BS I’ve dealt with look like nothing.”
“Hold up. Don’t even think about going there,” I said firmly, pushing myself up onto my elbows and causing him to slide to the side.
“It’s not a competition. I didn’t share for sympathy or to make it seem like my experiences were somehow worse than yours.
” I grabbed his hand and gently squeezed it.
“I shared so you could know I understand what it’s like to face pressure like that and to feel like there’s no escape.
It’s horrible that your father didn’t support your dreams, didn’t want to see and value the incredible man you are.
Because you are, Marc. You are absolutely one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met, and frankly, the things you can do with flowers breaks my brain a little.
” I gave him a crooked smile and squeezed his hand again before relaxing my grip.
He blinked his eyes a few times, but to my surprise, didn’t look away. “James?” he said, his voice uncharacteristically thick.
“Yes, baby boy?” I replied softly.
“I...” He continued to look at me, though his words trailed off.
It felt like every hope I had for what we could be hinged on what he would say next.
I was so intent on him that at the sound of a loud crash downstairs, I actually jumped.
We both looked toward the bedroom door, then at each other.
Gone was the soft look on his face, replaced with a worry that had lines forming between his eyebrows.