Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
HE COULD LIVE WITHOUT ME
“ L una…”
His voice sounded so far away. I wanted to reach out and grab the sound and pull it closer to me, but I couldn’t. He was just out of touch, a fraction too far.
“Luna, wake up…”
His voice sounded again through the darkness. There was something off with his tone. It was high pitched and laced with anxiety. Oliver only sounded like that when he was scared. I wanted to reach out and hold him in my arms.
It’s okay, Ollie.
I was nestled deeply in the darkness surrounding me. It was warm and felt safe, but I wanted Oliver with me. I never wanted to let him go, yet it felt like we were two souls floating past each other, unable to meet in the middle.
“Luna, please…”
There was a heavy weight on my chest and I began to feel like I was being dragged down. Something was weighing me down and I fought against it. It was suffocating. The heat was intensifying until it felt like my skin was going to melt away.
And like a thread pulled taut, something snapped.
My eyelids were heavy and it took every ounce of strength to lift them. They cracked open, just enough for my brain to register my surroundings. It all came back to me—the night before with Oliver and I. We were still in the hotel. He told me he loved me.
He was pacing back and forth in the room with his phone pressed against his ear. I couldn’t make out what he was saying, but he looked panicked. My entire body was burning, yet there was a constant chill settling in my bones. Every limb felt like it weighed more than a horse. I was sinking into the bed and it was going to swallow me whole.
Tank was sitting right beside me with his head pressed against my arm. My eyes searched his and he whined as he nudged me. I wanted to pet him and tell him it was okay, but I couldn’t muster the energy to lift my hand.
My vent alarmed and I glanced at it from the corner of my eye. My respiratory rate was higher than normal as it alternated between 32 and 36. Oliver’s head whipped over and he looked between the ventilator and me.
His lips parted and a ragged sigh escaped him as he hurried over to the bed. “Oh, thank God,” he breathed as he dropped to his knees beside me. “Luna, love. I called your mom and 9-1-1. Something’s wrong and we need to get you to the hospital.”
My stomach sank and my heart continued at its rapid pace inside my ribcage. “My central line,” I practically whispered the words. It hurt to try and talk. My mouth was dry, my lips were cracked and I could taste a hint of metallic as I ran my tongue over them.
Oliver tilted his head to the side, his jaw clenched as his eyebrows pulled together. “You knew, didn’t you?” He paused for a moment before moving to sit on the bed. He reached for my shirt and he pulled it down to look at my chest. His face screwed up the moment he really looked at the area. “Fuck, Luna. It’s definitely infected. Why didn’t you say anything?”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “I didn’t want to ruin the trip,” I admitted, although my voice was barely audible and only every other word sounded somewhat clear.
“Oh, Luna love,” he breathed with a pained look in his eyes. “That wouldn't have been possible. We’re going to get you to the hospital and get it handled, okay?”
My chin wobbled and I nodded as the tears fell down the sides of my face. Oliver was fighting back his own emotions, trying to be strong. I wanted to tell him it would be okay, that he didn’t need to be strong. This was the end—I could feel it in my soul.
We all knew that one day my life would come to a halt and it would be earlier than everyone else’s. There was a loud pounding sound on the door to the hotel room. Tank started barking and Oliver quickly pressed his lips to my forehead before rushing away.
I had a good life and I honestly wouldn’t have wanted to live it any other way. Oliver Hart told me he loved me. The one boy who I tried so hard to keep at arm's length, even though he already burrowed himself in my heart. He made everything perfect. I got the chance to be loved by him.
I didn’t want to leave him, I didn’t want to leave him with a hole in his chest, but he would get past it. As I watched the way he moved around the room, he took control while explaining everything to the EMTs and paramedics that arrived.
A smile pulled on the corners of my lips. Oliver was the strongest person I knew, and I knew in my heart he would be okay in the end.
He could live without me.
The paramedic was trying to talk to me, but my head was swimming and it sounded like waves were crashing in my ears. I watched her lips move before I looked back at Oliver. The weight was getting heavier and my body was growing weaker. I was fighting so hard just to keep my eyes open and I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed a break. I needed to rest.
Tears spilled from my eyes and Oliver met my gaze.
“I love you,” I mouthed to him as my body failed to create any sound. His eyes widened and he shook his head at me. I smiled at him once more. The beautiful boy who held my heart in his hands. My eyes fell shut as the darkness began to suck me back under.
“She’s coding!” I heard an unfamiliar voice yell in the distance.
And then as if someone turned off the TV—darkness completely consumed me and everything went silent.