Damien
TWENTY
NOW
“You look like shit.” Bowie plopped down across from me at my table.
I hadn’t wanted to leave Callum, but I didn’t want to spend another day back there, and he needed to spend some time with his family before he went home. He tried to tell me that his parents still loved me and would like to see me, but he understood why I didn’t want to stick around.
The stupid letter from Sam sat unopened in my glovebox. I hadn’t touched it since I stuffed it in there and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. What could he possibly have to say to me after years of silent stalking?
Maybe one day, Callum and I would open them together. Or maybe I’d toss mine in the fire and not bother.
“Thanks. I missed you too.”
Bowie reached across the table and grabbed my coffee. He stole a sip, grimaced, and gave it back to me.
“I don’t know why you always do that. You don’t even like coffee.”
“I’m the only person I know who doesn’t like coffee. I feel left out, so I keep trying it hoping to acquire a taste for it.”
“Calling something an acquired taste is just admitting that something is shit, but you’re willing to get used to it.”
“How was it?” He leaned back in the chair, he stuck his legs out in front of him and folded his arms over his chest.
“It was a funeral. It was… sad, I guess.”
Bowie snorted a laugh. “Sad, you guess.”
“His parents were destroyed. They… they made me ride in the car with them from the church to the cemetery. Fucking awkward as shit.”
Bowie frowned and nodded in agreement. He knew how much I hadn’t wanted to go at all but also that I couldn’t stay away.
“And Callum?”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I kept my gaze averted, staring at my coffee instead of Bowie.
“There’s no point in denying that we were hooking up not long after the funeral.” I wiped a hand down my face and let out a groan. “When I put it like that, it sounds crass and disrespectful.”
“If anyone deserved disrespect, it was Sam.” Bowie had heard all about Sam’s overreaction—his words—to me and Callum hooking up. He’d never been a fan of Sam’s and had often said that Callum should’ve fought harder for me. But that’s because he was a good best friend. A real one.
“Sam knew where I lived. Where I worked. He pretended that we were still friends. Probably to keep Callum from ever reaching out to me.”
Bowie let out a low whistle. “That’s fucked up. If he wasn’t dead, I’d offer to go kick his ass.”
I looked up at Bowie and found him grinning at me. “We could always go piss on his grave.”
“No, we really can’t.”
“Your pet rock is more fun than you are, sometimes.”
“Sorry I don’t want to catch a charge for public indecency, desecrating a grave, and whatever else they’d throw at us for that. Sam’s not worth it.”
“So what did he leave you? Are you a millionaire now? Did he leave you custody of a secret love child?”
“He gave me an envelope. Me and Callum, both.”
Bowie’s eyes widened. “What was in it?”
I shrugged. “No clue. I didn’t open mine. Neither did Callum. We’re not sure we want to.”
“That’s fair. Did you want me to have a look to see what’s in there so I can prepare you?”
“No, it’s okay. I’m going to let it sit for a while.
I mean, what’s the point, right? It’s probably some letter about how sorry he is and blah, blah, blah.
I’m not sure I’m in the mood for an apology.
” I finished off my coffee and set the mug down with a heavy thump.
“Thanks for looking after things while I was gone.”
“Thanks for letting me crash here. I took full advantage of all your streaming services. Oh, and you’re out of cereal.”
He shot me a cheesy grin, and I just shook my head and rolled my eyes. Bowie never met a sugary cereal he didn’t like.
“So…how was it seeing Callum again?”
“You just want the dirty details.” My accusation landed and Bowie clutched his chest.
“Me? Want to pry into your love life?” He dropped the innocent act and leaned in, an evil smile spreading across his face. “Absolutely. Tell me everything.”
“Amazing. Depressing. I don’t know if I have words to describe what seeing him again did to me.
I’d gotten so used to missing him, that seeing him in front of me was surreal.
” I leaned forward and folded my arms on the table so I could bury my face in them.
I closed my eyes and took a slow, deep breath.
The trip had left me exhausted physically from the long-distance drive, the lack of proper sleep, and the emotional rollercoaster I’d gone through since getting the phone call.
Which, I’d wondered at first how Sam knew where to get in touch with me, but all of that was explained later.
Clearly, Sam had been keeping tabs on me and if he wasn’t dead, I’d have killed him for it. The audacity to drive me away and then pretend that it was my choice to go. My choice to stay away. And that, somehow, we were still the best of friends.
“I missed him. And then he was right there, and it was like no time had passed. We’re going to keep in touch.
That’s all I know. We were careful not to make promises to each other, but I want to see him again.
” I lifted my head and met Bowie’s gaze.
“He lives in Fort Frances. That’s not even two hours from here.
Can you believe that? We could’ve been in the same places sometimes and not known it.
It makes me crazy to think about it, actually. All this time, we were so close.”
Bowie bit his lip like he was trying to figure out how to say something. After years of friendship, I knew his tells.
“What?”
“Nothing. I just… be careful, okay. I know what you felt for this guy. You’ve been hung up on him for as long as I’ve known you.”
“I promise I’m being careful.” I wasn’t.
I’d recklessly tossed myself into bed with him and the crime of the century was that I hadn’t brought the supplies necessary to experience everything I wanted to experience with Callum.
But I would be prepared next time. Because there was going to be a next time.
I just got him back; there was no way I was letting him go again.
Bowie didn’t believe me, but he didn’t give me any grief for it. It was part of the reason I loved him so much. He was willing to support me through all my bad decisions and their aftermath the way a true friend would.
The fact that I hadn’t heard from Callum since I left burned my insides.
I was crawling out of my skin waiting for him to text me.
I didn’t want to disturb him while he spent time with his parents.
They needed him right now. Probably more than I did, though it still felt like I couldn’t breathe without him around.
“Tell me everything that happened while I was gone.”
“Well, Spike got out of the house, and I had to chase him through the neighborhood.”
“You’re so full of shit. Spike would never. He’s a good boy.”
“It’s true.”
Bowie continued to pull my leg about Spike’s supposed escapades for a while before switching to the real updates, which was that there were no updates.
Everything ran smoothly while I was out of town, and I almost hated that it had because I liked feeling necessary.
Knowing they could survive without me for a few days bruised my ego a little, so I was stupidly relieved when he told me that one of our clients had called and would only deal with me, and wanted me to call them as soon as I could.
I promised to connect with them first thing the next day, and Bowie promised to let me. I could tell he wanted to stick around longer to keep an eye on me, or to see if he could get me to spill more details about my time with Callum, but he eventually took off.
I unpacked my suitcase, started a load of laundry, and then lay on top of my covers and stared at my ceiling. My hands rested on my chest and my phone sat nearby, just in case. I’d fallen asleep like that and woke when my phone started buzzing with incoming messages.
Callum
I hate it here
I miss you
I’m leaving in the morning
I told Mom I have to go. She looked weird when I told her. Relieved? Maybe? I don’t know.
I miss you
Shit, I already said that. Sorry. My brain feels like runny pancake batter
The three little dots started to bounce, indicating that he was in the process of sending another message.
I know texting is all the rage, but I need to hear your voice
I called him then and there without hesitation.
Reading Callum’s texts made me as giddy as a kid with a crush.
Callum had filled out spectacularly well and even if we’d just met, he’d still be my exact type.
There wasn’t a single thing about him that didn’t appeal to me.
From his slightly crooked nose, to the way his front tooth crossed over the other just a little, to the thickness of his eyelashes and his soft, deep voice.
“Damien,” Callum said, his voice quiet and tight. He sounded like he was choking on his emotions.
“I’m here,” I said, my heart swooning despite my silent urge to be cool. I was anything but cool and casual where Callum was concerned. I was the opposite. Nervous. Determined. Anxious. “What do you need?”
“Nothing now.” He sighed. In the background, a door clicked shut.
“I’m sorry I had to leave.”
“Me too. My parents send their love.” Callum’s voice sounded strange.
“Is everything okay?” I knew the answer was no.
Everything wasn’t okay. Callum had just lost his brother.
He was stuck back home dealing with his parents’ grief, and I hadn’t even offered to stick around and help him through it.
I’d tucked tail and run back home. But that town made my skin itch.
Everything fit wrong. The sights. The smells.
The sounds. The people. It had been like stepping into a bad movie set.
“They’re being weird, D. Even for them.”
“Weird how?”
“I get the impression that they don’t want me to open the letter.”
That made me sit up. “Why wouldn’t they want you to? What did they say?”
“They asked if I opened the envelope, and I explained that I hadn’t.
That Sam and I weren’t very friendly or close and had only continued to grow apart over the years.
They looked relieved that I hadn’t looked but also still scared.
Like did they want me to read it? Did they want me to not read it and let whatever it is be buried with Sam? ”
“You could try asking?”
He laughed. “I’m not sure I want to know the answer.”
“Bowie offered to open mine and prepare me for it. I declined, but I could do the same for you, if you’d like. I still haven’t opened mine either.
“I know we should get it over with, but I can’t bring myself to think seriously about it. Not yet.”
“I understand completely.” Maybe in five or ten years, after I’d run off and married Callum, I’d open the envelope and read what Sam had to say. Until then, fuck Sam Weeks and his stupid envelope.