38. Damien
THIRTY-EIGHT
damien
NOW
The next morning, I slipped out of bed and made a pot of coffee.
Callum and I had been up late and we’d talked a lot about what happened and what he was going to do about the mess Sam left behind.
I agreed to go with him to talk to his parents and hear from them if there was even a remote possibility that it was true.
But first, before I could do any of that, I had to call Bowie.
I waited until the coffee was ready and then poured myself a cup. I added a couple spoons of sugar and slipped outside to talk to him. I shoved my feet into my shoes, slipped into one of Callum’s jackets, and went out onto the front step.
Bowie answered on the first ring.
“What’s up buttercup?” he said, sounding half asleep still.
“Did I wake you up?”
“Nah, I’ve been stirring for a while. Just haven’t gotten out of bed yet. What’s up?”
I took a deep breath and held it for a second or two. “I need another favor. I need a few more days off. I promise when I get back, I’ll make it right with you. I know you’ve been pulling a lot of my weight recently and this will be the last time, I swear.”
“Dude, slow down. You know I’ve got your back.”
I exhaled and the sudden feeling of relief that flooded through me made me dizzy. I took a sip of my coffee and then sat on the front step. The morning was chilly, but not quite cold enough to let me see my breath. The sun had been up long enough to drive the worst of the chill away.
“What’s going on with you, Damien? I mean… I assume it has something to do with Callum.”
I gave him the CliffsNotes version. The letters we didn’t open right away. The shit Sam had left behind. The offer I made Callum to go with him to sort this out with his parents.
Bowie made all the appropriate sounds as I told the story. A few what the fucks, the occasional swear word. And then he was quietly thoughtful. Bowie was never quiet.
“What?” I asked. “You want to say something.” Not a question. I knew Bowie better than that.
“I’m just worried about you. You’re invested in this guy. A guy you haven’t seen in what… a decade? A guy who didn’t bother to talk to you that whole time.”
“It’s not like I reached out either.”
“That’s my point. This dude from a million years ago shows up and you’re his emotional support system. You’re going back home with him to confront his shitty parents. What has he done to deserve this kind of loyalty, dude?”
“He doesn’t need to do anything,” I blurted. “I’ve missed him, okay. Hell, I miss him right now, and he’s just inside. It’s all I can do to not end this call and climb back in bed with him.”
“Ah yes, the power of the penis. It all makes sense.” He didn’t sound hostile, but he did sound tired. And a bit judgy.
“What’s your problem?” I got to my feet, my hands shaking as I tried to decide if I was more hurt or angry.
“Damien, I love you like a brother. You’re my very best friend on the planet, and I would be a shitty friend to you if I didn’t tell you that this is a bit fucked up.
I mean, you’ve all but dropped off the face of the earth.
I only hear from you now when you need me to take over shit for you so you can go play house with your long-lost boyfriend. ”
“Bowie—” I had no defense. “I know. I’m sorry.” I made myself take a breath and then let it out slowly. “I know I’ve gotten in deep, but I was never not in deep where Callum was concerned.”
“Is that healthy?”
I rolled the question around in my head, mostly trying to decide if I cared or not.
“I don’t know if it’s healthy, but I know that I don’t want to stop seeing him.
Or being there for him. I want to figure out how to make it work with him, and I’m sorry that I’m relying on you so much right now. I should be a better friend to you.”
“Damn right you should,” Bowie said. “I want to meet him.”
“I know, I know. How about after we see his parents? We’re driving, so how about we stop on the way back once we’ve dealt with this shit show?”
I heard him take a deep breath. “I’ll allow it,” he said after a minute.
“But I want to meet him, Damien. I’m serious.
If he’s important to you, then it’s important to me.
Just… be careful, okay? I know you still carry a torch for him, but you haven’t seen each other in years.
He might not be the same person you knew. ”
“I’ll be careful.”
It was easier to agree than argue and tell him he was wrong.
That Callum was still the same and so was I.
Sure, we were older, supposedly wiser, and we’d both been through things that the other didn’t know about.
But at our cores, we were unchanged. Callum was still the quiet, thoughtful one who taught me to swim.
And I was still the one who thought he hung the moon. I’d never not love Callum.
The front door creaked open and I turned around to find him standing behind me, his hair messy and sticking out in all directions. He’d pulled a pair of boxers on and they sat low on his hips.
“I thought you left,” Callum grumbled, scratching his stomach.
“I had to call Bowie and I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Hi, Bowie,” Callum said as he ducked close and dropped a kiss on my forehead. “Take your time.”
He disappeared inside, and I had to stifle the desire to follow him. But I’d already been a shitty enough friend to Bowie, and I wasn’t about to ditch him just because Callum was conscious. And hot. And basically irresistible.
“When are you heading back to his parents’?” Bowie asked. “And how long do you plan on being gone?”
“We’re leaving after breakfast and I don’t know.
As long as it takes. Probably not long. I don’t imagine there’s a whole lot Callum can do about what he was told.
Either they’re his parents, or they’re not.
And he’ll either find out that Sam was full of shit, or he’ll find out the reason he was raised by people who aren’t his parents. ”
“That’s a very practical approach. But you realize that, either way, he’s going to have shit to unpack, right? Either his brother was a liar and a manipulator, or his parents kept a huge-ass secret his whole life. Both are going to fuck with him.”
I leaned against the railing at the edge of the concrete steps. My ass was quickly going numb from the cold slab, and the wrought iron spindles dug into my shoulder. “I know.”
“You can’t be his everything, Damien. It’s great that you want to support him emotionally and morally.”
“But?”
“But be careful that you’re not taking on too much responsibility for him.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I don’t want my best friend to tear himself up for how the actions of other people affected people he cares about. You didn’t leave those letters. You didn’t keep those secrets. Callum’s happiness isn’t your responsibility and his anger isn’t your fault.”
“How do you know he’s angry?”
“Because I’d be pissed if I were in that situation.”
Bowie let out a breath, and I could tell he was exasperated with me.
I wanted to apologize, but knowing Bowie, he’d get mad about that too.
He often thought I chewed off parts of myself to try and fit with other people.
He wasn’t about to let me say sorry for something that had nothing to do with me.
“I’ll be careful. I promise.” I pushed myself to my feet and wondered when I’d drunk my coffee. The cup was nearly empty, and I couldn’t remember taking a drink at all. I’d been too wrapped up in my conversation with Bowie to notice. “I should go. We need to get on the road soon.”
“Keep in touch. I mean it, Damien. You want to be there for him, but let me be there for you.”
“I’m not the one who needs to find out if his parents are really his parents.”
“Just because it’s not about you, doesn’t mean it won’t affect you. Call me if you need me. And even if you don’t. I want to hear from you. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now get off the phone, and let me go back to sleep. I have another hour before I have to get up,” he said, yawning half the words.
“Thanks, Bowie.”
“You owe me.”
“Always do.”
The call ended and I took the last sip of my coffee before going back inside.
I hung Callum’s jacket back up and took my shoes off.
After pouring a fresh coffee, I wandered into the bedroom where Callum was.
He sat on the edge of the bed, now dressed in black jeans and a burgundy sweater with the sleeves pushed up. Burgundy was a good color for him.
“Your friend must hate me.”
Callum sounded sad when he said it, and I wanted to make him feel better about it. Bowie might not be his biggest fan, but I didn’t doubt that Bowie loved me and would always look out for me.
“My friend loves me. Those aren’t the same thing.
” I sat on the bed next to him and set my coffee on the nightstand.
I wrapped an arm around Callum and pulled him close to me.
“He’s worried about me, and for me, and yeah, he’s not super thrilled that I’m so invested in you, but it comes from a place of love, not hate. ”
“Sometimes those two things aren’t all that different,” Callum said, leaning against me a little more.
I knew he had to be thinking about Sam. About his parents. About every interaction he’d ever had and wondering if this information really changed anything all that much. I know it would make me question everything.
“What if it’s true?” Callum asked. “What if it’s not?”
“Is there one you’d prefer? I mean, is there an outcome you’re hoping for? Maybe it would help if you thought about what kind of things you want to say to them and how you want them to respond.”
“All I want is the truth. I can figure out the rest after.” He got to his feet. “Did you need to borrow something to wear?”
“That might be a good idea.” We were about the same size still, so he loaned me a pair of pants and a dark long-sleeve shirt. It was weird to see grown-up clothes in his closet instead of nothing but graphic tees and shirts with profanity on them.
“Are you ready?” I asked, grabbing my keys and stuffing my wallet in my pocket.
“As ready as I’m going to get,” he confirmed. He paused before leaving to pet Crudinski. He had an automatic food and water dish set up for him, but a neighbor was still going to drop in and check on him once a day. “For luck,” he told me as he scratched behind Crudinski’s ears.
When I scratched behind the other one, he looked at me and shot me a little smile.
“For luck,” I repeated, hoping it was on our side.