Chapter 33 #2
“Estrus is your most fertile cycle,” Serich explained. “Your body is preparing itself for breeding, and it will be your main focus. Not food, nor sleep, nor anything else. Physical and emotional relief will only come with sex, and without it…”
Fern swallowed. “Without it?”
“You will experience crippling pain. Invasive thoughts of worthlessness. Or even…”
She closed her eyes.
“I hope so.”
* * *
A few wolfkin drifted in and out of the library as she read—Lurvekh who were looking for books for pleasure or study, or Solvekh coming through to clean.
She sat near an open window and as far from the fire as she could. Heat would cause her to sweat. Sweat would carry her scent. Her scent would attract wolfkin.
And for now, she needed to be invisible.
Fern had found the same book Serich had shown her, and felt foolish for not having read it earlier. So many strange habits and patterns she’d noticed and never had answers for were all here, from her nesting, her need for touch, her scent, and the way other wolfkin reacted to her.
Some regarded omegas with interest, loyalty, or desire, viewing them as blessings from the moon goddess. Which according to wolfkin lore, they were.
While others viewed them with suspicion and could be resentful of omegas for the resources they required. Not just material goods, but also in time and energy from alphas, whose attentions they also received in abundance. This was especially true if there were two or more omegas in a clan.
Omegas, it seemed, were either seen as assets or as an expensive nuisance.
A sharp cramp ripped through her lower belly.
It appeared Darion couldn’t decide between the two when it came to her, and she had no idea what to do about it.
Because while he had been attentive and sweet the past few days, there was no getting around the conditions of those feelings, and that as soon as she displeased him or became difficult, he would rescind them.
And if what she read about estrus was correct, she might not survive his neglect this time.
Lunch came and went as she pored over as many texts as she could find, books piled high like a wall around her while she read.
“Building nests out of books, now?”
Fern jumped in her seat and yelped, finding Reinn had somehow managed to approach her without her even sensing his arrival.
“A little warning next time would be nice,” she huffed.
“I made plenty of noise, sunbeam. It’s not my fault your instincts are so dull.”
He held a tray in his hands and looked down again at the mess she’d created. “When you weren’t in the dining hall, I thought perhaps I’d bring some food to you.” He balanced the tray in one hand while rearranging the stacks with the other until there was enough room to set it down.
Fern looked at the stew, and her stomach turned.
Loss of appetite… another symptom.
She thought about telling him she wasn’t hungry, but Reinn was perceptive and knew more about omegas than most of the wolfkin here. She couldn’t let him suspect what was really wrong with her.
“Thank you,” she said instead, taking a few small spoonfuls of the gravy. Then she set it down, wiping her lips. “I’m sure you have other matters to attend to today.”
Reinn blinked at her slowly. “Trying to get rid of me already? Why?”
Fern ate a small piece of carrot to hide her nervous swallow. “I’m sorry, I’m just still not feeling well. My human ancestry might be the cause, so I’m searching for any documented cases of Solvekh whose omega traits manifested after a shift. I thought it might explain my condition.”
“And what condition is that?”
Damn it all to the gods, why was he being so nosy?
“Humans call it a cold, but Serich said wolves don’t get colds.”
He raised an eyebrow in question.
“I probably just slept poorly,” she said, trying to affect a calm edge to her voice.
It wasn’t working.
“That’s why you’re supposed to have an alpha in your bed.”
She gave a small laugh. “Aye, well, perhaps. Anyway, you don’t have to worry. It’s nothing serious, and I don’t like being fussed over.”
Now both of his eyebrows were raised. “On the contrary, my dear omega, I think you very much like being fussed over.”
He leaned down, taking the spoon out of her hand, dipping it into the stew to get a piece of venison, and then brought it to her mouth. She opened without protest, eating the bite while she looked at him.
“You’ve merely been conditioned by the alpha who’s supposed to do the fussing not to want it.”
Fern’s eyes and nose began to sting, and she looked down at the bowl, knowing he would see the truth of his words in her tears.
Reinn leaned down, whispering in her ear. “I would fuss over you day and night, little sunbeam. Please remember that.”
His lips softly grazed her cheek, and then he straightened. “I suppose I’ll leave you to your work. I hope you find the answers you’re looking for.”
Fern watched him leave, another cramp gripping her lower belly so tightly she almost whimpered.
He’s right, you know, her wolf said.
I am fully aware, thank you.
The squares of sunlight grew longer as she read everything she could find—the personal accounts of omegas were the most fascinating, but their descriptions of their heats left her worried and slightly horrified for several reasons.
Most of all because it seemed that omegas were in such constant need of touch and sexual stimulation, it was often the case that two or three alphas were required to tend to them all at once.
“You’d be half an alpha to her if not less, when she likely needs more than one…”
She’d barely understood Reinn’s words from the morning after her first shift, but now she finally knew what he’d been referring to.
This moment.
This growing, hungry need that would require constant attention for several days or even a full week, if what she’d read about first heats being excessively long was true.
Darion, with both his time and body, would be woefully inadequate.
And she would suffer for it.
With a beleaguered sigh, she stood, her muscles aching and skin flushed. Fern slipped another small strip of willow bark between her teeth, put away the books, and asked Lucas to bring her to her room before dinner so she could freshen up.
She wanted to stay and read, but skipping another meal might bring even more unwanted attention.
Attention that she wished she could want.
When Lucas wasn’t looking, she dabbed the witch hazel tonic on her skin as directed, wondering how she could eat enough without Reinn or Eidan worrying more about her.
Then she noticed her door was open a crack and froze.
“Lucas…”
He was already aware, drawing a sword and pushing her behind him.
“Stay here.”
He approached the door on quiet feet, then all at once he entered with a yell that was silenced almost immediately.
Fern stayed behind and out of sight from the doorway, her heart pounding so hard she could feel it in her ears.
There was no more sound.
“Lu-Lucas?”
“Lady Fern, don’t come in here.”
Fern entered the room anyway, the sight before her so horrible, she couldn’t even find a scream.
She fell to her knees, her mouth open, her chest feeling like it had been ripped apart.
Because standing right in the middle of her room was Kyntha, a dagger in her hand and feathers in her hair.
And behind her, her nest…
Fern finally let out a strangled cry.
It was completely, utterly destroyed.