Chapter 20
With the high of the victory, it took me hours to fall asleep, anticipating our day off tomorrow.
I tossed and turned. Felt a little guilty for letting myself feel good instead of sadness.
Eventually I dozed off, but I woke in the night shivering.
My nose was icy and my breath clouded in front of me.
Outside, that was normal. Inside? No. Frost was built up on the inside of the windows too.
I dreaded getting out from under my blanket, and reluctantly tossed it aside and shuddered when I put my feet on the frigid floor. On my toes, I quickly pattered to the wood stove and hovered my hand over it. It was cold.
Groaning, I popped open the door to find not even embers left burning. We’d used up the pile of wood usually beside the stove. Stone towers apparently didn’t hold heat well. The wind howled outside, blowing sheets of white across my window. Ew. More snow.
One last storm before spring. I couldn’t wait for the summer heat and longer days.
I peeked around the curtain to see Vander curled on his side with the blanket up to his chin. His slow even breathing told me he still slept. I hated to wake him, but my teeth were chattering and even my thick blanket wasn’t enough. I gently shook his shoulder. “Viper, is there more wood in here?”
I wasn’t sure who had kept our wood supply up, but it had always been there so I’d never thought about it. Probably the same people who made our meals. Human servants sworn to secrecy in exchange for the privilege of living inside the wall.
Vander didn’t even stir. Usually, he was a light sleeper.
“Viper.” I spoke louder this time. His eyes fluttered, and he mumbled something inaudible.
“It’s freezing in here and the fire went out.
” I crossed my arms, shivering in my knee-length nightdress.
The thin cotton fabric was not fit for this.
I needed wool. I’d just have to put on my coat and pants and hope it was enough.
I turned, and he caught my elbow. His fingers were as cold as mine. His eyelids were half closed, and he looked sleepy. Maybe I could find an extra blanket in the closet for both of us. I took a step and was suddenly pulled back to the edge of the bed. He lifted his blanket—an invitation to join?
I blinked in confusion. “Viper?”
He laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. I wasn’t even sure he was awake enough to know what he was doing. He tugged me harder until I fell onto the bed beside him.
“Just lay down, Aesira. I’ll keep you warm.”
“Are you even awake?” I hissed. He smiled lazily, pulled me against him and closed the blanket around us.
Ummm, alright. The chill to his skin was cool even to me, but I was quivering and he wasn’t.
I rolled onto my side, placing my back to his front, and he wrapped his arms around me.
My heart revved up. He was large enough that he more than covered my body, and I liked it—too much.
This was just to keep warm. That’s it. That’s all.
“How are you going to keep me warm, you’re colder than I am? ”
He nuzzled his face in my hair and inhaled. “You always smell so good.”
“Um, thank you.” My mind whirled in confusion, and yet I had no desire to leave. We’d slept in the same bed the day I found out my mother and baby brother had died, but that was entirely platonic. He had simply been comforting me in a moment of sorrow. This felt... different. I was different.
I put any thoughts of sensuality from my mind and let him warm me.
It only took a few minutes until my chattering stopped.
I twisted around to face him, and the soft planes of his beautiful face told me he slept.
My stomach knotted. I was convinced he didn’t consciously know he’d pulled me in bed with him, especially not with him shirtless and me bare-legged.
He wouldn’t do that, and I shouldn’t have let him. Yet here I was.
“Vander.” I sharpened my tone and his eyes snapped wide open.
I pursed my lips. I’d been right. He was startled to see me.
He blinked several times, his hands curled against my back, then slowly he pulled away.
His throat bobbed and his lips parted. Tension coiled around us like smoke.
I was hyper-aware of every point our skin touched.
My chest to his, our legs nearly tangled. Our faces were inches apart.
He finally said, “Are you warmer?”
Good recovery. “A little.”
“Enough?”
I was still colder than I’d like to be. “No.”
“I, uh, would go get more wood for a fire, but it’s across Drakthar in the stacks.” He lifted his head and peered out the window. “And it looks like we’re in the middle of a blizzard.”
“I’ll be fine. I can just put on leggings and a coat.” I twisted back around and scooted to the edge of the bed until he caught my waist and pressed his palm against my abdomen, stilling me.
“It’s freezing in here. It’s cold enough you could get hypothermia. Stay next to me,” he commanded.
I let out a slow breath and tried to calm my racing heart, but I obeyed. I laid my head on his pillow, and we both moved to press against one another. I kept my back to him. It was easier than looking him in the eyes. With him so close, my mind wandered to things it shouldn’t.
I imagined him pushing my hair aside, his lips gently pressing to the back of my neck.
Chills erupted along my skin even at the thought of it.
I pictured his hand moving from my stomach to cup my breast. I wanted more with him than the respectful bond of a trainer and apprentice.
I wanted more than friendship. I wanted him to kiss me and want me back.
His arm curled tighter around me, pulling me even firmer against him. “Aesira.” His breath washed over my neck. I closed my eyes as the wave of desire pulled stronger. “Do you know what you’re doing?”
I swallowed hard, brows pinching. I hadn’t even moved. “What?”
He was breathing faster than before. “I haven’t been sure, but I’m almost certain now... You’re from a bloodline of scholars. Sometimes they have gifts of the mind.”
“I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”
“What were you just thinking?”
I almost jerked out of bed. There was no way he could know... “Um, about you and me being so close.” My voice was shaky. I hated it.
“Uh huh. I thought so. I need you to stop thinking about me in that way.”
This time I flew out of his arms and sat up. The cold suddenly became irrelevant. “Can you read my thoughts? Or—or feel me?” I accused. “Smoke said that some scholars could speak to each other’s mind but you’re from a scholar family too.”
“No, I can’t.” He sat up, his hand moved closer to mine. Our fingers brushed. “It’s not me.”
“I certainly cannot hear what you’re thinking.”
His eyes flicked back and forth between mine, and he scrubbed his hand down his face.
“I think you sometimes send me images of your thoughts. I can see what you are thinking sporadically. It took me a while to realize you were doing it while you dreamed, like our dreams were intertwining somehow. I thought they were my own dreams until I saw things that I couldn’t possibly know about you. ”
My mouth hung open. I wasn’t fully grasping what he was saying, but he was in my dreams so often, sensual or not, that if he saw what I did.
.. I jumped out of bed and hurried into the washroom and shut the door.
I quickly locked it and put my face into my hands.
How could I be sending him my mental images?
He had seen that I was imagining him kissing me, touching me—and then told me to stop.
My pulse thundered in my ears, but I started to shiver again and wrapped my arms around myself. I need you to stop thinking about me in that way.
I was mortified. This was worse than the rejection during The Sorting Rite.
I knew him now—I wanted him. And he knew me.
After seeing those thoughts, he flat out denied the feelings—the connection between us?
There was a spark and he had to feel it.
I gulped. My heart was squeezing in my chest. No, he must feel it and yet.
.. He refused it, refused me. Tears burned my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away.
“Aesir—Bonecarver.” The handle jiggled. “Open the door, please.”
I’d have to face him at some point, but I needed a moment. My coat hung on the hook next to my bed. I could hurry and put it on and bury myself under my blanket. Better yet, I could dress and go somewhere else. Anywhere else. The dining hall was always unlocked, and there’d probably be a fire.
“You’re going to freeze to death in there. Come out.”
“No.” I’d rather die of hypothermia than embarrassment. I didn’t want him to see my threatening tears.
“I know what you’re thinking and that’s not why I asked you to stop imagining... things about you and me.”
My heart skipped a beat. Then why? My teeth chattered and I glanced around for something to warm myself.
The bath linens were the only option unless I filled a hot bath.
I reached for one when the door lock clicked and a moment later he stood in the threshold, all bare skin and frustration with a key in hand.
His eyes slid down to my exposed legs and back up.
“It’s too cold for you to be so underdressed. ”
“Me? You’re practically naked in—” I threw my hand toward him, and his absurd lack of clothing. When did he start sleeping in thigh-length shorts that hung so low on his hips? Damn, he looked good too. All that muscle... “In whatever you call that.”
“We’re not talking about me. I’m not locking myself in the subzero washroom.”
He strode forward with a smirk, and I held out my hand. “Don’t you dare.”