Chapter 27 #3
He shook his head. “I didn’t care about love then, and after I became what I am, I didn’t want it.
My father always had it in his mind that he’d arrange a marriage between me and.
.. my mage friend. He said it would be a powerful match, bringing our two families together.
Her family has staggering amounts of wealth.
But he hasn’t spoken to me since Oriana passed, so I’m sure he’s dropped that notion. ”
My heart beat faster. A cold dread flooded my body. “Did you want to marry—” I tried to say Jaeda’s name and couldn’t, again, “—her? Do you?” My voice came out higher pitched than I wanted.
“She’s beautiful and charming, but neither of us has ever felt more than friendship. And thankfully I’ve always respected her too much to ever try anything, even when I was younger and stupid.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Vander was in rare form tonight. His openness took me by surprise. “Have you been,” I hesitated to ask but I wanted to know, “intimate with anyone since that day?” With the way he spoke of his past with women, I couldn’t imagine he was a virgin.
“No.” He stared at the foam in his mug. “I’m afraid to.
” He said it so quietly, I barely heard him over the music and the cheer from a group of gamblers.
“Life with me is dangerous now. You know that. And not just because there would be a target on her back because of my reputation with the vampires. Indulging in that pleasure could make it very difficult for me not to give in to... other desires of mine.”
I swallowed. “You think you could lose control.”
He lifted his eyes to mine and he didn’t have to answer for me to know what he was thinking.
“I think you’re the most controlled person I’ve ever met.”
“If I was, I wouldn’t be here tonight.”
My pulse quickened and a strange rush coursed through my veins. I was sure he heard my pounding heart despite the crowds around us. “Are you worried about tomorrow?”
“Not for myself. I almost wish your team hadn’t won.
The more I think about it, the more I don’t want you anywhere near Dravyn Knox.
Not because you aren’t ready. I can’t stop thinking about what happened with Oriana and if he knows you’re important to me, if something goes wrong.
” He shook his head and raked his hand through his thick, wavy hair.
“But you want to kill him. I had to win the game so you could.”
“I know. I’ve wanted revenge against him for a long time, but the what ifs are eating away at me. Stay close to me tomorrow. We’ll have archery support from the warriors for this mission, given the rumors of these winged horses, but it’s still going to be dangerous.”
I shuddered. “I always stay close to you. Everything will go well. We’ll kill Dravyn Knox and save those people they plan to take.
” The Commanders told us before we left that Dravyn planned to attack the village of Northbend and capture a host of humans.
We were supposed to be there waiting to ambush them before dark hit.
Even though Dravyn was a daywalker, not all of his battalion was.
Vander’s throat bobbed and his blue eyes were glassy. “I like your hair down like that. You are beautiful with it pulled back too, but you’re enchanting with it all flowing in waves.”
I pawed at the ends, too stunned to find words. He didn’t usually compliment me on my looks. He indirectly told me I was beautiful, but he didn’t say it.
“Why is your eye black like that? What truly happened to your hand?”
I gulped and picked up my mug. He’d seen enough of my dreams. “I think you already know the answer to that.”
He scooted until his chair touched mine and his fingertips brushed over my hand resting on the tabletop. “If it is what I think, then how are you not like me?”
I stared into his hypnotic blue eyes. In the back of my mind I wondered if he was charming me into confessing, and that was why he was different tonight. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “It’s impossible.”
“Your blood does smell unique, like that vampire said. Humans and ducai smell slightly different, ducai have a stronger metallic scent. Vampire blood smells like their last meal. Yours is... words fail to explain. I just know it’s not quite the same.”
I dropped my voice to a whisper. “What if I was never ducai? What if that bite changed me but not in the way it changes others?”
“The sorting drink proved you are ducai.” His breathing changed, faster, harder. “But don’t ever tell anyone what happened to you.”
“I won’t,” I promised and leaned my head against his shoulder.
His hard hands grabbed my hips, and he lifted me onto his lap and curled his taut, muscular arms protectively around me.
My heart pounded and fiery heat pulsed through me.
I took a few deep breaths to compose myself before I twisted to face him.
Cool fingers brushed the hair off my cheek, and he tucked it behind my ear.
He studied my face as if he was memorizing it, admiring it.
“There are people from LOA here,” I breathed.
“What are they going to do? Tell Commander Locke you were sitting on my lap at The Nightcap?”
I licked my bottom lip. “They might.”
He chuckled and it vibrated my body. “Does that bother you?”
“I thought it would bother you. There will never be any feelings between us but loyalty.” I repeated his own words back to him.
His chest heaved with a deep breath. “I said that because I was afraid I was far too attracted to you and we’d just met.”
“You said it again days ago.”
He frowned and dropped his gaze. “Because I’m afraid for you. I don’t want anyone to hurt you because of me, but leaving you isn’t the answer. Am I allowed to change my mind?”
“That depends. Because I don’t know if you know how much that hurt me.”
His arms tightened ever so slightly. “I’m sorry, Aesira. I didn’t want to hurt you. It was painful for me to even say it.”
“Does this mind change have anything to do with Kace? I know you saw him kiss me.” I turned to get my mug, and he pinched my chin and turned my face back toward him. His gaze, his touch, commanded me to stay.
“Did it make me mad with jealousy? Yes. But it didn’t change anything. I already knew I wanted you more than I’ve ever wanted anything. And I know that I shouldn’t.”
I gripped his hard thighs below me. I had to hold on to something. “When he kissed me, all I could think was that I wished it was you.”
One beat. One breath. Then his lips collided with mine.
My stomach dipped. The rush of adrenaline pumped through me.
The muscles in his thighs tensed beneath my hands.
Something untamed unleashed in me; my fingers tangled in his hair, his tongue swept against mine.
I moaned and he pulled me harder against him.
I couldn’t get close enough. Possession and need rolled off him, making my core ache.
I pulled back for a breath; I stilled at the sight of his fangs brushing his bottom lip and the glow of his eyes. He felt dangerous, intoxicating. A crease formed between his brows. A silent question hung between us; was I afraid of him now?
I kissed him again. Temptation washed through me so thick I could taste it. He threaded his hands in the locks of my hair. I’d never felt anything like this. It was like standing at the edge of a waterfall, ready to take the plunge, but not knowing how deep the pool below was.
My heart thundered. It drummed in my ears. I felt his crashing beneath my palm, beating as fast as mine. My tongue brushed against his fang and with a low rumble in his throat he gently eased me back. “Careful, Aesira.”
He’d finally caught my fall and started to reel me in.
“Is that who I think it is?” Celine half squealed, cooling the heat between us.
He turned his face away. I pressed my cheek to his and wrapped my arms around his neck to shield him until his vampire settled.
“Celine.” I sounded breathless. “Can you come back in about five minutes?”
“I knew it!”
“What happens in The Nightcap stays at The Nightcap.”
She burst out laughing and Shadowhawk took her hand and dragged her away toward the gambling area. She raised her glass to me and wiggled her eyebrows.
I might have laughed if I wasn’t shielding a vampire from my vampire-killing friends.
“I’m alright now,” Vander whispered in my ear. “Thank you.” His eyes darted around the people at tables around us, but everyone appeared to be busy with their own conversations. No one started screaming “vampire”. “We’ll have to be very careful in public.”
“I see that.” The fangs should have repulsed me, at the very least worried me, but I was at ease in his arms, on his lap.
Vander grinned and released a soft laugh. “You’re such a mystery to me. A walking contradiction.”
“And you aren’t?”
“We’re a mess, you and I.” He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. “I worry we just opened a door that will never close again.”
I cupped his face, brushing my thumbs over his soft skin. “I don’t want it to close, and I don’t care what the rules say.”
He took my hand and brought my knuckles to his lips. “I don’t particularly care about that rule either, except that Commander Ace would try to assign you another trainer.”
“She would try?” This was Commander Ace we were talking about.
He smiled. “I wouldn’t let her. I’d tell her to mind her own business.
I’m not a child and neither are you. Besides, the rule of no romantic relationships with your apprentice is to stop shallow sexual encounters that end badly.
The way I feel about you is anything but shallow and technically we haven’t broken that rule anyway.
” His fingers trailed down my spine. “We’re just dancing on the line. ”
Far from shallow, I thought as I slid my finger under the leather strap of the protection pendant and pulled it out from under his tunic and let it lay on his chest. “You put it back on.”
“I told you I’d always wear it. All it needed was a new strap.”
“I’m sorry Kace was such an asshole.”