Thirty-Four November 8, 2023
ELSIE KNOCKS on Zander’s door and then, as she waits for him, she sees a single red balloon floating in a grey sky towards the turbulent ocean.
A small hand let go of its ribbon only minutes ago, a factory worker manufactured it sometime in the past, and a stream of air carries it now, buoyant, in the sky above her.
Past, present and future all linked in a single moment.
She watches the balloon disappear over the rooftop as it tugs that string into the future.
(It’s the old and perhaps first story: the Fates’ warp and weft, weaving the tapestry of the universe, of which her life is only one thread. But oh, Elsie, what a thread!)
Zander opens the door wearing his work clothes, turtleneck and chinos. He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he leans against the door frame as if he needs its support to keep him standing. His face is closed. It appears he hasn’t slept well in the few days since they’ve seen one another.
Hands in her coat pockets, Elsie nods sideways towards her car. “I came to see if you wanted to join me as I open the twelfth page in the atlas.”
“Now?”
“If you don’t have a client this evening.”
“No, I’m free. It’s just—”
“The coordinates of the map are for a church. Given the location and date—2083—I think I know what I’m going to witness.”
“The twelfth house: dreams and secrets. The completion of cycles.”
“Hidden things,” Elsie says, quoting the title of the page. She shivers from the cold. “Can I come in?”
Zander steps back warily, grudgingly, and she slips past. She can smell chips on him.
When he doesn’t invite her into his kitchen, his private quarters, and instead leads her to his office, she takes a stool at the high table, perching on the edge.
But he doesn’t sit with her. He stands at the entrance to the room with his arms crossed.
“How’ve you been doing?” she asks lightly, as if they are only acquaintances and it’s been weeks, months, since they saw each other, instead of days. It does, in fact, seem like a very long time since they’ve been together.
“How do you think I’m doing?” he asks.
“You’re angry.”
“Shouldn’t I be? You kicked me out of your place, Elsie. It was up to you to make the next move.” He drops his arms. “But I didn’t hear from you.”
“I’m so sorry, Zander. I should have called. She takes a tissue from the box, twists it. “After I found out I was pregnant, I felt completely overwhelmed. I had a lot of thinking to do.”
“I can imagine.”
“I wasn’t sure whether to keep the baby or not.”
He takes a step towards her. “It’s a big decision.”
“I didn’t know what it meant, for my life, for us.” She hesitates. “So, I opened the atlas on the eleventh chart location. A school.”
He sits at the table with her. “And?”
“Can we talk about that later? I want to get this out now or I’m afraid I won’t be able to.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“I understand things moved way too fast. We only just met, and here I am about to have a child, and the father is some other guy.”
“You are having this baby, then?”
“Yes.”
“So does that mean you and Marcus are—”
“Together? No! God, no. That’s over. It’s so over. Marcus will be involved in raising this kid, though, whether he wants to or not.”
“Does he want to?”
“No. Not now. But he will in the future. I saw it. I saw you there too.”
“Okay, so you saw that future. But do you choose it? Is it what you want, now?”
“I like what I see ahead of me.” She glances down at his lovely long fingers, the tremble in his hand, then back up into his amber eyes. “You.”
A look of relief passes over Zander’s face, his eyes grow slick, and Elsie realizes she’ll have to be as careful with his tender emotions as she hopes he’ll be with hers.
“The question is, what do you want?” she asks. She sees Zander in her future. But does he want to be there now that there’s a baby involved?
“Let’s find out.” He searches her face for permission, then leans in, to kiss her. “I definitely want that,” he says.
“How about this?” She kisses him again, sliding her hands around him and into his back pockets.
“I want this, all of it,” he says, pulling her closer. “But, like I said, let’s take it slow, okay?”
“Savour the moment, live in the present and all that?” she asks.
He slides his lips down her neck. “Yes.”
And, with the next kiss, they do just that.