Chapter 21 #3
Mr. Bellaire walked over. His twinkling eyes belied his deliberately benign expression.
He glanced from Torin to Ivy. “Since luncheon won’t be served for an hour or so, I have a treat for you two.
On this fine spring day, Torin, I think it would be nice for you to take Ivy for a little jaunt with the Falabellas. ”
Torin considered the man’s proposition. He’d heard of the little horses. Brian had even suggested buying one for Jewel.
Ivy’s cheeks reddened. “Oh, no, we would be rude to leave the others.” But she didn’t appear opposed to the idea.
Torin was eager to get away from everyone else and for the two of them to spend some time alone. “Actually,” he lowered his voice so only she could hear, “I’ve been around a lot of people and could use a little quiet time. Sure would like to see these miniature horses I’ve heard so much about.”
“They’re adorable. Micah showed them to me a few days ago. “
“With two of you in the little buggy, you can’t drive far,” Mr. Bellaire warned.
“Go back to Main Street and turn right. Head toward the park.” He extended his arm in the direction.
“We’ve recently laid down a road through.
Some paths, too. Imported a lot of trees and planted shrubs and flowerbeds.
” His eyes grew distant. “I like to imagine what the trees will look like a hundred years from now.”
Mr. Bellaire’s weak heart wasn’t a secret, and Torin wondered how many years he had to see his trees grow.
Ivy gave the man a considering look, as if assessing his health. “Sounds lovely.”
Appearing to turn into a magician, Mr. Bellaire waved his arms in the direction of what Torin assumed was the stables.
Sam appeared driving a tiny buggy pulled by two black Falabellas. He reined-in close to Torin and Ivy and flashed his white grin. “Your chariot awaits.” Setting the brake, he stepped out and handed the reins to Torin. “You’ve driven before?”
“Not for many years.” He smirked. “But the setup looks familiar enough, if considerably smaller.”
The coachman chuckled.
Mr. Bellaire helped Ivy into the buggy.
Once she was settled, Torin eased himself in. But there was no avoiding the tight fit and how their shoulders touched.
For the first few blocks, he drove carefully, rediscovering old skills. Then, more comfortable, he flicked the reins against their rumps, and the miniature horses increased to a trot.
They remained quiet, the silence awkward, and as unlike the comfortable evenings they used to spend together as could be.
Torin had so much to say but didn’t know where to begin, and he desperately wished for Brian’s glib facility with words.
The park was set in several acres of greenery.
He turned onto a narrow road paved with the same brownish-pink bricks he’d seen on the Bellaire mansion.
“The library.” Ivy pointed to a building that was still only bones. “Rose will be the librarian.”
They drove past, moving deeper into the park.
If he looked closely, he could see Andre Bellaire’s vision of how the park would look in a few years when the trees had grown bigger, the shrubs spread out, and the flower beds filled.
The road curved around a semi-circle of young trees, about five feet high. Cedars, from the smell, surrounded a wooden park bench. This looks as secluded as we’ll get.
Like the mute he’d suddenly become in her presence, he pulled the Falabellas to a stop and nodded toward a pathway branching off.
“Let’s go there,” he managed to say. Maybe moving, sitting farther apart will loosen my tongue.
After setting the brake and tying off the reins, he went around to help Ivy down.
Feeling her curl her hand into the crook of his elbow made him freeze for just a beat, his equilibrium deserting him even as his heart gave a happy little leap. The reaction was so foreign, his feet did an odd stutter step, and he almost stopped,.
She glanced up, her eyebrows winging high.
Torin gave her a tight smile, smoothing out his gait, setting his pace to hers. But his thoughts raced on ahead.
With his free hand, he touched the ring in his pocket, remembering the day not long after Jewel’s birth that Great-Uncle Ned had given him the gift.
The man had showed up at Torin’s lodging house and looked around the shabby place with a pinched expression.
“I’m not disapproving in the same way your parents are.
I’m disapproving because you’re setting yourself up for a world of pain.
I know what it’s like to lose children, and that’s a lifelong heartache I wouldn’t wish on anyone else.
And you’re going into fatherhood knowing your girl will die soon. ”
“Even if Jewel were perfectly healthy…. You said it yourself about your children dying. All children are vulnerable. We just take for granted that we’ll outlive them.”
Ned’s jaw tightened, and he nodded. “The person who’s the most wrong is your wife. I’ve never said this before because Mary Beth was your chosen one, and I didn’t meet her when you were courting.” He sent Torin a baleful look.
Torin remembered that Mary Beth wasn’t interested in visiting an “old man.”
Ned pulled out an oval emerald ring surrounded by small diamonds, glanced at it with a fond smile, and polished the top with his sleeve. Then he handed it to Torin. “This was my wife’s. You probably don’t remember your Aunt Ruth.”
“I remember she smelled of roses. My mother always smelled of lavender.”
“We had twenty-five years together. Some times were tough, especially when our children died. But we steadfastly leaned on each other and on God, and we were happily married. I hope someday you’ll find a woman who will be worthy of this ring. A woman like your Aunt Ruth.”
“I’m not worthy of you, Ivy.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Isn’t that for me to decide? I’m so very proud of you. I can’t imagine what an effort it took for you to be here today, and I admire you so much for putting Jewel’s needs first.”
“Wasn’t just Jewel’s needs.” The corner of his mouth quirked. “Had a mighty powerful need myself,” he drawled. “I was very much missing a certain governess, who’d been schooling me to be a better father and more courageous man without my really realizing she was doing so.”
She colored up, all pretty and pink.
“I’m heartily ashamed of how awful I was to you those two days. I’ve never been so hurtful, and I promise I never will be again.”
For a moment, Ivy remained silent.
He waited, his feelings all tangled.
“I won’t deny the pain you caused me. But let me be clear that you will not treat me disrespectfully again.”
“I’ve already kicked myself from here to Sunday and vowed to be a better man.” He cleared his throat, put a hand in his pocket, and fingered the ring. “Do you think you could manage living at Three Bend Lake, if we came to town on a regular basis? And more people came to visit us?”
“That depends.” She glanced up through lowered eyelashes. “Are you asking me to be Jewel’s governess again?”
“In a way.” He stared into her hazel eyes. His proposal had to be perfect. “More importantly, I’m asking you to be Jewel’s mother and my wife.”
Gasping, she glanced down, her fingers nervously intertwining.
He soldiered on. “I started falling in love with you from the very beginning.”
She looked up abruptly, her eyes wide.
“Although the damage that Mary Beth did made the prospect so hard. Kept me from being free to…just tumble wholeheartedly into love. I crawled. I crept. I’d take a step forward and rein myself tighter.
Take another step and pull myself back. Seems like sometimes I was taking more steps back than I was forward.
At least in my head. In my heart, on the other hand, the love kept on growing despite my attempts to control the progression.
I was so blinded by the past. I behaved inexcusably toward you. ”
“I think the word is blindsided. If you’d been prepared for Jewel to see the Swensen girls, I think your response would have been totally different.
I truly, Torin, truly did not go behind your back.
The girls started playing, and I felt like the damage was already done.
And Jewel had been so despondent. She was so happy.
So, so happy. I couldn’t bring myself to stop them.
I know going against your wishes was wrong.
But in that situation, Jewel’s needs came first.”
She let out a shuddering sigh.
“You were right. You made the right decision. I saw her happiness,” he said with some heat, not at her but at himself.
“Witnessed her having fun. I was just so angry that I refused….” He shook his head.
“If you had asked me before Jewel’s birth if I was a stubborn man—” he let out an ironic chuckle “—I would have told you absolutely not. I’m the most amiable of men.
But then came Jewel, and I became very, very stubborn. ”
She lifted a hand to cup his face. “You still are the most amiable of men. With Jewel, you’re very protective. But what’s important is that when it really matters, you can change your opinion. You can apologize. Which is more than I can say for many men, including my father.”
Her touch undid him. He covered her hand with his, pressing her palm against his cheek, and closed his eyes for a moment.
When he opened them, Ivy was watching him with an expression so tender, so unguarded, that the last of his defenses crumbled like a wall that had stood too long.
“You haven’t answered my question,” he said quietly.
“You haven’t given me a chance to.” A smile trembled at the corners of her mouth.
He reached into his pocket and drew out the ring. The sunlight filtering through the young cedars played over the emerald, the small diamonds winking around it like a constellation.
Ivy’s breath caught.
“This was my Great-Aunt Ruth’s. Uncle Ned gave it to me after Jewel was born.
He told me to save it for a woman worthy of the ring.
” He turned the band so the light sparkled on the stone.
“Ruth smelled of roses. When I first noticed your scent, found the fragrance to familiar, though I didn't understand why the memory moved me so.” He met her soft gaze. “I understand now.”
Her fingers curled against his cheek, and her eyes glistened.
“I love you, Ivy. I love you for your patience and your courage and your stubbornness, which is at least the equal of mine. I love you for how you fought for my daughter when I was too afraid to fight for her myself.” His voice roughened.
“Will you marry me and be Jewel’s mama and come home?
” He packed all his longing into the proposal—for the house by the lake, for the meadow and the swans, for the three of them living there together and perhaps more children in the future.
“Yes.” She answered simply, the way she did everything that mattered—without flourish, without hesitation. “Yes, I love you, Torin. I will marry you.”
His hands shook as he slid the ring onto her finger, where it fit as though made for her hand, and he sent a small prayer of thanks to Ned and Ruth in heaven. Please may we as happy in our marriage as you were.
“Well,” she breathed out the word, turning her hand to watch the emerald catch the light. “Aunt Ruth had lovely taste.”
A laugh broke from him—a real laugh, full and startled and free.
He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her, gentle, almost reverent, as if he were afraid she might vanish.
But when she leaned into him and placed both hands on his chest, all the weeks of longing and silence and stubborn, aching restraint poured into the press of his lips against hers.
When they finally drew apart, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright. She rested her forehead against his.
“Jewel will be beside herself,” she whispered.
“Jewel won’t be the only one.” He kissed her forehead, so grateful to have the woman he loved in his arms. “I suspect Mr. Bellaire knew exactly what he was doing, lending us this buggy.”
“I suspect everyone knew exactly what they were doing.” She laughed softly. “We've been thoroughly choreographed.”
He took her hand—the one wearing his great-aunt’s ring—and pressed his lips to her knuckles. Then he tucked her arm through his and turned them back toward the little buggy and the patient Falabellas, who'd been nibbling contentedly at the grass edging the path.
As he handed her up and settled in beside her, their shoulders touching in that inevitable, welcome way, Torin looked out at the young park with its slender trees and freshly turned beds and the bones of a library rising in the distance.
He thought of Mr. Bellaire imagining what this place would look like in a hundred years.
He flicked the reins, and the little horses started forward.
I don't need a hundred years. I just need tomorrow. And all the tomorrows after that, with Ivy and Jewel.
For the first time in longer than he could remember, the future didn't frighten him.