Chapter 20
Atlee
I could do it…I wasn’t avoiding the conversation.
“What restaurant were you talking about earlier? You made it sound like there was a restaurant with less…less rules…that you could show me?” Okay, maybe I was avoiding the conversation.
In my defense, it wasn’t hard. There were always things to talk about with Casimir and we kept going back to trying to figure out what Valerie was up to. Then there was Brandon’s behavior, and I’d needed to explain who the other people staring at us had been.
Then we’d debated what to get for dessert.
That’d taken longer than it should have because Casimir kept fucking with me because evidently watching me try to be polite was fun.
Cherries were disgusting and it’d been exhausting trying to pretend otherwise.
He was such a brat, but he was currently the brat who was trying to decide what we would do next, so I was doing my best to be polite as he laughed.
“Okay. I’m not saying we have to go there.
Period.” He shot me a quick glare before focusing back on the road.
“But there’s a bar about an hour from here that’s closer to an old-school BDSM bar than anything you normally see now.
Everyone is technically fully clothed and generally behaves, but they’re a lot more flexible than normal establishments. ”
How flexible?
What were they doing?
What did he want us to be doing?
He’d said we didn’t have to go there, so it wasn’t something he needed to be content. But the wording made me think he’d enjoy going there. I was clearly the deciding factor in the situation, so I couldn’t help wondering what he thought would shock me.
“Do any of my current limits go against what usually happens there?” I wasn’t sure what I was asking but that seemed like a logical place to start. “At some point I’m going to ask how our conversation would’ve been different if we’d been at that bar.”
At some point…just not yet.
I’d managed to bring us back around to the original topic, though.
I was proud of that and was almost at the point of ready to actually discuss it, but then time stopped and I groaned. “For fuck’s sake.”
“For the sake of all the fucks, they need to make better decisions.” Casimir shook his head as he pulled around my mother’s car and into his driveway. “There is no way they’re here for something reasonable.”
“Um, I kind of stopped answering my father’s calls, so that might be part of the issue.
” My tone was probably the reason Casimir snickered, but I couldn’t help sounding like a kid who’d just gotten caught making highly questionable decisions.
“He just kept badgering me to make my mother happy. It seemed like my only course of action when reasonable kept failing.”
I really should’ve told them no more often in life because it should not have been so confusing when I did it as an adult.
Practice made perfect seemed to apply to everything from kneeling to drawing boundaries.
Eventually Casimir got his sense of humor under control, but it took so long my parents were standing at the end of the driveway before he was back to looking “boring” as he called it. “Alright, baby, what’s the plan?”
“Um.” I’d figure that out eventually. “Go out to the movies? There has to be a superhero one playing. There’s always one of those out.”
That did not help his ability to keep his laughter under control but it did have him reaching over to squeeze my hand. “I think that’s why they’ve parked themselves behind my car.”
Fine.
“They might just not have any self-control.” Like Brandon. “If I attract crazy people, they have something to do with it.”
And his giggles started again.
We were never going to make it out of the car.
“I can do this.” He said that several times before he found where his self-control had wandered off to, but it gave me time for my frustration to simmer down enough to talk to them. “Alright. Any rules regarding this situation?”
“Don’t get arrested?” He was basically in the private side of social work, so he needed a clear record. “I think that’s it.”
I’d tried polite and that just hadn’t worked.
“Sounds reasonable to me.” Giving my hand one more squeeze, he smiled. “Come on. Let’s get this over with so we can have some privacy for the rest of our talk.”
Ugh.
He must’ve seen that on my face because he was still laughing as he got out of the car.
I followed after him, but I wasn’t in any hurry.
That seemed to be driving my parents crazy because I could see their emotions dialing higher with every second passing.
In the past that would’ve made me uncomfortable enough I’d have tried to fix it right away, but understanding the submissive tendency made it easier to handle.
And having Casimir there with me also gave me a boost of control over the situation.
“Can we help you?” Casimir’s full Dom tone had my blood pressure easing to a more manageable level too.
I really wished it hadn’t taken me this long in life to figure out what I needed to feel sane.
“No.” My mother’s snippy tone and the way she crossed her arms over her chest didn’t make her look like the badass she thought it did. “We’re here for Atlee. It’s time for him to come home until he can make better decisions.”
Huh?
There wasn’t anything rational to say to that, which might’ve been why I just stared at them in utter silence.
Casimir never had that problem, though, so he turned to me and frowned.
“Does she know you’re an adult? She just can’t take you home and ground you because she doesn’t like your boyfriend. ”
Boyfriend.
He said boyfriend…but was that for their benefit or mine?
“At this point I don’t think we’re living in the same reality, so I just don’t know.” Yes, I was rude. No, I didn’t care. “This just isn’t reasonable because they seem to believe I should not only forgive Valerie but live with her forever no matter what she does.”
Where was the logic in that?
Casimir sighed as we both ignored the way they were sputtering. “You are not responsible for other people’s bad decisions or the consequences of them. Like getting pregnant.”
I still didn’t know how that happened.
“How likely is someone to get pregnant when they’re on the pill?” Casimir’s shrug didn’t surprise me. “Remind me to look that up later.”
“Sure.” Still ignoring my parents, Casimir kept going like the whole situation was perfectly reasonable. “And later I’m also going to remind you again that you’re not responsible for her child. She’s got marketable skills and is an adult. She’ll be fine on her own.”
Part of me was really glad about that part, but I wasn’t sure if it made me a bad person or not. “I talked to my lawyer on Friday. He’s going to petition the court to order her to have a psych evaluation. This isn’t reasonable.”
There was no way to ignore the way my parents sucked in their breaths or the squeaks they made, so we both frowned and turned to them. I’d found my gumption by that point and rolled my eyes before responding to them. “Is there a reason you’ve interrupted my date?”
Manners were for morons…at least at this point.
“Is that the tone you should use to speak to your parents?” My father finally spoke but his insanity did not help the situation.
“Well, polite wasn’t working with you guys, so it’s probably time for him to pick a different option.” Casimir’s snarky retort had me reminding myself not to smile. “How about you answer his question so we can continue with our evening?”
I was not lucky enough for it to be that easy.
“He’s a married man.” How did my mother think that was a reasonable response, even with her fake shocked voice? “Get your claws out of him.”
“No.”
Casimir’s firm tone had me trying not to laugh, and I had to swallow it back before I could say anything. “I’d have been divorced by now if Valerie hadn’t dragged her feet every step of the way. When you add in the cheating thing, we’re not going to throw around the sanctity of marriage like that.”
They’d all lost their minds and I was going to start pointing that out.
“She doesn’t like me. Our marriage was over a long time ago because she does nothing but bitch at me and make me guess what she wants. For everything. Birthdays. Restaurants. Which fucking chore should be done first.” And for some magically unexplainable reason, I’d always picked the wrong one.
Every. Time.
That’s been the one to drive me the most insane, but there were still a thousand reasons left to list. “I was even supposed to have been psychic enough to understand that just because she’d said she’d liked the house, it didn’t mean she liked it enough for me to have bought it.”
No human was psychic enough for that.
“Then you add in the way she kept trying to spend my money for stupid shit like vacations to places I hated and there was no reason for us to be together even before the fact that she can’t stay faithful.
” That should’ve been enough but somehow it wasn’t.
“I’m not going to stay married to that. Period. ”
How hard was that to understand?
“When you marry someone, you have responsibilities. One is to provide for your family. Another is to take care of them. Well, your family needs you to do both of those.” My mother tried to make that sound like a scathing retort but it was still just nuts.
“No. My responsibilities ended when she cheated on me. They should’ve ended when she was a bitch and found every reason she could to criticize me.
It probably should’ve ended when she spent our honeymoon listing off everything I was doing wrong.
” Looking back, the red flags had been visible from space.
But with them as role models for how marriage looked, I probably couldn’t blame myself for being so blind.
My mother didn’t seem to know what to say to that, but my father was faster on his feet. “Then you should’ve worked harder at being a better partner. Running away won’t help that. It’s time to step up, Atlee.”
“What the fuck?” Casimir was quick too. “You’ve lost your mind.”
I found myself nodding before I could think about it. I’d have caught up with things eventually, but Casimir didn’t wait for that. He turned away from them like they were nothing and completely focused on me as he lowered his voice. “We’re going inside unless you can tell me a reason otherwise.”
Tell me a reason.
A safeword.
Unless I could tell him my safeword.
“I think that’s a wonderful plan.” Turning to face his front door, I held out my arm. “May I escort you in?”
Sir.
Master.
Either would work but I held them back. His smile said he knew what I’d wanted to say and his very regal nod made me think he approved. “Thank you.”
Boy.
I was his boy.
And possibly his boyfriend depending on what he’d meant before.
We both ignored all of that and my parents sputtering as we headed toward the house.
I had no intention of giving them any more attention but when I heard footsteps moving closer, I turned my head around.
“If you follow us, I can guarantee one of the neighbors will call the police. They’re wonderfully attentive when it comes to problems.”
That had both of them going still and finally heading back to their car as we climbed up on the porch.
I managed to look frustrated but calm as Casimir dropped my arm and let us into the house, but once I heard the door lock behind me, my hands started to shake. I didn’t bother trying to hide it, partly because I wasn’t sure I could and partly because I wanted to see what he’d do.
Testing him made me an asshole, but I had to see what would happen.
I’d missed every red flag before and I wasn’t going to start a new relationship the same way.
Instead of rolling his eyes or telling me to grow a pair, he mimed taking a deep breath and wrapped his arms around me.
When I was awkwardly curled around him, he kissed the side of my head.
“You did so good, baby. You looked calm and confident. You made it clear you thought they were idiots who weren’t worth our time. ”
Letting out a shaky breath, I closed my eyes as relief rushed through me. “I’ll do better in just a second. I just need a second.”
“No, baby.” Holding me tighter, he shook his head against me. “You’ll take as long as you need and I’ll be right here with you. That would take a lot out of anyone and you were fucking amazing.”
“I…I couldn’t let them see…” Anything. “They’re just…”
Before I could try again to find the words to explain, he made a low sound and nuzzled against me. “We don’t have to show emotions to people who don’t deserve them. You’re allowed physical and emotional privacy. You share what you’re feeling with people you trust.”
Emotional privacy.
I’d never heard anyone say that before.
I’d gotten lectures and helpful advice about being more open and not hiding what I was thinking, but that’d never felt right.
Emotional privacy.
That felt right.
“I trust you.”
I wasn’t sure what else to say, but in that moment, it felt like the simplest, steadiest place to start.