Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
MIA
I t’s been a long time since I felt anything. I hadn't realized that I’d been going through the motions since I lost my grandma. She was the only family tie I had left, and since then, I’ve only been existing. I didn’t know that I’d made myself numb by avoiding attachments. Jamison has destroyed that, and suddenly I’m feeling everything. It’s overwhelming to the point that it feels like I might not survive it.
There’s still a dull ache between my legs even though it’s been two days. Two whole days since Jamison stole my virginity, and I’m beginning to wonder if the ache is from having him inside me or because I feel so empty without him there.
All I know is that I have to get back to him. Being off work and not seeing him every day is brutal, but then again, so is Jamison. When he ripped through my hymen, it was a mixture of pain and pleasure. I loved it.
I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder what that says about me. I never thought I would enjoy a bit of pain, but everything he did felt so right. Maybe it’s because Jamison could make it into something else. As improbable as it sounds, it felt like he was healing me.
Each time I said no and he took more, it sealed a crack deep inside my soul. His need to take all of me no matter what I told him was overwhelming. My protests fell on deaf ears, and I was Jamison’s to do with whatever he wanted. It wasn’t an exchange of power because he took all of mine, but I felt like he gave me something in return. Does that mean he belongs to me? Because it feels like I already belong to him.
The alarm on my phone goes off, and it shakes me from my thoughts. Turning it off, I grab my stuff and hurry out of the apartment. I’m beyond ready to see Jamison again.
When I get downstairs, I’m about to walk outside when I hear someone call my name. I turn to see Dr. Crane, and my stomach twists into a knot. The uneasy feeling I've had about him grows by the day. I can’t put my finger on why I’m creeped out by him. The only thing that’s really changed is finding that picture in the news article.
“Hi, Dr. Crane,” I say and force a smile. He’s always been polite to me. In fact, he’s the reason I have this job to begin with.
“Why don’t you ride to work with me?”
“Oh...” I hesitate, trying to come up with a reason why I can’t ride to work with him. “You’re going in for the night shift?”
“I need to check on a few things.” He puts his hand on my back and leads me out of the building. He’s not giving me a chance to refuse. “How is it working at Bellevue?”
“I enjoy it,” I say politely while he opens the car door for me.
“You always have adorable scrubs,” he says when he gets into the driver's seat and pulls out of the parking lot.
“Thanks.” I’m not sure how else to respond, so I press my lips together.
“They look soft,” he says and then reaches over and rubs my thigh.
My whole body tenses, and my throat feels like it’s going to close.
He must be sensing my unease because he takes his hand away quickly. “Are you always this shy?”
Is it really considered shy when you don’t want a stranger to touch you? “Sorry,” I mutter and instantly want to kick myself. Why am I apologizing? “Guess I’m not used to being touched.”
Dr. Crane nods. “That’s right. You’re all alone.” I try not to fidget in my seat. His words are making the situation more uncomfortable. Which I didn’t think was possible. “It must be hard.”
“It was at first, but I’ve gotten used to it.”
“You know I’m only a few floors up. You’re more than welcome to come over anytime if you want company.”
“It’s not so easy when we work different shifts.” I let out an awkward laugh because I don’t want to make this worse.
“I’d make time for you.” He winks, and I realize he’s hitting on me.
My first thought is of Jamison and how he would feel about that.
“I’m pretty exhausted most of the time I’m away from work. I’m still getting used to working nights.”
“You know I’d be happy to help you get on the day shift.” His hand comes down on my thigh again. Only this time, he leaves it there. “If that’s what you want, all you have to do is ask.”
“No, I don’t want any favors.”
Dr. Crane says something else, but he’s pulling into the parking lot at work, and I practically jump out of the car when he stops. In the process, I nearly trip over my own damn feet to get away from him.
“Mia?” he calls after me, but I’ve already got my things in my hands and I’m backing away from the car.
“I just don’t want to be late.” I’m on the verge of running, but he hurries to catch up to me before I can enter the building.
“We’re not.” He grabs my elbow and halts my steps. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
He continues to touch me even though he knows I don’t like it. The way he’s looking at me makes me think he enjoys making me uncomfortable. My inner thoughts betray me as I remember all the things Jamison did when I told him to stop. But something about Jamison is different, and I don't know why. At least not yet.
“I'm fine.” I force myself to smile again, and thank god, the phone in his pocket starts ringing.
“We’ll talk about this later,” he says before releasing his hold on my elbow.
I walk fast to get inside and hope that I won’t run into him again tonight.
After I put my things in my locker, excitement to see Jamison makes me take the stairs two at a time. It’s almost embarrassing how much of a rush I’m in to get upstairs. My heart races with anticipation, and I feel alive.
When I enter my floor, I hear someone singing loudly. I follow the sound and see a young woman singing and dancing to her own song. She has to be over eighteen if she’s in this wing of the asylum, but she’s petite. Her long hair spins out around her, and the way she moves makes me think she might be a professional dancer. Or at least she was before she came here.
Everyone's watching her, so I do a quick scan of the room to see if Jamison is here. When I find him, he’s sitting in the corner with a book in his lap, but he’s not reading. He’s watching the girl too, and a rush of jealousy fills me.
I step back and go into the nurses’ station because I don’t want to know what his reaction to her is going to be.
“Who’s the new girl?” I ask Olivia as I grab my charts for the night.
"Entertaining, isn’t she?” Olivia laughs. “She’s only been here a few hours.”
Will Jamison leap on her the same way he did me that first day? I detest the overwhelming jealousy and doubt that have suddenly overtaken me.
This is why I shut everyone out. Sometimes it’s just better to be numb.