13. Chapter 12 Rhianelle
Chapter 12 Rhianelle
T he general map of Windhaven rests in my hand firmly. I know Aelfric says Lord Wesley and his men are working on it. I have faith in them. But at the same time, I can’t sit idle while innocents are being murdered each night.
I am careful as I walk back to my room, hoping I don’t run into Svenn.
Yes, I’ve been avoiding my own husband.
After that glimpse into his past, I keep making excuses to skip our training. It’s not worth it if it causes him pain. I can’t forget the haunted look in his eyes, the atrocities he was doomed to endure years after he was made. Too much was taken from him, too much blood was spilled.
I close my eyes against the flood of memories of Svenn’s torment. I’ve locked the worst of the curse bearers along with Lilith. But the horrible image they conjured remains plastered in my mind.
The strange bond is getting out of control lately. The more I stay away from Svenn, the stronger it pulls me towards him, like a child throwing a tantrum when it doesn’t get what it wants. My body craves him with every breath I take. I want him so much that it hurts. It worries me that the bond has nothing to do with the Arawynn contract. If it’s not something related to the Goddess of Love then it could be something sinister.
It can’t be.
I will go over and study the giant tome in my room one more time. My mounting anxiety prompts me to hasten my stride.
A cold wash of fear suddenly creeps down my spine.
My heart thumps heavily in my chest and I stop walking. I don’t see him yet, but I can feel his otherworldly presence near me.
Laughter spills from the passage accompanied by a lovely female voice. I feel a weird pinch at my heart at the sound. I peer silently behind the granite wall. Svenn is talking to Tallula and Lenna.
“Is it possible to just drink from a person and not kill them?” Lenna asks, her head tilts to the side curiously.
My ears twitch, intrigued by their conversation.
The normal course is to go out there and join them. I choose to hide in the shadows like a creep instead.
Svenn says something and it makes Talulla laugh. I’ve never heard her giggle that way.
Get away from him. He’s mine.
Half my mind simply wants to scream like a mad beast.
It’s Tallula’s turn to ask. “So, you have blood in your veins, a heart and everything else like we do?”
He meets her inquisitive stare.
“Yes,” Svenn answers curtly. His tone does not hold feeling. In fact, he is talking to her with the same bored, stoic voice he always has.
Yet I can feel vines and thorns grappling my heart in a silent squeeze. This painful sensation comes clawing out of nowhere, cutting me deeper than a knife. It hurts so bad that I begin rubbing my chest to numb the pain.
The feeling intensifies knowing I can never have him again. I really shouldn’t be spying on them, but I can’t help it.
“Here is the thing you asked for yesterday.” Tallula passes something to him with a blush on her face. Something inside me withers and dies.
“You have my thanks,” he says briefly.
The girl beams at his gratitude, the sparkle in her eyes glittering brighter.
I’m suddenly filled with a rush of envy I didn’t expect. I want to spring forward like a feral animal and snatch him away.
He’s mine. He’s mine. He’s mine. He’s mine. He’s mine. He’s mine. He’s mine. He’s mine.
I’ll bite and scratch anyone who tries to take him from me. My own thoughts immediately appall me. Since when did I become so territorial like Miss Bernadette?
I look at the Arawynn tattoo. It’s just a silly agreement between two parties. We are not truly married in the sense. He is not beholden to me. It’s unfair for me to expect anything more. After everything that was done to him, I should be grateful that he tolerates my existence. I walk the other way to remove myself from the scene.
The realization of how immature this reaction is smacks me in the head after ten steps. I square my shoulders and march towards the main hallway.
Svenn has already left by the time I get there. I stride slowly to the girls.
“Your Highness.” They both bow formally.
I try for a smile.
“Is something wrong?” Lenna asks me, concern lining her freckled face. “You don’t look too well.”
“She’s exhausted.” Tallula drawls with a sigh. “It’s the stupid council meetings. If the Aldarelfs were not so pig-headed we could have all gone home by now.”
They both burst into laughter and I can’t help but smile. Tallula’s eyes seem to glow brighter when she’s speaking to me than with Svenn. I realized then my envy had been misplaced.
A product of my desperate, foolish heart.
My darling handmaiden had done nothing wrong. I feel like a monster for the ugly thoughts I had earlier. A witch who lives by the hill.
I hate the vile thoughts the bond puts in my head. It’s terrifying. I don’t want to be like this. I throw my hands around Tallula, embracing her tightly.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
The girl hugs me right back. “Your Highness? What’s wrong?”
“I’m all right. I just—”
My heart clamors in my chest the moment I realize what I just did. I’m supposed to be a calm, clear-headed High Elf who keeps her emotions controlled.
The secret I’ve been keeping for years…
Before I can let go of her, Lenna joins in, making the hug even more awkward.
But this feels nice. I needed this. I stay in our group hug for a long moment.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Tallula asks quietly.
I nod, slowly releasing them. “I am fine…”
It takes a moment for me to collect myself.
“Tell us what we can do for you. We eflings stick together—” Lenna quickly clasps her mouth.
Her unfinished words mirror my earlier thought. “You knew?”
The girls watch me quietly for several beats. They exchange a look with one another and nod to my question. It makes me worry who else could have known this secret.
“We’ve known you’re not a High Elf for a while now,” Lenna admits.
Tallula seems to be able to read the worry in my face. “We wouldn’t have found out if we didn’t overhear Lady Deirdre’s argument with your uncle three years ago.”
“Please don’t make Lord Rainer and his Grimsbane kill us in our sleep,” Lenna pleads, clasping her hands together.
“Of course I wouldn’t do that,” I say quickly.
Lenna takes my hand into hers. “If you’re stressed out, maybe we can go for a walk and pick berries later.”
“How about we sneak you to the opera?” Tallula suggests mischievously. “I know a secret passage to get around town.”
“No way! I just did my nails. I’m not going into the sewer,” Lenna whines in frustration.
“Sewer?” I ask.
“The underground passage of Windhaven’s old drainage systems connects to everywhere all across town,” Talulla whispers conspiratorially. “We can get to the theatre in no time.”
“I don’t want to get sewage over my new shoes,” Lenna protests once again. “Just camouflage the queen with a heavy cloak and Lady Deirdre will never find out.”
I look at the two girls arguing, and every turmoil wrecked by the bond vanishes.
“That’s all right. I’ll pass on this one. I have some work to do, but I’ll definitely join you next time,” I say with an appreciative nod.
“You know we’ll always have your back, right?” Tallula asks with a warm smile. “You can trust us.”
I know.
I give them both another hug.
It’s three elflings against the world.
I’ve always considered Tallula and Lenna as my friends, so this isn’t something new. I part ways with them with a warm feeling in my chest.
As soon as I reach my room, I splay the map of Windhaven over the dining table. Everything is all over the place, but there is a pattern. I begin charting the murderer’s path, carefully marking the latitude and longitude of each attack. I narrow my eyes to the map the moment I finish.
There is a key piece of information I’m missing.
After a while, a splitting headache stabs at my temples. I settle on the bed, drawing up my knees to my chest.
The primitive feeling of the bond strikes again, and I am filled with longing for Svenn. He has been out for a while now.
I only have myself to blame for this pain. The brick walls I built have all crumbled to ashes. But truth be told, no amount of defenses I put up can stand when the god of war himself comes knocking.
I fish under the bed for my treasure trove.
The ornamented box may seem like a normal jewelry box on the outside, but it’s what’s inside that is precious. I stare down at the content with a wicked smile.
A collection of buttons and shoelaces.
I count the stuff I have successfully stolen for the past week. I hate that I’m developing this weird habit. It’s illogical and a little nuts. But it anchors me. And it keeps the bond from acting out and doing something even more irrational.
Just this morning, it was telling me to jump into Svenn’s lap and kiss his throat. Something is terribly wrong with me—craving a man who will never be mine. A man who wants nothing to do with me.
But trying to imagine life without him just hurts my heart. I touch my chest to calm the tugging I felt there.
Gods, I miss the way his arms wrapped around me.
I pick a pretty button in my hand, bringing it to my lips. This will help ease the longing, especially when I imagine it’s Svenn I’m kissing.
I close my eyes slowly and make a silent prayer to the heavens.
I want to be held by him, even if only for an instant.
I want a kiss.
I want everything.
I want him to be mine.
I open my eyes to find a pair of dark russet eyes gazing back at me.
Svenn stands by the window with his arms crossed, his mighty wings blocking out the sunlight.
My heart trips and stumbles in its cavity.
Don’t panic. Don’t panic.
The man is staring at me with a perplexed look on his face.
Oh gods, heavens, Un, and the saints above… he saw.
He takes a step forward. The movement spawns a devastating fear in my stomach.
Carefully, I return the button to the rest of my collection and gather the box into my arms.
Then I run as fast I can.