Chapter 19
Back on the bus for a number of weeks, Hunter and Mickey had the room that first night, so they quickly disappeared, alternating between the sounds of TV, music and sex. Luke was lying in his bunk, no doubt listening to whatever tiny indie band he was obsessed with at the moment.
Tom and I settled into our usual routine: smoking, watching something, playing music, getting food, sweating our asses off. Mick and Hunter joined us for dinner, Luke still curled away in his bunk, possibly asleep. He loved a nap.
Luke entered the living room with the usual thud of his feet hitting the bus floor, his master-sized feet padding over to the kitchen as his beautiful face yawned, light-colored stubble just starting to grow in.
I couldn't help the nagging pit in my stomach watching the beautiful man unfold in front of me. I couldn't stop replaying the sound of him answering John's question about being single. It made my skin crawl. I felt silly and annoyed at myself for feeling so much unease about it too. Of course he was single. Why would I care?
Luke tried to catch my gaze, which I avoided narrowly, resting my head on Tom's shoulder as distraction.
"Want a waffle, sunshine?"
Luke's drawl carried over to me, sweet like candy.
"No thanks."
The words came out embarrassingly cold.
Luke was always the most chill one. He said nothing to my icy tone and proceeded to make himself some toaster waffles, a surprisingly comforting treat during the sticky hot nights.
Tom also said nothing, far too in tune with me to think I wanted to talk about it.
That was the issue with this tour bus, and sleeping with everyone on it. I had nowhere to escape when I had a single feeling about anything. Instead I was stuck watching Luke's toned, tan back flexing as he scraped butter on the waffle.
He turned smoothly, his normal southern cowboy ease and charm radiating from him.
"So what's got you feeling blue, Aria?"
Luke smiled at me and asked directly, openness but knowing pointedness covering his features.
"Nothing."
My voice could not have sounded more fake if I tried.
"Tell that to your face."
Luke prodded, his jovial tone not masking the task of his words.
I made a childish mocking face at him, annoyed at his calling me out. Heat flushed my cheeks at the call out despite my chilly demeanor. I needed my bedroom in LA and 24 hours to decompress before I even considered thinking about my feelings, yet my feelings were 6'5"
and standing a few feet away from me, looking at me very expectantly.
I took a deep, shaky breath through the guise of the joint as I finally met his eyes.
"Honestly, it's nothing."
I smiled the best I could. Because truly, I was all for speaking truth, but there was no good truth here to share.
Luke just cocked a brow and lightly nodded, plopping in the seat next to me and motioning for the joint. Tom sat behind me, his usual relaxed frame still intact. I had no clue what he was thinking. He was half of why I wouldn't just say I was upset Luke said he was single. If he knew why I was upset, he wasn't sharing. He also wasn't prodding, which led me to believe he was truly synced up with me enough to know when to just let me have my time.
I truly felt like I had been the victim of a massive practical joke somehow. Or this was all a dream I would wake up from. How had I gone from pining after an asshole for years to being on his bus, in the most wonderful, secure relationship of my life with another guy? Tom had flipped reality on its head so fast, and now here was this summer only adding to the mess of my brain trying to keep up.
The random YouTube video of music played on the screen where I pretended to watch. Tom and Luke chatted lightly at points. Eventually I must have fallen asleep because I woke up in my bunk, a text from Tom saying he loved me waiting for me on my phone.
I slithered out of my top bunk down to use the bathroom and brush my teeth, even though it was 2 a.m. He was asleep, perfectly relaxed and splayed across his tiny bed. My heart thrummed with the loud comfort of love.
My heart started thudding for less fun reasons when I heard Mick and Hunter speaking softly through the wall of the bathroom. For some reason, hearing them fuck never bothered me. Mickey was always a horndog and Hunter was a certified hottie. But hearing their soft murmurs, light chuckles, the deep intimacy I could feel through the plastic wall—it felt like a punch in the gut.
These years of knowing Mickey, I had wanted him so bad. Wanted to be that one he lay naked with at 2 a.m. talking. Sometimes I got so close to my fantasy back then, just plus a bunch of clothes and he wasn't my boyfriend. It killed me a little bit to think after all these years I wasn't the one he wanted to have those midnight whispers with.
A surly frown and pissy attitude firmly entrenched to coat my pitiful scars of an old broken heart and the pinprick of pain of stupid Luke, I made my way out of the bathroom to find Luke standing right there.
"Jesus."
I whispered, alarmed, surprised to see him there and still two-thirds asleep.
"Don't startle me like that."
I almost growled through the sleepiness.
"Come spend the night with me in the room tomorrow."
Luke's soft sincerity broke me out of my sleepy haze and lowered my defenses immediately.
"What?"
I asked, surprised.
"Just you and me. Let's spend the night together. Let's talk, maybe more."
Luke's naughty grin graced his face as we spoke.
We were still standing so close I could feel his breath against my face, still smelling of weed plus the faint mint of toothpaste. What felt like minutes passed as we just stood there before I answered.
"Yes."
I finally whispered awkwardly. The light syllable was met with the sudden warmth of his body pressed to mine, his hands gripping my waist and quickly moving to keep me flushed against him as his lips crashed into mine. He kissed me like he was trying to tell me he could read every thought I refused to think about him. That he cared, that he saw me. He didn't kiss me like some summer fuck. He kissed me like I was his.
Breathless and hot, he quickly separated us, dodging behind me to close the bathroom door behind him, leaving me panting and wanting, shocked standing at the end of the hall.
Suddenly the door to the bedroom on my side was opening.
"Were you making out with someone out here?"
Hunter inquired as I met his inquisitive gaze as he stood relaxed in the doorway. Such a cocky ass.
I didn't answer, walking back to bed still fairly certain this was all some dream, climbing into the top bunk, and promptly passing out again.
The morning came too quickly after the middle-of-the-night interruptions. I tragically had actual work to do today. The first draft of the full record contract had been sent over and Laura and I needed to discuss. I knew the boys had stuff with Wood as well.
I grimaced and frowned as I put on actual pants, feeling fussy about leaving our little warm bubble of the bus.
"Hi, beautiful."
Seeing Laura's face on my computer lifted my mood despite the collared shirt I was wearing.
"Hi."
She jumped right into it, the contract looking really strong, which felt surreal. I knew I was on that path, but this contract would launch me to a music career I could have never dreamed of.
We finished talking about edits and negotiations long before the guys were done talking to Wood in the bedroom.
The glamour of celebrity followed me in the afternoon as we got chain pizza and I immediately changed back into Tom's Hanes boxers and wife pleaser, lighting a joint as I smelled of sweat, the heat never ceasing but getting dramatically worse in the beating sun of the afternoons.
I stashed myself away in Tom's bunk, trying to forget about my bedroom date with Luke. The night had lessened my angst about his comment on being single. Not entirely, but enough that the confusion of even feeling upset in the first place set in.
The underlying anxiety of the whole situation reared its head as my mind swirled. Logically I knew this was Tom's idea. I knew he was fine with this. I never saw anything but hunger in his eyes when he watched me with any of the guys. But I still couldn't help but feel I was cheating, especially since I obviously had a crush on Luke. I had never even considered anything but strict monogamy and here I was ten toes deep in a closed polycule two weeks into summer. It was hard to adjust to anytime I slowed down to think.
We ate more pizza for dinner, entering back into our routine once our actual business adult duties were done. Tom's bare shoulders remained the perfect pillow as we relaxed on the bench.
Not long after dinner finished, Luke caught my eye, walking over to grab my hand and pull me out of Tom's arms on the bench.
"I'm stealing her for tonight."
Luke's joking tone didn't match the underlying serious tone.
My eyes searched Tom's face as Luke pulled me under his shoulder, pressed against his side. I was terrified I would see anger, fear, sadness, jealousy in Tom's gaze. But his impossibly warm smile cracked his lips open with his eyes speaking his hunger into my soul.
"Enjoy."
Though the word came out with more edge than I would expect, it also seemed desperately sincere.
I wordlessly followed Luke, his hand in mine as we made our way down the narrow hallway between the bunks to the door too short to fit Luke's frame.
The room was clean, smelling of fresh linens and the vaguely stuffy smell of the air conditioner in the bus.
Luke flopped himself down on the bed dramatically. The door closed behind us, the solid latch of the handle snapping me into my senses. I couldn't help but giggle at the tension I felt combined with Luke's funny facial expression. His brow cocked up with a big smile as if teasing me lovingly with just a look.
I flopped down next to him on the bed without a second thought, his eyes immediately meeting mine once our giggling had concluded.
I already felt lighter. Luke had that way about him. Tom may be the comfort of home, warmth of the sun, but Luke was a breath of fresh air. The cool breeze on my skin on a hot day. The deep breath. The electric zap waking me up.
Our eyes remained locked as we seemed to speak without words, his hand tucking hair behind my ear tenderly, as if suddenly hesitant to touch me.
"I know it's stupid, but it bothered me you said you were single on John Frey."
I just spoke it, my rarely present filter not even paid a thought as his warm brown eyes swam with mine.
"It's not stupid."
His tone carried a rare seriousness to it.
"I just said that for the cameras. Hunter may not care about the media speculation, but I just answered the way I am used to. I'm sorry. I didn't think."
His answer was raw and pulling at my throat for some reason.
I kissed him senseless before I could tear up. He smiled against my mouth in surprise, immediately deepening the kiss, his massive hands flying to my hips to flip me on top of him. I was quickly straddling him, nothing but thin cotton separating us. Some part of my brain was aware of all the unanswered questions and unsaid things. None of our brief conversation addressed the fact he actually was single. And that this whole thing was radically temporary. We may still have a long time left, but it wasn't that long. Not in the terms of relationships.
But none of that mattered now, not when I could feel him everywhere, his lips tasting fresh like oranges.
Without much effort he reached under my thighs straddling either side of his hips and lifted me up to now straddle his shoulders, his hands digging into my ass as he began to eat me through Tom's thin boxers.
My moan escaped from my lips, head thrown back without thought. I don't know how Luke could find my clit so perfectly through a piece of fabric, but he did. His hands encouraged me to ride his face shamelessly, the wet fabric of the boxers pressed against my thighs. God, how he worked me.
Somehow I was coming on his tongue, still fully clothed. Well, bus version of fully clothed at least.
Eventually I came down from the pulsing, reminding me how empty I felt. I stared down to meet Luke's gaze, his light stubble beautifully coated in sweat and my come. His eyes shone so bright they would be painful to meet if I weren't so enraptured in him.
Before I could get too comfortable sitting on his chest and catching my breath, he was flipping us again. My back hit the clean sheets. Luke climbed up my body, moving like a lion slinking up to its mate. His lips tasted of me as we kissed again, my moans filling the space along with his fierce panting.
"Fuck me,"
I begged against his mouth, desperate to come with his serious member inside me. His groan against my lips radiated into my bones.
He pulled his body off of mine just long enough to get our minimal clothing off, chucked thoughtlessly to the floor.
And then he was inside me, working himself inch by inch as his eyes kept my gaze. For such a lighthearted, socially buoyant guy, his fucking was intense as hell.
He didn't leave me wanting. He never did.