Chapter 17
Anja
I drink the potion, hating the smell and taste even more than before. It's like someone heated up bathwater and decided to make me drink it. Except that I'm the one who is making me drink it. But I want answers, and this is the only way I've got to find them.
Cethin takes the cup away from me and pulls me to him, letting me lay my head on his chest while he leans against the bench.
The warmth of his arms makes it almost pleasant as I let the effects of the potion take hold, and I find myself vanishing into sleep.
It's a shame that we haven't been able to enjoy the aftereffects of sleeping together without the interruption, but I know this is good for me, and for him in the long run.
The mist comes immediately, but this time I'm ready for it.
If I thought everything was sharper the last time I was here because of a potion, it's even more intense this time around.
Or maybe that's just because I'm thinking more clearly about things and coming into this with the knowledge that I might be a banshee.
A coolness drifts through the air that I haven't felt before, but I ignore it. For all I know, it's just a breeze in the Potions classroom and not in the dream.
The mist clears and several of the figures who have been just out of sight before make their way towards me.
I turn in a circle, but not out of fear. I want to see their faces and to know if what I'm thinking is correct. Everywhere I look, there's someone who shares some of my features. I'm not being visited by one ancestor but by many of them.
"Hello, child."
I whip around to find the woman from the book standing in front of me. Every other banshee from my past is part of the circle, but not her.
"My name is Anja," I say.
"Anja." The whisper rushes around the circle.
The woman smiles. "You are back sooner than I expected."
"You told me that I needed to accept what I am. I'm here to do that. There is no one to teach me what to do or who I am. I don't even know who my mother is."
"Your mother does not matter," she says. "You are one of us. We are all part of the chain of magic."
I nod. "I understand that." Mostly because I spent the rest of my classes after the library secretly reading the book on banshees that Cethin got for me. "I want to know how to accept my powers. How do I use them?"
"You simply have to trust," the woman says. "You must heed what your magic tells you when it comes to death."
"And foretelling it? Is that really something I have to do?"
"It is part of us." There is a mournful note in her voice. "But it is not who you are."
"My mate told me that," I respond, the words feeling somewhat foreign on my tongue. Probably because I haven't told anyone what Cethin is to me yet. "That I am more than just a banshee."
To my surprise, the woman smiles. "You are more than just a banshee. That is your bloodline and your birthright, but it is not you. Perhaps you are more ready for the knowledge we bear than I first thought."
"What knowledge?" Should I be nervous about this?
"There are things that you may know that you are not aware you know. Have you not been able to tell when things are going to die?"
The hamster.
"Yes."
"That is part of the ancient powers we have," the woman responds. "Have you met your familiar?"
"Yes. Thistle, she's a raven."
She nods approvingly. "An excellent companion for a banshee. You must accept her and bond with her. Bring her into your life properly. Sometimes she will be able to help and guide you in ways that nothing else can."
Like bringing Cethin to me when I was upset.
"How do I do that?" I ask.
"I do not know the rules of the world you live in."
"I'll find out," I promise.
"If you believe you are ready, then we shall grant you the information you seek about your powers," the woman says.
"I believe I am. What will happen if I'm not?"
"Then this will hurt a great deal," she responds.
"Ah." It's a risk, but I fully believe what I'm saying. "I'm ready." I can't move into working out how this is a part of me if it isn't one. I have to fully know what I am and how my magic works in order to make that a reality.
"Close your eyes."
I take a deep breath and do as she says. I don't know what to expect from this, but I know it's the right thing to do.
Wailing starts to build from the assembled women, and I feel magic pulse through the air in response. It gets colder and the air swirls, bringing the sound of their voices with it. Something within me tugs towards the sound, wanting to be part of it.
No, not even wanting, it's like I need to be part of it. Which I suppose makes sense in that this will one day be me communicating with future banshees of my bloodline.
I open my mouth and begin to let out the same keening wail as the women around me. It isn't the scream from my previous dreams, it's more harmonious and doesn't hurt.
I can sense the old woman step forward and touch my forehead.
Thoughts vanish as all kinds of images flash through my mind.
It's centuries of knowledge and use of banshee magic, how to recognise the dying, when to do something about it, and how to deal with the sorrow it causes.
Sometimes, I recognise one of the faces as belonging to one of the women who are surrounding me, but without their names, that's useless information.
All I really need to know is that they're part of my bloodline and that their magic is now part of me.
The wailing ceases, and I open my eyes, surprised to find that all but one of the younger women from the circle has disappeared. She smiles at me with sadness in her eyes and steps forward.
"Anja," she says. "You've grown since I last saw you."
Understanding slots into place. "You're my mother?"
She nods. "I know you may be angry at me for leaving..."
"I'm not. My parents told me that you had no choice but to give me up." A lump forms in my throat. "They always spoke well of you. But if you're here..."
"Yes, I am here because I no longer walk among the living."
"Do all banshees speak so poetically?" I ask. "Do I need to learn how to do that?"
She lets out a surprising laugh. "No, it's just that the older generations speak in a certain way, and it rubs off on you after a while. You'll learn to speak this way once your spirit is here."
"That doesn't sound like a fun way to spend eternity."
"I'm only an echo, Anja. Only the banshee part of me resides here. The rest of my spirit is at peace."
"Oh."
She steps closer and brushes some hair out of my face. "I'm glad I got to see you."
"Me too." I stare at her, seeing how alike we are, but how different at the same time.
"I'm glad you've found people who love you."
"I have," I assure her, thinking of my parents, of my friends, and of Cethin, even though it's still new between us.
She smiles. "You're strong, Anja. I'm sorry that you've had to find out what you are alone and that I wasn't there to guide you, but know that I'm proud, and I know you will find the peace you need in order to use your powers."
"Thank you."
She steps back. "You should wake now."
I nod and close my eyes, unsure how I know that's what I need to do, but it feels right given the circumstances.
I take a deep breath and open them again, already knowing from the warm arms around me that I'm back in the Potions classroom.
"Hey," Cethin says softly.
"Hi."
"No screaming this time?"
I shake my head. "I met my mother."
Surprise flits over his face. "That sounds heavy."
"I guess. It's hard to explain. I came to terms with my adoption a long time ago, but it still feels like I got closure, kind of? I mean, I don't know anything about her, or why she gave me up, but I guess it's nice to know that she cares?"
He nods and runs his hand up my arm in a comforting gesture. "What about the rest of it?"
"They did something that they said would give me access and understanding about my magic. My head hurts a little." I rub my temple.
"I'm not surprised. We should get you back to the flat. A good night's sleep should help, especially if you don't have to worry about nightmares."
"Hopefully." I sigh. "I wish I weren't so tired."
"Oh?"
"Then I could invite you back to my room."
He chuckles. "There'll be time for that later," he assures me. "Your sleep is important."
I nod. "I know. And it's going to be dreamless." I don't know how I'm certain of that, but I am. I won't be visiting the misty land tonight.
"You should go and sleep. We can talk in the morning. And tomorrow night, maybe we can spend some time just the two of us somewhere that isn't a Potions lab."
I laugh. "That sounds like a good idea."
Cethin leans in and presses his lips against mine. I sink into the kiss, feeling like everything is finally falling into place.