Chapter 7
THE KISS OF FOREVER
brIAR
Why did he laugh? Is he so angry that he can’t even process his emotions? Nothing I said was funny.
This is bad, so bad.
All I can do is watch and wait for his reaction to my confession. Gods, please don’t let him hate me. This was a mistake, wasn’t it? I’ve ruined it all?
My heart races as he takes a few steps toward me, closing the distance. “I knew it was you, Briar. How could I not know it was you?”
Wait, he…what?
He knew the whole time it was me, not my sister? And he just let me pretend? And he’s not mad?
Am I hallucinating this? Did I faint and go to some sort of twisted banshee dreamland?
My head defies my heart, shaking ever so slightly as I stare up at him. “But when you first saw me, and ever since then, you’ve called me Blair.”
He lets out a nervous laugh, shrugging his shoulders a few times in a row. “I thought it was going to be a funny joke, since it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other. But then you went with it, and I was confused, so I had to play along to see why you did.”
Did he really know it was me that day? He must’ve, since he didn’t freak out at all when I confessed to lying. Is it even a lie if he knew the truth the entire time?
Regardless, I don’t even know why I did it, why I pretended I was Blair. Nerves got the better of me in that moment—and then again in every moment afterward.
I’m just thankful that my nerves don’t appear to have ruined…whatever our relationship is.
“How did you know?” The words leave me quietly and with little thought. I don’t revoke the question, though. I want to know—need to know—if he truly can tell the difference between my twin sister and I.
He gives me a small smile, his cheeks gaining a rosy hue. “You wear silver jewelry—always have—but Blair wears black. Your hair is always down, always covering part of your beautiful face.”
He thinks I’m beautiful?
“Your perfume is complicated, like you, not smelling like something simple and easy to identify, like rose or vanilla. You smell like the stars and the moon, doused in sugar and dipped in flames, all at the same time.”
He thought that deeply about my perfume?
“Your hips swivel when you walk, even if you scurry around half the time.” Suddenly, his hands snake under my chin, gently holding my face. “And I’m pretty sure if I were to kiss you right now, I’d taste blueberry lip balm.”
My heart pounds through every nerve in my body. Zander’s face is inches away from mine, his soft hands holding me in a way I’ve always dreamed of.
Through a nervous breath, I say, “I think you should check if you’re correct.”
He closes the distance, his lips meeting mine softly, brushing against them before fully connecting. The moment they do, I melt into him, his hands holding my face with more intensity, as if I were going to slip away.
Our lips move together as one, gliding so naturally it’s as if we were made to do this. It feels like a crime that we waited so long to ignite this flame. All our lives we’ve ignored the embers, thinking they would die out—but they never did.
And those embers led us here, to this perfect moment. A moment I never thought I would get. Feelings I never thought would be reciprocated. A new hope flows through me, breathed into me from something as simple as his kiss.
He’s the only person I’ve ever felt this kind of connection with. The draw I’ve always felt to him runs deep, awakening desires that had been lying dormant. Desires I haven’t felt for anyone else.
I don’t know if I ever could feel them for someone else.
As we break the kiss, inhaling deeply to catch our breath, many things fill me. The relief that flows through my veins is accompanied by self-realizations. The rapid beating of my heart caused by my feelings finally being acted on.
“Zander, can I tell you something?” I can’t help the way my voice shakes.
His hands hold mine, and his eyes scan my face. “Anything.”
I feel like there’s a concert going on inside of me, my heart and mind screaming over each other to control what leaves my lips next. My stomach twists as if people are moshing within.
“You are the only person I’ve ever felt…a lot of things for.” My hair falls into my face, offering a sort of shield. A barrier.
One that he pushes to the side and tucks behind my ear. Any remaining walls around my heart have fallen, giving him direct entry. All from one simple motion.
“Like what?” he asks, his fingers trailing slowly down the side of my jaw.
As his hand slides back into mine, I say, “The feelings I have for you aren’t something I’ve ever even thought of when I look at anyone else. And I’ve never dated, so I don’t have any, uh, experience.”
He tilts his head, that cute, crooked smile making me feel at ease. “That doesn’t bother me at all, as long as you don’t mind that I have very minimal experience myself.”
“It doesn’t, and I don’t care how much experience you do or don’t have. It doesn’t change anything,” I reassure, though I don’t know if I need to.
Even if he has dated or slept with people, it doesn’t matter.
“We don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with. I just want you in my life because you’ve owned my heart since we were children. Whatever that means for you, for us.” His words wash away my lingering nerves.
With Zander’s unwavering devotion, even after hearing my silly little secret, I feel the most comfortable in my skin that I ever have. How have I been so blind my entire life? The feelings that consumed me have also been consuming him?
“I just wanted to tell you, so that it would relieve the pressure I’ve put on myself,” I say, nearly getting lost in his eyes with the way he stares at me. “There’s no one else that has stolen a piece of me like you. No one could. And I do want to give you all of me.”
“And there’s no rush for that. What I have of you right now is enough, and will be enough forever, if that’s what you were to choose.”
He pulls me toward him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. My hands snake around his waist and I squeeze him tight, as if he’s going somewhere.
His chin rests on top of my hair, the warmth of his skin radiating and encasing me. I could stay in this moment for the rest of time. Accepted, honest, and with him.
“Briar, I know this is only the beginning of us, and I don’t want to come on too strong, but if we’re sharing secrets, I have one too.” For the first time, there’s a hesitancy in his voice. Vulnerability chasing each word.
With my ear against his chest, I can both feel and hear how fast his heart is beating. “What is it?”
“It’s not just that I’ve had strong feelings for you for many, many years.” He pauses, his thumbs rubbing my shoulders as we remain in our embrace. “It’s that I’ve loved you for many, many years. I want to love you forever, and I know you can’t promise me forev—”
“I am yours forever if you are mine,” I say, cutting him off, my head tipped so that my chin rests against his chest and I’m staring up at him.
“I am yours. I always have been.”
Our hold on one another loosens, giving him room to lower his face to mine. His lips brush against mine gently before we fully connect. This kiss breathes a promise into me.
A promise of forever with him. A future with the only person who has ever made every part of my body flutter—my chest, my stomach, and between my legs.
Our years of seeing each other grow, of learning the little things about one another from afar, they’ve brought us closer than I could’ve imagined. Everything about him is attractive: his intelligence, his patience, the way his smile reaches his soft eyes.
So many things I want to do with him that I have never wanted to do with anyone else. And thankfully, we have forever to do all of them.
Though I don’t think I want to wait that long…
There’s a knock at my apartment door, my heart skipping a beat. Zander is here. I take a quick glance around, making sure everything is in order before he comes in.
This will be the first time he’s at my place—the first time anyone besides my family is here, actually.
My palm is warm as it grips the doorknob, pulling it open in a much too brisk fashion. Zander stands there, smiling down at me, his cheeks already deep red.
“Hi,” I say nervously, though I know I have no reason to be. “Come in. How was your day?”
He enters, taking off his jacket and hanging it on my coat rack as if he’s been here a hundred times. “It was good, but it’s even better now that I get to see you. I do have one pressing matter to address first, though.”
“What’s that?” My palms break into a sweat where they’re clasped together in front of me, my fingers already picking at any dry skin.
He takes my hands, separating them and cradling them. “I need your email.”
I blink up at him, the nerves washing away as a tide of amusement comes in. “My email?”
“Yes.” He nods, his gaze rather serious. “For something I was working on last night after we left the fall fair.
I nod along with him, and he releases my hands. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, handing it to me. The screen is on already, the keypad opened so I can type in my email. Off the top of my head, I don’t recognize the background that’s dimmed by the open text slot.
What could he possibly need my email for?
When I’m finished typing it in, I pass him his phone back. “What do you need it for?”
He gives me a grin, pressing something on the screen. My phone, which is across the room on my coffee table, buzzes. I look between it and him, and he tilts his head toward my phone.
“I shared something with you—open it.” He beams, looking wildly excited with hints of his own nerves showing in the sparkle of his eyes and the blush in his cheeks.
It’s hard to hide my excitement as I practically skip over to the coffee table, picking up my phone. The screen lights up when I turn it over, showing the notification.
“You shared a Google Doc with me?” I giggle, clicking the notification to open it.
The app opens on my phone, loading the document over the course of a few seconds. Instantly, my heart beats faster and my eyes well up. The document is titled Things to Experience with my Love.
He’s created a Google Doc for us, containing all the things he wants to experience with me? Could he be any sweeter?
“I figured we could both add to it. I already put in some ideas to start.” He beams at me with his perfect teeth. “It’s categorized.”
It’s categorized?
The warmth in my heart spreads through me, traveling down between my thighs. Even the tips of my ears feel hot; I wonder if they’re reddening like my cheeks.
Focusing on the phone—and not everything else that begs to consume my mind—I scroll through the document. He has sections titled and bolded, bullet-point lists below. Some things on the list even have cute little comments in brackets next to them.
The categories he has right now are divided into: places to see, activities, anything food, at-home date nights. He’s put so much thought into this, so much effort.
I think I’m falling in love all over again, this time as an adult instead of a nervous preteen. Still nervous, though.
“Zander…” His name floats out on a breath, and I shake my head as I scroll the rest of the document. “This is so sweet, and so useful. I love it. I love you.”
He cups my face, tilting it up toward his. I lower the phone to my side as he dips his head down, lips catching mine. My heart races, my free hand gripping his forearm to hold him close.
It feels like the first kiss all over again, fireworks erupting around the room. Around us. Between us.
With little thought, I toss my phone backward, aiming for where I think the couch is. There’s a faint thud, confirming it didn’t bounce to the floor—or just get tossed to the floor—and I slide my hand along his waist.
My fingers slip under the hem of his shirt, getting my first feel of the man I’ve loved nearly my entire life. This moment is almost surreal…I hope I’m not dreaming.
His skin heats under my fingers, and I slowly follow the divots of his muscles. I slide my hand up, lifting his shirt partway to explore higher.
As I familiarize myself with him, his hands leave my face. They skim down the sides of my neck slowly, over my shoulders, heading down until he grips my waist and pulls me closer.
Pressing against one another, I can feel the bulge in his pants—firm and large and intriguing. Will he let me explore everything, or will he want to take things slow?
I know he said we could wait as long as I choose, but exploring can be a gradual thing, and I want to start right now…
Breaking the kiss, I pull back, taking a few deep breaths. Staring into his eyes, I lower my hands to the waistband of his cargo pants.
“We don’t have to…” His voice is low as his eyes search my face.
“I want to,” I say, taking a breath before continuing. “Maybe not all the way quite yet, but I want to see…you. I want to touch you. I want to try things with you.”
His fingertips dig into my sides, any hesitation in his eyes fading away, replaced by the fires of desire. It’s a look I haven’t seen before, but one I decipher instantly. I didn’t think it was possible for him to get any hotter, but here we are.
“If I do anything you don’t like, or you want to stop…” His hands travel up my sides, gripping the bottom of my shirt and guiding it up. “All you have to do is tell me.”
I nod, raising my arms to allow him to slide my shirt over my head. My heart races, nerves flowing alongside my arousal, my need.
I’ve waited so long to feel this close to him, and the moment is finally here.
Our first moment of many.