Chapter Fifteen – Estelle
Well, that was an experience, Estelle’s dragon said.
It sure was, Estelle agreed as she watched Adara playing with Fizz in the garden. Leo’s family had just left, their voices and laughter still echoing in her mind. Adara was arranging pinecones in a circle, a fairy ring, she’d called it, something Lucy had taught her.
I didn’t expect to feel so... raw afterward, Estelle admitted, wrapping her arms around herself as she stood on the porch.
That’s what real family does, her dragon replied. It opens things up that you thought were safely closed.
The Thornbergs had been everything Leo promised, warm, welcoming, respectful of boundaries, while still somehow folding Adara into their circle as if she’d always belonged there.
They’re nothing like Margaret, and yet...
And yet they make you think of her, her dragon finished. Of what she’s missing. Of why she clings so hard.
Estelle sighed. She hadn’t expected breakfast with Leo’s family to leave her thinking about Margaret of all people. But watching the easy affection between Leo and Eleanor, the way his mother looked so lovingly at each and every member of her family, had stirred something uneasy in her.
Margaret had loved Julian fiercely. Estelle had never doubted that. And she loved Adara too. That wasn’t the problem.
Grief doesn’t always make people cruel, her dragon said.
No, Estelle agreed. But it can make them hold too tightly.
Maris would have seen it straight away, the difference between loving with open hands and loving with your fists clenched. She had always understood things like that before Estelle did.
She watched Adara carefully tuck a shiny pebble into the center of her fairy ring. I’m not excusing what Margaret did, she murmured. How she made us feel hunted. But I think I understand it better now.
Her dragon was silent for a moment. Understanding is not the same as forgiveness.
I know that, Estelle whispered. But seeing Leo with his family, seeing how connected they are to each other... it made me realize Margaret will never have that again.
Because she lost Julian, her dragon said.
And now she’s lost Adara. Estelle straightened, still watching her daughter.
“Mama! Come see my fairy garden!” Adara called, waving excitedly.
Estelle walked down the porch steps and crossed the grass to where her daughter kneeled in the garden. “It’s beautiful, sweetheart.”
“The fairies will come tonight,” Adara said with complete certainty. “Lucy says they only come when you’re sleeping.”
Estelle crouched beside her, running her finger along the edge of a pinecone. “Did you have fun with Leo’s family?”
Adara nodded vigorously. “Lucy and Aria said I can see their fairy garden and the treehouse, and Percy’s going to come too. And Eleanor said I could help make cookies with her.” Her eyes shone with excitement. “Can we stay here forever, Mama?”
The question hit hard. Estelle swallowed, buying time by adjusting one of the stones in Adara’s arrangement.
You can’t promise forever, her dragon cautioned. But you can’t keep running either.
“We’re going to stay as long as we can,” Estelle said carefully. “I like it here, too.”
Adara seemed satisfied with that and returned to her fairy garden with renewed focus.
Estelle watched her for a moment, lost in thought. And goodness, this morning had given her a lot to think about.
Then she turned as she sensed Leo approaching. She didn’t know if she would ever get used to that. Knowing he was there.
I like it, her dragon said. I like it a lot.
Me too, Estelle agreed. That was the problem. She was beginning to get used to it. And that made it dangerous.
Because she was letting her guard down. Becoming settled. Complacent.
Stop, her dragon said sharply. Enjoy the moment.
Estelle breathed out as she accepted the tea Leo offered her. “Thanks, you read my mind.”
It’s a good thing he can’t read all of it, her dragon said, most unhelpfully.
“So, how was it?” Leo asked as he sipped his tea.
“Breakfast?” she asked.
What else? her dragon said dryly.
“Yes. Was it too much?”
“No,” she replied. “It was just enough.”
He chuckled. “Are you being diplomatic? I know they can be a lot when they’re all together like that.”
“I think that made it easier,” she admitted. “I didn’t feel like I was under a microscope. And it helped that they all adored Adara.” She looked up at him. “They’re wonderful. I like them. Truly.”
“You do?” He looked so relieved she wanted to kiss him. She hadn’t realized how much this meant to him. How much he’d risked.
Because he’s still worried we’re going to run, her dragon said. That one day he’ll arrive at our door, and we’ll have cleared out.
I would never do that to him, Estelle said.
Estelle looked away, out at Adara in the grass.
She wanted to think she would never do that to him. Wanted to believe she was already past that.
But if it came down to protecting Adara, she did not know what she would choose.
And that frightened her more than anything.
As I said, her dragon began. It’s a good thing he can’t read your mind.