Chapter 26
26
JONATHAN
W e decide that Adam will set up their rooms during dinner. He’s missed enough meals that they won’t suspect anything’s up. There’s no possible way I can tell Adam how badly I want to set up the rooms with him. This isn’t for me. It’s for them. And this is the best way for the surprise to work.
We let the other staff in on the plan. It really comes together when Meredith produces a game of Monopoly that will buy him more time.
“Excellent, you can turn my children into capitalist shills,” Adam jokes.
I’m about to tell him about the educational benefits of board games when I realize what he said. My children . I choose not to correct him.
I rope Geoff and Meredith into playing and Ray keeps Enrique busy. Geoff plays an aggressive game, throwing up hotels as quickly as he can. Mal gets quite angry when he goes bankrupt and Ben tears up when he’s sent to jail. I’m wondering if I made an awful mistake when Alisha surprises everyone with a sudden rush of purchases that sets Geoff on the back foot. The children rally, working together to try knock Geoff down a peg. I have to admit, I love every minute of it.
By the time the game eventually ends (with Alisha owning the board), Enrique is nodding off on my lap. Ben immediately asks if we can play again.
“Not against me,” Geoff says. “You’re all cheats.”
“Don’t be a sore loser, Geoffrey,” Meredith says, with a little smirk.
“You’re not allowed to team up .”
“I’d argue teaming up is the only way to beat capitalism,” I say. “Although, what do I know? I don’t work for a charitable foundation.”
Geoff is rendered speechless and Meredith laughs. The children all stare. I gather I’m not the only one who’s never even seen her smile.
“All right you lot, time for bed.” I climb to my feet, still holding Enrique. He seems comfortable so I’m not going to make a big deal of it. I’m just going to carry him as if my heart isn’t bursting at the fact that he’s letting me.
“Not yet!” Ben protests. “It’s still early!”
“What about games?” Mal asks, frowning deeply.
“This was games.”
“But—”
“ But , if we get ready for bed now, there will still be time for some cocoa. Come along.”
I should have expected they wouldn’t take the interruption to their routine well.
“We always get to play games before bed,” Ben says quietly. It’s the closest he gets to whining.
“All right. Fine. If you want to play games once we get upstairs maybe you can, but you’ll have to ask Adam.”
“Adam?” Mal is suspicious. “Why?”
“You’ll see when we get upstairs.”
That’s enough intrigue that they fall in and follow me up, with just a brief goodnight to the adults.
As we reach the passage, there’s a big crash from within one of the rooms. Enrique’s grip on me tightens. Ben is suddenly right up against me. Mal freezes, staring ahead. Alisha asks, “Lloyd?”
Thankfully her voice is soft enough that Adam doesn’t hear it when he emerges from the room in question, swiping a hand across his sweaty forehead.
He startles. “I… didn’t hear you come up.”
“Unsurprising with that noise. What was it?”
“The mirror. It’s not broken. Miraculously.” He grins. “Mirror-aculously.”
I groan. He laughs.
“Do you need more time? The children were asking about playing games.”
“Nope.” He shoves his hands into his pockets, still smiling. “Was just going to get some more Blu Tack for those lights. Everything else is done.”
“Why was he in my room?” Ben whispers. He doesn’t sound curious, he sounds horrified. I glance down at him. There’s a deep crease between his eyebrows and his every muscle is tensed.
I ruffle his hair with my free hand, but it doesn’t seem to calm him. “It’s okay, it’s nothing bad.”
Mal comes unfrozen, darting a look at me. “What’s going on?”
Alisha steps forward. “You shouldn’t be in Ben’s room. It’s his room.”
“Did he go into all our rooms?” Mal asks, sounding desperate.
This is not what I expected. Not at all. I set Enrique down and bring myself to their level. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay,” Alisha hisses.
“It’s just a surprise, a good surprise,” I scramble to explain.
Then Adam’s there beside me. “No. Alisha’s right. I shouldn’t have gone into your rooms without asking.” I look up at him. His face is creased in sadness, like someone punched him in the heart. “It was an invasion of your privacy.”
How did I not think ? The whole point of the exercise was to give them a space that was their own . I didn’t even stop to consider how it would feel for them when that space was invaded. They have so little that’s their own. Even if those rooms were plain, they were theirs. Now we’ve gone and completely changed them. What must Adam think? There I was bragging about being familiar with children, but I was selfishly focused on myself. Just what Mal accused me of on Day One: wanting to play the savior.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell them. “It was my fault. I asked for Adam’s help. We bought you gifts and we wanted to surprise you.”
“Gifts?” Ben still sounds suspicious.
“Yes. We wanted to make your rooms feel special. We should have— I should have asked you first. I’m very sorry.”
“You went into my room?” Mal asks again. His voice trembles. “Did you look through my stuff?”
Adam also hunkers down to be eye level with Mal. “I made your bed. I didn’t look through your stuff.”
“My bed?” His voice is so high pitched.
“I put a new cover on it. Do you want to come look? We can put it back the way it was if you prefer it that way.”
He presses his lips tight and shakes his head. Adam and I exchange a look. I’m hoping my eyes can convey how very sorry I am. His expression is concerned, but not accusatory.
Alisha says, “Come, Mal. We can all go look at your room together.”
“You don’t want to start with your room?” I ask. It’s the nearest to where we’re standing.
She seems torn, eyes moving between Mal and her own door. Eventually, she says, “It can wait.”
“It’s okay.” Mal nods decisively, then meets my gaze. “Will you come with to my room?”
“Of course.”
“Just you.”
“Absolutely. If that’s what you want.”
Alisha takes Enrique and they go with Ben and Adam to look at her room. I really hope she likes it. My stomach is a tight knot of guilt and I feel a little nauseous.
In Mal’s room, he pauses by the door to take in the bed with its bright dinosaur cover and poop plushie. He doesn’t react to any of it though. He walks forward robotically and kneels by the bed. My vision is obscured, but I think he’s checking under the mattress for something. His shoulders relax.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asks softly.
“You can tell me anything.” Since he will be hitting puberty soon, and this secret of his might be related, I add, “You’re also welcome to ask me anything.” Although I’m very much hoping this isn’t that conversation. I could give a birds and the bees speech if pressed, but I’d like the opportunity to practice it in the mirror without blushing first.
Mal stands and turns slowly. “Will you tell Adam?”
“Not if you don’t want me to.”
“Even if I did a bad thing?”
My heart gives a hard thump. This isn’t like Mal at all. “Yes. Absolutely. You can trust me.”
He sits on the bed and reaches for his dinosaur pillow. It’s a T-Rex’s face and Mal traces the outline of the eye. “I was adopted before.” I have to strain to hear his tiny voice. “They were so nice. And I messed it all up. I don’t know why I couldn’t be good. I wanted them to… I thought they were going to be my new parents.” His eyes fill with tears. I go to kneel beside him.
“They said they were my new parents. They said I could call them mum and dad. But then…” His breath catches and he closes his eyes. “Then they found out who I really was and they didn’t want me anymore.”
Oh sweet baby. My poor little boy. I can hear the tears in his voice although he’s doing everything he can to hold them back.
“And—” He sucks in a labored breath. “And I did it again. I don’t know why. Please don’t tell The Beast.”
I want to promise him complete confidentiality, but it all depends on what he did. “Secrets aren’t always good things to keep,” I say. “But I can promise I won’t let anyone do anything to hurt you. Even if they’re angry.”
Mal tenses up again. “You can’t promise that until you know what I’ve done.”
“I will do everything in my power to protect you. No matter what you’ve done. I promise you that, Mal.”
His eyes fill with tears again, but he reaches a hand under the mattress and withdraws a flat silver box. A cigarette case. He passes it to me as if it answers everything.
At first I don’t understand. But the decoration etched in the lid is art nouveau. I flick it open. Monographed in the inside lid is, “With love, Adam.”
This was Lloyd’s. Mal stole it. He found it somewhere in the house and intended to keep it. No wonder he was so terrified when Adam said he’d made his bed.
“You think I’m bad,” Mal says. ‘Bad’ is such a juvenile word for him. It makes me think the word’s not his own. It was something he was called once. Or often.
I close the case. “I know you’re not bad. Can you tell me why you took it?”
He shakes his head. His eyes dart to the window. There’s nothing out there but a few jagged tree branches and inky black night. “When I was little, I called it ‘collecting memories’. Whenever something good happened, I wanted to take a… there’s a word for it…”
“Memento?”
“Yeah. I got mementos from all of my homes. But when the Petersens found my stash… they… I had to talk to the police. They said I’d go to jail. I know it’s wrong to take stuff. Even if it’s small things. Mom took me to church. Malakai means angel, you know? I know stealing is wrong. I don’t know why I did it. Please don’t tell The Beast? He’s going to send me back. Or to jail.”
Mal starts trembling I pull him into my arms and hug him tight as the tears finally spill. “No one’s sending you to jail, Mal. Shh it’s okay.”
He turns his face into me and sobs. I hold him for a long while, blinking back my own tears.
“No one will ever want to keep me again,” he says. “And if they did I’d just ruin it again. I’m just like my parents. I’m trash.”
“You’re not trash.”
“My mom is a junkie and my dad is a thief. I’m just like him.”
I hold him tighter. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t believe thieves usually return what they’ve stolen?”
He sniffles.
“Mal…If I could adopt you, I hope you know I would in a heartbeat.”
He pulls away to look at my face. His eyes are all puffy and his cheeks are tear-stained. I regret not carrying a hanky like my father.
“Even now?”
“Yes, Mal. And I’m certain I won’t be the only one. Now, should we put this matter aside for the night? I think I promised you a mug of cocoa?”