Chapter 45
45
ADAM
B ringing Geoff on board changes things. Suddenly we have interviews with celebrities who experienced care that we can splice into our stream. He somehow managed to convince the promotion to donate some of my old memorabilia from their archives. (“You want your fans to watch the stream, don’t you? They’re not going to be bidding on old books, that I can promise.”) He even has the idea of creating a line of merchandise for the auction that we can sell online. Apparently he saw some YouTuber doing it.
It’s Jonathan who suggests that the children design the merch. It’s Jonathan who ensures I’m billed as Adam, not Beast. It’s Jonathan who spends hours writing descriptions of each item that Geoff can list on the website he’s created for the event, and Jonathan who takes photos and researches the value. And, of course, it’s Jonathan who helps the children pick out their outfits and order them online.
As valuable as Geoff has proven, I could not host this auction at all without Jonathan. I try to show my appreciation in every quiet moment we get. Which are way too few and far between.
We schedule “our” auction for the night before the actual stream. We’ve already filmed and sent a lot of pre-recorded content to Geoff that he’s been using to promote the event. One of my favorites of these was one Alisha suggested, where she interviews us all about the charity. Enrique sat on Jonathan’s lap the whole time and Ben was adorable in a little tuxedo and bow tie, talking seriously about helping other kids.
Now, all we have left is our little gala. Jonathan has been running around with a clipboard checking off all the shots we need to get recorded, edited and sent. But tonight, aside from a few cutaways where we introduce specific items that he thought would benefit from the ballroom ambiance, we should be able to relax and enjoy ourselves. It feels like a celebration of a job well done. It feels like more. It feels close to goodbye.
It’s been a long time since I wore a suit and the blue jacket feels a little tight across my shoulders. The bow tie feels like it’s going to strangle me. I look at myself in the mirror and imagine Lloyd standing next to me. Tonight’s the night, he says. Be bold, be daring, mon cher.
He’s not talking about the auction.
You won’t find a better time. Tell him the truth and ask him to stay.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I’m still deciding if I should wear it loose or braid it back. Braided, I think. It’s neater. I look around for my brush.
You care for him, don’t you? Lloyd asks.
“More than anything,” I mutter.
Then you must tell him.
As I exit my wing and approach the stairs, Jonathan is approaching from the other direction. He looks amazing. His suit is black, but his waistcoat is a yellow gold, embroidered with jumping fish. He sees me and smiles. I offer my arm to escort him down the stairs.
Before he can accept, the children come running after him, laughing and loud. He breaks away from me, waving his hands at them. “Hold on, calm down please. We don’t need anyone tripping and falling before you even get to the party.”
The boys are all in little tuxedos, even Enrique. They look like they’re on the way to a wedding. Alisha is in a stunning glittering green dress with layers of chiffon that make her look ethereal. I hold out my arm to her instead. “Madam?”
She grins and accepts and we all walk down together into the ballroom.
It’s already alive with music playing from some speakers that we rigged up. It’s not exactly an orchestra, but it gets the job done. A long table lines the one wall, filled with treats. Ray is laying out the last few. They’re in a maroon velvet suit—I wasn’t sure if they’d wear a suit or a dress. They’ve been debating this outfit for weeks.
They’ve outdone themself with the food. There’s a huge variety of cupcakes and tarts and… is that a chocolate fountain? It feels a little pointed and I scan the room for Meredith. She’s wearing a midnight blue sheath dress and she’s talking to Angus and Lily-Iris on the far end of the room. Angus is in navy and Lily-Iris is in something pink and frilly that sets off her red hair.
“Everyone looks so lovely,” Jonathan says at my side as the children sprint for the desserts.
“Especially you,” I say.
He laughs softly and our hands brush. Then Ben is summoning him to look at one of the treats.
I’m only standing alone for a moment before Meredith comes over. She discusses logistics and points out the cameras that are recording the night. There’s a little stage set up where I need to reveal a few choice items, and well-lit nook where we’ll both be recording inserts talking about the foundation. This is set up so that the party appears in the background. Hopefully it will work out so we’re talking about the kids while they’re having fun behind us.
“Don’t be nervous,” she says.
“I’m not nervous.” Not about the auction, at any rate.
“I mean it, Beast. If you’re nervous it will read as uncertainty. The best thing you can do is relax. Spend time with the children, try to have a good time. We’ll need it for the B-Roll.”
I laugh, I can’t help it. “Speaking of nerves...”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m not nervous. We only have everything riding on tonight.”
Tell me about it. “Don’t worry, I have years of practice performing in front of cameras. Would you like to dance?”
Meredith blinks at me. “Dance?”
“That part about having a good time?” I offer her my hand.
She eyes it as if it might bite, then inclines her head, “Very well.”
Meredith is a surprisingly good dancer. But then, Meredith is good at whatever she sets her mind to. Once we’ve opened the dance floor, the kids join us and then the adults too. Angus and Lily-Iris, Alisha with Enrique dancing on her feet and letting forth peals of laughter. Ray shows Ben and Mal some moves. Jonathan is standing on the sidelines, smiling but looking awkward. Meredith follows my gaze.
“Suddenly I find my feet are quite tired,” she says with a knowing smile.
We end our dance and I join Jonathan on the edge of the room.
His attention doesn’t move from the kids, who are now all dancing wildly together. “We should do this more often.”
“Host galas?”
“Get the children to dance. We never play music. We should.”
Music. There was a time when these halls echoed with it. He’s right. I miss it. I find myself staring at his profile, heart swelling. There’s a future there, in that simple statement. Suddenly I don’t feel so nervous anymore. “Would you like to dance?”
Jonathan looks at me, then pointedly at the children, then back at me with raised eyebrows. I chuckle and hold out my hand. “I just danced with Meredith. I’m sure it’s fine.”
I can see Meredith taking her place in front of one of the cameras to record one of our pre-scripted segments.
Jonathan takes my hand. His palm is warm in mine. As I pull him into my arms, everything else melts away. We’re no longer in a room filled with kids and colleagues, there are no cameras. There’s just him with his golden hair and big green eyes and sweet smile. His brow pinches with concentration as we start to waltz. I can almost hear him counting steps. I duck my head to whisper in his ear, “relax.”
“Sorry, it’s been a while.”
“I’m leading, you’re fine, just follow.”
I feel the tension drain out of him at those words. He moves a little closer and I shut my eyes, breathing in the smell of his hair.
“The last time I waltzed was for a school play,” he says.
“Which play?”
“My Fair Lady.” He laughs. “Life has a sense of humor, doesn’t it?”
I don’t get the joke, but I make a mental note to ask Ray about it later. I’m thinking of a response when Jonathan rests his head on my chest. I hold him close.
When the song ends, I look up to find the children in a clump, giggling. Of course all four of them look away as soon as they see I’ve noticed.
“We have an audience,” I whisper.
Jonathan looks up. Then flushes an incriminating shade of crimson and pulls away from me. “Oh, um, thank you for the dance.”
“You’re looking a little flushed. Want to step outside for a walk?”
He ducks his chin. “That sounds nice. I’ll meet you outside in five?”
I watch him hurry away, avoiding the children’s gazes, and try not to laugh. Ray appears beside me. “Now, when were you going to share this little nugget?”
“Don’t pretend you haven’t known for weeks.”
Ray nudges me. “Doesn’t mean I don’t want you to share. I want all the details. Every single one.”
I shake my head, but I can’t keep the smile from my face. “Distract the children for me?”
“Come now, you can’t ditch your own party.”
“I’m not ditching. I’m…” My heart kicks in my chest. “I need to talk to him about something important. I’ll be back. I have to do the whole auction bit.” I wave to the covered items waiting to be filmed on the stage.
Ray rolls their eyes dramatically. “Children! Have you ever had chocolate fondue?”
This is not going to end well for their clothes. But it provides the perfect cover for me to step out to speak to Jonathan.
He’s waiting just outside the front door and his face lights up when he sees me, like he’s surprised I’d join him. Every time he looks at me like that, it’s like my veins fill with honey.
“I think my cheeks have cooled now,” he says.
I want to kiss him until they flush again, but I resist the urge. Instead I hold out my hand again and he takes it. The air is heavy with the scent of lilacs. The stars are bright above us. Somewhere an owl hoots. We walk a while before he says, “I’m sorry. I know you wanted to keep us quiet. I feel quite foolish.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.” And I never said I wanted to keep things between us quiet. It was just simpler to avoid the difficult questions. “We both got caught up in the moment.”
I pause and pull him close. The evening is cool but not cold. Still, he feels warm in my arms. I look down into his moonlit face. “You’re happy here, aren’t you? With us?”
“What a question.” He drops his gaze to where our bodies join. “Yes. Terrifyingly so. Why?”
“I… I wanted to?—”
He beeps. He curses softly and pulls away to check the pager at his belt. “Geoff again.” He sighs. “I’d better go check in with him.”
I should be grateful that Geoff’s worked so closely with us, but a part of me has missed the quiet. Over the last few days it’s really ramped up as he’s received more material. He’s probably thought of more scenes for us to shoot during the party.
Jonathan gives me an apologetic look. “I’ll just pop up to the control room. I’m sure it won’t take long.”