Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
CALLIOPE
Oh no. How did I get back here?
The pink roofed house looms in front of me as the taillights of my father’s car fade into the dark. My feet aren’t under my control as they carry me inside.
Time jumps forward and she’s right in front of me, my ears ringing from her screams. “Stop fucking crying! You like him so much? Huh? What the fuck does he do for you?” The back of her hand glances off my cheek, soundless and dulled. “He’s not the one paying the bills you ungrateful piece of shit.”
An overstretched clownish smile builds my terror. “You don’t want him to leave? Better get used to it. He’s doing drugs and he’ll be dead soon. Hope you said goodbye.”
Her laughter is deafening and covering my ears does nothing to block it out. It echoes, swirling around, filling me in some deep corners that can’t be swept out.
My eyes leap open to find sunlight and safety. Damn it. It’s a dream I still have at least a few times a year. Her joyous laugh at the thought of his death, and the way I crumble to the floor. Not only a dream but a memory, words screamed in my seven year old face.
He outlived that bitch, though, didn’t he? Anger and spite drive me out of bed. So often those type of dreams ruin half my day, but I’m not letting that happen today. She doesn’t get that power. The urn seems to glare back at me from the mantel as I pass through the living room to my kitchen. It’s time to dump her ashes over the cliff out back and be done with her for good.
There’s still been no word from the private investigator about Dad and I’m tempted to call, but after holding my phone in my palm for a minute, I set it back down. I'm not in the headspace right now to talk about him. Not if I want to shake that dream from my mind.
Coffee helps. So does replaying the events of last night in my head. I was stoned as a gravel driveway, but I remember everything. Arlow behind me, touching me, his breath on my ear, the warmth of his lips and tickle of his scruff on my neck. If I’d let him continue, we would’ve ended up in the bedroom, but I couldn’t. He was drunk, and surprising him on his birthday wasn’t a ploy to seduce him when that isn’t what he wants. Still, it’s confusing. He’s so full of mixed signals.
After coffee and toast, I grab a small backpack and chuck the urn inside it. A faint buzzy lightheadedness still sticks with me from last night’s edible as I head out my door. Those things have a ridiculous half life. My plan for the day is clear. Dump the bitch over the cliff, come back and pack for my road trip. My friends will be picking me up tomorrow morning.
My phone rings with a call from Silver when I get to my porch. It slipped my mind that she left her car here last night and had Lacey drop her off at home. “Hey, did I wake you?” she asks.
“Nope, I was headed out for a walk. Do you need me to come get you?”
“No thanks. Nina is giving me a ride to work. I just called to let you know I’ll pick my car up later.” A familiar voice rumbles in the background. Lee spent the night at her place.
“Uh-huh, and does Lee have a ride?” I tease.
“I rode him plenty already.”
Chuckling, I sit on my top step. “Are you feeling okay about that?” It hasn’t been long since her breakup and I know she had her eye on Lee for a little fun, but that next day remorse can be a bitch.
“I feel fantastic. I’d forgotten what great sex was like.”
“Are you going to see him again?”
“No, men are trash and I’m all set for a while now.”
“Okay then. I’m going to need you to set aside your man hatred for a moment for a question.”
Her reply is instant. “Did you sleep with Arlow?”
“No! I told you we’re just friends.”
“He barely takes his eyes off you, Calli. I’m serious. Sometimes he looks at you like he worships you and then a few seconds later, like he could eat you for dinner. Neither look screams friendship.”
“I…really?” Maybe it’s because I spend too much time trying not to obviously ogle him, but other than a loaded glance here and there, I haven’t noticed him doing the same.
My chest swells with a deep breath. The phone call I overheard was too personal to him for me to share but I need her opinion. “I think he’s still getting over an ex. Even if he’s tempted, I don’t want to be a rebound, you know? But…would it be completely delusional to think I could make him forget her?”
“Maybe, but I’m here for it. You really have it bad, don’t you?”
My groan frightens away a nearby robin. “Ugh, it’s ridiculous. I need to get it through my head that we’re only friends.”
“Maybe you need to get laid too. Find a sexy rocker guy in the crowd, take him back to your hotel, and then you never have to see him again.”
“It’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had,” I laugh, though I know it wouldn’t solve anything. I’m not hungry for sex. I’m starving for him.
“Nina’s here. I have to go.”
Once we hang up, I adjust my backpack and head into the woods to throw the cremated remains away. It’s well past time to rid myself of her completely. Her worthless long term boyfriend, Carl, couldn’t even be bothered to claim her ashes. It’s too bad she doesn’t get to know that the man she put before all others couldn’t give one shit about her once she was gone. He’s probably moved onto some other nightmare of a person. It’s amazing how they seem to find each other.
Despite the reason I’m out here, my mood lightens considerably during the hike. The light breeze clears the cobwebs of the dream away while I breathe in the damp scent of decaying leaves and admire the array of colors dancing around me. The fall foliage is at its peak, spraying the ground with brilliant red, amber, ochre, and golden orange. In a few weeks all this will be bare, then later, maybe coated in snow. I’m excited to experience the forest in all its seasons.
My thoughts drift to the next few days. It’s been too long since I’ve seen my concert friends. Usually, being in a crowd would make me anxious, but this is always different. Whether it’s the music, the people, or just the atmosphere itself, standing shoulder to shoulder in a crowd of voices singing our hearts out is the definition of happiness. It feels otherworldly, magic.
It occurs to me that life is pretty good right now. I’ve pulled myself out of a lot over the past months. Moved, made new friends, found new hobbies. Not long ago, I was hiding inside, barely leaving the house to get necessities, tied to the mundanity of watching TV and scrolling social media. Before that, it was nonstop shitty jobs to try to keep a roof over my head. If you’d told me then I’d be hiking through the forest, infatuated with a kind, gorgeous man, and looking forward to a road trip to see some of my favorite bands, I never would’ve believed it.
My plan was to take the trail to the bridge, cross the creek then cut back through the orchard to the cliff, but a sudden flash of color between the trees brings me to a halt.
Was that a deer? Keeping still, I watch the area. Was it only my imagination? One of those corner of your eye hallucinations? It’s not unlikely, especially considering the edible is still influencing my thoughts. Straining my ears, I don’t hear anything unusual. There aren’t any wild animals to concern myself with here. Nothing big at least. There’s more worry over stepping on a venomous snake than seeing a rare black bear or mountain lion that may wander in from western Tennessee.
I’ve decided to keep going when he steps out from between the trees, the worst animal you can find yourself alone with in the woods. Fear races down my spine, freezing me in place. A dark balaclava obscures his face, but he’s looking right at me. A hundred scenarios try to reassure me. Maybe he’s a hunter who got lost, a visitor that Arlow didn’t tell me about, a random teenager out here trespassing, but none of it lowers the hair on the back of my neck or the goosebumps lining my skin.
Not only because of the mask, but his reaction. He doesn’t run, not toward me or away. He doesn’t wave or call out an explanation. Instead, he stands stock still, staring at me. I’m too far away to make out what he’s wearing, other than a large jacket that ignites the panic smoldering inside me.
No. It’s not him. There’s no way it could be him. Lots of people wear denim jackets.
Suspended in time, we stand there regarding each other until he takes a step in my direction. My instincts kick in, and I turn on my heel, sliding on the wet leaves underfoot. For one blindingly terrifying second, I’m sure I’m going to fall, but I catch my balance and run. A glance back shows him a little closer to me, but not much. Is he running? I’m not looking back long enough to judge.
I fumble to pull my phone out of my pocket and want to cry at the absence of bars showing no signal. It’s always spotty out here. Racing back down the path, my fear builds to pure panic while I wait for a hand to clamp onto my shoulder or arms to grab me from behind. I can’t take the awful dread of it. I’m not fast and staying on the trail is probably stupid. Instead, I veer off the path and tear through the woods.
The underbrush may be dying but it’s thick and clogged with leaves. It’s difficult to run through, as if the ground is on his side, grabbing at my feet so he can catch up with me. My breath bursts in and out of my lungs while branches and twigs reach out to scrape at my skin. I’m not sure how far I’ve gone when I realize I don’t know where I am. Am I even heading in the right direction?
A frantic look around reveals nothing but the overcast forest. I’m lost. My awful sense of direction is going to get me killed.
North . The word filters through my panic. The cabin, Arlow’s place, the graveyard, the road, all are north of the forest. No matter where I come out, that’s the right direction to go. Thank goodness I have the compass on my phone. It doesn’t require service like the GPS.
I’m terrified to stop but I duck behind a tree to quickly pull it up on my screen. Right now, I’m headed east which would only run me into the fence dividing this property from the next. Keeping the compass open on the screen, I take off, running north. The bars on my phone show a signal again, and I tap Arlow’s contact without slowing down.
Please let him be home.