Chapter 11
‘You haven’t told us whether he’s a good kisser yet,’ Teddy points out the next night. We’re sitting round Karina’s kitchen table after I’ve finished giving her and Karina all the details about the lead up to my first kiss with Jordan.
Before I answer, I steal a look at Karina, who is pressing her lips together, her face as impassive as I’ve ever seen it.
Karina knows all about kissing Jordan and more besides from when they dated.
She’s going to have opinions on that question.
Her own answer to it is there, behind those clamped shut lips.
I pause before giving my own verdict of Jordan’s kissing technique, too busy wondering if she found him a good kisser, if he did the same tucking-her-hair-behind-her-ears move he did on me when we pulled away before gazing into my eyes.
In all my planning, I hadn’t thought about this bit.
It’s going to be natural to compare every part of our relationships.
What if Karina declares Jordan the worst kisser ever?
Is that going to take away from the kiss we shared?
Am I going to start questioning how I feel about Jordan based on Karina’s judgements?
‘Oh no,’ Teddy says, watching us. ‘This is where it gets weird, isn’t it?’
‘What do you mean?’ Karina asks.
‘Well now you and Lizzie have snogged the same guy, and I’m guessing soon you’ll have slept with the same guy. We’re all heading that way by the sounds of it. We’ll be able to swap notes.’
Karina scrunches up her nose. ‘Let’s make a vow right now that we won’t do that. No offence, Ted, but I think it’s better all round if I don’t compare the details of what Matthew did or didn’t do with you to what we do when we were together. It would seriously freak me out.’
‘OK,’ Teddy agrees, ‘but you do realise we’ll never be able to stop them from comparing us in their heads.’
‘That’s true,’ Karina says. ‘But everyone compares their own exes to each other, it’s only natural to weigh those things up, so I can live with that. Besides I’m excellent in bed, so I’m not too worried.’
She says it as a joke, but judging by the amount of smitten men she leaves in her wake, I completely believe her.
There was no point on our date that I felt Jordan weighing me up against Karina.
I just hope the same is true if we end up sleeping together.
The thought of Karina being in Jordan’s head while he’s with me in that way is too weird to contemplate.
‘Yeah, let’s agree to not compare notes, but it’s not like we were in long-term relationships with Elliot, Matthew or Jordan,’ I add, as much for me as for them.
‘I’ve never even been on a date with Elliot, so it’s hardly like the three of us are going round snogging each other’s husbands or stealing soulmates here.
The guy we’re talking about me kissing is someone Karina went out with for five minutes a few years ago, that’s all. ’
‘You’re right,’ Teddy agrees. ‘In that case, you can give us the full verdict.’
I make a show of rolling my eyes before I relent.
‘Fine. He’s a good kisser. Very good. It was an epically romantic kiss,’ I tell them confidently.
The truth is my first kiss with Jordan wasn’t the best I’ve ever had.
Not the worst, not unpleasant, but not the best either.
Maybe it was because I was still a little embarrassed about the nipple display, or because I became aware of freezing water dripping down my neck a few seconds in when Jordan pushed tighter against me, moving me a few inches away from the stone overhang we’d been sheltering under, but it was still good.
When he pulled back and smiled at me, I knew I wasn’t ready for it to end, and when we hugged goodbye, it was me who leaned in for a second kiss, which was better.
‘That’s great,’ Teddy says, squeezing my knee before turning to Karina. ‘And what about you, Kar? Found the ick yet?’
I sit forward and pick up my coffee, relieved to be out of the limelight.
‘Nope. Trust me, I’ve been looking, but I can’t find anything that bothers me about him. It’s actually scaring me.’
Karina and Matthew’s second date was a surprise trip to The Palace Theatre to watch Hamilton.
Matthew sorted the whole thing out, not knowing that Karina hates musicals as a rule and had already been on at least three dates where her date had surprised her with theatre tickets.
All she had done on those occasions was text me and Teddy throughout, moaning about the bad acoustics and uncomfortable seats.
When she sent us a picture of the stage, I prepared myself for the follow up get me out of here message, but all went silent until the next morning when Teddy texted to ask where the hell she’d disappeared to, and she told us she’d had a lovely night.
Apparently, Hamilton opened her eyes to a fascinating moment in American history and the forming of the USA she’d previously known little about.
‘So the dodgy T-shirts he wears don’t bother you? Or the way he calls his mum twice a day without fail?’ Teddy asks.
‘No. I know, it’s bizarre. Anyone else and there would be no going back from a T-shirt that has a picture of a sloth on it, and the mum thing would make me run a mile, but I just …
don’t hate those things on him. When we were waiting for the show to start, his mum texted him, and he asked me if I minded if he nipped to take a picture of the stage to send to her.
He explained how close he and his mum are, that she raised him and his two sisters on her own.
He laughed when he told me that he could be a real handful growing up, and she still worries about him now, so sending a quick message to say he was at the theatre having a nice evening would make her happy.
How can I hate that? It’s a good thing, isn’t it?
You know, that he cares, that he’s kind enough to do that, even when on a second date.
I wouldn’t dream of texting my parents when I’m out with someone I’m trying to impress. ’
Teddy and I exchange a look, Cheshire cat smiles spreading across both our faces.
I make a show of flinging my hands to my face in shock. ‘Bloody hell. Kar, you are smitten! I don’t recognise you from the girl who broke up with an actual male model because of the state of his socks.’
Karina shrugs, like she doesn’t get it either, but her face is practically glowing. ‘I know. I can’t stop myself from waiting for something to come up, but it’s going so well, I really hope I don’t find it.’
‘You won’t,’ Teddy assures her. ‘Matthew is lovely. I’m so happy you like him this much.’
‘Me too,’ Karina says. She gets up to go to the fridge for more wine for her and Teddy and some fancy biscuits out of the cupboard for me.
I’d love to join them with a glass, but I’ve so much marking tonight, if I don’t go soon, I’ll be working until it’s time for me to get ready for school again.
It’s time to leave, but I don’t want to go without hearing about Teddy and Elliot’s date.
The day after I helped him choose his outfit, I saw Elliot at work, but all I got in reply to my question about how it went was a thumbs up and a tight smile. I’d have hoped for far more than that from Teddy, but so far, she’s been annoyingly elusive about how it went.
‘That just leaves you,’ I say to Teddy. ‘What gives with the secrecy about your second date?’
‘There’s no secrecy. It was nice. Like I’ve told you the hundred times you’ve asked.’
‘Come off it,’ Karina says. ‘If you like someone, you normally can’t stop telling us about them, going over every last detail, analysing every look they gave you for hidden meaning. Are you not keen?’
‘It’s fine if you’re not,’ I add. ‘It’s no big deal. You can say.’
‘No, it’s not that. Not that at all,’ she says, and there’s something about the gentleness in her voice that catches me round the middle, making my stomach drop.
‘Oh my God.’ Karina’s mouth drops open in surprise. ‘You like him, don’t you? You really like him. Look at you, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush before.’
She’s right. Teddy’s cheeks have coloured, and she’s trying to bury her face into her hoody, but she’s also grinning, and she’s different tonight, softer, content. Elliot’s made her like this in only two dates.
‘Now you absolutely need to tell us everything,’ Karina presses. ‘Forget that crap about not sharing the details. I want it all. Have you slept together? How many times?’
‘Karina,’ I warn, but she just bats her hand in my direction.
‘Come on, Teddy, spill,’ she says.
Teddy takes a sip of her wine, enjoying keeping us waiting, and I find I’m holding my breath as I wait for her answer.
‘Nope, I’m saying nothing, so don’t bother asking.’
The air leaves my lungs, and my heart feels like it’s no longer being squeezed. I don’t know why I’m so relieved to not know about her and Elliot sleeping together, only that I am.
Karina tries to get Teddy to answer her questions – trying every tactic from asking Teddy to rate Elliot’s performance in bed to asking when the wedding will be – but Teddy refuses to say anything else about Elliot, not realising her face is saying enough.
Twenty minutes later, Karina has given up, and Teddy has moved the conversation on to telling us about her upcoming meeting with her knob of a boss, Ed, who she knows is going to ask her to increase her hours without increasing her crappy salary.
Talk of work finally makes me move, and I head home to my pile of marking.
But much as I’m willing to lose myself in year nine interpretations of the First World War poets, my mind won’t settle to the task and keeps veering from the Somme to Teddy and Elliot.
Now I’m back on my own, the relief I felt when Teddy said nothing about Elliot has disappeared.
Her not saying she had sex isn’t the same as her saying nothing happened.
The more I think about it, the more I’m sure that if she hadn’t, she’d have told us.
I kind of wish Teddy had just come out and said it: I’ve had sex with Elliot.
At least then I’d know and would be able to move past it.
Not that I’d admit it to them seeing as this whole thing was my bright idea, but my two friends going out with each other is weird, and the not knowing makes it even weirder.
If Teddy would tell me, I’d be able to deal with it.
I’m sure, given time, I’d be able to get used to Teddy and Elliot regularly having sex.
I decide not to unpick what the shudder that runs through my body at the thought might mean.
The thing is, ordinarily, I’d have a step-by-step account of Teddy’s dates.
Teddy’s view of how friendship works has always been that you share everything.
That’s how I know my old neighbour, Harry, who Teddy dated when she was eighteen, has his penis pierced, and how I know that Drew Anderson, the guy on my teacher training course I introduced her to, doesn’t believe in foreplay.
I’m used to being given the details of her dating life.
Without them, my mind is free to make up the events of her and Elliot’s second date, and it is running wild.
I imagine them going back to Elliot’s flat, sitting on his couch drinking wine.
I imagine them kissing, then one of them breaking off and holding out a hand, them standing up and moving to his bedroom, stopping every few footsteps to kiss again, because now they’ve started, the idea of their lips being apart has become unbearable.
I imagine them afterwards, in his bed, legs tangled like spaghetti, talking softly to each other. And the morning after, how different it will have been to the morning after Elliot and I shared.
‘Enough,’ I say out loud, making Bud look up from his position at my feet. I throw down the exercise book I’ve had open on my lap but have barely looked at and get up, going into the hall to get my phone out of my bag. If Teddy won’t tell me what happened, then Elliot can. He’s my friend too.
I start to write the message:
LIZZIE: Hey Elliot, are you all set for tomorrow? I’m drowning in marking! By the way, just realised you never told me much about your date with Teddy. Did you …
But I stop and delete the message. It’s one thing asking Teddy, but it feels intrusive asking Elliot.
I’ve never texted him to ask if he’s slept with his dates, never pried into his love life.
In fact, I’ve tried my best not to know about it.
I can’t ask him now or he’ll know something is up, and I don’t want that.
I return to my marking, but my mind won’t settle. I know I’ll have to do something otherwise I’ll have to deal with an annoyed class full of fourteen-year-olds with unmarked books.
I reach for my phone again, and this time I don’t type. I choose the option that will make me remember that this is all going well. Amazingly, uncontrollably well.
Jordan picks up on the second ring.
‘Hi, beautiful,’ he says, and I smile.