Chapter 15
‘Can I please just have one bloody minute to myself,?’ I shout to whoever has just opened the kitchen door.
It’s already half nine, no one has eaten, my generous booze supply has almost dwindled, we’re all half pissed – or more – and it’s because every time I go to do something, someone interrupts either wanting to talk to me or kiss me or get me back into the lounge so I’m not shut away, not realising the only chance any of us has of eating anything tonight is if I’m left to it so I can try and sober up and put something – anything – remotely edible on a plate.
‘I’m sorry. I’ll go.’
I turn to find Matthew, sheepishly backing away and hold up my hands.
‘No, no, sorry, no. Don’t. You can stay,’ I say, guiltily. ‘As long as you promise not to get me to drink anything else for the next twenty minutes so I can finish my starters.’
‘I can do that. Now, what can I do to help?’
‘Nothing at all,’ I say. ‘It’s just so lovely to finally meet you. Karina’s told me so much about you.’ It’s true. A little of my stress dissipates when I remember that, how meeting and getting to know Matthew better is one thing I have been looking forward to tonight.
‘Likewise. I don’t want to alarm you, but Karina talks so much about you and Teddy, I feel like I already know you.
’ There’s so much kindness in his eyes, so much warmth in his voice, I’m in no doubt he means it as a huge compliment.
I take it as such and understand why Karina likes Matthew as much as she does.
‘God, I can only imagine what you’ve heard.’
‘Only good things, I promise. I love how much she cares about her friends,’ he says, blushing suddenly and ferociously when he realises he’s dropped love into a conversation about a woman he’s only been dating for weeks.
To her best mate. Well, that makes two of them.
It’s only a matter of time before they say it to each other.
‘I hear things are going well between you,’ I say, helping him push past it.
‘Yeah. She’s pretty special, isn’t she?’ His blush becomes a beam.
Him lighting up like this about Karina is so sweet, I could reach over and hug him.
This is exactly what she deserves. Everything in Karina’s life might look perfect from the outside, and the men she dates often see her as just that, but Teddy and I know how much insecurity she has over her relationships, how hard she finds it to believe that someone will really love her after what happened when she was left heartbroken at eighteen by the boy she thought she’d be with forever.
‘She sure is,’ I tell him, managing to keep my hands to myself so I don’t freak him out.
‘Who is what?’ Karina says, opening the kitchen door.
‘Nobody. Nothing,’ I say.
‘No one you’d know,’ he says, grinning at her.
He doesn’t continue to gush about her like I imagine some of her other boyfriends would have, he doesn’t go over and put his arm round her or kiss her.
He moves back, out of the way so Karina can come and stand next to me and offer a sympathetic squeeze to my shoulder when she takes in the chaos around her.
‘Shit,’ she says. ‘What can we do?’
I should tell them to get back to the lounge, that all is in hand, but Karina offering to help is different from Jordan asking to help. Karina knows her way round my kitchen, and I reckon Matthew, as a builder, will have skills that will come in handy.
‘Can you help me assemble the starters?’
‘Wahey. About bloody time too,’ Teddy shouts when the three of us walk out of the kitchen with plates in our hands forty minutes later.
‘Seats, everyone,’ Karina says.
We squeeze in together. Jordan has made a beeline for Teddy, who he seems quite taken with.
We’re all going to be so close to each other round this table, who we sit next to really doesn’t matter.
There are going to be knees and elbows touching from all directions.
I decide to sit next to Jordan on his other side.
He’s doing such a good job tonight of fitting in with my friends, of striking up conversation with Elliot and Matthew, that I’m sure he doesn’t need me, but he still pats my knee when I sit down and keeps it there while his body stays turned away from me, so he can listen to one of Teddy’s work anecdotes.
This one is about her showing a house to a family of four that turned out to be a weed farm.
‘This is delicious,’ Elliot says, from across the table. ‘Really spectacular.’
‘Elliot, it’s smoked salmon and prawns straight out of the packet on a bit of lettuce,’ I point out to him.
‘Don’t do yourself down. The way you’ve combined them is exquisite.’
‘Shut up,’ I say. We’re grinning at each other, but when I spot Jordan looking at me with his eyebrows scrunched together, I stop and shove a mouthful of prawns in my mouth instead.
‘So what’s your story, then?’ Matthew asks, turning his head from Elliot to me and back again. ‘You seem on very good terms for exes.’
‘Ah, you see that’s because we aren’t exes,’ I tell him. ‘Elliot is a friend from work.’
A confused expression crosses Matthew’s face. ‘Right. I thought the idea was you set each other up with an ex, though.’
Because we’re practically sitting on each other’s laps, it’s impossible to have multiple conversations, so Karina, Jordan and Teddy have zoned into ours.
‘Elliot and Lizzie had a drunken hook up, though, so Lizzie figured he technically qualified, which I’m very happy about,’ Teddy says. ‘What?’ she asks when she turns to catch me glowering at her.
Jordan squirms in his seat, and I put my hand on his, but rather than gripping mine, it lays there flat on his knee.
I can’t believe Teddy came out and said that.
I start to object before realising she’s not said anything that isn’t fact, and it was only fair that someone explained our situation to Matthew.
I presumed Karina would have filled him in, but the two of them must be so caught up in their own bubble that it hadn’t occurred to her.
I’m grateful when Karina lets out a laugh to try and take some of the tension out of the conversation. ‘The great thing about Lizzie setting Teddy up with Elliot is that she’s still friends with him, so she knew just how great he’d be for Teddy.’
‘Right,’ Matthew says. Teddy’s blunt explanation has done nothing to change his confused expression as he looks from one to the other of us.
‘So a one-night-stand was all there was between you both?’ He turns to Elliot for an answer, and I do too.
The air has stilled as if everyone is waiting with bated breath for his answer.
‘Yep,’ Elliot tells him, his face expressionless. ‘Lizzie hadn’t been teaching for long when it happened and was far too concerned about making a success of her job to be interested in being led astray by the likes of me, so we stuck to being friends.’
Given that we’ve barely spoken about that night, I’d have expected him to shy away from Matthew’s question by changing the subject or making a joke.
I didn’t expect that to come out of his mouth.
Our eyes meet, but he doesn’t turn away.
He looks right at me, and I’m the one to shy away, shocked he’d choose this moment to share that nugget with me.
If that’s what Elliot thinks happened, it’s the first I’ve heard of it.
I swear there was a note of bitterness there, that I know Karina heard too because her eyes have widened and her lips are pressed together, but when I look at Elliot his expression is as mild and pleasant as always.
He’s never told me that’s how he read the situation.
The Monday morning when we saw each other at work, he was my friend again, and I always presumed he saw it as a mistake to forget about as well.
He’s probably only saying this now as an off the cuff remark to Matthew’s question, but the way he said it.
The way he suggested that if it wasn’t for me …
but no, that’s stupid. He wanted to be friends, that’s all.
Everyone is looking at me, waiting for my response. I put on a smile and shrug.
‘He’s right. Elliot’s known as the bad-ass of the English department, and I didn’t want him dragging me down.’
I make a point of turning to Elliot and giving him a cheeky grin. He’s smiling back, but his eyes are narrower than normal, like he’s trying to work me out.
‘Fair enough,’ Matthew says. ‘You definitely look like you could have been a couple, though. Ouch.’
It’s obvious Matthew’s just been on the receiving end of a kick to his shin.
‘Anyone want more wine?’ I ask, desperate to move this conversation on.
I’m not worried about Teddy – she knows all about my hook up with Elliot, and I’m almost certain she’s fine with it, that she sees it as ancient history.
But Jordan has become uncharacteristically quiet next to me.
I’d given him the briefest of explanations as to why Elliot was part of our plan.
Having been witness to Matthew’s questioning, his body has tensed up and he’s giving out strong let-me-be-anywhere-else energy.
Everyone gratefully accepts the offer of wine. I squeeze Jordan’s leg and give him a kiss on his cheek to remind him that he’s the person I’m with now before reaching for the wine and pouring out rosé until it’s reaching the brim of everyone’s glass.
The rest of the meal passes easily enough.
The food turns out not to be as much of a disaster as the mess I made preparing it suggested it would be.
Yes, there are the odd bits of burn on the pastry I haven’t been able to scrape off, and it does go very quiet for ten minutes or so while everyone chews the beef.
Turns out I didn’t read the cooking time correctly for the pavlova, so after an hour it’s still raw egg white and sugar.
I end up serving just the fruit and not-as-boozy-as-it-should-be cream, but it’s all edible, there’s plenty of wine flowing and everyone insists they can’t possibly eat another thing.