Chapter 25
JORDAN
The annual Pine Lakes Gala is impressive, to say the least. Every surface is bathed in lights and flowers and golden accents of every kind. At the center of the room is a wooden dance floor encircled by dozens of tables decorated with the little flower balls I helped Ji make for the centerpieces. Above us, a glittering chandelier casts a warm glow over the room.
“Ji and Lupe have outdone themselves,” Mom says to me before leaning over to Dan, who sits on her opposite side. “Lupe Delgado is the event planner, and Ji is her assistant and one of Jordan’s friends from high school.”
Dan’s eyebrows rise.
“No, not that high school friend,” Mom tells Dan, answering his wordless question.
I eye them both, but they explain nothing, and Mom continues to eat an assortment of vegetables on her gold-trimmed plate. Dan places his arm behind Mom’s chair, and Mom leans into him. They look good together. Mom’s auburn hair is tied up in an elegant twist, and she’s wearing a flowy navy-blue dress with flowers sewn across the sleeves, one I saw on her kitchen table two weeks ago. Dan wears a navy-blue suit and a silver tie with a navy-flower print. I wonder if they coordinated that.
“Jordan, any chance we can rope you into our next water aerobics class?” Dan asks. “I’m severely outnumbered.”
“And by outnumbered, he means he’s the only male in the class,” Mom says.
“Gee, that is tempting,” I say sarcastically.
Dan chuckles.
“Oh, but water aerobics is such a great way to stay social and accountable, Jordan, and it’s so gentle on the joints.” Mom throws back the same words I used on her two months ago, giving me a snarky grin.
I lean forward. “You know what’s also gentle on the joints? Hot tubs. I’ll be in the hot tub while you guys do water aerobics. Win-win. Yeah?”
“I mean. He’s got a point, Sandy.” Dan looks contemplative. “Maybe I’ll start hot tubbing instead.”
Mom smacks Dan’s chest.
Dan clears his throat. “I meant, maybe I’ll start hot tubbing instead... of toweling off right after class.”
Mom rolls her eyes.
I laugh. “What made you want to do water aerobics, Dan?” If I could guess, I would say Dan is in his early sixties, making him about ten years older than my mom. He’s got broad shoulders and muscled arms that press against his suit coat. They are not the kind of arms you would expect someone to get from water aerobics, which makes me wonder why he chose to do water aerobics in the first place.
“I was cleaning the gutters of my house, and I lost my balance and fell right on my hip. This spring, I got a hip replacement, and the people at rehab suggested water aerobics as a way to ease my way into my normal exercise routine. Hip replacements are not fun.” Then he looks at my mom and smiles. “But there is always a silver lining.”
Mom blushes.
The three of us continue our conversation, and all the while, I watch my mom flirt right in front of me. I didn’t think I would ever see the day. Nor do I mind as much as I thought because Mom is happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. Dan is a good-looking guy with a head full of silver hair, giving him a George Clooney look. He might be a little older than I expected, but I can tell why Mom likes him so much. He’s funny, attentive, and smart, and I can tell he has a lot in common with my mom, including the loss of their spouses over two decades before.
Mom finishes her glass of water, and Dan immediately offers to refill it.
“So, what do you think?” Mom whispers the moment Dan leaves our table.
“I think I saw some of your lipstick on his face.” I make an exaggerated wince.
“Oh, you brat.” She scowls at me.
I chuckle. “Really, though, Mom. Dan’s great.”
“You mean it?” She looks at me with hope in her eyes.
“I really do,” I assure her.
She beams, then her face falls. “Is it weird for you?”
“No, Mom. Dad died when I was three. I might not remember him like you do, but from everything you told me about him, he was the best of men. And I can tell Dan is of a similar caliber.” I grip my mom’s hand lightly and look her in the eyes so she has no questions about my feelings on the matter. “If you like Dan, then I am in full support of that.”
Mom looks at me with moist eyes, and I squeeze her hand once more before letting go.
“Just try to tone the flirting down when I’m near,” I add, “or I’m going to get one of those anti-nausea bands for whenever I’m around you two.”
A chuckle breaks out of her. “Love you, Jordan.”
“Love you, Mom.” I stand and kiss her on the forehead just before Dan returns with water and resumes his spot at the table. “I just spotted Colton. I’ll give you two some alone time. Dan, good to meet you.” I smile at him, and he responds with one of his own.
“Good to meet you too. And I’m looking forward to seeing your other half when she gets here.”
I narrow my eyes at Mom, wondering what she’s told Dan about Paige, but she looks at me with innocent brown eyes and snaps a carrot between her teeth. “Yes, make sure to bring Paige by. I want to see what dress she chose.”
I leave Mom and Dan and make my way to Colton, weaving through tables lit by decorative lanterns and people dressed in tuxedos and sparkling dresses. The gala started nearly thirty minutes ago, and I find myself looking at the main staircase far too often, wondering if Paige will be there or if I missed her coming in.
Since the almost-kiss in the pantry, Paige and I haven’t seen each other. On Tuesday, she canceled our weekly grocery shopping. She’s been so swamped with freelancing for Z3 and meeting a big deadline for Wonderman & Fleck, I wouldn’t be surprised if the only time she’s left the office this week is to sleep. Though that isn’t true—I know of at least one instance where she did. On Tuesday night, I found out from Ji that Paige went to Ian’s, ending things with him. Since then, Paige and I have tried to get together. I told her I wanted to talk about Monday, and she said she wanted the same. But with her grueling work schedule, we haven’t found a good time to meet up in person.
All the waiting to see Paige has practically eaten away my insides as I prepare myself to open up to her in a way I never imagined I would. I reach up and tug on the collar of my white dress shirt, trying to suppress the uncomfortable fear that starts to invade my mind whenever I think about telling Paige how I feel. I push it down. I can’t let it win this time. I need to tell her.
I’m nearly to Colton when I get stopped by Mrs. Delgado in front of the ballroom’s grand staircase.
“Jordan, good to see you.” Mrs. Delgado reaches out to pat my shoulder. She’s in a gold dress that matches the room’s color scheme.
“Hi, Mrs. Delgado. You’ve done an amazing job with the Gala.” I motion to the thriving scene around me.
“I hope you’re including yourself in that praise. Ji told me you helped with the centerpieces.”
“It was fun. If you’re looking for a hot-glue-gun specialist on your staff, I know a guy.”
She laughs. “I have a feeling you’re too busy for that. If not with work, then with a special young lady.”
I puff out a single laugh. I’m about to respond when she pats my shoulder again.
“Don’t mess this up, Jordan.”
My eyebrows furrow. Why does she always say that? I wait for Mrs. Delgado to elaborate, but she just winks at me and tilts her chin toward the staircase before walking away with a smile. I glance in the direction she motioned.
My pulse quickens as I look up to find Paige descending the staircase. I don’t know if Michael Bublé’s “The Way You Look Tonight” starts playing in the ballroom or if I’m just thinking it as I watch Paige enter the room, commanding my every brain cell. She’s wearing a knockout floor-length forest-green dress that glides down her figure and shimmers with every step. Her hair cascades down her back in long, loose waves, and when her eyes meet mine, I’m certain I’ve never seen something so perfect.
Paige smiles at me, still oblivious to the way one tilt of her lips can take control of my heart. I feel my mouth gape open like a dumb fish and quickly pull it into a smile, all the while my heart pounds wildly inside my chest. I could live the rest of my life searching the globe and never find someone who makes me feel the way she does.
Colton sneaks up and claps me on the shoulder. “Just friends? Not the way you’re looking at her, man. Do us all a favor and tell her how you feel.”
“Working on it,” I say, a little breathless, my eyes still fixed on Paige. Unable to wait any longer, I leave Colton’s side and close the distance between us.
I reach her just as she gets to the bottom of the stairs. “Paige. You look… stunning.”
Her cheeks flush soft pink. “Thank you.” She steps closer to me and straightens my tie, tilting her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear a bow tie. I like it.”
I force myself to take long, slow breaths because, looking at her, I feel like someone’s trying to steal the air from my lungs.
She looks up at me with her big green eyes, which are only intensified by the color of her dress. “How’ve you been?”
My anxieties begin to melt away under her gaze. “Missing you.” The words are simple, but when they come out, they are laced with all my longing. I swallow, suddenly nervous for her reaction to my unfiltered response.
But she gives me a dimpled smile, and my body feels weightless.
The lightness in my chest allows words I would have suppressed before this week to come easily to my lips. “Let’s just say that Paige withdrawals are a real thing. I might have to break into your office next week and camp out in your cubicle if they insist on making you stay so late.”
Paige sighs. “Trust me, if I have to stay that late again, I’m going to break myself out.” Paige opens her mouth to say more when her eyes snag on something behind me. “Is that Dan sitting next to your mom?”
“Yeah, he’s great. And he definitely wants to meet you.”
“I’d love to meet him.”
I extend my arm to her. “My lady.”
Paige smiles and wraps one hand around my elbow, and with the other, she lifts the hem of her dress before we navigate through the ballroom.
Paige strikes up a conversation with Dan and my mom as we stand next to their table, but I’m having a hard time focusing. Shortly after we made it to the table, I put my hand on the small of Paige’s back, and she didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned into me, her body resting lightly against my chest. We’re not hidden in a pantry now—we are out in the open for everyone to see us, and the thought of it both frightens and thrills me.
I rub my thumb lightly against her back, and she rests more of her weight against my body. Every time she gravitates closer, I can feel her acceptance of the unspoken changing relationship between us.
Dan starts laughing at something Paige said when the soft beat of Ed Sheeran’s “Perfect” comes on. I love talking with Mom and Dan, but with this song playing, I want to be alone with Paige. As alone as we can be in a crowded ballroom, at least.
I lean down to whisper in Paige’s ear, “I want to dance with you.”
She looks up at me, eyes shining. “Do you promise to behave yourself?”
“Maybe.”
“Jordan, these are Missy’s heels. If I break them dancing, you die.”
“I’d be willing to take that chance.”
She goes to smack my bicep, but I grab her hand in midair and tuck it under my arm before she can.
“Nice to meet you, Dan.” Paige waves to Dan and my mom before I lead her onto the dance floor.
Song after song plays while couples migrate on and off the dance floor, but Paige and I stay rooted in our spot, allowing the music to bring us closer together. Occasionally, a faster-paced song comes on, and while nothing wild is playing, I still manage to get a shimmy in now and then, which makes Paige laugh as her face goes cherry-red with secondhand embarrassment.
Eventually, Mom and Dan join us on the dance floor, and they shuffle slowly back and forth, seemingly lost in each other.
“They look really good together,” Paige says.
“I think so too. Mom seems happy with him.”
Paige tilts her head, looking curiously at them.
I study her. “What’s on your mind, Devons?”
“I was just wondering if this will be their song.”
I listen to the instrumental strums of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Grow Old With Me” that plays in the background.
“It seems fitting for them,” she adds.
I think about the song and my mom. I’ve never really imagined Mom growing old with anyone before. It’s only ever just been me and her. But after seeing her so happy in Dan’s arms tonight, I can’t help but agree. “It's a good one.”
“Do you know what else is a good one?” Paige asks with a gleam in her eye.
“What?”
“My song.” She gives me pouty eyes as if they will pry the name of her song from my lips.
I laugh. “Not a chance, Devons.”
“It was worth a try.” She sighs. “Though maybe a clue would be nice.”
“Hmm. A clue?” I tilt my head upward in thought. To be honest, her song doesn’t have many lyrics, and what’s there is practically a confession that I do not want to give in a crowded ballroom. But I can tell her a few things about the song without giving away too much.
A week ago, I wouldn’t dare say what’s on my mind, but tonight, I’m trying to open up to her. “Okay, I’ve got some.” This seems like a good baby step.
“Some?” Paige raises her eyebrows in surprise.
“Mm-hmm.” I pull her closer to me. “This song,” I muse, drawing out the anticipation, “makes me think of Trello Park.”
“Trello Park?” she asks flatly. “We’ve played dozens of songs there.”
“Shh. I’m not finished.”
Paige gives me an annoyed look.
“This song makes me think of when we hugged each other in my basement after we got our acceptance letters to college.”
Paige’s steps slow as she looks up at me curiously, annoyed expression gone.
“This song,” I continue, “makes me think of the way you fell asleep on my lap when we were cramming for finals our junior year.”
I dip my head next to her ear and am enveloped by Paige’s soft coconut scent. “This song is the way you make people feel like they’re the most important person in the room. This song is the way you can’t resist a cheesy pun. This song is the way your voice goes up two octaves when you’re on the phone with your parents. And this song is the way your smile is the only thing that makes me feel better after a rough day.”
When I pull back, Paige’s eyes are glossy. She takes her hands out of mine to loop them both around my neck. I wrap my arms around her waist and draw her into me. Unlike the other couples on the dance floor, Paige and I leave no space between us as we hold onto each other, barely moving.
I tilt my face into Paige’s hair, breathing her in, when I feel her fingers softly play with the hair at the base of my head. Her hands dance along my neck, lighting me up inside with every brush of her skin against mine. But the sensation is quickly wiped away by a familiar fear budding inside me with every boundary we’re crossing tonight.
Too quickly, the song ends, and a couple leaving the dance floor accidentally brushes against us, breaking us apart.
When Paige and I move into one another again, she looks up at me with bright eyes and a beaming smile.
Don’t ruin her life, Jordan , the voice in my head tells me.
I lean into Paige, trying to extinguish my fears with the warmth I feel from her nearness.
You’ve already held your mom back—don’t do that to Paige. She doesn’t deserve it. The intensity in those few words hits me as forcefully as water blasting from a fire hydrant.
My body tenses under Paige’s arms.
“We should talk, Jordan,” Paige whispers.
I want to agree. I want to tell her that she means everything to me. But my mouth is frozen. I’m in one of those dreams where all I want to do is run, but my legs are stuck in place. I think through all the things I know. I know I can’t let her go. I know I want us. I know I can’t be without her. And if I want that, I need to let her in.
But even as I think it, years of protective instincts for Paige consume me, and the words I want so badly to say get sifted through my fears and overanalyzed by my brain.
Suddenly, the room is too hot. I step back from Paige, and her hands drop to her sides. “Sorry. I… I think I need some air.” I tug at my bow tie, and in a blur, I take Paige’s hand and lead her to where Missy stands talking to one of her cousins on the outskirts of the ballroom floor.
I turn and make for the exit, accidentally bumping into a couple who end up spilling their drinks on the floor. I apologize as I frantically head toward an exit and into a hallway that leads to an outside terrace.
Once outside, I pull my bow tie free from my neck, shoving it in my pants pocket, and grip the railing, ducking my head as I breathe in crisp mountain air.
Not long afterward, I hear the doors to the terrace open behind me, and the bottom of Paige’s green-silk dress comes into view.
She rests her back against the railing so she faces me and gently places her hand on my forearm. “Jordan. Please, what are you not telling me?”
One look into Paige’s beautiful eyes reminds me that she is my soft place to land. Even though I’ve never fully opened up to her, I know that with Paige, I’m never alone. The feeling wells inside me, breaking the dam of pent-up thoughts and feelings. And before I know it, I’m telling her things I’ve never told anyone before.