Chapter 36
PAIGE
“Ian?” I ask, eyebrows shooting up.
The man doing yoga pops out of downward dog to look at me, and a huge smile breaks across his face. “Pages!” Ian runs across the sand until he’s standing in front of me, blocking the setting sun. He’s sporting very colorful genie-like pants, likely from his travels abroad, and a black tank top.
Out of all the places Ian could be, he’s at Sand Ridge Beach. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
He puts his hands on his hips. “Yeah, on our hike, you told me about this place, so I thought I’d give it a try while I’m in town for the weekend. The waves were great earlier today. And you…” He waves his hands at me. “You finally made it back to California.”
“Yeah.” I smile up at him, still amazed he’s here. Ian looks less surprised. I guess when you spend your days traveling the world, you get used to running into friends in random corners of the planet.
“So you must have gotten the Z3 job. Congrats.”
“Yeah, thank you.”
He cocks his head, glancing at the sand next to me, a question in his eyes, and I pat the empty spot.
Ian plops down with a sigh. “So is it everything you hoped for?” He folds his arms loosely around his knees.
I take a deep breath and watch as a wave rolls onto shore, forming a foamy new line in the sand. “Yeah. I love my new job and the people I work with, and I’ve even managed to wake up a few mornings just to walk along the beach before work. So it’s been good.” The words come out right, but they sound half-hearted, which is sadly accurate considering half my heart is still in Colorado. But if Ian notices the dullness in my tone, he doesn’t show it.
“How about you?” I ask. “What brings you to San Francisco?”
He leans back on his hands. “I’m actually just here for a couple days. My girlfriend’s a flight attendant and is flying into San Francisco from Japan tonight. So we’re going to do some things in the city before she takes off again.”
A flight attendant. I smile—how perfect that Ian found someone who likes the traveling life as much as he does. “I’m happy for you,” I say, and I mean it. There’s no hint of jealousy, just excitement for my old friend. “So, how’d you two meet?”
“We met in the Narita airport in Japan, actually. I was on a layover coming from South Korea and went to an airport restaurant for dinner. She was eating at the table next to mine. When she got up to catch her flight back to the States, she accidentally grabbed my carry-on, which looked exactly like hers. We had a good laugh about it, and we’ve been together ever since.”
I grin. “Wow, that story belongs in a movie.”
Ian laughs and bumps my shoulder with his. “I could say the same about you.”
“What do you mean?” My eyebrows pull together as I look at him.
“What do you mean, what do I mean? You and Jordan. High school best friends finally making it work. It’s a classic.”
My heart drops. I have to clear the emotion from my throat before looking back at Ian. “Actually, things didn’t pan out quite like that.”
“Really?” Ian looks shocked.
“Yeah.”
“Then what is he doing here?” Ian points behind my shoulder, and when I follow the direction of his finger, all breath escapes my lungs. Everything seems to blur, and all I can see is Jordan several yards away.
Jordan Miller is here.
In California.
Looking at me.
The moment our eyes meet, Jordan stops in the sand. He’s wearing tan shorts and a blue button-down, and his wavy hair is slightly mussed from the sea breeze. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look more attractive.
His lips tilt upward in a small smile, but his eyes are wary, asking me a question. I know he’s scanning my reaction to see if he’s welcome or not.
I can hardly move, but my heart says otherwise as it starts up a kickboxing class between my ribs. What is Jordan doing here?
My runaway thoughts jump on the hope train and start rolling full steam ahead. They tell me that he’s here for me. That he wants to make things work between us.
But that’s when it happens.
I get angry.
After weeks of feeling nothing but sadness for Jordan, I’m suddenly angry at him. The feeling rises like a tsunami, wiping out any previous shock at seeing him. Maybe he’s here to make things right, but my fragile heart can’t handle being rejected by him again—and that’s all he seems capable of. Rejecting me.
Jordan’s always been able to read me like a book, and now is no exception. His faint smile disappears, but he’s not deterred by my hard stare. But has Jordan ever been scared off by my angry faces? I probably look as threatening to him as a kitten wearing a bow. I purse my lips instead but to no avail.
Jordan presses forward until he’s standing just feet away, and the smell of him is enough to send my internal kickboxing instructor into double time.
Curse you, Jordan.
Suddenly, Jordan’s eyes flick over to Ian where he sits next to me.
Jordan winces, and I wonder if he thinks Ian and I are here together. That we reconnected. Well, good—let him think that. Let him see that he can’t just toss me aside and think I won’t bounce back.
He would be wrong, but I’m going to ride this wave like the surfboard I’ve never been on.
Jordan takes a deep breath and nods as if accepting this unexpected wrench Ian has thrown in his plans. “Paige,” he says, looking directly at me like I’m the only person on this beach.
I squint enough to blur his attractive features. I know full well that if my peepers open and let in the full force of Jordan’s Jordanness, I’ll forgive him for anything before he so much as utters another word.
“Paige,” he says again.
My traitorous stomach flutters with the gravelly way he says my name. Ugh, I’m a goner. My eyes crack open, because let’s be honest, they’re addicted to him. If I were wearing a blindfold, my eyeballs would sell their souls just to get X-ray vision so they could stare at him all day.
When I finally allow myself to truly look at Jordan, I’m taken aback by what I see in his eyes. That unmistakable light that glitters with excitement for life is back—not the flicker I’ve glimpsed here and there these past months but a full-fledged burning that changes the way he carries himself. He looks lighter, freer. And I wonder what happened to bring it back.
The light in Jordan’s eyes intensifies, and I’m in very real danger of melting under his gaze. I look the other way, only to find Ian staring at me. He looks completely at ease. Amused, even.
I wiggle my feet uncomfortably in the sand. Why is it that when I find myself sandwiched between two attractive men, they’re both my exes?
My gaze swings back to Jordan. “How did you find me?” The words come out weak and breathless.
“The Find My app,” he says. “We’re still connected.”
“Oh.” Duh.
Jordan opens his mouth to say more, but I don’t know if I’m ready to hear it. I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll fall right back into him and find myself brokenhearted once more. My anger pops back up, and I grasp onto it with eagle-like talons. I don’t want to let the feeling go—it’s my only shield against more heartbreak.
“How long have you been here?” I ask, stalling.
“A couple of days.” His voice is too warm, too inviting. “Paige.”
“Did you drive a car or fly in a plane?”
“Plane.” His brows scrunch. “Paige.”
“Where have you been staying?”
“Paige.”
I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Can I speak?” Jordan asks, a smile in his voice.
Be strong, Paige. He hurt you. I open my eyes. “No, not with me.” I try to sound indignant, but it comes across like I just stomped my foot on the ground and refused to do my chores.
Jordan laughs. He laughs!
Stupid Jordan.
He leans to the side, finally breaking his honeyed gaze away from me, and I feel like I can finally breathe again.
Jordan gives Ian a nod. “Hi, Ian.”
“Hey, Jordan.” Ian nods back.
“Lovely day.” He sighs breezily like they’re two buddies chatting it up on a putting green.
“Yep,” Ian says.
“Listen, I know you and I never really got off to a good start,” Jordan tells Ian, “but I’m afraid I’m about to make things worse between us.”
Ian quirks his eyebrows. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Jordan says without remorse. “You see, a few weeks ago, I let the best part of my life walk away for the second time.”
“That was pretty stupid of you,” Ian says.
“Yeah, I know.” Jordan continues to look past me.
“So you’re here to get her back?”
“Yeah. Sorry, man, but I’m going to try. And then it’s up to Paige.” Jordan keeps speaking to Ian like I’m just part of the beach ambiance. I brought this upon myself.
“What if I say you don’t deserve her?” Ian asks.
Thank you, Ian. He may not be my closest friend in the world, but today he’s doing me a solid while I simmer in my oh-so-mature, oh-so-effective tactic of giving Jordan the silent treatment.
“Then I’d tell you you’re right,” Jordan says. “I don’t deserve Paige. She’s too good for me. Or for anyone.”
This is not fair. He’s rigging the system, and my heart’s embracing every word like a long-lost teddy bear.
“And I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you,” Jordan adds, gesturing between Ian and me, his tone going from sincere to intense, “but I need Paige to know something. If she never wants to see me again, I’ll go, but not before I tell her something I should have told her a long time ago.”
I stare directly at the waves ahead of me, not able to look Jordan in the eye.
“That’s pretty gutsy of you,” Ian says. “What if Paige is already taken?”
“If Paige is taken, then I’d want her to be happy. I’d want her to be with the person she wants to be with. But I also know I’m not going to leave without fighting for her. Without telling her that I’m sorry, that I was wrong to push her away.” He swallows hard. “I’d tell her that I know I’ll never be perfect. I know I’m going to keep messing up, but I’ll do whatever it takes to be the person she deserves.”
His voice cracks with emotion. “I’d tell Paige that even though things have changed between us through the years, one thing has always stayed the same. She will always be the one I want.”
My eyes fill with tears. He’s fighting for me, yes, but I still can’t bring myself to look at him.
“And if she’s not ready for you?” Ian asks, continuing to play my mouthpiece.
“Then I’ll wait. I’ll wait for her as long as it takes because I love her.”
My heart trips over the words, stopping my breath. I glance up at Jordan, and his eyes meet mine with burning intensity. He loves me. The words he could never say before have just flowed effortlessly from his mouth.
“Well, I better head to the airport,” Ian says cheerily, abandoning his spot in the sand. “Good to see you both.”
A sound comes out of my throat that I think was meant as a goodbye, but Jordan and I don’t look away from each other to witness Ian walk away.
Instead, Jordan drops onto his knees in the sand next to me. He places a gentle hand on my face, wiping away a tear tumbling down my cheek. “I love you, Paige Devons. I’m just sorry it took me so long to say it.” His voice is low and soothing, and his hand is warm against my skin. I close my eyes, soaking in his touch.
After a moment, he whispers, “I’m sorry about Ian.”
“No, you’re not.” I puff out a watery laugh, calling his bluff.
Jordan smiles softly. “No, I’m not.”
“We’re not dating. I just ran into him here. He was doing beach yoga.”
“Ah, that explains the technicolor pants.”
I chuckle and rub my nose against my sleeve. “They were very colorful.”
He smiles, and any anger still within me burns out, leaving only ashes that blow away with the sea breeze.
Jordan loves me. My heart is in so much danger. All I want to do is give it to him, but I’m afraid. I can’t do the back-and-forth again. It’s too painful.
“We can’t keep doing this, Jordan. I’ve moved forward. This is my home now.” I motion to the beautiful beach around me, to the life I’ve started to make here, and duck my head, pulling away from his touch. If I go back to Colorado with Jordan, I’ll be giving it all up. But even though I would do that for him, what will happen to me if things don’t work out?
Jordan puts a finger beneath my chin and raises my face until I meet his eyes. “I know, Paige. And as long as you’re here, this is my home too.”
“What do you mean?”
He gives me a soft smile, and suddenly my brain fills in the missing pieces.
“You’re 5D, aren’t you?” More tears spring to my eyes.
“Yes,” he says.
“You moved here?” I stuff down the pathetic sob that wants to break free.
“Yes.” His smile reaches his eyes, and I can’t help but notice the stark absence of guilt or fear.
“What about your mom?” I ask.
“You were right, Paige. I needed to talk to her. I let the unsaid things between us grow until they overtook my life when I should have talked to her years ago.” He shakes his head. “I’m sure I’ll still worry about her, but she’ll be okay without me.”
His eyes hold no hesitation or doubt—just Jordan, and that burning light that has been absent for far too long. Jordan catches a strand of my hair blowing in front of my face and tucks it behind my ear.
“Paige, you’re it for me. I want to get you honey blaze nectarines every June. I want to be late to every party we attend because we drive down the left street when we’re supposed to go right. I want hour-long recaps of every reality show you watch. I want to be there when you catch your first wave on a surfboard. And I want kids who have your green eyes and your love for life. I want you forever.”
I laugh-cry.
“So, Paige Devons.” He cups both his hands around my face. “I know I’ve messed up more times than I care to admit, and I know trusting me again must be scary. But will you give me a second chance to prove that you are everything to me? That I’m not letting go this time?”
I put one of my hands over one of his as he cradles my cheek. “I love you, Jordan.”
“And I love you, Devons.” Jordan’s lips brush against mine in the softest caress before coming back to kiss me thoroughly.
I shift in the sand and rise up onto my knees, sliding my hands around his neck. His strong arms pull tight across my back, bringing me closer to him. Our first kiss at the gala was full of past regrets and time lost between us, but this embrace is the promise of a future filled with love and so much happiness.
All too soon, Jordan stops kissing me and smiles against my lips.
I pull back just enough to watch his grin widen. “What?”
“What do you think of your song?”
My eyebrows rise as I finally notice the song playing from the nearby couple’s speaker. The soft beat is one I know well, and the gentle swells of the tune are as mesmerizing to me as the waves that roll onto this beach.
“‘Colour My World,’” I whisper, joy filling every crevice of my heart. I think back to Trello Park when Jordan and I sat on the park bench and I picked out this exact song for the sweet couple in matching clothes. I remember Jordan’s surprised look at the song choice and the feeling of his arm around me as we watched the couple dance to Chicago’s gentle ballad.
When I finish soaking in every beautiful lyric, Jordan strokes his thumb across my cheek. “Paige, from the moment we met, you changed my world. I will always love you.”
My chest swells with happiness, and I can’t contain the little laugh that bubbles out. Jordan places his hand on my back and pivots toward the couple on the blanket. The older man has his arms wrapped around his wife like he’s holding the world, and the woman turns up the music on the speaker before they both look over at us.
Jordan sends them a wink, and they both give us knowing smiles.
Looking at that couple, I feel like I’m seeing Jordan and me in the future. After all these years, we are finally moving forward together.