Chapter 9
“Collin, I think it’s time we discussed the elephant in the room.” Martha aimed the remote control at the television and turned off the insipid Saturday morning cartoons, much to Collin’s relief.
Perched on the hard visitor’s chair in the corner with a textbook open in his lap, he looked everywhere but at Martha. He hated seeing her hooked up to all those tubes and wires as if she were part of some alien experiment. In truth it was all he could do to hide his discomfort during casual conversation.
“That reminds me...” Collin tried to distract her. “You know what time it is when an elephant sits on your couch?”
“Collin...” Her voice dripped disapproval.
“Time to get a new couch.” He forced out a laugh, but she didn’t join in.
“Collin, please.”
“You’re not laughing, Martha. You know it hurts my feelings when you don’t laugh at my jokes. You told me you always laughed at Jack’s jokes, no matter how awful. You could do the same for mine.”
She lifted her head to sit up, but collapsed back on the bed, panting. Collin was on his feet in an instant.
“Are you okay? What can I do to help you?”
“I’m fine. Short of breath.” She paused a few minutes, until her breathing slowed. “It means so much to me that you come every day.” Her eyes locked with his, penetrating his flimsy mask, and he looked away, unable to endure the exposure. “I know you’re angry with me, Collin.”
“Okay, I admit it. I’m mad as h—” He caught himself, but not before Martha raised an eyebrow. “I’m mad as heck that you refuse to do dialysis after you get out of the hospital.”
She turned her head away. “Maybe I’ll try it for a while, but I don’t want to live like that.”
His hands were shaking with pent-up emotion as he pushed them through his hair. “I know it’s selfish of me, but I’m not ready for you to die. I think you should put your name on a kidney donor list. What do you have to lose?”
Her sigh was almost a moan. “I would have to jump through a lot of hoops to be approved for treatment, and Medicare only covers a portion anyway. The truth is I can’t afford it. And it’s a waste to spend that much money on someone my age just to buy a few more years.”
He wanted to scream in frustration. “Don’t be ridiculous—you have a lot of good years left. You’re only sixty-nine.” He stalked over to his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. “Tell the doctor you’ve changed your mind. I’ll pay for it.”
“You don’t have the money, remember?Not anymore. You walked out on your father and left your board position to prove your independence.”
“I’ll find a way. Dad will give me the money, if I ask him. I know he will.”
“At what cost, though?” Martha again tried to sit up in bed, triggering the protests of the beeping medical equipment. “I can’t let you do that, Collin. You can’t lower yourself to go to him for help. It’s not worth it.”
“It is worth it. You’re worth it. Don’t worry, I’ll get everything worked out.”
“We need to talk about this.”
“For once, I want you to let me handle things.”
He backed out of the room while she was still protesting. A quick glance at the time told him he needed to hurry if he was going to get his plan in motion today. He almost knocked a nurse down as he raced down the hallway. He must have looked like a maniac, running through the hospital like he was being chased by rabid skunks. But he didn’t care. Martha was going to live. He would get a loan from his father, then pay back every penny when he graduated from law school. Martha would get a new, healthy kidney.
And I know where she can get a donor kidney…me!
* * *
Olivia snatchedthe slippery phone from the floor and slapped it against her ear, holding her aching sides while she tried to catch her breath. Another disastrous Saturday lunch date provided plenty of comedy fodder.
“Oh my goodness, Grace! I’m laughing so hard I dropped my phone.”
Grace’s laughter pealed over the airwaves. “I can’t believe you actually told him you were under a doctor’s care for mental instability!”
“I didn’t actually say that, I merely implied it. I had to do something. He all but invited me to hook up with him after lunch for a quickie. And when I refused, he acted like it was a challenge to make me change my mind—like I was playing a game or something.”
“I really thought this guy looked promising.”
“You told me this dating website was designed specifically for people who wanted a serious, long-term relationship.”
“That’s what the description said. I guess some folks want to a have fling or two on their way to the altar.”
“From the way he talked, this guy has had about a thousand flings.”
“Maybe he wanted a thousand and one.”
“I’m pretty sure he won’t bother me again. I did my best to sound certifiably psychotic.”
“Doesn’t require much acting skill on your part,” Grace jibed.
“You’re one to talk. I seem to recall someone who acted pretty crazy trying to drive away the man she was in love with.”
“Please don’t remind me. Brad still teases me about it, and it’s been years. Anyway, in my defense, I didn’t know I was in love with Brad at the time.”
“That makes no sense to me. How could you be in love and not know it?”
“It’s simple, really. When you’ve spent your whole dating life picking apart and suppressing your feelings so you won’t be like those silly folks who claim to be in love with someone new every time they turn around, it’s hard to accept the real thing when it happens.”
“Since you’re an expert now, let me ask you a question. Do you believe people actually fall in love? Is love something that happens to you, or is it a deliberate action?”
“Trick question. The answer is both. When someone compatible comes along, everything seems to click—emotionally, physically, spiritually. And when you’re together, it feels amazing because you enhance one another.
“But then, when you commit to someone, you make a daily decision to love him. That’s a deliberate action and requires a lot of work. When you’re that close to someone, you experience each other’s faults up close and personal.” Grace was punctuating every point, like she was getting really revved up on the subject.
“If you let those faults irritate you, it’s like little sticker burs in your socks. The trick is, you can’t change your spouse, so there’s no getting rid of those barbs. There will always be something that bothers you. You have to let go of those stickers. Take off your socks and let them fall away. And walking around without socks will help you get thicker skin, too.”
For a few seconds, Olivia was too astounded to speak. “I can’t believe it, Grace. I’ve never heard you say anything so deep. That’s absolutely amazing!”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought when I heard it on a talk show yesterday.” Grace chuckled. “You didn’t think I’d come up with something like that on my own, did you? I leave all the deep thinking to you and Claire, and use my brain for more important things.”
“You realize you set yourself up, right? I can think of so many one-liners about using your brain or the absence of it. But right now, I’m feeling pretty lucky to have you for a sister, so I’ll let it slide.”
“Don’t hold back on my account. You know I give as good as I get. But why are you asking me about falling in love? I thought you weren’t dating anyone. Is this about Collin again? I know you two went to the hospital to see that woman, but I didn’t think that was a date or anything.”
“It wasn’t.” Heat suffused her face as she remembered standing together on the apartment steps, anticipating a kiss that never came. She was way too embarrassed to share that story with Grace. Why did I ask Grace for advice? I knew she’d dig for details. “I wasn’t talking about Collin.”
“Who, then?”
“I met this guy named Blake. And it’s way too early to be in love or anything, but he told me the sweetest, most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Wow. You could knock me over with a feather, right now. I never thought my smart, practical sister would be impressed with a romantic line.”
“I didn’t either.”
“How did you meet him? Who is he?”
“Well…” Olivia cleared her throat. “You’d better make yourself comfortable, because this is a long story. I met this guy at work, wearing a Santa costume...”
* * *
“Son,you drive a hard bargain, but I’ll take it.”
Collin’s father, Evan, stood and extended his hand across the mahogany desk, and Collin shook it, in shock at how easy the negotiations had been. In his mind, he knocked on a piece of wood, halfway expecting some trickery was afoot. Yet the smile on his father’s face seemed genuine and happy, without a trace of smirk, as would be expected if he’d somehow gotten the upper hand. Then, his dad stepped around the desk and clapped him on the back. In his memory, this was the closest gesture to a hug his father had ever bestowed.
“That’s really it? All I have to do is agree to take back my seat on the board?”
Evan moved behind the desk and sank into his leather chair, leaning back and propping his feet on the desk. For the first time, Collin noted the signs of age creeping up on his dad—a frosting of grey in his brown hair and lines crinkling the corners of his eyes. “And you’re agreeing to work under me at Sterling Industries for a year.”
“After I graduate from law school,” Collin corrected.
“That’s correct.”
It was too good to be true. Had his father changed? Or had Collin judged him too harshly?
“You’ll pay for anything she needs? Including dialysis until a donor kidney is found, and all the copays for a transplant? And a decent place to live for the rest of her life?”
“Whatever you want, if that’s what makes you happy.” The smile melted from his face, and he idly drummed his fingers on his legs. “Collin, I was already planning to contact you when you called this morning.”
Collin’s spine snapped to attention. This couldn’t be good news. “About what?”
He folded his hands on his lap, looking completely at ease, except for the muscle flexing on the outside of his jaw. “I know it was hard on you growing up without a mother. I never explained why she left us.”
Collin pressed his lips together, holding back his response. They had never discussed the night of her departure, though it imprinted in Collin’s five-year-old brain like a video recording, as she ranted and screamed. It was that night that his innocence was shattered. Her accusations replayed in his mind at every opportunity. He’d been unable to erase them from his memory, though he’d tried everything. Drugs and alcohol numbed the pain a bit. Though he drove himself to achieve perfection, he still felt like a failure. Had she been dead, her words would still live, mocking him forever. The only child in history so awful that his mother longed to escape from his presence.
Evan closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Your mother isn’t well, Collin. She couldn’t handle any stress—she still can’t. She does pretty well now, if she stays on her meds.” His feet came down and he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk, his eyes meeting Collin’s at last. “She wants to talk to you.”
“No.”
“But it would only—”
“I said no.”
“Please, Collin. As a favor to me, would you give her an hour of your time? She came to Sterling Industries on Friday and made a big scene in the lobby. She’s threatening to sue, even though my attorneys say she doesn’t have a leg to stand on.”
“Sue for what?”
“For damages. She claims I prevented her from seeing her children.”
Somehow Collin found himself on his feet. The blood pounded in his ears like a gong.
“That’s ridiculous. No judge or jury would find in her favor.”
“That won’t stop her from causing a public scandal.”
“I’m a grown man, and I make my own decisions. She sent a letter. She asked to talk to me. I refused. End of discussion.”
“I understand, but she’s not stable. You can’t reason with her. I’m sure she thinks she can squeeze more money from me if she has the two of you on her side.”
His father stood and moved in front of him, reaching out his hand like he might put it on Collin’s shoulder. Collin stepped back, dodging the awkward embrace.
“It’s not my problem. I want nothing to do with her.”
“Legally, she can’t hurt us, but she can hurt our reputation with women if she goes to the media with this malarkey about how I stole her children and turned them against her.”
“Surely women won’t make a choice in what home goods they buy based on her crazy accusations.”
“You don’t get on the Internet much, do you? You didn’t see how the media went wild. They jumped on that story like a bunch of sharks in a feeding frenzy.”
His throat tightened. “Was my name in the story? I really don’t want people to know about my private life.”
Evan looked down, his mouth stretched in a grimace. “Look at it this way. You can put a stop to it. All you have to do is talk to her. It’ll help both of us.”
“No, you talk to her. You give her a message from me.” His heart sped like he was running a race. “Tell her I heard what she said about me the night she left. Tell her I remember every word. Tell her, I never want to hear her voice again, as long as I live.”
With eyes as round as silver dollars, his father gaped at him, stumbling back around the desk until he collapsed into his chair. “I thought you were asleep. Can’t believe you heard.” His eyes glazed over, and he spoke in a whisper. “Can’t believe you remember. You were only five.”
Something bitter rose in the back of Collin’s throat. “I heard.”
Evan’s eyes glazed over as he stared at the opposite wall. On the mantle, the clock ticked the seconds away, resounding against the rich paneled walls, the only sound disturbing the electric silence. Deep in Collin’s mind, a spark of hope lit. Would his father say something to refute his mother’s harsh words? Would he provide some other explanation for her desertion? Something to relieve Collin’s guilt and pain?
Evan came back from whatever place he’d traveled in his mind, his lips stretched in a grim line. “I still need your help, Collin.”
Hope perished as quickly as it had bloomed.
“No.”
“Your brother’s already agreed to meet with her. You wouldn’t be alone.”
“No.” Collin winced with every pain-laced breath.
Evan’s index finger traced an invisible pattern on the desk. “If she keeps this up, it could really hurt the company.” He cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t have the funds to help your friend.”
Something sharp pierced Collin’s gut, and he staggered backwards. “I knew it was too good to be true. You couldn’t simply be generous and kind. It’s all about money for you. That’s all that’s ever mattered. You use people to get what you want.”
“You can pretend to despise me and my money, but you’re the one who came here looking for a handout. We’re the same, you and I. You were perfectly willing to use me for my money. Even after Medicare pays, it could easily cost a half million dollars for that woman’s medical care. I think an hour of your time is a fair exchange.”
Steam built in his head and his body trembled with rage, but he spoke with careful control. “Martha.”
“Huh?”
“That woman has a name, and it’s Martha. And she’s the only reason I’m not calling you exactly what you are.”
Collin spun on his heel and stomped out, slamming the door behind him to block his father’s voice from his ears.
* * *
“What do you think?”Olivia forced her hands under her legs, to stop chewing her nails. She’d put the phone on speaker fifteen minutes ago when she first started the story. Grace had listened to the entire saga of her interactions with Santa Blake, only stopping her twice to ask for clarifications. If Olivia knew her sister, she had formed an opinion by now—probably a strong one.
“I don’t know, Olivia. Something about this guy is off. I can buy that he wouldn’t try to date you if his roommate liked you—that really doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is that his words don’t seem to match his actions. He seems kind of flaky.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t you think it’s odd that he told you how special you are when he’s only known you for like a week? And if he cares so much about you, why did he take off like his tail was on fire to go to some bar instead of making sure you got home?”
“Maybe it’s because he knows I’m perfectly capable of riding home on the subway by myself.” She used her patronizing tone. “Just because I’m female, doesn’t mean I’m helpless.”
“You and your stupid feministchip on your shoulder. You can bet your sweet toosh Brad would’ve ridden the subway all the way to my apartment and walked however many blocks to see me safely home. He would never have let me go by myself that late at night, unless he couldn’t help it. I don’t think that’s being chauvinistic—it’s being a caring gentleman.”
“That sort of thing doesn’t impress me at all.” Or did it? She tried to imagine what would’ve happened if Collin had been there instead of Blake. She felt certain Collin, who had insisted on walking her all the way to her apartment, even in broad daylight, would never have left her to ride home alone after dark.
“It also seems like you’re not all that attracted to him.”
“I am, but...”
“But what?”
“You’re going to think I’m weird. Heck, I even think I’m weird.”
“Wha-at?”
“You can’t laugh. Promise me you won’t laugh.”
“Okay, I promise.”
Olivia took a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but I think I like him better in his Santa suit.”
Cackles of laughter burst through the phone speakers.
“Grace! You promised you wouldn’t laugh!”
The laughing continued, with Grace struggling to catch her breath. “No one could hear that without laughing. Anyway, I crossed my fingers.”
“Cheater.”
“What do you like about the Santa suit? Does he look hot in it?”
“Yes, hot as in temperature. I think he sweats in it.”
“Ewwwww!”
“I know, right?” Olivia picked up her cell and flipped the speakerphone off, carrying it with her as she went to the kitchen for a glass of water.
“You sound more disgusted by it than attracted to it. I think I’d be repelled, especially knowing some kid peed on his lap.”
“I know—that peeing-kid story should have grossed me out. But the way he told me about it had me busting a gut, laughing.”
“There’s something to be said for a guy with a good sense of humor. You’ve got to have it if you’re going to survive marriage. Still, I can’t see you liking some jolly, fat guy with white hair and white beard.”
“I can’t explain it, but the first night I met him, wearing the Santa suit, I swear I got goosebumps just talking to him.” She took a swallow of water. “Maybe it was his confidence, despite the hideous costume. Or maybe it was how easy he was to talk to.”
“The next two times you saw him, you didn’t feel the same draw?”
“Not really. But the second and third night, we didn’t spend any time alone together while he was wearing the suit. And last night, that kiss sort of fell flat—that’s why I thought it might be the costume instead of the guy.”
“That’s an easy riddle to solve. Won’t Blake be working tonight?”
“Yes,” she answered with hesitation and downed the rest of her water.
“Then all you need to do is get Santa alone and kiss him. Compare it to last night, and you’ll know if the costume makes a difference.”
“Grace, you’re a genius.”
“I know—my fan club tells me that all the time. And speaking of kisses, are you still pining over that one Collin surprised you with?”
“Nah, I’d forgotten all about it.” She knew her face was bright red, but fortunately Grace couldn’t see.
“Olivia Marshall! You know you shouldn’t tell lies, especially when you’re so bad at it.”
How did she know?“Fine, I haven’t forgotten, but I’m not pining over it.”
“Have you seen him lately?”
“Of course not—it’s not like we’re in a relationship or anything. I only saw him last Sunday because we were going to see Martha at the hospital. Which reminds me, I need to go visit her again.”
“You haven’t talked to him?”
“Not since Sunday afternoon. Why?”
“With all that gossip about his mother and his family, I thought he might have talked to you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I forget— you aren’t on social media, are you?”
Olivia let out a frustrated growl. “Not since I started med school. Hurry up and tell me what happened.”
“Evidently, Collin’s mother is threatening to sue his father because he took the kids away from her and wouldn’t let her see them.”
Olivia’s immediate reaction was an urge to slap the woman, even though they’d never met. “Give me a break! Collin is almost thirty years old. I don’t know anything about this woman or her history, but I know she could’ve seen Collin any time since he turned eighteen.”
“Legally, yes. But she’s claiming Evan Sterling made up horror stories about her and turned the boys against her. I wonder if that’s true.”
“I don’t know, but I bet Collin’s pretty upset if a bunch of people are talking about his mother. He was so sensitive about the subject that I thought she might have passed away. I didn’t dare ask any more questions.”
“From what Charlie says, she and Collin both work hard to stay low-profile at Columbia. Charlie was in the news a while back because of her step-dad, but Collin’s been completely incognito. His dad doesn’t draw the kind of attention Steven Gherring does, and no one at Columbia knew Collin was related to Sterling Industries.”
“So much for that, right?” Olivia bit her lower lip. “I guess everybody will know, now.”
“Maybe they’re all too busy studying to pay attention to that stuff. Law students are probably more interested in foreign affairs than some wealthy family’s problems.”
“For Collin’s sake, I hope you’re right.” She wondered if she could come up with an excuse to call and check on him. After all, even if he no longer had a romantic interest, they were still friends, right? She could act the way she always had in the past—like she wanted to keep him at arm’s length. If only he’d never kissed me, it would be a lot easier to pull that off. He practically ran away when I gave him an opportunity to kiss me again. Will it be awkward if we see each other now?
“Olivia, are you biting your nails again?”
“Drat! How do you know what I’m doing over the phone?” She pulled her finger away from her teeth and fanned herself, suddenly too hot in her light wool sweater, and tried to sweep all thoughts of Collin and that possessive kiss from her traitorous brain.
“It’s my supernatural power of deduction. You’re a worrier, so I know you’re worrying about Collin’s problems even though you can’t do anything about it. You should go get some studying done so you can come to family dinner tomorrow night. I’ll be waiting for a report on that kiss.”
“What kiss are you talking about?” she asked, wondering how Grace could possibly know she’d been fantasizing about Collin’s kiss again.
“The one you’re going to get tonight…from Santa Claus.”