Chapter 19
Olivia stared at her notes until her eyes crossed. She’d read the same line ten times without comprehension. Somehow, she had to snap out of it, stop worrying and start studying, or she was going to flunk her next test.
But instead of the endocrine system, images of Collin flooded her mind. How long could Collin believe she was willingly fraternizing with his vindictive professor before he became too bitter to forgive her? Still, she had no choice but to placate Fitz until the semester ended and Collin had safely passed his class. Otherwise, Fitz had made it quite clear he would find a way to punish Collin. For safety’s sake, she only saw him in public places and avoided situations where he would have an opportunity to get drunk.
It’s all my fault—me and my stupid jealousy. I should never have invited Fitz to Collin’s birthday party.
If her sister hadn’t played the part of chaperone last night, Fitz would’ve attempted a lot more than a kiss. Her gut swirled with nausea. The next three weeks would be the hardest of her life. Not only did she have to somehow swallow and spit back an immense amount of material for her med school classes, but she also had to keep an insane, egotistical law school professor convinced of her attraction. With his charm and good looks, that should’ve been an easy job, but his oversized ego repulsed her as much as his insults to Collin infuriated her. Only by telling herself she was protecting Collin’s future could she convince herself to respond as any other enamored girl would, batting her lashes and laughing at his jokes.
She imagined how Collin must despise her, not knowing all the facts. Maybe there was another way. Maybe she should tell him the truth. That she’d had no idea Fitz was Collin’s professor. That she wasn’t attracted to Fitz in the least. That Fitz had threatened to ruin Collin’s career. She would explain everything to Collin, and he would understand. Together they would decide how to handle Burkhalter.
It’s going to be okay. Collin will know what to do. Her heart leapt with anticipation as she dialed the phone, whispering a silent prayer.
He answered on the third ring. “What do you want?”
His acid tone burned, searing through her skin into the depths of her soul. He hates me. Her heart tha-thunked in her chest, muddling her mind.
“I thought...” She panted for air, feeling dizzy. “We could talk about stuff.” Her vision narrowed as she continued to hyperventilate.
“I can’t talk to you right now. Not after you stabbed me in the back.”
“I can explain.”
The line clicked dead.
Olivia’s only hope shattered to pieces.
* * *
Collin grippedthe phone in his hands until his knuckles turned white, clenching his teeth against the pain. All my life, I wanted to be capable of love. Now that I finally feel it, I wish it were gone.
“Is everything okay?” asked Bart Conlin, manager of The Slipstream.
He forced a fake smile onto his face. “An old girlfriend. You know how it is.”
Bart nodded, his mouth grim. “Bad breakup, huh?” He handed Collin a credit card receipt. “Thanks for coming in to take care of this. I tried David first, but he never answered his phone.”
“No doubt, he’s still sleeping off a hangover.” Collin scribbled his signature on the paper. “Okay. Is there anything else? Please tell me no one destroyed any property last night.”
Bart let out a laugh. “Nothing broken. Not that I know of.”
“What’s all this other stuff you gave me?”
“This is a copy of the original contract David signed. These are links to the photos and videos from last night—it’s part of the deal.” He pointed to a line on the second page. “Your login is Sterling and the code is party11-25. They’re all available online, at that address, for the next thirty days. Download anything you want to keep.”
Collin felt a terrible dread rising up from his gut. “Videos?”
“You get all the dance booth footage in a couple of zip files. Probably nothing you want to keep, but it’s your option.”
Just what he needed, an opportunity to watch his betrayal over and over and over again. No thanks—once was enough. He folded the paper and tucked it into his back pocket.
* * *
“It wassweet of you to bring dinner, Grace.” Olivia kept her voice low as she let her sister into her apartment. “We have to keep it down. My roommates are sleeping, and they get cranky if I wake them up. Honestly, it’s like I live alone. I never see them. They’re either asleep or at the hospital.”
“That’s what you have to look forward to your fourth year, huh?”
“I guess so.” Olivia carried the container of soup into the kitchen and put it in the refrigerator, knowing she couldn’t possibly eat it. She had absolutely no appetite. “If I make it that far.”
“Why would you say that?”
“I’m having a hard time concentrating tonight, and I have so much studying to do.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, but you look pretty rough. Did you stay out late last night at The Slipstream? How did it go on your second date with Fitz?” She pulled out a chair at the table and sat down, leaning forward on the table with bright, eager eyes. “And tell me about Collin’s dates? Did he really have two girls with him?”
Olivia moved to get two glasses from the cabinet and took her time filling them with water—anything to hide her face from her sister. “I left pretty early, so I didn’t actually see Collin with his dates, but I’m sure they were there. And as for Fitz, I have another tentative date set up next weekend.”
“You two hit it off?”
What was that emotion in Grace’s voice? Skepticism? Disappointment?
“I’ll go out with him a few more times, but I’m positive it won’t be a long-term thing.”
“Then why bother? You said you didn’t want to waste your time dating someone who didn’t have the potential of being the one. Why are you going out with Fitz at all? Especially now, when it’s crunch time at school?”
Olivia tried to keep her tears at bay, but they came pouring out. Maybe it was her sister’s sympathy. Maybe it was because she was still raw from hearing the loathing in Collin’s voice. Whatever the reason, once she started crying, she couldn’t stop.
“What’s wrong, Olivia? What is it?”
“Everything. I had a scene with Collin last night. I was dancing with him when Fitz showed up. I had to drag Fitz away before they started fighting, and now Collin hates me.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. He can’t be mad that you brought a date when he had two of his own. You just need to talk to him.”
“I tried.” Olivia wiped her face with her fingers. “I called him and he hung up on me. I can’t talk about it right now.” She reached into her tissue box and pulled out the last one, using it and throwing it in the basket beside the table, piled high with used tissues.
Grace looked down at the overflowing wastebasket and back up at Olivia, her eyes morphing into dashes. “That’s it. You’re coming with me, now.”
“What do you mean?” Olivia sniffed. “I can’t go anywhere. I have to study.”
“You’re coming to our place. You can study there.”
“That’s nice, but—”
“Your sublease is up at the end of next week, right? The other roommate is coming back?”
“Yes, but only for a few weeks. I’ve got another place lined up starting in January. I’ve already moved most of my stuff to Mom and Pop’s.”
“Brad and I have been talking about it. We have an extra room, and we want you to stay with us.”
“I can’t do that. It would be an imposition.”
“It would be a blast, and you know it. We’ll both be off on Christmas break soon, and we could have a ton of fun. I promise to take care of you these last few weeks until then. I’ll cook and wash your clothes... everything you need. All you have to do is study.”
Olivia swallowed, the lump in her throat making her wince. It was so tempting. “I don’t know.”
“Please come. I’m worried about you, and that makes me stressed. If I had you close by, I wouldn’t feel so stressed, and that’s especially important right now.”
“Why? Are you getting an ulcer?” she teased.
Grace grinned. “I’m getting something in my stomach, but it’s not an ulcer…”
Olivia gasped as fresh tears sprang to her eyes. “Grace? Are you pregnant?”
She nodded, wearing a smile so broad she showed every tooth in her head.
Olivia flew to her sister, and they were hugging and laughing when a door cracked open behind them, startling Olivia into a gasp. A pair of bloodshot eyes glowered at them from the dark recesses of the room.
“Sorry,” Olivia whispered, and the face disappeared. Olivia turned back to Grace, smiling once again. “Okay, I’ll come.”
* * *
“I didn’t knowit was you offering your own kidney, Olivia.” Martha’s eyes flooded with tears, trickling down her lined face.
Once all the tests confirmed she was a good match as a kidney donor, Olivia had pushed to have the transplant scheduled the day after her comprehensive final exam, to allow the most recovery time before the new semester started. She’d postponed telling Martha the identity of the donor kidney as long as possible, knowing she would likely protest. But Martha would sign the recipient consent form tomorrow, so Olivia’s time was up.
“It was a wonderful coincidence that I have O-positive blood and we matched up pretty well on the antigens—three out of six. That’s practically a miracle.” Olivia slid into one of two well-worn chairs in Martha’s tiny furnished apartment.
“I can’t accept it.” Martha sat down in the other chair facing her, the light from the small window highlighting the glistening tear tracks on her cheeks. “I can’t let you do it. I’ll make it on dialysis. I might even get a match for a cadaver kidney, eventually.”
“But you know, as well as I do, your chances of survival are much better with a live donation than a cadaver kidney.” Olivia spouted the arguments she’d rehearsed before coming to visit Martha. “I didn’t make the decision lightly. I thought and prayed and talked to friends and family. Everyone is behind me. Even my brother-in-law, who’s a doctor. Well, everyone except Grace, but she’s scared to even say the word ‘blood’ out loud, so she doesn’t count.”
Martha shook her head. “What did Collin say?”
Olivia’s stomach contracted. “We’re not exactly on speaking terms, Martha. He doesn’t know about it, and I’m begging you not to tell him.”
“He’ll be so angry if he finds out I kept this—”
“He has no room to object,” Olivia interjected. “He did the same thing—planned to give you his own kidney, but kept it a secret. When he found out he wasn’t a match, he was devastated.” Martha’s wide eyes confirmed she hadn’t known Collin’s intentions.
“What happened between you and Collin?” Martha asked, using her sweater sleeve to dry her face. “I was hoping the two of you would get together, you know.”
Olivia didn’t cry when she mentioned Collin’s name. She couldn’t. She’d cried until her body was an empty shell. “Basically, he hates me right now. But that’s how it has to be, at least until the end of this law school semester. By then, he’ll probably never forgive me.”
“For what?”
Olivia’s chest expanded as she drew in a huge lungful of air. “Will you swear to keep it to yourself and not tell Collin?”
“I don’t like to make that kind of agreement—it feels dishonest to hide things from him. He seems so miserable lately, and I think you may be the cause of that.”
“I promise you, Martha, this is for his own protection. I can’t tell you unless you agree to keep it a secret.”
“Fine. I promise not to tell him, but I won’t promise not to talk you into telling him yourself. Let’s hear it.”
“I accidentally stirred up some really bad problems for Collin at Columbia. I invited this man to Collin’s party as my date, not knowing he was a law professor at Columbia—an unethical professor who happened to have a bone to pick with Collin.”
“So what? If Collin already had issues with this man, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, but this guy basically blackmailed me. He implied he was ready to fail Collin and get him kicked out of Columbia.”
“Can he do that? Is he that powerful?”
“I don’t know, but I can’t take the chance. This is Collin’s whole life we’re talking about.”
“How could he blackmail you? I don’t understand.”
“It was more of a threat than blackmail. He’s got this inflated sense of self-worth, and for some reason he feels threatened by Collin. He saw Collin and me together and got jealous, even though I told him we were only good friends. He’s obsessed with Collin, now. I have to constantly stroke his ego and convince him Collin is beneath his notice. Any time I try to back off, he starts talking about how Collin could easily flunk out.”
“You’re dating this man?”
“Sort of. I’ve let him take me places, but I haven’t let him kiss me or anything. It’s only been a week, but he’s already getting testy about my physical constraints. He might decide I’m not his type—too much of a prude—but I think it’s become a game for him, now. And it’s escalating. He calls and talks about things like how many children we’re going to have. The answer is three, by the way. He’s done some sort of study and determined three is the perfect number of children.”
“Did you share your opinion on the matter?”
“I’ve argued and pouted and fussed. Hoped I’d drive him away. Didn’t faze him one bit. But it’ll be over soon. In less than two weeks, I take my last exam for the semester. Then the next day, on Friday, we do this kidney transplant. That Friday also happens to be the last day of the semester for Columbia. Depending on Collin’s test schedule, he might finish a day early.”
“After that, you’re giving this creep the boot?”
Olivia chuckled. “Yep! Only if I can hold my temper and not give him a swift kick in the you-know-what before then. Surely I can stand him for another twelve days.”
“I say, you should tell him off, and let Collin take his chances. I find it hard to believe Collin couldn’t handle this guy without your help.”
“The point is, I’m the reason he’s become fanatical about Collin. He’s my responsibility, not Collin’s. I predict this guy will drop me like a hot potato when he finds out I donated a kidney. Having a scar should make me undesirable as a trophy wife.”
“Why can’t you tell Collin the truth?”
“In the beginning, I tried, but he didn’t want to listen. Then I realized it was better if he didn’t know. Think about it. What would Collin do if he knew the truth?”
“For one thing, he wouldn’t let you go out with this awful man. I happen to agree with that idea.”
“Yes, but that could ruin Collin’s life. I don’t care if I have to spend some time pandering to this egotistical brute. That’s nothing compared to what Collin has on the line.”
“What do your sisters say about this dating arrangement?”
A twinge of guilt thrummed in her gut. “They don’t know. My sisters are overprotective—especially Grace. They would tear this guy apart if they knew what he was doing, and Collin would be the one who paid the price.”
“Surely they suspect something.”
“They know I was mad at him the night of Collin’s party, but I convinced them he was only acting crazy because he was drunk. They think I like him because he’s hot.”
“He’s good-looking?” asked Martha.
“Yep. And a smooth-talker. But he’s a narcissistic jerk.”
With her eyebrows arched high, Martha gave a deliberate nod. “Like a politician?”
“Exactly. At the very least, he’ll probably be elected Senator one day.”
“You look really worn-out, Olivia. You sure you’re feeling well enough to do this?”
Olivia was tired of hearing about how exhausted she looked. Concealer could only do so much to hide the dark circles under her eyes. “Haven’t had much sleep lately. At least I’ll get to sleep during the surgery.” Her jest fell flat.
Martha pressed disapproving lips together. “When this is all over, will you explain it to Collin?”
“I don’t know. It might be best if he never found out the truth about me and his professor. Or about the kidney. I don’t want him to feel obligated to me or to think that was my intention.”
“You’d rather he be miserable without you?”
Her face flamed. “I don’t think he’s miserable without me, Martha. He’s got a girlfriend, you know.”
Martha blew out a loud puff of air. “Bella? That snotty, bleached-blond, brainless woman? I met her. You’re worth twenty of her.”
“I saw them together.” Olivia spoke around the painful lump in her throat. “He brought her with him to the city library where I always study. Believe me, he didn’t look like he was suffering. In fact, they looked pretty cozy together.”
“Olive Oil, if you have feelings for Collin, you should tell him so.”
Do I have feelings for him? She cared about him, but she’d kept her affections at friend-level, hadn’t she? He was smart, kind, gentle, and caring, all wrapped up in a handsome and witty package. He was nothing like she’d always accused him of being. She cared about him and would do anything to keep him safe, even if it meant she could never be with him. The room tipped on its side, and she closed her eyes, fighting the vertigo. Is it true? Am I in love with Collin Sterling?
Gripping the arms of the chair, she swallowed, taking deep, controlled breaths. “The truth is, I was unfair to Collin for a long time, judging him because I felt defensive about our differences, about how wealthy he was and how strapped-for-money I am. I thought he was rich and arrogant.”
Martha’s head was bobbing up and down, a small smile teasing at her lips. “I thought the same at first.”
“He was so charming I could tell it would be easy to fall for him. So I fought against it. In the process, I hurt him. Multiple times. If he hates me, I’m only getting what I deserve.”
Martha reached out, patting her hand. “You made a mistake in judgment. You can apologize and tell him the truth.”
“Maybe...” Olivia was afraid to let herself hope. “Maybe when this is all over, I can explain everything, but I’m not counting on it. This kidney transplant has nothing to do with Collin. I want to keep him out of it, altogether. It’s between you and me.”
Her voice cracked. “I’m afraid you were too hasty with this decision. I think you should wait and think about it a little longer. Maybe do it next summer if you still want to.”
“I don’t want to wait, Martha.” Olivia threw her arms around her neck. “I need this—to feel good about myself. Right now, you’re the one thing keeping me sane. No matter what happens, I can tell myself I’m doing the right thing. It gives me peace. Keeps me motivated. Gives me something to concentrate on. A reason to keep trying. Otherwise, my anxiety might keep me from passing my classes.”
“Okay.” She sniffed. “If you’re sure. But you can change your mind or put it off, even at the last minute. I promise I would understand.”
“The only promise I want from you is to keep this conversation to yourself. Collin can never know.”
“I won’t speak a word to him,” Martha said, her eyes darting to her hands, twisting in her lap.
“No cheating, Martha. Not only must you not ‘speak’ to him, but also you aren’t allowed to tell him by writing it down.” With satisfaction, Olivia noted Martha’s disgruntled frown, a clear indication she’d been caught in subterfuge. Olivia added, “And you can’t sing it to him or draw pictures, either. You have to promise not to communicate it to him at all. None of the stuff I told you today.”
“Fine,” she replied, with a pouty expression. “I won’t communicate it to him, even though it goes against my better judgment.”
“Life isn’t always fair, Martha.” Olivia sandwiched Martha’s time-worn hand between her own. “We have to be willing to sacrifice for each other. You were willing to face the pain of dialysis every day of your life, because Collin needs you. I’ll give you one of my kidneys, which won’t even affect my health because my other one is all I need. And we’ll keep this fake-dating thing a secret from Collin, so he won’t confront his professor and self-destruct in the process.”
Martha stuck out her jaw. “I’ll keep quiet, for now. But if you don’t tell him the truth when this is all over, I will.”
“Don’t you agree it might be best if he never knew?”
“No, I don’t.” She pursed her lips. “Mark my words, he won’t appreciate being kept in the dark. I’ll hold my tongue until I wake up from surgery because I made a promise. But I’m warning you, I won’t lie to him. If he asks me who the donor is, I’m telling him the truth.”
Olivia started to object, but changed her mind. Collin had no idea Martha knew the donor’s identity, so he would never ask the question. And who better than Martha to tell him what happened when it was all over? Maybe he wouldn’t hate Olivia quite as much after he found out the truth.