Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
KAMILA
Graduation night…
I hate being the designated driver. I’m always chosen for it too. Well, it’s either Cam or me, never Ana.
Almost everyone from our grade is here. Graduation night is held in a small town in New Jersey every year. It’s impossible to find a beach in New York City that allows bonfires; therefore, it’s been held here for years. Not many people know how, nor do they care as long as they manage to sneak booze in.
Bonfires have to be put out at eleven, meaning things die down about an hour later. Usually, there’s an after-party at a hotel, but knowing how Ana gets, we’ll be heading straight home after midnight.
I take a sip of my one and only beer for the rest of the night while walking toward one of the many small bonfires across the beach. Jordan is with his girlfriend, Maddy, sitting on the sand across from Cam and Ana. I plop down next to them, trying to ignore their conversations, while I get cozy.
It’s only eight, and the sun is almost done setting. I should be able to see the stars clearly if I get far away enough from the small fires that line the beach. Taking a closer look at my surroundings, I see nothing but couples cuddling, people making out, or groups of friends getting drunk. Then I realize that I am the only single person in this circle. Awkward.
In an instant, I’m standing, craving a walk along the shore alone.
“Where are you going?” Cam’s eyes are droopy, and I can tell that he’s tired from the long day we’ve had. I smile and squat down next to him and Ana, who looks a little tipsy but not drunk yet. My sister is thankfully a more responsible drinker when her boyfriend’s around.
“I’m going to take a walk near the water.”
“We’ll tag along.” Cam attempts to stand until Ana pulls him back down while shaking her head at us.
I roll my eyes at my stubborn sister. “I was actually hoping to go solo anyways, hermanita.”
My best friend looks at me concerned. I give him a reassuring smile. He hesitates before giving me one in return.
Making my way towards the water, I inhale the fresh air I rarely get back home. As fun as today has been with our morning graduation, family lunch, and the drive here with a playlist I made, I can’t help but continue to feel sad. I guess everyone gets sad when they graduate. Not because I’ll miss the homework or am going to miss most of my classmates, but because of a boy named Cameron Kahlo.
He got accepted into every college he applied to and so did I. I should be jumping for joy and a part of me is. Driscoll University is the right path for me, I can feel it in my gut. The only thing that’s stopping me from throwing a big ol’ party is my best friend, who is thinking about putting his dreams on the back burner just to stay near my sister.
Ana got accepted to our local community college and I’m truly proud of her, still she’s pressuring Cam to stay behind.
He told me that he could do two years in a community college in Nassau County and then transfer to Driscoll. Unlike him, I already sent my acceptance letter to the elite university and am nervous about having to start my journey there without my best friend.
He and Ana have been fighting constantly about this for months. If it really was a secure relationship, wouldn’t they be able to handle the distance? Shouldn’t she be happy for him ?
Then again, this is Ana-like behavior. She can be stubborn, bitchy, and honestly, selfish. Yet I understand her frustration. She’s been in love with Cameron for so long now, it has to be hard trying to let go. I guess I’m being a little selfish too.
I’ve kept my opinions to myself about what I think Cam should do, and I’ll continue to. It’s his decision and I want it to be whatever makes him happiest.
The sun has finally set and the stars are making their grand entrance. The thought occurs to me that I’ll be able to see them every night upstate, and I smile.
Checking my watch out of curiosity, my eyes widen when I see that I’ve been gone for about half an hour now. Thankfully, I walked slowly and didn’t go too far away. I step towards the firelight coming from a distance while dipping my feet into the ice-cold water and clear my mind of all things Ana and Cameron.
It takes me another half an hour to get back and I can’t seem to find my best friend or sister anywhere. After searching for a while, I call both of them and both calls are sent straight to voicemail. Maybe they’re in the car. We only parked a couple of blocks away, but I don’t feel comfortable walking there alone in the dark. My eyes scan the area, looking for somebody I know, when I come across one of Cam’s friends and his girlfriend. They both agree to walk me to the car. While passing a couple of bonfires before reaching the stairs, something—or should I say someone—familiar catches my eye.
I stop dead in my tracks at my current view.
Cameron is sticking his tongue down a girl’s throat while squeezing her ass. Someone who is clearly not my sister.
Oh my God, it’s Olive. The girl who’s been obsessed with him for years. The one he always told Ana not to worry about.
Shit. Shit. Shit. This can’t be happening.
I’m frozen to the spot, not knowing what to do. Fight or flight? Fight or flight?
“What’s wrong?” Cameron’s friends ask. I point to the scene of the crime, not being able to form a coherent sentence.
“Oh shit,” her boyfriend whispers, genuinely surprised .
“I heard they’ve been making out for over five minutes now,” someone else says.
My heart cracks for my sister, for her soon to be broken one and for me, but my feelings should be the least of my concerns right now. I scan the beach again when a small gasp comes from somewhere behind me.
Ana is standing there covering her mouth with both hands while tears start to form behind her eyes.
“Why the hell is he doing this today and in front of everybody? It’s like he’s trying to ruin everyone’s night,” a girl quietly voices.
Enough of these whispers. I run towards my sister. “Ana, did you know about this?”
She can’t seem to take her eyes off Cameron but manages to shake her head.
“What do you want to do? I can drive us home right now.”
She looks at me, her expression unreadable. “Take me home. Now,” she says with a raspy voice as though she’s been screaming and crying for hours.
We sprint towards the car, flip flops in hand. Ana remains quiet for the first ten minutes of the drive, the only sound in the car being the voice of the GPS on my phone. I don’t say or ask anything, wanting her to break the silence first.
She grabs her phone and connects the Bluetooth. I catch a glimpse of her screen where she has a playlist queued up titled F*CK EVERYONE.
Sounds perfect.
Before she hits play on a song, she whispers, “Pull over, Kami, please.”
Luckily, we’re not on the highway yet so I’m able to do as she requests. My first thought is that she’s going to throw up, instead, she takes my hands and looks me right in the eye.
“I need you—” her voice cracks while tears roll down her face. “I need you to block him on everything. I never want to hear from him again. I don’t want anyone in our family to be associated with him, he doesn’t deserve us.”
When I hesitate, she begins to sob and hugs me. So many questions float through my mind, but they can wait. I gently pull her off me and start blocking all his social media accounts in front of her, including any new ones that could be associated with them, his email, and finally, his number. I hold back my own tears. Ana needs me. I need to keep it together for just a little while longer.
“Thank you, Kamila. I love you.” Ana wipes her eyes and grabs her phone again.
“Gemini Feed” by Banks blasts through the car speakers, the lyrics delivering my sister's sentiments.
It isn’t until an hour and a half later, that we’re finally home when Ana and I go our separate ways after she denied my offer to have a sleepover like we used to.
Changing out of my clothes and getting into bed, I finally allow myself to fall apart. My pillow muffles my loud sobs. I lost my best friend. Someone who I thought was my platonic soulmate. Someone I trusted with my life. Someone I have a matching fucking tattoo with.
He betrayed my family, my own blood. And he broke the first and biggest promise he ever made to me. The first that led to many others.
It’s like a domino effect. If you break a fundamental promise, one that proves a person worthy of your trust, all others fall along with it. None of the newer promises matter if the one that built the very foundation of your relationship shatters.
After what feels like hours, I’ve used up all my tears for the night, and the sadness slowly starts to fade. Anger creeps in, along with disgust and hatred towards my biggest confidant.
As I feel my heart hardening, a wave of peacefulness washes over me. The same feeling allows me to fall asleep. I realize then that anger is much easier to deal with than a broken heart. And closing myself off, at least for a little while, will help me get through this.
This will make me stronger.
One day, I’ll stop being angry and let it go. It won’t be today or tomorrow, but someday.
And I’m okay with that.