Chapter 46
Chapter Forty-Six
KAMILA
T he studio is silent and empty when I walk in. I’m on autopilot while connecting my laptop to the aux cord.
It’s been four days. Four. Days.
After everyone left my dorm room, I broke down and called Levi and Jake. They could barely understand a word I was saying through all of my tears and instead of staying on the phone, they ran over to calm me down. Even Em was there through FaceTime.
My friends were confused, shocked, and then pissed. Which were basically all the stages I went through, except I was also devastated, along with a range of feelings I’ve been avoiding to keep myself sane.
Before Levi, Jake, and Em consoled me any further, they tried convincing me to go to the police station a few miles away from town, but I refused without speaking to a lawyer first.
Jake said he’d take care of it, whatever that means. Honestly, I don’t care what he does as long as nobody gets physically hurt in the process. It was the condition I gave him, and when he agreed, I told him I was on board with whatever he had planned.
David’s dangerous, and Cameron and I’s threats won’t be enough to keep him away. We all know he needs to be taken care of legally and there’s no one I trust more than Jake to handle it, even if it means owing his father a favor.
After we finished talking and my voice was hoarse, we watched a movie while I reflected on everything that had happened. Ana is a lot more mentally unstable than I ever believed her to be. Still, Cameron is the one I’m truly confused about. On one hand, Ana tricked us both and kept us apart. On the other, he kept David a secret, knowing we had a past, though what he was told was false. And then there’s the other situation that stood out.
Cameron proclaimed that he loved me after punching David. It wasn’t in the setting I wanted or expected. It was also awful timing, but he did. How does someone deal with all of this? Was it even true? It had to have been if he was willing to physically hurt him, although it could’ve slipped out in the heat of the moment.
“Kamila.”
No, not now.
I had been so distracted that I didn’t even hear his footsteps when he walked in.
Turning around, my eyes meet Cameron’s sad brown ones. There are bags under them, and he looks utterly miserable and exhausted. It makes my heart ache.
I haven’t seen him since Saturday due to classes being on hold till finals. Guilt starts creeping in before I push it away, knowing that kicking him out that night was the right thing to do in my state of mind.
His eyes look down at my wrapped hand that barely hurts anymore.
“Cameron, I really can’t talk right now. My class is in ten minutes.” I turn back to my computer and pull up the playlist.
“Kamila, please. You won’t answer my phone calls or my texts. I haven’t slept, I’ve barely fucking eaten. We need to talk?—”
“No.” My eyes meet his again. “It isn’t your decision when or where we talk. Not after what I found out about David.” Apparently, I’m angrier than I thought.
He flinches, looking like a hurt puppy. Goddammit.
“Shit,” I mumble. “Okay, I’ll talk.”
His eyes light up with hope.
“But I will be the only one doing the talking, so don’t get excited.” His eyes dim again at my stern tone, but he nods.
“I’m not mad about the whole Ana thing. You were manipulated and lied to by my sister, just like I was and just like my family was. Nothing that happened that night, no, nothing that happened during all those years, was anyone’s fault except Ana’s.”
He bobs his head in agreement, and I put a hand up. “However, it is your fault for not telling me about it the second we saw each other just because of David.”
“Kami, you need to understand that I missed you every day for over two years. It was easier to believe what David told me and to be mad at you than to torture myself by thinking about losing you.”
My eyes close at the rawness in his voice.
“If you missed me for that long, it’s because deep down, you still believed that I was a good person. That I wasn’t like Ana, and I never would be. You could’ve tried talking to me no matter how angry I was at you. You could’ve tried, Cameron.” Tears threaten to spill, but I refuse to let them fall. “You decided to believe David. Someone you barely knew, judging from what I saw.” I rub my forehead, knowing I’m going to pop in some ibuprofen before class.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Kamila.” His voice is strained.
“You believed him over someone who you thought was your platonic soulmate. You chose to believe him , even after knowing that Ana had most likely lied to me about that night.”
His eyes turn glassy. The familiar sarcastic, happy Cameron, gone.
“I believed my sister that night because I saw what you had done with my own eyes, and Ana is family. At the time, I was willing to do anything to help her.”
Hating what I have to say next, I look at the ceiling, buying some time I know I don’t have.
“There’s another reason I didn’t want to hear your side of the story back then, why I didn’t contact you.”
Cameron doesn’t stray his eyes away from mine when I meet them again.
“The thought of talking to you, hearing you admit to what I thought was the truth, would make everything too real. I couldn’t take any more pain at only seventeen years old. My mom was concerned by how sad I was. I couldn’t do it, Cameron.” My chest inflates as I inhale deeply. “Even though there was still a piece of that girl inside of me when we saw each other in Professor Mills’ class, I’d changed. I would’ve listened to you because all I needed, that I didn’t know I needed since then, was my best friend. Instead, we wasted energy on hating each other for no good reason. That’s something we both did, and we both have to live with it.”
A tear drops from Cameron’s eye, and it catches me completely off guard. It’s the second time he’s cried in front of me, the first being when we were sixteen because a dog died in a movie. It pulls at my damn heart strings.
I need to stay strong. If he wants my forgiveness and trust, he’ll have to work for it.
“I want to forgive you, Cameron, I truly do because we started to get to know each other again, and it was…you know what it was.” I take a deep breath. “I wish things would’ve gone differently?—”
“Me too.” He wipes the evidence of regret off his face while the sound of students coming in interrupts our moment.
Crossing my arms in order to hide my trembling hands, I muster up the most confidence I’m capable of having at this moment .
“You need to go. Everything that I needed to say tonight was said.”
Knowing I’ll hate seeing him leave, I turn around to my computer. After a couple of seconds, my spine straightens when his body leans on mine. His breath is on my neck, and I have the instant urge to melt into his arms.
“I’m not giving up on us, Kamila. I refuse to. My feelings towards you are so much more than I ever thought possible in this lifetime or the next.” His words drown out the voices around us. “Losing you as a best friend once was torture. Losing you as something more a second time is not an option.” The urge to fall into his arms and kiss him intensifies. These are the types of things you only hear in movies, but they’re still just words, I remind myself. They need to be accompanied by actions.
“I’m too selfish to let you go, so don’t expect me to any time soon.” His lips hover over my neck. And right when I think he’s about to turn me around, I feel a cold wind and almost lose my balance. He’s gone, leaving me wanting him more than I ever have.