13. Cassidy
Chapter thirteen
Cassidy
A s we make our way in, I declare I can’t make it up the stairs and will be taking the elevator to give my legs the break they deserve after carrying me 5 km around the park. Jack laughs and follows me in when the doors slide open. I lean against the rail at the back and look up at the little screen that shows the floor numbers as we make our way up to the third floor.
My cheeks tingle as I feel Jack’s gaze on my face. I look sideways at him with a smile. He reaches a hand up and brushes some hair off my face. I took my cap off when we came back into the building and some of the hair from my ponytail has escaped.
“Thanks,” I say with a smile. He’s staring at my lips. My mouth opens in surprise as he lowers his head and brushes my lips with his own.
“Hmm,” he moans and then deepens the kiss, flicking his tongue between my lips.
Shock skitters up my spine. I’m not sure where this is coming from, and for a second I wonder if this is a dream. Surely, it’s not real. Yes, we had crazy can’t-stop-coming sex last weekend with Tom, but that was a one-off. What’s he doing? I don’t know whether to pull away and ask him, but the lift pings its arrival to our floor, so I don’t have to decide.
He breaks away and gives me a warm smile, grabbing my hand in his and pulling me out of the lift alongside him. He brings his other hand, the one not holding mine, to my cheek and rests it there as he looks into my eyes. I freeze, taking a big swallow, unsure what to say or do next.
“Wanna come back to mine?” he asks huskily. My eyes widen, as wide as saucers. Is he propositioning me? Am I reading more into it than I should?
“What, for like, a drink?” I sound as scatty as I feel right now.
“We can start with a drink, sure,” he says with a shrug.
“What are you getting at, Jack?” I need to understand what’s happening here.
“Come for a drink, we can grab a shower and see what happens.” He lifts his brows and I decide he definitely wants sex.
“What about Tom?”
He gives a little frown, as if he doesn’t understand what I mean. “He’s working tonight.”
“So what, I’d be a convenient replacement?” I can’t decide if I’m angry or turned on that he’s propositioning me.
“No, it’s not like that, Cass. I just thought we could have some fun.”
“Last week was supposed to be a one-off.”
“It was good, Cass. We’re both footloose and fancy free. Why not have some fun?”
“But what about Tom?” I repeat the question.
“What about him? He wouldn’t mind. We’re casual,” he tells me earnestly.
“Jack, you’re confusing me,” I blurt out, unable to be anything other than honest with him.
“What’s confusing you, Cass? We hang out, make the most of these post-workout endorphins, have some great sex, a few orgasms. What’s not to like?”
It’s like the floor has tilted under my feet. I’m unsteady in my grounding as I stare up at him. He’s coming on to me like it’s no big deal and I don’t know what to do about it.
“I don’t know, Jack. I want us to be friends…”
“Friends with benefits?” he asks with an eager look.
“I’m not sure. Can I think about it?”
“It was just a spur of the moment thing, Cass. There’s no need to analyse it from every angle.”
Anger surges up inside me as he rolls his eyes. I suck in a deep breath and pull my hand away from where he’s holding mine. As I step away, his other hand falls from my cheek. How the bloody hell dare he?
He’s got me in a complete tizzy and now he’s making out like I’m being over-dramatic about the whole thing. Well, fuck him. “I’m sorry if I’m worried about messing things up and losing you as a friend. Although at the moment, you’re being a complete prick and it wouldn’t be any great loss.”
He frowns and then huffs out a laugh, but there’s no humour behind it. “Forget it, Cass, I shouldn’t have said anything.” And just like that, he walks away.
I’m not sure that I can forget it though. And what niggles at me the most is I’m regretting getting worked up about the offer so much that I didn’t take him up on it.
“I need a shower. Let’s catch up later,” I tell him as he pauses by my door. I look up at his eyes, relieved to see him looking right back at me and not avoiding me.
“Sure. I’m sorry if I overstepped.” His gaze flitters away to the side.
I place a hand up on his shoulder and give him an awkward pat. “It’s okay, I realise how irresistible I am.” I wink, trying to infuse some humour into the situation. This time his laugh sounds real and relief rushes over me. We might just have worked our way out the other side of the awkwardness of this moment. “I’ll text you later,” I tell him as I unlock my door and step inside.
“Chat later, Cass.”
I watch from inside my flat and feel a little sad when he doesn’t look back before he shuts the door behind him.
After a shower and a snack, I feel like I’ve gained some perspective on what happened earlier between Jack and I. The kiss was amazing and I feel frustrated that it knocked me so far off kilter. You’d think after last weekend I’d be more open to random hook-ups, but I’m worried about losing him as a friend.
I let myself think about being with Jack. Just him. And I realise I like the idea. The threesome was fun and perhaps I’m getting in my own way by not letting the casual thing play out. Perhaps we could all get together again. And explore other stuff too like me and Jack, and me and Tom.
Am I being greedy?
Do I want too much?
And how will this affect our friendship?
If we all go in knowing it’s casual and just sex, then we can make it through the other side. Both guys said they were still friends with the woman they’d shared before me—they’re invited to her wedding, which has to be a sign they are all okay with it.
Could it work?
My thoughts are swirling and I realise that sitting here and overthinking isn’t helping. Should I go and knock on Jack’s door? Not for sex, but to talk it through? But then it doesn’t feel right to do that without speaking with Tom first. I don’t like the idea of doing anything behind his back—especially when he and Jack were a thing before I came along.
I decide to message them both in the group text and realise I don’t know where my phone is. I’ve been sat here, so caught up in my thoughts, that I hadn’t even noticed I’d mislaid it. I get up and retrace my earlier steps, finding it on the kitchen counter.
When I glance at my notifications, I can see that the boys have been chatting without me. And I also have a missed call from Tom. I frown as I look at the time—he should be at work now. It’s not impossible for him to text while he’s working, but it is unusual. I open up the group messages to see what they are saying.
Jack: Heads up Tom - I might have overstepped with Cass earlier. Cass - I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
Tom the Dom: What did you do, Jack? * Eyeroll emoji *
I cackle as I see the nickname I keyed in for Tom show up in the conversation. It makes me smile each time I see it.
Jack: We went for a run together. I might have kissed her afterwards. She’s adorable when she’s all sweaty and red-cheeked. It reminded me of how she looked at the weekend after multiple orgasms.
Tom the Dom: Okay. What makes you think you overstepped?
Jack: After I kissed her, I suggested we head back to my place and hook up. She got angry at me. Thinking she was a replacement for you while you’re at work. And I might have suggested she was being overly dramatic about it.
Jack: I really am sorry, Cass. Please don’t hate me.
Tom the Dom: Jack! So you want to keep exploring this? Because I’m okay with you two getting together. But only if Cassidy is keen.
Jack: Well, obviously. I’m not going to kidnap her and have my wicked way with her. Unless you’re into that, Cass. Happy for a little role play action. I think I’ve got a pirate costume here I can wear.
Tom the Dom: You’re incorrigible. Why don’t you go and apologise?
Jack: I tried earlier. I thought it best to give Cass some space. But, Cass - I can come over if you want? I’m more than happy to grovel on my knees… But I can see that you’re not online and seeing these messages.
Tom the Dom: Cassidy, I’m here and ready to listen and talk if you want, but no pressure. I can keep Jack in line if you need help, but I’m sure you’re very capable of taking him in hand. (I’d go so far as to say he would enjoy it… If that’s what you’re into, Mac).
I chuckle at the last message. That was twenty minutes ago and I have a missed call from Tom fifteen minutes ago. There’s no voicemail, but there’s a separate direct message from him just after the missed call.
Tom the Dom: Hey Mac. Hope you’re okay. It’s quiet tonight, so I’m working in the back office. Call me if you need to chat x
I sit back for a moment. Should I call Jack? Or Tom? I think I want to talk to Tom first. In the short time I’ve known him, I get the sense that he’s going to be good at helping me get out of my head and figure stuff out. I take a deep breath as I return his call. I listen to it ring several times before he answers.
“Cassidy.” My name sounds wonderful on his lips.
“Tom, hi.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, he took me unawares. I wasn’t expecting it and I didn’t know how I felt about it.”
“That’s fair enough, baby girl. I don’t think he meant any harm. Was just trying to push his luck, which is a pretty regular occurrence.” He chuckles darkly.
“It didn’t feel right to do it behind your back. Not after everything we all shared at the weekend.”
“It’s lovely that you thought of me, Cassidy, but I’m okay with it. Maybe if it’s something you want to explore, we can all sit down and have a chat, so you’re more comfortable.” I nod along at his suggestion.
“Is it? Something you want to explore?” he queries.
“I don’t know. I think so. I’m so scared to lose the friendship but I also want to have some fun, you know? And you guys make me feel safe.”
“It’s an honour that you trust us with your safety, Cassidy. Thank you.”
“Do you want to explore it?”
“Hmmmm,” he hums a reply. “I think so. If we are all up for it, of course.”
“I just don’t understand how it would work. Do we set up a rota? Do we just go with the flow? I don’t want to get in the way of you and Jack and the relationship you two have.”
“Mac, you’re spinning yourself in circles. Take a breath.” His voice is steady and calm. I try to take his advice and slow down to breathe.
“Do you want me by myself?” I blurt the question out, surprising myself.