Chapter Twenty-Eight
Maddie helps Caralyn see what life could be worth.
Caralyn sat brushing her hair in front of the hearth.
She had just come in from the bathing room and had gotten the lassies settled in bed.
Rubbing Gracie’s back always put her to sleep in a hurry.
Caralyn sighed when she thought of how happy Gracie was here.
Ashlyn was, too—she loved having lasses her age to play with—but she could tell that her eldest still worried about her.
The afternoon with Robbie had been wonderful, except for her outburst. She couldn’t believe how she had treated him, but it had been instinctive for her…and the biggest miracle of all was that he’d seemed to understand.
Every day her feelings grew for Captain Robbie Grant. She loved the way he held her hand and protected her. He was so good with wee Gracie, who adored him. His heart was kind and giving—despite his great physical strength, he wasn’t one to issue orders or insist on getting his own way.
When they had stood inside the cottage, she found herself wondering what it would be like to live with Robbie as her husband, to live with him in the cottage, fish with him, cook for him, and spend their days playing with their bairns.
She knew Robbie had to work in the lists every day or do whatever his laird required, but how wonderful it would be to be wrapped in his arms every night just the way she had been under the stars.
She checked the girls again before grabbing her robe and putting on her slippers.
Heading out the door, she turned to the right and padded down the stairs.
She had asked Maddie if she could chat with her privately after the girls were settled, and she agreed.
As soon as she hit the bottom of the staircase, Maddie popped her head out of the solar and beckoned her inside.
Alex, Brodie, Robbie, and Quade all sat in front of the hearth in the great hall, laughing about something.
Loki and Torrian played with Growley, Torrian’s big hound, on the floor.
Caralyn stepped inside and closed the door. “Thank you for meeting with me.”
Maddie smiled and wrapped her arm around her from the side. “Of course, I will help you in any way I can.” She stepped back and lowered herself into a seat in front of the hearth. “I had Alex build the fire up a bit. He worries about me so when I’m carrying, but it will not be much longer now.”
Caralyn sat down and folded her hands in her lap. She stared down at them, not quite sure how to start.
“Robbie told me that you have some things in common with me…” she stammered. “But I don’t know where to start.”
She paused for a moment, then said, “Today, Robbie and I were racing, and I started to fall and he reached out and caught me. He was only trying to help me but I shoved him and screamed at him.”
She swiped at the tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.
“How could he want to be around me when I act like that?”
“First of all, know that you are not alone. We are all here for you, and you always have someone to talk to in this keep,” Maddie said. “The first time I met Alex, he rescued me in the middle of a whipping from my stepbrother. You would think I would trust him after that, wouldn’t you?”
Caralyn nodded.
“Every time Alex took a step toward me, I took two steps back. And if you don’t believe me, you may ask both of his brothers, because they noticed it.”
Caralyn smiled. “I guess ‘twould be noticeable.”
Maddie reached over and patted Caralyn’s arm. “What you’re doing is normal. Robbie will get used to it.”
“But I don’t understand. How can you want to be married? After all I have been through, I’m not sure I can fully trust a man again…even Robbie. I have strong feelings for him, but I am confused.”
Maddie said, “With the right man, you will. Mayhap it is Robbie, mayhap not.”
“My biggest problem is that Malcolm is in my mind all the time. How do I stop that?”
Maddie pulled her chair next to Caralyn’s and hugged her.
“It will take time, especially since Malcolm is still a threat to you and your daughters. But as time goes by, you will think about the people you love more, and about the people who hurt you less.”
After a short silence, she added, “I actually had to make a commitment, and I made it for myself and for Alex.”
“What was that?” Caralyn mopped her eyes with one of the linen squares that Celestina had given her the other day.
“My stepbrother was the worst person in my life, and the one I thought about most. I realized that if he were still alive, he would be verra happy to know he was still in my thoughts. By thinking of him, you give him that power over you, that control. You can’t do it.”
“How did you defeat him? ‘Twill not be easy. I can’t just make him go away or I would have done it already.”
“I retrained my mind. Whenever my stepbrother popped into my mind, I forced myself to think of Alex. It took time, but it worked. The happy thoughts became stronger than the terrifying ones.”
Maddie rubbed Caralyn’s shoulder in encouragement. “Caralyn, this may be more difficult for you because from what you have told me, you are not sure how you feel about Robbie, correct?”
“Aye… nay. Och, sometimes I’m sure, and other times I’m not.”
“Think of any pleasant thought. Did you enjoy your walk to the lake?”
“Aye, especially when we were racing.” Caralyn smiled as she thought about Robbie running next to her, the sunlight reflecting off his hair and his smile that melted her heart.
“Then use that. Whenever you think of Malcolm, think of that race instead. It may make you smile.” Maddie kissed her cheek. “Robbie is worth it, he is a wonderful man and we would love to have you in the family.”
Although surprised to hear Maddie say they would love to have her in the family, Caralyn nodded. She would try. She had to.