Chapter 19
As had been the case for the past two weeks since she’d moved in, there was no sign of Harry when Kat got up that morning.
She’d washed her hair the night before so her shower was a quick splash and dash.
She could grab something to eat at work so, as soon as she’d pulled on her Java Brava-branded polo shirt and fleece, Kat headed out.
After the big storm on New Year’s Day the weather had been calm but cold.
This morning was different, the sun hidden behind a blanket of clouds, and the smudge of dark grey on the horizon warned it’d be a miracle if they got to the end of the day without another downpour.
His shoulders stiffened at the sound of her voice, but he didn’t turn to face her as he spoke.
‘I thought it was best we stopped avoiding each other, don’t you?
Your mother’s still upset by the way you snuck out without even saying goodbye.
Two weeks and not a word from you. You could at least have the good grace to send her a text so she knows you’re not dead in a ditch. ’
Kat sighed and propped her shoulder against the door frame as she folded her arms across her chest. ‘Don’t be silly, Dad.
I’ve left you enough notes over the past few days for you to know I’m perfectly fine.
You both knew I was leaving that morning and I’ve had a lot of stuff I needed to do.
’ She took another deep breath. ‘I guess I should let you know that I’m not staying with Issy any more, I’ve moved into the flat above the restaurant. ’
Her father set his glasses down on the pile of paper in front of him and stared up at her. ‘Isn’t that where that reprobate Harry Penrose lives?’
And this was the other reason she’d been happy to avoid him.
Her father had a massive chip on his shoulder when it came to the Penroses, so she’d known he’d react badly to her flat-sharing with one of them.
It was a completely ridiculous and entirely one-sided feud, and not just because of his embarrassment over her mum trying to seduce Ryan.
Though they’d been nothing but friendly since her family had arrived, her father still seemed to think they were treated as outsiders.
The Penroses were one of the oldest and most established families in the village and he resented their influence.
‘Give it a rest, Dad. Harry’s a good guy. ’
Her father’s snort of derision told her what he thought to that.
‘Well, anyway, I just thought you should know that’s where I’ll be staying for the foreseeable future, so if you can let Mum know, I’d appreciate it.
’ Kat pushed away from the door and crossed over to the small row of lockers on the opposite side of the room to retrieve her apron. ‘I’ll go and get things started.’
‘Come back in here when you’re finished as I’d like to go over these with you.’ Her father gestured to the stack of paper in front of him.
‘What’s that?’ The sinking feeling in her stomach told Kat she already knew what it was.
‘It’s the floorplan for the Nicholsons’ shop from the estate agent. I’ve been working on some preliminary layout ideas, but I’d value your input.’
Kat shook her head. ‘I told you before that I’m not interested in running my own franchise, Dad.
Especially not there.’ She tried to ignore the stab of guilt.
She knew why he was persisting but she had to stand firm.
Harry hadn’t said anything else to her about his cookery school idea and she wondered if she should mention it.
It might be enough to put her father off if he knew he had serious competition.
Instinct told her to keep quiet about it.
Look at the way he’d flared up over her moving in with Harry.
If he realised he was going head to head with a Penrose, Kat didn’t trust her dad not to do his damnedest to come out the winner.
Her father turned in his chair to fix her with a glare. ‘You’d really jeopardise your own future out of some foolish loyalty to your friend? Don’t you think it’s about time you showed some loyalty to your actual family?’
Kat’s temper went from nought to a hundred in less than a second.
The frustration she’d been feeling over her mum’s behaviour boiled to the surface.
‘How dare you!’ She clenched her fists, her short nails biting into her palms. ‘I’ve done nothing but show you loyalty since the first time Mum walked out on us, and what did I get in return?
Nothing! I sacrificed all my plans to hold things together and how did you repay me?
By letting her get away with it again and again and again!
’ Kat reached for the rota pinned over the desk and ripped it down.
‘Where’s her name on here, eh? Why haven’t you rostered her on for any shifts this month? ’
Her father snatched the crumpled rota of her hand and tried to smooth it out on the desk. ‘Your mum’s not feeling up to being in the shop at the moment.’
‘Too busy on that bloody Watts Up bike, you mean!’ She hadn’t meant to take it out on her dad, but she couldn’t understand why he was letting the same thing happen all over again. ‘Why is she allowed to do whatever the hell she pleases when you’ve never given me any choice in the matter?’
The fight seemed to go out of her father and he slumped down in his chair. ‘There are things you simply don’t understand.’
It was a struggle, but Kat pushed her anger down and came to perch on the edge of the desk next to his chair.
When she spoke again, she made an effort to keep her voice calm.
‘Then why don’t you explain them to me, Dad?
Don’t you think you at least owe me that much, considering how much I’ve had to sacrifice to help you keep this place going over the years? ’
He raised a hand and rubbed his brow. ‘When I married your mother, I made certain promises to her. Promises I intend to keep no matter how hard it gets sometimes.’
Sadness overwhelmed Kat. Could he really still love her mother after everything she’d done to hurt him? ‘And what about the promises she made to you?’ Kat leaned over and placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘Come on, Dad, help me to understand why you keep letting her do this to you. To both of us.’
‘When I met your mum she was in a very bad place. Things weren’t easy for her growing up and she’d had a couple of really bad relationships.
It took a long time to get her to trust me and it’s something she still struggles with.
I thought things got better for her after we had you.
’ His face softened as he smiled up at Kat.
‘She doted on you, darling. From the moment she first held you in her arms she finally felt like she had someone who would love her unconditionally.’
‘I did love her, I do love her, but I’m not sure she feels the same way,’ Kat admitted, folding her arms across her chest. ‘She’s never paid much attention to me over the years.’
‘She did the best she could, but as much as she loved you, she found it a struggle because no one had ever taught her how to be loved and how to love in return.’ Her father reached out and placed his hand on top of Kat’s head, a comforting gesture that took her back to being a little girl.
If anything ever scared or upset her she’d run to him and cling to his leg and he’d reach down and stroke her hair.
It was always him she’d run to, Kat realised.
She’d never thought about it before but some instinct had told her she couldn’t rely on her mum so she’d gravitated towards her father instead.
‘I hate it that she hurts you.’ The words were thick in Kat’s throat.
‘I know you do, but the person she hurts more than anyone is herself. She doesn’t love any of the men she gets involved with, not really. She’s just always looking for a back-up because she still believes deep down that one day I’ll let her down.’
Kat scrubbed a hand over her eyes as she tried to get her head around the tangled mess of her parents’ relationship. ‘You think she’s testing you?’
Her father nodded. ‘Yes, I do and it’s not one I can afford to fail. I know you don’t understand it, but your mother and I really do love each other.’
‘No, you’re right, Dad, I don’t understand. I’m sorry for whatever happened to Mum in the past, but she can’t use that as an excuse to keep hurting you. Or me for that matter. She needs to get some proper help – some sort of counselling or something.’
Her father’s laugh was tinged with bitterness.
‘You don’t think I’ve suggested that? Believe me, I’ve tried everything I can think of over the years.
The only reason I moved us down here was because she told me Halfmoon Quay was one of the few places she’d ever been happy.
She was in foster care for a while and the family she stayed with brought her here on holiday.
I thought if we could build a new life here, the three of us, she’d be able to recapture that feeling. ’
‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?’
Her father shook his head, a sad smile on his face.
‘I’ve always done my best to keep you out of our problems.’ Kat was flabbergasted he could possibly believe that, because she’d been stuck in the middle for as long as she could remember.
His next words revealed the truth. ‘And I know I failed at that as well. I shouldn’t have kept you here, Kat.
I was weak when you needed me to be strong.
I was just afraid if you went away to university that I’d lose you too. I really do regret that, believe me.’
Kat sighed, wishing they’d had this conversation years ago when it might have made a difference.
‘I do believe you, Dad, but it doesn’t make things any better.
’ She leaned down and gave her father a hug.
Her heart ached for him, but this was destroying him and it would destroy Kat too if she let it carry on.
It was an effort to step back, but she needed to do it.
And she needed to speak the rest of what was on her mind.
‘What I don’t believe is that Mum has tried.
Not really. Not enough at any rate, but that’s between the two of you now because I’ve had enough.
I’ve got my own life to lead and I can’t let whatever this is between the two of you keep eating up all my time and energy. ’
Kat walked towards the door, pausing before she left to gesture towards the plans strewn across the desk. ‘That’s not my future, and nor is working here. Not in the long term. You’re going to have to stop indulging Mum and these stupid fantasies of hers one way or another.’