Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
EMMA
“Oh yeah, that’s it. Right there.”
“Does it feel better than before?”
“Mhm, way better.”
Grayson’s hand presses too hard on my back this time, and I let out a huff.
“Shit.” He rips his hands away. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to go that hard.”
“You’re good.” I rub my lower back and feel the knot I got at the gym has already loosened. “I think your job is done now, Professor. I’m feeling much better.”
Grayson jumps to the other side of his bed, resting his hands under his head while wearing only his boxer briefs; meanwhile, I’m in my thong and bra after the quickest quickie we’ve had to date.
It’s been a week and a half since I finished the last soup kitchen visit for the article, and two and a half weeks since the first time Grayson and I had sex in his bed.
This is the fourth time I’ve come over, but I haven’t slept here again as promised.
He’s made me dinner, but never in a romantic setting, we cuddle sometimes, and we’ve gotten to know each other better.
Sure, there have been moments of non-dirty flirting, but that’s normal for whatever we are…
right? But we never fight. Well, we argue sometimes.
We’re both incredibly stubborn, and we’ll butt heads, but being on the same page has helped.
We’ve learned to trust each other, even though we remain a nameless, faceless secret.
It’s as if the morning after Stevie’s birthday calmed him down.
When I admitted what I wanted in a partner and told him I didn’t expect that from him, everything changed.
On the other hand, it made me remember what I want romantically and…
I’m still not quite sure what it did to him, but he’s been a lot nicer and more flirtatious.
My friends asked me questions, and I told them parts of the truth. That we’re having sex but not in a relationship. That it started this semester, and we’ve known each other since the summer. The rest is simply none of their business.
I’m one to talk, considering how much I’ve pressured them into speaking about their love lives in the past.
I have to admit that, as cool as I play it, my heart is trying its damn hardest not to feel anything for this man beyond friendly concern and kindness.
There are moments when I catch myself questioning what he wants, where this is headed, and how much longer it will last. Then I take a moment to breathe and push the questions and thoughts aside, knowing they’ll only lead to heartbreak.
But when I’m at his house or when we do dirty things in his car or office, and he calls me “Princess,” I almost give in to the feelings I know are just lying doormat for now.
If he promised me a future, a relationship, it’d only take me a second to get on the same page, and I absolutely despise that he has that power over me. Then again, I could end this whenever I want to, so why don’t I?
“Emma.” Fingers snap in my face, jolting me out of my stupor.
I look up at Grayson, still lying on my stomach. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
His eyebrows crease. “Are you okay? I called your name three times.”
“Um.” I clear my throat and sit up, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. I let myself get into my head and think about my feelings with him next to me. “I should head out. Those bags aren’t going to pack themselves, and I’m leaving for the city in the morning.”
It’s two days before Thanksgiving, and I’m excited to see my parents for the first time in months.
I usually don’t spend this much time away from them, but the paper has me completely booked, along with classes and Grayson.
He’s spending the entire weekend with his siblings, and I think we could both use the space. This time apart will be good for me.
“Let me at least make you something to eat.” The mattress of his queen-sized bed shifts as he comes up from behind me when I finish putting on my long-sleeve top.
He presses a gentle kiss to my neck, and I arch my back slightly before standing up. His kisses can distract me from anything, and he knows it.
Gathering myself, I close my eyes and straighten my back. “No, it’s fine. I’ll get something at the café next to my dorm. They’re still open.” The truth is, I need to get away because the question I just asked myself is freaking me out.
I could do it. I could tell him that this is too much, that I’m trying too hard not to fall for him, and that I can’t give him any more time. I’d end it because the last thing I’d ever do is give him an ultimatum.
Grayson pushes his hair back, revealing the glasses I love.
“Did I do something wrong?”
I grab my jeans. “Nope. Nothing.” Not a lie. He warned me about this.
He looks down and sighs. “Then why are you getting dressed so quickly and still zoning out? I know that face, and it means your mind is about to implode.” His arm reaches out for me. “Emma—”
I step back, buttoning my pants. “I just need to go.”
He moves swiftly and drops me onto the mattress, giving me a languid kiss before setting me back on my feet, making the room spin. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
Grayson thought that would make me feel better, but it only confirmed what I’ve been thinking. “I don’t think I can wait anymore,” I practically whisper.
His head tilts. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I can’t keep waiting for you. For this.” I raise a hand and gesture between us.
His brow furrows, pain etching his features. “Emma—”
“I thought I was cut out for this, but I’m obviously not.
It’s only been a month and a half since we spoke about our terms, and that in itself is not a long time.
But that’s not the only thing.” I continue my stream of thoughts, needing to get this off my chest. “I’m not blaming you either.
The lines have blurred on both ends. Sometimes this feels like a relationship, and other times just sex.
But for the last two weeks, since the night you picked me up from the frat house and took care of me, something’s changed.
I see it. I feel it.” Grayson stares at me, something akin to nerves and sadness in his eyes.
“Like that!” I point to his face, and both his eyebrows rise.
“You’re looking at me with gentler eyes, just like the morning after you took care of me.
When you admitted you had a crush on me. ”
“I do have a crush on you,” he says in a low voice.
My smile is bittersweet. “I know you do, but my crush isn’t a passing infatuation like yours may be.
I promised that I’d tell you if I could no longer wait for you.
” I shrug, letting out a humorless laugh.
“This is me telling you, and I’m not going to make you choose a path.
You’d have told me by now if you wanted something more.
So…” I pick up my purse and move to where my coat is hung in the living room of his small one-bedroom house with one of the most amazing kitchens I’ve ever seen.
Grayson’s footsteps sound behind me. “I’m going to go, and we can be friends.
I’ll text you once the article’s out next week. ”
“Emma—”
“Grayson, it’s okay—”
“Will you just shut the hell up so I can kiss you?” He doesn’t wait for me to reply.
Instead, he wraps me in his arms and gives me the most passionate kiss I’ve ever experienced.
His lips move in a slow embrace, our tongues dancing together, and whatever this kiss means—whatever I’m feeling—I feel it in the marrow of my bones.
I moan softly, already having lost my train of thought, and he pulls away.
Our eyes lock, and he smiles. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I say, confused, because I didn’t ask a question.
“Let’s do this thing. For now, we can date away from the public eye because of your article.
I know you don’t want people at the paper to think of you differently, but come January, we’ll tell a dean that it happened over winter break.
” My heart skips a beat, and I’m left speechless.
“After all this secretive bullshit is over, that’s when I’ll ask you to be my girlfriend properly. ”
Is this really happening?
“Why wait to ask?”
Grayson smirks. “Because, Princess, asking you here and now isn’t how I want to do it.
I’ve been picturing how to ask you to be my girlfriend since the night we met, and it sure as hell wasn’t when we were in a secret relationship.
However, you are romantically and sexually mine just as I am yours.
You no longer need to wait for that kind of commitment.
” He brushes a finger along my cheek, and I lean into his touch.
My heart tightens as the walls of ice I’ve built up for months slowly melt away. “So, we’re dating?”
“Yes.”
“As in romantically, feelings and all of that?”
“Yes.”
“And in January, we can come out as boyfriend and girlfriend?”
Grayson laughs. “Yes, but we can discuss all of the details next week when we have more time. I really do think you have to go now.”
Turning, I see the time on his hanging clock in the living room.
Shit, I really have to go, but I’m not done here. “What changed your mind?” I watch his face, searching for any hints of doubt.
His eyes gaze at me adoringly, not for the first time, but it’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to see it. “You were right about things changing two weeks ago. When I took care of you that night, it felt like the most intimate thing in the world, and yeah, it scared me, but it also felt…right.”
“I should black out more often,” I joke.
Grayson narrows his eyes. “Please don’t.
And it’s not just that. I’ve been questioning myself why I wasn’t ready for months while we got to know each other, and how we’re so different yet the same in the best way possible.
Watching you grow closer to Marina was only the cherry on top.
You make me smile and laugh in ways I haven’t in years.
You’re also extremely stubborn, intelligent, witty, and beautiful.
” He sighs. “Your beauty, both inside and out, is unparalleled.”