Chapter 26
We surf until after the sun dips low across the horizon. If you can call what I did surfing. I got a few good rides in, though most of the time I teetered off the board before it hit the shore. I didn’t even notice that Rex and Juju came out on the balcony, until I heard Juju cheering for me when I finally managed to ride a long wave in — standing up all the way before gracefully jumping off on the sand. I did a little bow toward the two figures on the deck in the distance, twirling back to the water at the end and running in with my board under my arm to catch another.
The last time I felt this uninhibited and free I was just a kid.
When did that change?
Dom stayed in the shallower water with me, even though he could surf circles around me in the deeper water if he wanted.
When I needed a break, I’d straddle my board on top of the shallow end and watch him. The way the outline of his body turned into a silhouette as the sun sank low enough to cast blinding sunlight across his body. I can’t remember the last time I saw anyone this happy. His laughter ringing out each time he rides in, the definition in his hips and arms making my heart vibrate — like it takes everything in me just to stay silent and still.
I, on the other hand, became an expert at popping back out of the foamy sea so I wouldn’t get demolished by the next oncoming wave, which I consider to be excellent progress.
Dom was right. The ocean was calling me, and she wasn’t going to relent. I needed her today more than I thought I might. Getting out of my head and out of that townhouse was the best thing I could have done for myself.
I should make this a morning ritual.
“I might turn this into a hobby while I’m here.” I pick up a handful of dry, hot sand before letting it slowly drain through my fingers. Juju and Rex are still sitting on the balcony behind us, two little figures hunched in the distance. Knowing we have an audience has made us both more brazen, sliding back into the role as two actors who are openly falling for each other.
We’re settled back on the sandy shoreline now, our boards resting on dry land beside us. I run my hands across the silky white grains, like pillows of powdered sugar strewn across a hot skillet. I pinch more of it and strain it out between my fingers. It feels like a silk scarf tracing along my skin.
The sun is well on its way to disappearing, casting long shadows across the scattered trees and swaying palms. It sets early here, so we don’t have to stay up late to catch the final rays — an epic light show of pinks and golds each evening. The ocean has started to calm down too, barely lapping against the shore now. Like she knows it’s almost closing time. Time for everyone to take a moment to enjoy the sunset while being gently lulled to sleep by her song.
Other families and couples, old and young, are settling into the soft, sugary beach as far as I can see in both directions, ready for Mother Nature’s final gift of the day.
I’m struck by the notion that we’re all inexplicably drawn to this as humans. The water, the sun. Casting our eyes outward across the gentle waves, as we slow down to participate in one of the world’s oldest rituals.
Everything about this place is pure magic.
I’m overcome with the same feelings I had last night at Cliff’s.
Happiness.
Peace.
Clarity.
Like I’m meant to be here. Like I’d repeat every humiliating thing that happened to me to bring me to this exact moment. I belong, without even trying, which is possibly the best type of belonging I’ve ever felt.
I don’t even care that my scalp feels like it has a thousand grains of sand smashed into it, or that I’ve wiped away any last shred of mascara I had on this morning. In the golden glow of the sunset, I feel beautiful — raw — and, more than anything else, alive. More alive than I might have ever felt.
“You enjoyed yourself that much?” Dom’s eyes look like soft green pools in the molten sunlight cast across his face. I could get lost in them forever if I’m not careful.
“Yeah, I really did. Thanks for getting me out of my head today.” I steal a peek at his lips, wondering what it would be like to kiss him right now. Salty and sweet and delicious.
I close my eyes and tilt my head back to the sun, feeling the heat pour through my eyelids as I inhale its warmth. The last rays of the day feel good. Really good. Cleansing.
“I can’t tell you how weird it is to watch the sunset while a guy I almost got engaged to watches it behind me with someone else.”
Dom turns to catch sight of them, stiffening his spine a bit when he turns back around.
I don’t bother looking. I already know Juju and Rex are still back there, sitting on patio chairs, overlooking the same breathtaking view, with our silhouettes pressed up against the hot pink horizon in front of them. I wonder what Rex is thinking after watching me play on the beach with Dom all evening. Or if he was too wrapped up in Juju to notice.
I’m now starting to question if I even care. There were so many moments that I forgot Rex was watching us tonight, and those were the best moments of all. Snippets of time that I could just soak up the happiness I felt without having to focus on showing interest in Dom just to make Rex jealous. Moments I didn’t want to remind myself that Dom was just putting on an act for him, too.
Every time his eyes caught mine when I stood up on my board, pure adrenaline bounced back and forth between us as the water rushed me forward.
Or when he pulled me in for a slick hug in the shallow surf, our bodies slid across each other, before breaking apart again to catch another wave.
I kept waiting for him to kiss me, which would have been our first kiss right in front of Rex. But it hadn’t come. Not yet.
“I forgot they were even there,” he says, quietly. A faint smile tugs the corners of his lips.
I dart my eyes up to his, but he’s watching the waves, lost in thought.
“You forgot they were there?” I ask, wondering how that’s possible since this whole charade is supposed to be for them.
He runs a hand through his hair, droplets of water flying off, getting lost in the heat of the sun. Then he swallows hard and turns to study my eyes for a moment, taking a deep inhale, almost like he has something important to say. I hold my breath until he lets it drain out of him, tossing a handful of sand at the water’s moving edge.
“I guess it’s easy to get swept up in the moment,” he says, smiling so faintly that it looks like it might be a joke.
“Right,” I say, my voice a bit hoarse.
We both stare out at the water, letting the sunset fill our silence.
I wish I was forward enough to ask if all these moments between us are truly just part of the charade, the game we’re playing to make Rex jealous, but I’m not sure I want to hear the answer to that question just yet. Not when I still have hope that any of this might mean a bit more to him, like it does for me.
“Can’t be easy,” Dom says, looking at my lips. “You’re pretty brave to stay here, considering what that guy put you through.” He pats my hand for a second, then slips it off again. I close my eyes briefly, wishing he’d let it linger there a little bit longer. “I hope this isn’t weird to say, but I can’t really picture the two of you together.”
My eyes pop back open. “Really? Why do you say that?” People seemed as shocked as I was when Rex said no to my proposal. Especially my parents.
“I mean, he just seems kind of . . . bro-ey to me. All bravado and surface-level shit. But you seem . . . I dunno. Different than that.”
“Not bro-ey?” I laugh, pushing against his bicep with my elbow. It feels warmer than the sun — I scoot closer to feel his body heat all the way down my bare side. Then I glance behind us where Rex is sitting. Both of us in the company of someone new. Someone who isn’t anything like who we were to each other back home. Thousands of miles away from what we were together such a short time ago.
“You seem to be filled with dreams that go much deeper than surface level,” Dom continues. His eyes stay on mine when he says it. Then he licks his lips, just a flicker of his tongue coming into view, making it impossible to complete a full thought, much less a sentence.
I look back out toward the water.
“How so?” I’m curious what he’s noticed about me in the short time we’ve known each other.
“You have this script you’re chasing the ending of, halfway across the world from home. Scratching a lifelong itch that most people might have given up on by now, and, honestly, I don’t know many women who would pack up everything they have and move to an island that they’ve never been to, completely alone for two months. You have some serious cojones .”
“I never thought of myself as brave. I only saw this trip as a way to escape my worst moment. My ultimate failure.”
“That’s not what I see when I look at you.”
His eyes burn into mine, like he’s seeing the most secret parts of me. The ones I keep hidden from everyone — sometimes even from myself.
This part is real, I realize.
Rex can’t hear what Dom is saying from way up there.
Breaking away from his eyes, I stare out at the lazy surf reaching higher and higher across the sand in front of us. The tide must be coming in. The sun is almost gone now. Just a wedding ring of gold radiating out above the horizon, slipping away as quickly as the seconds tick by. The sliver of sunlight burns into my eyes, searing the image behind my lids each time I blink.
He continues, “I think some people have everything they need at home, so they never leave. Other people have to move away from home to find whatever it is that they couldn’t get there. You came here to find something. To do something brave and new. I came here to leave.”
His confession catches me by surprise and I stare at him, trying to piece him together.
“Leave what?” I ask.
“Who I was back home. What I was connected to. The way people saw me.”
“I can’t imagine you being anything but who you are. You seem to be completely comfortable in your own skin.”
“Here, yes. But, back home, I’m different too. I get it. It’s hard to change who you are now , when everyone just wants to see you for who you were .”
“You haven’t seen me back home in New York.” I pick up a new handful of sand and drain it through my fingers. “Something about this place pulls a new side out of me, I think. I just feel different here.”
“Or, maybe, you’re just different there ,” he says. “Back in New York.”
Dom gently takes my hand in his, flecks of rough sand pressing between our skin. Then he dusts off his palm so it’s softer against mine. He squeezes, leaving his hand there, like he’s forgotten to pull it away.
I flick my eyes to his, then to the balcony behind us.
He smiles, still not pulling his hand away, while a firm understanding washes over his face. He looks back up at the lanai, then squeezes my hand tighter, so I couldn’t let go, even if I wanted to.
“I’m not letting you go, if that’s what you’re wondering,” he adds. “Unless—”
“No, I don’t want you to,” I interrupt, before his thought can even be completed. I want to add, and not just because they’re watching , but I can’t make the words come out. The sting of Rex’s humiliating rejection still hurts to my core. I’m not ready for another blow so soon if Dom is simply brilliant at acting the part.
He inches closer to me on the sand, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Then I rest my head against his chest. His skin is heated, like the last rays of the sun, and I snuggle in closer, enjoying the feeling of his body against mine, even if it’s all for show.
“I don’t know what this place does to me,” I tell him. “But whatever it is, I like it.”
“Maybe you’ve always had it in you. But all this?” He waves his free hand toward the rose-colored sky. “Maybe all this just helps you remember who you are. Who you’ve always been. And something along the way — maybe that guy up there — just made you forget.”
Then he slowly leans over and plants a gentle kiss right on my lips. It’s sweet at first, but grows in urgency, like we’re the only two people for miles around.
When he pulls back, his brows are furrowed, like he can’t decide if that was the right move or not. Then he whispers into my lips.
“Is this okay?”
Everything in me screams for more, much more than we can do on the beach.
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him back in, answering with another kiss of my own.
His kisses grow harder, both of us acting like we can’t bear to stop, until we’re both lying back against the sand, the crook of his elbow cradling my head like a pillow.
All I can hear is the gentle lapping of the waves. They’re breaking coolly across our toes as he holds my face in his hand, gently tasting and tugging at my lips with his, each kiss lasting a bit longer than the last.
My body aches for him to touch me in places I know he can’t, carry me behind closed doors if he must. He pauses and shoots his eyes up toward the balcony once more. I arch my back to follow his gaze, heart sinking, remembering the only reason we’re here.
The sun is nearly gone now, just a pat of butter drizzled on the horizon.
“They’re gone,” he whispers, still frozen above me. His hand is still wrapped around my hip, his thumb gently grazing the sensitive patch of bare skin just above my waistline.
I stare into his eyes — he hovers over me.
Both of us breathe heavily.
My mind is completely blank other than the feeling of him, hard and strong against me.
The last thing I want to do is stop.
Dom closes his eyes and brushes the tip of his nose against mine, our lips teasing one another, just a fraction of an inch away.
The heat of his breath finds the back of my throat. My heart hammers right beneath his.
Then he squeezes the curve of my hip and groans, like he’s trying to decide what to do next.
He kisses me once more on the lips, a feather-light kiss compared to the type we’ve just shared, and drops his head, pressing his forehead into my sandy shoulder.
“I didn’t realize this would be so hard,” he says, gripping my hip harder, as if trying to regain control of his next move.
I smile into his hair, biting my lip again while he still can’t see me.
“I should have known you’d be a phenomenal actress.” He pulls back to look into my eyes, searching for an answer, as if that wasn’t a statement, but rather, a question. I close my eyes for another kiss, but his lips stop short, hovering just over the top of mine, waiting.
“I’ve never been able to act before,” I whisper breathlessly into his lips.
Then I keep my eyes closed and force my smile away, hoping he leans in to kiss me one more time.
But, to my surprise, I feel him roll off me instead.