Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
We walk in silence; the only sounds are the shuffle of our feet along the sidewalk and the distant hum of cars on the main road outside our housing tract.
As if the universe feels my general mood, the darkened sky releases a light drizzle, prickling my sensitive skin.
Occasionally, Jake’s arm brushes mine as we walk, and I let the tactile feel of it keep me from floating off into the cosmos.
This day has felt like one hit after another, but now I have to shove all the feelings down and get ready to participate in our little family reunion. My chest constricts from the stress of it all.
Too quickly, we reach my house; Mom’s car is in the driveway.
We stop next to Jake’s truck parked on the street, and I take a second to breathe, not really wanting this moment to end because then I have to face whatever is happening between my parents.
I turn to Jake to thank him for coming with me, but he speaks first.
“Want me to stay?”
A reluctant shake of my head.
“Thanks, Jake, but no.” I gesture towards my house with one hand. “My dad is finally home and we’re supposed to have ‘family dinner.’”
“That’s good, right?”
I shrug. Jake has heard enough of my problems today, and now that I think about it, it’s all a little embarrassing. I basically just got dumped by my boyfriend’s mom because my boyfriend is too much of a wimp to tell me the truth.
“Anyway, better go in. Thanks again.”
A small smile, then I walk towards the front door. I glance back with my hand on the door handle and see he hasn’t moved, his concerned gaze still trained on me. I wave awkwardly and walk in.
The first thing I notice is my dad’s large shoes lined up in the entryway—so strange to see after so long. The scent of fresh pizza hits me.
“Avery!”
Hunter comes barrelling across the wood floor and skids to a stop in front of me.
“Dad’s home! Come on!”
He grabs my hand and drags me towards the dining room, where my mom is placing paper plates and napkins at each chair.
She’s still in her scrubs and it could be my imagination, but her eyes seem tighter with stress than usual.
Her gaze lifts at the sound of Hunter babbling to me about how big kangaroos are.
She immediately straightens and pops a hand on one hip. “Avery James, you left Hunter home alone? We walked in and he was in front of the tv. Where were you?”
Right. I’d forgotten that detail among all the other things going on. The plan had involved Jake and me getting back before my parents, but that obviously didn’t happen. Hunter drops my hand and rushes off calling for Dad, who must be somewhere nearby.
“I was only at the Patels. Jake and I were—”
“With Jake?” she interrupts, her brows furrowing with confusion.
“Yeah. We were only gone a few minutes! He was helping me with—”
Before I can finish, my dad bursts into the room and envelops me in the biggest bear hug of all time.
His tall frame wraps around me, and I breathe in his scent—a mix of the cologne he’s worn for years and whatever else it is that makes him distinctly ‘dad.’ It feels familiar and foreign all at once, like maybe something essential has changed him during his time in the southern hemisphere.
Or maybe I’m imagining stuff again. I close my eyes and try to enjoy the moment, throwing my arms around him and squeezing. No matter what, he’s still my dad.
“Dad.” My voice trembles and I feel tears spring to my eyes. It isn’t until this second that I realize just how much I've missed him.
At the sound of my voice his arms tighten their hold on me even more. “Oh, I missed you, Avey girl.”
The deep sound of his voice rumbles through me, and I feel the tightness in my chest loosen. Dad is finally home!
He pulls me back by the shoulders to examine me, looking me up and down. His trademark lopsided smile fills me with a joy I didn’t expect. “Did you grow? You look older.”
My face reflects his infectious smile, even though my heart drops at his words.
I am older because he’s been gone for months!
I may not have actually grown taller, but my life has turned upside down and rearranged itself over the past few months.
The Avery James of four months ago feels like a completely different person than the one I am now.
Choosing to ignore his question because it would take way too long to explain everything, I launch one of my own. And it’s the most important one.
“Are you staying this time?”
Hunter jumps in. “Of course he’s staying! Why wouldn’t he? He does live here.”
I glance at Hunter to acknowledge what he said, but it’s not that simple.
It never is anymore. Hesitation lines my dad’s face, like he’s not sure what to say.
My heart plummets even more, like an elevator with the cords cut.
Even though I’m not sure what his hesitation means, it definitely means things won’t go back to normal.
“Who’s hungry? Let’s eat!” Mom cuts through the tension and pulls out a chair. The rest of us follow her lead.
Dad grabs a slice of pizza and puts it on a plate, then passes it to Hunter. “So how’s school, Avery? Are you excited about swim season starting soon? It’s your last year! I can’t believe it.”
I beam at him and enjoy the sight of his familiar face. His hazel eyes twinkle at me the same way they always have, but his honey-colored hair is grayer at his temples. All traces of the weird look from a minute ago are washed away.
Although I’ve texted and had a few calls with him while he’s been gone, I haven’t filled him in on any of my latest drama, or even my struggles in calculus.
The truth is that he’s gotten a totally rose-colored version of my life that I’ve carefully curated by cherry-picking the information I shared.
He’s gotten the highlights—exaggerated versions of them: tales of perfect behavior from Hunter and me, the fun we had on Halloween, and how successful swim class has been.
Wow. The realization hits like a bolt of lightning—Braden has done the same to me!
Am I as bad as Braden? At least I didn’t outright lie to my dad.
I may have slightly embellished how much of my vision board I had actually accomplished, and I may have skipped over the fact that I need tutoring for calculus.
Obviously, I wouldn’t have had time to tell him about the co-captain situation, as that was only decided this morning.
“Avery? Your dad asked you a question.”
My eyes snap up to my mom’s face; everyone is staring at me expectantly. Oops!
“Sorry, just thinking about this weekend! Um,” I take a bite of pizza to give me a moment to decide what to share. “It’s good. I am officially captain of the swim team! The coach asked me this morning.”
“Don’t you mean co-captain?” My mom asks.
How in the world would she know that!? That meeting didn’t even happen 24 hours ago, and I haven’t so much as texted my mom since then.
“Where did you hear that?”
“I ran into Analiese’s mom at Domino’s when we picked up the pizza. She mentioned how excited Analiese is to co-captain with you.”
I run through my mom’s words in my mind and carefully examine her face. Is that supposed to be sarcastic? There’s no way Analiese would say that to her mom, unless her mom can’t read her own daughter’s inflections. She does have a pretty stoic face.
“Well, that’s great, Avery! Co-captain, captain, it’s all the same. I guess you can move that goal over on your vision board.” Dad grins at me. My eyes catch on his one, slightly crooked eye tooth that I always thought made him look like a friendly vampire when I was little.
“Definitely,” I return with more enthusiasm than I feel.
For the next half hour, we eat pizza and share stories about our lives, though it’s mostly Dad sharing about Australia with Hunter asking him a bunch of questions.
When the pizzas have been demolished and my mom brings out a plate of my chocolate chip cookies, the conversation takes a turn.
Mom gives Dad a nod, which must be some sort of signal.
“So kids, we have something we’d like to announce,” Dad starts.
My back snaps straight, and I toss my braid over my shoulder. Nerves flutter through me. I knew there was something going on! What if he's going to say he’s moving to Australia forever? With that actress? That’d be absurd… right?
“We know everything has been a little strange lately, with me being in Australia so long shooting that movie,” he continues. “And now that it’s over, life can go back to normal in some ways. But things will also be different.”
My eyes swing between them. Mom avoids my gaze. She’s looking at Dad, like she’s trying to squeeze the words out of him with the force of her will.
“You know that we love you both, so much.”
“So much,” Mom echoes softly.
“But your mom and I have chosen to separate for the time being. I’ve found an apartment nearby that has rooms for each of you. We haven’t worked out exactly when you will come stay with me, but we will find a schedule that works for everyone.”
The dining room falls silent. A clock on the wall ticks.
My dad’s words ring in my ears. Separating. Apartment. Schedule. There’s only one possible thing this means.
“You’re getting a divorce?” I ask.
“You’re not going back to Australia, right?” Hunter asks at the same time.
Hunter looks at me, his mouth gaping in disbelief. I’m not sure how much he understands right now, but he knows what divorce means. One of his best friends at school has divorced parents.
“No, I’m staying in California, and we’re not getting divorced. This is a trial separation. But we don’t want you kids to worry about all of that right now. The most important thing is that you know that we love you both, and we are here for you no matter what.”
I can barely believe what I'm hearing! And for once I don’t even think about protecting Hunter from the truth.
I’m sick of our parents keeping us in the dark while we all try to pretend what’s been going on is normal.
It’s not like our dad is a soldier on a deployment—he’s a cameraman who chose to take on a project that kept him on the other side of the world!
“Ok, but trial separations are what people do before a divorce,” I state slowly, like I’m having to explain this to a two-year-old instead of my parents. Hunter looks at me and I swear there is relief in his eyes. He’s glad I’m fighting to clarify what’s going on in our family. We deserve answers.
Mom sucks her lips into her mouth and lifts her eyebrows at my dad again. Apparently, this conversation is falling entirely on his shoulders. Is that because this is his choice, not hers? Or maybe she’s mad that she’s been solo-parenting for months.
“That’s true,” Dad replies, drawing out the word, “but that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what is happening here. Sometimes parents just need some time apart to sort out their feelings and priorities.”
“But you’ve had ‘time apart’ for months now. Couldn’t you have done that then?”
Dad lets out an uncomfortable laugh. “I guess I can’t put anything past you, huh?” He pauses and looks at my mom. “Want to help me out here, Andie?”
“Nope,” she says, popping the ‘p’ sound.
Wow, she’s mad. That single word had the weight of a slammed door. The air practically ripples with the awkward tension. Mom’s mad, Hunter has tears in his eyes, and Dad is the outsider who apparently has decided he would do better apart from the rest of us.
“Are you sleeping here tonight?” I ask.
I know the answer. I want to make him say it.
He hesitates a beat. “No.”
I nod slowly. Somehow this all makes sense. Braden left. Dad’s leaving. Why would I expect anything different?
My chair makes a horrid squeaking sound across the hardwood floor as I pop up from my seat. Everyone’s attention snaps to my face.
“Well, thanks for this lovely family dinner. Let’s never do this again, ok? And Dad, I hope you enjoy your new life without us. Great talk.”
I snap up three more cookies from the plate and head straight for the stairs, intent on locking myself in my room for the rest of the night. Will this day ever end?
“Avery—” Dad calls, but my feet are already bounding up the stairs two at a time, heart nearly pounding out of my chest. The bedroom door barely clicks shut and locks before his footsteps reach the landing.
With my back against the door, my body slides down into a boneless heap.
My head thuds softly against the wood as my eyes fall closed.
The heavy thud of Dad’s steps in the hallway tightens my stomach. The last thing I want to do right now is talk to him. Feelings are spiraling out of control—words seem outside the realm of my abilities, and that’s putting it mildly.
The gentle tap comes, vibrating against my back. It’s not soothing.
“Avery? Can we talk?”
A pause.
“I’m sorry for how that went down there… that didn’t go how I planned.”
Another pause.
Tap, tap, tap.
“Avery, can you hear me, sweetheart? Please, open the door so we can talk.”
A deep breath, held tight. My eyelids squeeze impossibly tighter, like I can shut out the world if I close them hard enough.
A shuffle from downstairs, then the heartbreaking sound of Hunter crying. His words are impossible to make out, but his small voice mixes with the steady tones of Mom’s.
Dad shifts in the hallway—probably looking down the stairs—then returns.
“I love you, Avery. We’ll talk tomorrow, ok?”
Then he’s gone.