Chapter 26 #2
He sighs and keeps stroking my hand like it’s something tender and special to him.
“There were so many times I wanted to talk to you about this. Believe me. But then you’d do something like show me your vision board or talk about the schedule you’d planned for our future, and I just…
couldn’t. I felt like I was going to disappoint you.
Like how I was disappointing my parents. ”
I pull my hand away. “So you decided to lie to them? To me?”
“No! I mean, yes. I guess it didn’t feel like it was lying at the time. I thought I needed some space to figure out the mess in my head.”
I scoff. “Space?! You went to another continent without even telling me!”
“Avery, I know. I know! It’s crazy. Please—” he reaches out to grab my hand again, but I whip it away and lean back from him.
“Please, forgive me. I know I messed up. You mean everything to me, and I know what I did is unforgivable. But I hope you can forgive me anyway.” He raises his doe-like eyes to meet my gaze. “Please.”
I stare at him, examining his features. In the space of a moment, I can see all versions of him—the boy I met, my study buddy, the young man I fell in love with.
At this moment he looks both achingly familiar and yet…
not. He seems older. Different. I’m not sure if it’s because time has passed or because our lives branched off from one another months ago and have continuously grown in opposite directions.
One thing is for sure—I cannot possibly entertain any kind of reconciliation with Braden without clarity on one glaringly obvious point.
“Who is Tricia?”
His eyebrows crash together in what looks like genuine confusion. “Tricia?”
“Yeah,” I say, my tone flat. “Tricia.”
“I don’t—”
“Nope,” I cut him off. “Don’t try to deny it. You talked to her when we were on the phone. She was with you. She’s all over your Instagram. Who. is. Tricia?”
“She’s nobody. Believe me, Avery. I have no interest in her. The thought is absurd, actually.”
“You’re going to have to explain this to me like I’m dumb, Braden.
You go MIA to backpack in Europe to find yourself, all the while dodging my texts and calls, feeding me lies to cover your story.
Then I see comments and pictures popping up with Tricia, then she’s conveniently with you when I do catch you on the phone?
If you were backpacking and moving around, clearly she was with you.
Did you—” I curse myself when my voice breaks, “cheat on me?”
Braden leans forward and gently grabs the sides of my face, looking intently into my eyes.
“No, Avery, no! I would never. I love you, only you. Tricia is someone I met online. She knew hostels we could stay at and had a plan. I just went along with it because I didn’t know what to do, other than that I wanted to get away. ”
His thumbs caress my cheeks, and I’m tempted to close my eyes and enjoy the sensation, but I remind myself to focus. “You met her online? How?”
He nods. “In a DnD group online. Some other people on there also went on the backpacking trip. It wasn’t just her. She’s, you know, social and kinda loud, so that’s probably why she stood out from the group.”
“I refuse to believe that she doesn’t want you. She never gave you any indication she’s interested? Because she definitely is.”
Braden’s face screws up like he’s disgusted and shakes his head. “Even if she’s interested, I’m not.”
“So you didn’t cheat?”
“No. Never.”
Our faces are inches apart, our gazes locked. Emotions swirl within me—sadness, grief, nostalgia. But one thing is definitely missing. There’s no spark. And there definitely aren't any butterflies.
Despite that, I don’t pull back or resist when he closes the gap between us and gently kisses me.
I close my eyes and let myself feel what there is to feel.
Maybe my heart will override my brain—I owe it to both of us to try.
But despite the many years of loving him, there’s no doubting the truth: I feel nothing.
Braden pulls back and smiles softly. “I’ll do better, I promise. But still be mine, Avery. Tell me you’re still with me.”
I slowly grab his wrists and move his hands down from where they still cradled my face, releasing him and leaning back to put some space between us.
“I’m sorry, Braden.” I shake my head and wipe the lone tear that has fallen down my cheek. Even though I no longer love him, my heart mourns the love we used to have. “I can’t trust you anymore, and I don’t think there’s any coming back from that.”
Braden sits back and swipes his hand down his face in frustration. “So that’s it? Because I was having a hard time and struggling with my mental health, you’re done with me?”
“Of course not. It’s because you lied to me. Over and over again.”
He bites a lip like he’s trying to hold back the tears, but they pour down his cheeks anyway.
The sleeves of his cotton hoodie serve as a tissue while he tries to wipe them away.
I grab my purse to get him a tissue. While rustling around in the bag, I notice new texts on my phone.
After passing the tissue pack to Braden, I swipe the texts open—checking my texts will give Braden a moment to blow his nose and pull himself together so we can finish this conversation.
Old, in-love-with-Braden Avery never could have resisted comforting him, but here we are.
Unknown number: Did you get lost? Also, Jenna has nearly passed out from lack of cookies over here…
Me: Jake, hold on to your horses. I’ll be there soon.
I really need to add him to my contacts. My finger hovers over the option to do that when Braden distracts me.
“Wow, so that’s happening,” Braden says with a scoff while shoving his used tissue in his hoodie pocket and pulling out another one. “I bet he barely waited a week after I left to start moving in on you.”
My mouth drops open in disbelief as I lower my phone, which I now realize I’d angled too much in Braden’s direction. “What in the world does that mean?”
“Oh come on, Avery. You know he’s always had a crush on you.”
“That’s not true!”
“Now who’s lying? He’s followed you around like a puppy since we were kids.” He sniffles for a moment then continues. “Though he did try dating that hot cheerleader last year, so props to him for trying to move past you. That failed, apparently.”
Hot cheerleader?! First of all, my (now ex?) boyfriend shouldn’t have been thinking of anyone as hot.
Secondly, I don’t want to even think of Jake dating a ‘hot cheerleader.’ I’d rather not read into the implications of why it makes me uncomfortable at this moment; it just does.
And thirdly, why does everyone keep insisting Jake always had a crush on me? I feel a flush creeping up my neck.
“Look, I don’t get why you and everyone else keep insinuating Jake has always liked me—”
“Because it’s obvious.”
“—but, there’s nothing going on between me and Jake. We’re friends. Like we’ve always been.”
“So you’ve always texted? I can’t help but notice you haven’t saved him in your phone. I’m not the only one good at denial here.”
“Well, no, but we had to start texting because we’ve been doing calculus homework together and—”
“Wow, smooth move there, Jake. Of course that worked,” he laughs bitterly.
“Ugh! It’s nothing, ok?”
Braden nods slowly, like he’s measuring his words. “Alright.” A brief pause. “You going to a party tonight?”
I briefly consider not telling him but decide that’s childish. Plus, I’m a free agent now. Officially. I can do what I want. “Yeah. At Jenna’s.”
“And Jake will be there?”
I shrug. “He does live there.”
“I’ll make a bet with you.”
“Braden, no—”
“Hear me out. I bet he’ll not only come bounding over as soon as you walk in the door. AND—”
“This is ridiculous.”
“And,” he repeats emphatically and points a finger at the plate of cookies on the dash, “he’ll save you at least one of those cookies.
You always bring them places but get so distracted you tend to miss out on eating any of them.
It drives you crazy and you complain about it every time, but then you do it again.
He’ll notice. And he’ll save you one. Tonight. ”
I open my mouth to deny it, but… memories flash through my mind of Jake doing exactly that. He always saves something for me.
But still—I’m not indulging in this with Braden. It doesn’t seem appropriate.
“That may or may not happen, but I won’t bet on it. I really need to go. To be crystal clear: we are not together anymore. I hope one day we can be friends again, but I need time and space from you for now.”
Braden’s expression wilts, but he seems to accept my words. “Can I have one of those cookies?”
I sigh. “Yeah. Sure.”
He lifts the plastic cover and takes one. “I know saying ‘sorry’ over and over won’t rebuild the trust between us, but I am sorry.”
“I know.”
He nods one last time, then opens the car door and walks out into the night.
And just like that, the era of Braden and Avery is over.