Chapter Thirty
Autumn
Aweek after Wren is born, Summer texts the group.
Summer: Family dinner. bring nothing. i mean it.
Before I can answer, another message appears.
Summer: colt says bring snackies
By the time Sam and I get to the house, Marisol has filled half the kitchen island with food.
Summer is in an armchair with a blanket over her legs and Wren's monitor beside her. She looks at the containers covering the counter, then at Marisol.
"What did you bring? Share with the class."
Marisol kisses the top of her head on the way past. "You're going to eat it regardless."
Summer looks at me. "See what my life is now?"
"Looks terrible."
She gives me the finger without much energy.
Lucia has appointed herself keeper of the baby monitor. She checks the screen, announces that Wren is still asleep, then checks it again less than a minute later.
"Still asleep."
"Thank you, baby," Marisol says from the kitchen.
Lucia nods like she's been entrusted with national security.
Dom is helping Colt move food into serving dishes even though nobody asked him to, and Jake walks through the front door carrying nothing.
Summer points at him. "Finally. Someone who listens."
"I've known you too long to ignore a direct order."
He kisses her cheek, shakes Colt's hand and comes toward me.
"Hayes."
"Holloway."
Jake reaches past me for a beer, then pauses long enough to look me over.
"Happiness looks good on you."
I bump my shoulder into his, and he opens his beer.
The afternoon settles around us without anybody trying to turn it into an event. Summer gets through half a sandwich before Colt asks if she wants to lie down, which earns him a look sharp enough that he immediately finds something else to do.
At some point Sam passes behind the sofa and brushes his fingers across the back of my neck. A few minutes later, he circles back with a mezcal for me, one cube, and a glass of water beside it.
"Thank you."
His hand settles against my knee for a second before Dom calls his name from the kitchen.
I take a drink and go back to listening to Marisol finish a story.
Late in the afternoon, Summer pushes herself out of the armchair. Sam looks over from across the room.
"I can stand up by myself," she tells him.
His hands lift in surrender. "I wasn't coming over there."
"You thought about it."
"That isn't illegal."
"Come help me with something."
Sam glances at Colt, who becomes extremely interested in whatever is on his phone.
Summer disappears into the kitchen, and Sam follows her.
Interesting.
Jake has migrated back beside me and is telling me about a deposition involving a CFO, three missing invoices and potato salad he believes should qualify as evidence of negligence.
"The potato salad was warm."
"That does sound actionable, unless it was German."
"Hmm, I hadn't thought about that."
"I hope you preserved evidence."
"I took a picture."
I laugh and start to stand. "I need another drink."
"Wait."
Jake says it too quickly.
I stop halfway up.
He closes his eyes.
Slowly, I sit back down. "Why?"
"No reason."
My eyes move toward the kitchen.
Then toward Colt, who is still studying his phone with the concentration of a man trying to disappear into it.
Something clicks.
Jake sees it happen.
"Autumn."
I turn toward him. "That was an extremely useful wait."
"I haven't told you anything."
"You didn't need to."
His mouth tightens around the edge of his beer.
I could get the rest out of him in thirty seconds.
With Jake, I know exactly which questions to ask, when to stop talking and how long he can tolerate silence before he starts filling it. I could walk into the kitchen. I could ask Colt. I could have the whole thing opened up and laid out before Sam came back.
Instead, I reach for my drink.
Jake watches me. "You're not going to interrogate me?"
"No. And don't sound so surprised or I'll reconsider."
Jake lifts the beer to his mouth again. My heart is beating too fast, but I stay where I am. Whatever Sam is doing in that kitchen belongs to him until he's ready to give it to me.
Summer comes back a few minutes later and lowers herself carefully into the armchair. Her face is suspiciously neutral.
I take another drink and offer her the same courtesy.
Sam follows shortly after.
He doesn't announce anything. He walks straight across the room toward me, and conversation begins dying around us without anyone being asked.
"Autumn."
I put my glass on the table.
Sam stops in front of me and takes my hand.
"I asked Summer if I could do this here because these are our people."
My throat tightens.
His eyes stay on mine.
"And because there was a night at that school fundraiser when I sat four seats away from you in a room full of them and let you wonder whether you were different to me."
My fingers tighten around his.
"You shouldn't have had to wonder." His thumb moves once over my knuckles. "I'm not doing that again."
Then he gets down on one knee in the middle of Summer and Colt's living room.
Every bit of air leaves my lungs.
Sam reaches into his pocket and opens the ring box.
"I love you. You're it for me, Autumn. Every version I've got." His voice roughens, but he doesn't look away. "Marry me."
I have spent most of my adult life very pleased with my ability not to cry in front of people. So much for that.
"Fuck, yes."
The laugh that leaves him is half relief.
I squeeze his hand. "Yes, Sam. I'm marrying you."
The room detonates.
Summer starts crying from the armchair while Colt throws one fist into the air like somebody just won a championship. Marisol covers her mouth with both hands, Jake laughs beside me, Bex is clapping loudly, and Lucia starts asking to see the ring before Sam has even gotten back to his feet.
I make the mistake of looking at Jake.
His eyes are wet.
"Oh, fuck you."
That makes him laugh harder. "Love you too, Hayes."
Sam stands, still holding my hand.
"Can I put this on you before everybody takes over?"
I look around at the people already moving toward us. "You might want to hurry."
He slides the ring onto my finger.
It fits perfectly.
The emerald-cut center stone catches the light first, framed by the halo of diamonds in the setting and the diamonds set into the platinum band. It's bright without being ridiculous, and the setting sits low enough that I won't catch it on everything I own.
I turn my hand once.
"Sam."
His expression changes immediately. "You hate it."
I look up. "Are you insane?"
He exhales.
"I love it."
From behind him, Colt clears his throat.
"For the record, I helped."
Sam closes his eyes.
I laugh. "Did he?"
"He was annoyingly useful."
Colt points at him. "That's all I wanted."
"Go away."
Marisol gets to me next and wraps both arms around me. Lucia squeezes in beside her to inspect the ring, and Jake waits until the traffic clears before pulling me into a hug that lasts just long enough to make my eyes burn all over again.
When he lets me go, he taps the side of my head lightly.
"Happiness still looks good on you."
"Careful. You're getting sentimental."
"Temporary condition."
Behind him, Summer is crying again.
I point at her. "Stop that."
"You're engaged."
"You had a baby seven days ago. You don't get to judge anybody's emotional stability."
"That is exactly why I get to."
Sam's arm comes around my waist from behind, and I lean back into him without thinking.
Nobody leaves when they're supposed to.
Food gets reheated. Wren eventually comes downstairs and makes a slow circuit through carefully vetted arms while Colt tracks every handoff with the concentration of an air traffic controller.
Summer falls asleep in the armchair and, out of respect for our own lives, nobody mentions it when she wakes up twenty minutes later claiming she was only resting her eyes.
I'm heading toward the kitchen when Sam catches my hand.
"Come outside with me."
I glance down at our joined hands and the ring between them. "Kidnapping your fiancée already?"
His mouth shifts. "Trying out the word."
Fiancée. I'm going to need some time with the word.
We slip through the back door and sit on the step. The cold gets through my shirt quickly enough that I move into his side, and Sam puts an arm around me while taking my left hand in his.
His thumb passes over the ring, then does it again.
"You know it's still there."
"I like looking at it."
"You've been looking at it for hours."
"Still like it."
I laugh and rest my head against his shoulder.
For a while, we listen to the house behind us. Jake is telling someone a story I've already heard twice, Marisol and Bex are laughing loudly enough to carry through the glass, and every so often Summer's voice cuts through the rest.
I turn my hand beneath the porch light and watch the ring catch it.
"Colt really helped?"
Sam laughs under his breath. "More than I wanted him to."
"He's going to tell people he picked it."
"He's already told Dom that."
"I'll correct the record."
I settle back against him. For a minute, neither of us speaks. Then I think about London and the question I asked him when I finally stopped accepting whatever answer required the least from him.
"Sam."
His thumb stills against my hand.
"What do you want?"
The question used to stop everything. Sam would think too long, find the safest true answer and hand it back dressed up enough that I might not notice what he'd kept.
This time, he just answers.
"I want you at the end of the bar at Smoke when it opens. I want to know what you think when I put the plate up, and I want your stuff mixed in with mine until neither of us remembers what started where."
His fingers move between mine.
"I want you telling me the architect is wrong."
"He is."
A smile pulls at his mouth. "Frequently."
"Thank you."
His fingers tighten around mine.
"I want to get old with you."
That takes the smile right off my face.
Sam looks through the glass door toward the house behind us. I follow his gaze.
Summer is awake again, tucked into the corner of the armchair while Colt holds Wren against his chest. Marisol is gathering plates nobody asked her to touch.
Lucia is leaning over the back of the sofa talking to Jake.
Dom is standing in the kitchen eating something directly out of a serving dish because he gave up on plates.
"I want that," Sam says. "I don't know exactly what ours looks like yet, but I want to find out."
My eyes burn.
He turns back to me.
"And when everybody finally goes home, I want you to still be there."
I look at him for a long moment.
Then I lean in and kiss him.
The back door opens before either of us can decide whether we're staying outside forever.
Jake sticks his head through. "Are you two coming back, or did getting engaged make you antisocial?"
"Give us a minute," I tell him.
"You've had several."
Sam reaches behind us and pushes the door toward him.
Jake catches it before it closes. "Rude."
"Go away, Holloway."
He disappears inside laughing.
Sam stands first and holds out his hand.
I take it.
We go back into the house together.
The room absorbs us almost immediately. Someone asks Sam a question from the kitchen. Lucia catches my wrist because she wants another look at the ring. Summer calls me over from the chair, and Colt starts arguing with Jake about something neither of them will remember tomorrow.
Sam's hand leaves mine somewhere in the middle of it. Months ago, I would've tracked the exact second. Tonight, I don't need to. I know where he'll be.