Chapter 28 FRANCESCA
twenty-one
FRANCESCA
Wedding Eve
Iwake before the sun is up. Jackson is snoring lightly beside me. My nerves keep me from lying in bed, so I quietly roll out from under his arm and head to the bathroom.
Tomorrow is it. Tomorrow I will no longer be a Casanova and instead I will be Francesca Marie Gage. Mrs. Gage. I smile to myself in the mirror.
“Mrs. Gage.”
“Mrs. Francesca Gage.”
“Chess Gage.”
“Love of my life.”
“Gah!” I jump a mile. I’ve got to stop losing myself in the mirror.
Jackson chuckles, strutting in behind me, circling my waist with his arms. “Sorry, babe, didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Jesus! Well, you did.” My heart slows down to a much more normal speed.
“I should have just kept watching you, that was cute.”
My face flaming, I turn and bury myself into his chest. “I hope I didn’t wake you. It’s early still.”
“You know me, I don’t sleep past sunrise.” He watches me then asks quietly, “So, are you ready?”
I take a breath and lean back so I can look into his eyes. “I think so. You?”
“Absolutely.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Francesca. How can I not?”
I shrug. “Aren’t you scared?”
“Of what?”
When I don’t answer, he continues. “Baby, I know you’ve been stressed putting this wedding together. I’m praying that it’s the emotion of doing it so fast and not because—”
“I’m afraid I won’t be good enough for you.” I basically yell it in his face, I’m so anxious to actually speak the words out loud. It’s been bottled up inside me for weeks, months even if I’m being honest with myself.
His eyes soften and his hold tightens. “Baby girl-“
“No. Let me get this out.” I take a deep breath prepping myself.
“I don’t know how to be a wife. I mean, I guess it’s like what we’ve been doing for the last year but after tomorrow it will be official.
You won’t be able to get away from me easily after that.
And I know I’ve been crazy these last few weeks with planning and why would you want to be around a crazy person and then that only made me more insecure that you will leave me and that if I can’t handle a little pressure for a couple weeks then how can I handle the big stuff?
” I cry out and with every word that falls from my mouth, my heart races an extra beat.
“What big stuff? What do you think is going to happen?”
“I don’t know! That’s the problem! I mean, what if you get a job offer and want to move from here?
What about when we have kids?” My eyes widen realizing it’s not something we’ve ever talked about.
“Oh my God, Jackson, you do want kids, right? Why have we never talked about all this little stuff that adds up and could evolve into big stuff that has a chance to break us?” I cry out in one breath, again, spiraling into the dark place that I’ve been sitting in for weeks.
“Che—“
“I even went and talked to my mom because I felt like I was screwing up before we even got to say the words.”
“And what did she say?” he asks quietly, rubbing my back, trying to soothe me.
“She said you’re head over heels in love with me and there’s nothing I could do to make you love me less.”
“And she’s one hundred percent right.”
“Jackson, you say that now.”
“Are you trying to talk yourself out of this? What’s happening here?” His face is scrunched.
“No, I’m not.” He looks concerned. “I’m not, Jackson, I swear. God, even trying to tell you all this, I’m making things worse.”
“You have to talk to me. This won’t work, we won’t work unless you fill me in on every thought in that pretty head of yours.”
“That’s what mom said, too.” I smile thinking of mom. “We’re only as strong as we allow ourselves to be together. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to let you down. I want to be the perfect wife for you. I want to make tomorrow perfect for you. And it’s just not happening.”
I know I sound crazy. I know I sound like a whiny spoiled brat. But Jackson does what Jackson always does best – uses his words, dirty and sweet, to make everything alright.
“You know what is happening? I’m staying right here.
I’m going to be in your face for life, baby girl.
” He punctuates the word life and leans down, so we are eye to eye.
“When you can’t do it, I can. When you’re feeling low, I’m stepping up to take care of things.
Just like you’ve done for me. When I just about crashed and burned, you came and built me up.
” He kisses me. “And yes, I want kids. Lots of them.” His eyes twinkle.
“Matter of fact, we should get to work on that.”
I smirk but brush him off. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for doubting you.
Doubting me. doubting us.” I shrug not really having a better answer.
“I’ve been picturing you and I married for years Jackson, I mean, I used to scribble my name and your name in little hearts in all of my 7th grade notebooks!
I built us up in my head so much it felt like we peaked, and I was just going to tumble down now. ”
“You know, you were making me nervous for a minute there. I thought all your worries were that you didn’t want to finish this out with me. I even went to Adam!” he fakes horror.
“You did? Oh my god did he take that opportunity to tell you to get lost!” I snicker.
“No, he actually told me he’s glad it’s me.”
I furrow my brows.
“He’s glad it’s me that gets to love you, babe. It’s you and me, forever and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make sure we stick it out for the long run. He knows that. Everyone knows that. There’s nothing to fail here, we always win.” I hug him and he returns it, squeezing me tighter.
I glance up to his face and ask cautiously, “Can you tell me where we’re getting married yet?”
“I guess I should let you in on the secret, so you know where to meet me, huh?”
“Yea, I mean, it would help if the bride knew where to go.”
He studies me for a moment. “Let me tell you a story.” He walks me out of the bathroom then gathers me close as we sit on the bed.
“When I was eight years old, I met a kid in my class. The teacher put us at neighboring desks so there was no choice but to talk to one another. We found out we liked the same things, pizza, horror movies and football. We went out at lunch and began throwing the ball to each other. Then it became a habit. A habit that lasted for years after that.”
“When I was fourteen, me and that same kid made the varsity football team together. We were the youngest on the team and were scared to death. But we had each other. Our very first game, his family showed up and tagging along was an annoying brunette.” I punch him.
“But she kept my sister busy and out of my hair, so I was happy.”
“With each passing year, that brunette showed up at every game, and with every passing game, she became more beautiful to me. I’ll never forget the night I noticed her as more than my sister’s friend, or my best friend’s little sister.
And it hurt. Trust me when I say it physically hurt, you don’t ever want a hard-on while wearing a cup. ”
“Jackson!”
Laughing, “What? It’s the truth. Anyway, it was the first game of the season, she was sitting at the fifty-yard line and in my head, I said, 'I'm going to marry her.’
“You did not!”
“Ok, I didn’t. I said I’m going to give that girl the fuck of her life.”
“Gage!”
He cups my face with his hands, pulling me close and giving me a kiss on the nose, then looks me in the eye. “On that football field is where I found the love of my life. And on that football field is where I’m going to marry her.”
As if on cue, tears run from my eyes. My hands get clammy and my heart speeds. “We’re getting married on the field?” I choke out in question.
“We are.” It’s a statement. And I love the authority behind it.
He knows me better than I know myself. If he was to suggest this three weeks ago, I would have said hell no.
I would have said a real wedding takes place in a hall.
A real wedding has timelines and rules and criteria that has to be met.
But a real wedding is anything we want it to be.
And a real marriage is what we’re going to celebrate.
“I have a gift for you,” I say as I scramble from his lap. I’m nervous about showing him these boudoir pictures. Talk about really laying yourself bare!
I stand and go to the closet, gently pulling down the large box that Sarah wrapped for me. It’s white with a navy blue bow, which matches the guys suits. I take it back to the bed and present it to Jackson.
“Open it.”
He smiles at me. “You got me something?” The bow slowly falls away as he unties it and reaches in to take out the album. He looks up at me, a glimmer in his eye.
“Would this have anything to do with that picture of you wearing my jersey that you sent the other day?”
I shrug nonchalantly. “Maybe.” I nod to the album. “Just take a look.”
He opens the first page and sucks in a breath, snapping the album shut.
“What’s wrong?”
Oh god, he hates them.
His eyes are closed and he’s concentrating on slowing his breath down. It’s a tactic I recognize that he’s done while playing and coaching big games.
His eyes flutter open and they’re glassy as he looks at me. “Francesca …” he says on a breath as he looks down again and re-opens the album. His chest rises and falls with every page turn and my anxiety is quickening the longer he stays quiet.
He slowly turns through all the pages until he comes to the last one, which is the one in his jersey.
The picture shows that I’m kneeling on the bed, my hands twisted in the jersey as I pull it up on one side, teasing him, letting the red cheeky panties show on my hip.
He runs his hand over the page and connects eyes with me.
“You are so unbelievably fucking beautiful. I can’t … I don’t even have words for how lucky I am that I get to love you for the rest of my life.”
My heart soars and all the nerves that ate at me that day and all the days up until I was able to gift him this, just evaporate. This man is my world.
His face. His reaction? It’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted to stump him like he always seems to do to me.
He slides the album to the side of the bed, pulls me in close and I can feel his body shaking.
“Jackson, are you—”
“Shh. You’ve got me so fucking hard right now, I’m trying my hardest not to rip you apart.” He leans in, running his nose up the length of my neck and takes a breath.
“Babe…”
“I know we’re not supposed to be together the night before but there is no way I am going to make it until tomorrow night without tasting you.” He groans out the words like he’s in pain.
I play with the hair at the back of his neck. “It’s still morning, I don’t think we’re breaking any rules yet.”
And with that, he flips me to my back, covering my body with his.
“I’m so glad you see it my way, wife.”