Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
Chelsea
I’m sabotaging us. Again.
I am purposely causing the gap between Adam and I to grow larger than it already is.
I can’t manage to place my stubborn streak to the side.
I’m in the midst of Francesca’s wedding where Adam and I are meant to be a couple.
I can’t be near him, but I can’t walk out on her.
Old Chelsea would have run. I still want to run, but I’m forcing myself to stay.
I’m making an active choice to work this out. At least I got that going for me.
I won’t turn my back on the rest of the family because I feel Adam fucked up. Not again. They don’t deserve that. They didn’t do anything wrong. They welcomed us in as if I never broke their hearts to begin with.
Adam is the heartbreaker.
But so am I. I’m also the one who fucked up from the start.
I feel the tears coming again. Why am I like this?
I hate my father so much for changing the way I think and perceive my surroundings.
But enough is enough. I have to take responsibility for myself.
No one can change anything but me now. My therapist used to say, ‘when we change, everything around us changes’.
We’re down to nine days before the wedding.
I’ve been feeling bad the last few days, and I’m praying it’s just stress and that I’m not coming down with something.
I’m meeting Britt down at the dress shop for final alterations and honestly, it’s the last thing I want to do.
I just want to crawl back in bed, ignore my behavior the last few days and hide.
I’m gathering my keys and purse and hear a knock on the door. Calling out, “Britt? I thought I was meeting you there? Come on in, it’s open!”
“Hi Chelsea.” I startle when I hear a man’s voice.
“Tom? Is everything ok?” I tighten my hold on my things and instantly go to worry when I see he’s in uniform.
“It’s fine, everyone is fine. Can I come in?” He’s standing at the door and I’m sure I look like I’ve seen a ghost.
“Oh, yes, of course. What’s going on?”
He takes a breath and lets it out, but it’s accompanied with a slight smirk.
The Casanova smirk, each of these brothers has it, and they wear it like a tattoo.
“I had a report come across my desk earlier this morning. Seemed serious and out of character for the suspect named so I told my Sergeant I would look into it.” He lifts a brow waiting for my response. “Do you know anything about it?”
I narrow my eyes at him. Fucking Grace. And I’m the suspect? Is this guy for real right now? I straighten my spine. “You’ll have to elaborate Officer Casanova, I’m unsure as to what you’re alluding to.”
He holds my stare, the smirk becoming a full-on smile. But then he rolls his lips back in and steadies his face. “Grace filed an assault charge against you.” His eyes twinkle as mine widen. He puts his hands up as if to calm me, to tell me everything's alright. “Want to tell me what happened?”
I take a breath. Seems I’m going to have to air some dirty laundry here.
This is not my thing, I never liked sharing any details of mine and Adam’s relationship, whether it was good, bad or sexy.
Him and I always kept our secrets for ourselves.
But this family has not missed any of the ways Grace has tried to come between Adam and me.
She’s tried to keep herself relevant with them all these years.
“Tom, I really don’t want to do this.”
“CJ, it’s me. What you tell me here, is off the record. I’ll let you know when we go back on the record and then I’ll handle it. Okay?” He walks closer and nods to the stools at the island. “Have a seat for a minute and talk to me.”
So, I do. I spill my guts about everything Grace has done and said throughout the years. My tears fall and I’m so overly emotional. This isn’t me. I don’t have breakdowns, and if I do, I don’t do it in front of someone.
“When she brought Dominic into the conversation, I lost it. I had to put a stop to it. I had to stand up to her.”
He grows solemn, his face taking on a protective demeanor. He takes a breath then says, “So, you were in fear for your son, is that what I’m hearing?”
I stare back. “Are we on the record again?” When he nods, “Yes, I was in fear for my son.”
“Did anyone else witness this?”
“Adley was with me. And Dominic, of course. We were on main street, I’m sure there were other people around, but no one came over to us and I honestly didn’t see anything around me. She had me so upset I wasn’t thinking straight.”
He continues to hold my stare, then drops it, stands from the stool and adjusts his belt.
“I’ll handle this, Ms. Sutton. You have nothing to worry about.
” I stand, too, and follow him to the door.
He pauses, then turns to me, that smirk dancing across his lips once again.
“Off the record? You should have done it years ago. And, might I add, that once Britt catches wind, you’re going to be her hero.
I’m actually surprised I’ve never had to bail her out for doing it herself.
” He gives me a wink. “Give my nephew a kiss.”
I watch him walk down my path and get into his cruiser. He takes his sunglasses from the visor, puts them in place and slowly backs out of my driveway. This time, it’s me with the smirk. Nice try, Grace. I’m here to stay.
* * *
Walking into the bridal shop, I see Britt is already here and in her dress.
“I’m so sorry I’m late, you look amazing by the way!!” I gush over her and give her a quick kiss, careful to avoid the seamstress and her pins.
“Thanks, girl. I love this dress. I could definitely wear it again. I’m glad Chess let us pick something simple.”
Another seamstress comes from the back carrying my dress. “Hi Chelsea, come with me, let’s get you fitted.”
I follow her to the back and step into the dressing room.
Stripping out of my clothes quickly, I step into the dress and start to pull it up.
It gets stuck around my hips and waist. I tug a little, squirming around until it makes it over my hips.
I slide my arms through the straps and pull it up over my boobs.
“How are you doing in there?”
I pull the curtain aside and step out. “Can you zip me? I can’t reach.”
“Damn girl, your boobs look hot! You and Chessy both with the huge tits!”
“Britt!”
“Just saying, your men are lucky to have you,” she snickers and I just shake my head. Never a quiet moment when Britt is around.
“We’re going to have to let some of this out, I can’t get the zipper up without breaking it.”
I furrow my brows and groan. “What the hell, if anything, the stress should make me lose weight.”
“What’s wrong, girlie?”
“I knew it when I tried putting it on, I had to work it past my hips. And look at me! I’m all boob! This is ridiculous.” I turn to the seamstress. “Are you sure this is my dress?” I pat the front looking for a tag. “Maybe this is Adley’s, she’s smaller than me.”
“No, it’s yours. I double checked the name when I brought it out.”
I roll my eyes at Britt who’s watching me closely. “I never used to fight with clothing before having Dominic. He’s put my body all out of whack!”
“Are you sure it’s him that’s put your body out of whack?”
Struggling again as the seamstress pulls the straps tight with a clip, I roll my eyes at Britt’s question. “If that’s some reference to Adam working me over, you can hush it.”
She snickers. “Well, he may be part of the reason.” Her eyes are drilling into me, like she’s trying to relay some secret message.
“Britt, just spit it out. It’s not like you to beat around the bush.”
“That’s what she—”
“Don’t even finish that sentence!”
She laughs loudly but steps closer, taking my hand. “When was your last period, CJ?”
My face screws up. “What? Why would you ask…” Her round eyes meet mine, as I trail off, mind in overdrive.
Oh. My. God.
I start shaking my head. “No, no way. I’m on the pill. There’s no way.”
Britt makes a noise with her pursed lips and shakes her head. “You two burn hot together. I’m surprised I’m not pregnant just being around you.”
I collapse onto the bench, my mind racing, calculating dates and making sense of how I’ve been feeling poorly lately. I’ve been extra tired, but figured it was from the move.
And staying up late having sex with Adam.
I felt run down, achy and sluggish, but assumed it was from lifting and moving boxes back and forth across the street from house to house.
And from having rough sex with Adam.
“Britt, we have to go get a test. Will you come with me?”
Fuck, this can’t be happening. We’re not even talking right now. I’m doing my best to push him away, again. And this is repeating the cycle. If I’m pregnant, can I stay this time? And will he want us all?
* * *
“So, is Dom a big brother or what?” Britt asks from the other side of the bathroom door where I’m sitting on the closed toilet lid waiting for the minutes to pass so I can look at the stick.
“Britt, I’m afraid to look. Can you do it?
” She opens the door and walks in. I’m pleading with her with my eyes.
I honestly have no idea how to feel about this right now.
It’s like I’m in a fog. I watch her move around the small room, lingering over the sink where the test sits.
She reaches out her hand to me and I grasp it.
She picks up the stick, studies it carefully, places it back on the counter then kneels in front of me.
“Congratulations, Mommy, you’re going to have another little Casanova.”
I burst into tears. This is not how this should be happening again. It’s déjà vu and it’s making me uneasy. I don’t want to repeat this process by myself again. Adam should be here. But I’ve done my best to keep him away. He’d be right to stay away.
I’ve caused all my own heartache.
Britt wraps me in her arms, and I sob. I let out all the emotions of the past two years. I don’t think I’ve ever grieved for what I’ve lost as a child, and what I almost lost for my own son.
“Please don’t tell the girls yet.” I’m wiping at my face. “Let me digest it. Then I have to tell Adam.”
“Anything you need, girl. Thanks for letting me be with you now. Whatever you need, you know I’m here.”
“Thank you,” I choke out and grab her once again. “There is one more person I need to talk to first though.”
* * *
An hour later, I’ve righted myself and ring the bell of Janet Casanova’s front door.
“Hey, sweetheart, come on in.”
“Thanks for letting us come over.” Dominic scurries out of my arms and goes running down the hallway and into their living room with the giant Christmas tree. He’s obsessed with it, loves touching the little lights.
“Be careful, baby, don’t touch the ornaments.”
“He’s fine, I’m not worried.”
We follow him in and sit on the couch.
“Seems you girls are taking turns coming over here.” She eyes me with a twinkle. “Chessy was here earlier, needed a little pep talk to get through this wedding planning.” She shakes her head and chuckles. “Three weeks. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was pregnant.”
And with that one single word, I burst into tears. “Chelsea! No, honey, don’t cry! What’s wrong?”
Sobbing, I choke out, “I’m pregnant!”
Her eyes get watery and she envelopes me in her arms. She’s warm and loving and everything I wished I had growing up in a mom.
“Oh, sweet girl, does Adam know?” She brushes the hair back from my face.
“No, we’re not speaking right now.”
She furrows her brows. “Talk to me.”
I spill my guts for the second time today.
I tell her everything that transpired the other day with Adam leaving Dom at daycare.
I tell her every accusation Grace has ever thrown at me.
I tell her every flaw of mine from two years ago, and this time I don’t leave out my fatherless childhood.
And she accepts it all with grace and composure that rivals the queen.
She listens and never interrupts. She looks at me with comfort, not contempt.
“The Casanova men are tough. And Adam is just like Frank. Controlling, demanding, and striving for perfection. They both want to do it all for everyone. They have an innate need to take care of their families, which is something to be admired, but it’s also a hindrance when they become overbearing. They don’t see the lines they cross.
“I told Francesca this story the other day. Frank was a few years older than me when we met, and he was ready to settle down. I think he was born ready to find a wife and raise a family,” she laughs.
“And I fought him on every move. He would make a decision and I would negate it. He would offer suggestions and I would cut him down. We eventually worked out our differences, once I realized I was being a spoiled brat. I didn’t know how to be a wife, and I didn’t want to be trapped.
I loved him and knew he was the one, but I couldn’t see how it would work.
“And Adam? He’s just like Frank. Being the first born, he took on a role that was bestowed upon him, not one he chose.
He needs a good, strong woman, he needs you, to show him he’s allowed to let down his guard,” she giggles.
“I imagine you showing up with a baby in tow was enough to shake him up. And if it wasn’t, well, this baby sure will be. ”
I listen, trying to understand how our lives, over these past fourteen years have been such an obstacle. We’ve both made it harder for ourselves. Instead of just letting love guide us.
I take in her words. She’s right. I am as much Adam’s safe space, as he is mine. “Are you mad at me?”
“For what, Chelsea?”
I shake my head unsure how to put this into words. “I took away something special you could have celebrated. I stole time and—”
“No. Stop right there. You didn’t take anything from us.
You gave me the best gift anyone could have given me.
A star to add to my tree.” She nods her head toward the tree, and I see it.
A ‘Grandma’s First Christmas’ ornament hangs dead center on the tree.
My hormones are already going wild so all it does is make me cry.
This isn’t Dom’s first Christmas but it’s his first with his Grandma, and hers with him.
“Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I respond without a second thought.
“Then you know what to do. I know he’s a lot to handle, sweetheart, but you’re the only one who can get through to him.
And don’t give Grace a second thought. I know my son and he has been in love with you since he first laid eyes on you.
Frank and I knew all about you before he even brought you home.
That’s how I know you two are right.” She takes my hand.
“Give Adam that chance. Let him give you your chance. You both owe it to that little boy, and this new one.”