Chapter 18
Francesca
I’ve kept busy with Britt and Farrah and helping my mom with the festival. It’s really going to be great. The town is going to love the romanticized theme she has going.
Our charade has kept the town gossips busy as well. You’d think we were royalty with the way the town reacts when they see us together. And yes, Jackson is a celebrity around town but he’s also beloved and cherished and I think it makes the town happy to see him happy.
This makes me all the more upset about how we’re pretending our relationship is something it’s not.
It makes me sad that I can’t tell him how I feel. Because I do feel a lot for Jackson. I always have. And I am finally admitting it to myself at least. I had a crush on the boy and now I have love for the man.
Britt conned me out of my words a few weeks ago, but I’m not ready to admit it out loud again.
Not even to say it to myself in the mirror.
To see how those words would register coming from my lips.
I’d have to strip myself bare in order to do that and right now?
Today? The fear outweighs the joy it could bring.
Pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind, I go over the latest information and guest list for the coaching event I found for Jackson and I to attend tonight.
I reached out to Tony and although it has nothing to do with the NFL, it’s an event for coaches of all sports.
It’s a networking event but they are highlighting a local college baseball coach who just got called up to the majors as an assistant coach who focuses on batters.
I’m hoping there will be lots of new and old faces for Jackson to connect with.
I feel confident this will propel him forward, more so than the last event did.
We got press, but it wasn’t enough to bring any kind of new notice to him from colleges.
I’ve put out some social media posts highlighting his college career leading up to this event, as well as his highlight reel from his rookie season. Minus the partying, of course.
Looking back over the old videos has stirred up a lot of my feelings and I know this is why I’ve reached the end of myself.
It was so exciting watching Jackson be drafted, my heart was full, he was happy.
My dad was so proud of him, and Adam couldn’t believe he finally got there.
He never felt jealous. I would have seen it on his face.
He was just so proud of his best friend for making it to the top.
I take one last look at myself in the mirror.
Tonight’s event is black tie, so I’ve got on an off the shoulder fitted black dress, to the floor but with a slit high up the leg.
Black strappy heels with a ribbon that wraps around my ankle.
My hair is down and softly curled, but pulled up on one side with a bunch of barrettes.
I touch up my lipstick as I hear a knock on my door. I tip tap across my wooden floors and answer the door. My breath catches in my chest. Jackson is stunning in a tuxedo. Hair styled back from his face. Black leather shoes, and his cufflinks dazzle in the light.
He is the epitome of what an NFL quarterback should look like at a black-tie event. Wealth. Confidence. Sexiness.
His eyes catch mine and he slowly peruses my dress, lingering on my open collarbone, down my chest, to my waist. I shift my leg and the slit makes itself known, showing off my skin from my thigh down. His eyes snap back to mine and the curl to his lips is pure sex.
“You look gorgeous, Chess.”
“Thank you. You’re quite handsome yourself.”
He steps in and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. Oh, he smells delicious. All man, cedarwood and a little vanilla. He consumes me. He’s larger than life and I’m sucked into his atmosphere with one look.
“Let me just grab my purse.” I’m flustered and need a quick break.
I check the tickets are inside and I turn back towards him.
He has his arm out. I link mine with his and we step down to the walk and head towards the black SUV he rented for us tonight.
The event is about an hour and a half away and will probably go on late.
This way, we don’t have to worry about driving late at night and we can both have a couple of drinks.
We slide into the SUV and settle in for the trip.
Despite my increased heart rate, we converse easily with one another, there is comfortable silence and there is flowing conversation.
Now that I’ve let myself just feel around him, everything about Jackson is easy.
I’m not on edge wondering what he wants.
Wondering what we’re doing. We’re okay to be together because it’s expected right now.
And for my desperate heart, I’m letting it happen. I’ve acknowledged to myself, in my heart, I love this man and I am helping him anyway I can. I can no longer fight it, so if at the end of this, he doesn’t feel the same way, at least I gave my complete self. I’m one hundred percent in.
I can try to prepare myself for the letdown all I want, but nothing will compare to losing Jackson twice.
Blowing out a breath as we pull up to the venue, the driver opens my door, and we step out.
“You ready?” he asks.
“Sure! Let’s go.”
We enter the room, give our names to the woman at the door, and she gives us our table number.
We head to the bar and begin some small talk with the coaches Jackson recognizes from his time in the NFL.
They greet him excitedly and talk about his current team and his current state title.
Hearing Jackson talk about his boys, I watch his face light up.
He has genuine love and excitement for his team and talks more about where his junior and senior boys are going than where he wants to end up.
We slowly distance ourselves, grab a drink and head to our table to settle in for dinner.
“Do you realize you speak about Jameson and Connor as if they are your own kids?” I tease him.
He grins proudly. “They feel like they’re mine.” He pulls out my chair and I sit. He slides in next to me, laying his hand on my thigh. My open thigh now that the slit in my dress has given way. I have goosebumps. Can he feel them?
“I’ve been with them for the last four years. Talked with them, coached them, hung out during the summer at the field. They’re good kids. I’m going to miss them come next year.”
“Yes, but then you’ll have new kids to worry about. The cycle never stops.”
“You’re right. There will always be new kids, new coaches, people come and go,” he grows quiet.
“Hey,” I reach out and lay my hand over his. “There’s always a cycle with this. When you were playing you had new coaches too, right? It’s part of the sport. No one will be disappointed in you when you move on. Or if you don’t. I want you to know that.”
He looks at me. Really looks at me, like he’s trying to see into my heart and if I’m being honest with him.
“I’ve never been told that. I’ve never been told it’s alright to move on.
I’ve been told ‘you have to go’ or ‘you can’t be here’, but it was never a point of allowance.
So, thank you.” He squeezes my leg, then places it on the back of my chair.
This man breaks my heart. He has the biggest heart, but the world has trampled it. Sometimes I still see that little kid in him.
Other coaches and their wives have joined us at the table.
The presentation for the baseball coach is given and then dinner is served.
It’s a great night of networking. Jackson is asked a lot about his time on the field and where he wants to go next.
It’s good for him to verbalize it. He needs to figure it out for himself exactly where he will be the most content.