Chapter 37
Jackson
My team pummeled me with questions that had no answers to. I didn’t know how to answer them. I wanted to give them the truth but I don't even know what that truth looks like anymore.
I couldn’t talk to the team that night, couldn’t explain myself. Every word that left my mouth felt like another lie, another excuse. It didn’t make sense. I already had everything so why did I want to leave? Those thoughts spun around in my mind over and over.
Instead of trying to work it out, figure it out right there and then with them—I ran. They didn’t want to hear me anyway.
So, I proved Adam's case once more and snuck out the back locker room door.
Coward.
I never should have left my house but being across the street from Chess made my heart hurt more. I had so many decisions to make and I couldn’t think straight knowing she was right here. So, I went out and drank away all my troubles.
I don’t even know how I got home.
I fake dated a girl to make myself look good.
Then I allowed myself to fall for said girl, allowed my real feelings to come front and center, allowed it to be real, but still faked it in public.
I lied to friends and family. I lied to my team.
It was one big charade so I could get out of this town.
For what? More fame? More money? I have that.
So, why? So, I could prove myself? Do better, do more?
Chess said the kids would respect me for the truth even if they didn’t like it, but they left the locker room looking angry and not hearing a word I said.
Especially Jameson. God, I feel like I let him down the most. We talked about college, I told him I would be there every step of the way for recruitment.
My supposed fake but not really fake girlfriend was making his highlight reels.
Does he think Chess was faking all her help for him, too?
I wanted to tell him I’d still do whatever I could for him but he walked away from me and wouldn’t give me the time of day when I asked him to hang back.
I’d hate me too, I guess.
It’s been two days since the bomb was dropped. We have five days until our semi-final win or go home game. I watched the boys slowly sulk onto the field. I wait for the other assistant coaches to arrive and get practice going.
Yup. I’m a coward.
I stand on the sidelines and watch them run drills.
“Fellas!” I yell. “Huddle up!” They gather in front of me, helmets on and drop to a knee.
“We have a big game coming up and I want to keep us focused on what’s ahead of us.
I was watching some tapes last night...” I trail off as I watch Jameson slowly stand from where he’s kneeling and turn his back on me, looking out towards the visitor side of the stands.
“Jameson, what are you doing?” He doesn’t answer me and then I watch Connor, Phillip, and Andre all stand and turn their backs as well.
Dylan, too. Fuck. I know what they’re doing.
I stay silent as I feel the eyes of my assistants watching me as all the kids mimic the actions of their quarterback and turn their back on me.
Like I turned mine on them.
Mike, my first assistant, tries to wrangle the kids back in line. I put my hand out. “Let them be,” I say quietly.
Jameson calls out, “We run! Lap the field. Dylan, lead us out.” I watch as they all fall in line and start running the circumference of the field.
“What do you want me to do, coach? We have plays we have to go over.”
I shake my head. “They’re listening to their leader on the field. This is them taking their stand. Let them do it. Let them run. We’ll try again tomorrow.”
I turn and walk away, hoping there will be a tomorrow.