Chapter Nine
Rachel stared at Gunner’s face, examining each inch for a hint of his intentions for the walk. All she found was his smile.
“Oh, go on. We can chat crochet patterns later,” Clara said.
“I’d like that,” Rachel replied.
She took his outstretched hand, letting him lead her out the door. She was glad she had a long-sleeved shirt with a flannel on under her jean overalls. The sunny January day was warm for this time of year, but there was still a little nip in the air.
“I thought we could get to know each other and also maybe bounce ideas about the shop—basically whatever you wanted,” Gunner said.
She glanced toward him, then turned to the scenery. Where to start? Was he going to ask questions?
“It’s been a whirlwind since you arrived. I know, at least from Scoop’s point of view, what you went through. I thought it might be good if you knew more about me,” he said.
He paused and almost seemed as if he was waiting for her agreement. She nodded because he seemed so hesitant, which wasn’t how she’d viewed him before today.
“I grew up with Brody and Flick. I was the prankster in school because Brody’s the oldest, and let’s just say—that stick has been lodged up his ass a long time.”
She couldn’t help giggling. Brody did seem to be wound a little tight.
“Mom was a single mom. I don’t really remember when Dad left. I always loved working in the kitchen with her—baking and cooking. I loved making recipes and seeing the joy on people’s faces when they enjoyed the food. I served in the military and then got out to pursue culinary arts.
“I jumped at the chance of running Broken Hearts Brewing when Beth brought it up as an idea when they were on an undercover assignment. It was as if she knew exactly what job I wanted. Beth and Flick got married in July, and Brody got out of the service after being injured. Beth had us both move in with them after their wedding. She wanted us to have a family again,” Gunner said.
“How was that?” Rachel asked.
Gunner grinned and shook his head. “Well, my sister-in-law definitely let us know if we were screwing up. I will never leave a toilet seat up again,” he said.
Rachel loved hearing about their family. She wanted her kids to experience a happy family where everyone loved each other.
“Anything you want to share?” he asked.
She thought about everything she’d been through. Besides the women last night, she hadn’t been asked to share. Gunner asking her gave her the nudge she needed to open up.
“So you know that my husband cleaned out the accounts, stole some stuff, and left a year ago. I have so many regrets,” she said.
“About losing him?” Gunner asked.
“Oh, heck no. Regrets that I didn’t get him served earlier.
Now I’m in this kind of limbo. I don’t feel married because we are done.
But it’s dragging out. I keep a happy face because I never want to be my negative mother, but there’s this big issue standing in the way of me moving on,” Rachel said.
“I don’t think talking about our feelings is negative. Sometimes we need to vent,” Gunner said.
“Oh, I agree. I don’t want my kids to in any way see that I’m sad and possibly come to the wrong conclusion that it was caused by them. Does that make sense?” she asked.
Gunner paused by a barbed-wire fence. A dirt track and large tree were on the other side of the pasture.
“It does. You want to protect your kids. That’s exactly what a good mom does. I’ve debated how to say this to you, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable not telling you something. You may already know but if you don’t, I’d never forgive myself for not telling you,” Gunner said.
Rachel turned toward Gunner. His serious face told her all she needed to know. What he had to tell her was not going to be anything that made her happy, but he said she needed to know.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Rachel said. Whatever he said, she could deal with. She and the kids were safe here.
“When you hit your head and we had to call Stella and Flick, Marcus was upset. Once he calmed down, he said he had a secret. Marcus said that bad daddy had threatened him that if Marcus told you what he saw, bad daddy would kill you and Chelle,” Gunner’s words hit her.
A wave of cold washed over her. He did what? And Marcus was too scared to say anything?
How could she have missed how far her husband had sunk? What type of mom was she? She’d tried to be everything they needed but she could only do so much. Doing it all made her so tired. She’d missed this huge thing, and she really wished Maynard was right in front of her this minute.
“Rachel, are you okay? Stone and I assured Marcus you all were safe,” Gunner said softly.
“I’m not okay. I want to chase him down and beat him until he can’t threaten my kids ever again. I just am so angry I feel like I’m going to explode,” Rachel said through gritted teeth.
Her fingers itched to grasp Maynard’s neck and teach him to never, ever hurt her children again.
“We need to test out the smash room at Broken Hearts. How about I take you there and you can break some stuff?” Gunner asked.
Rachel nodded. Yes, she needed to break something, or she’d never get all this anger out.
She let Gunner lead her back toward the clubhouse.
It was a blur as Gunner got her a heavy jacket and helmet for his bike.
She wrapped her hands around his waist as he took them back into town.
He’d even taken care of letting Bear and Winnie know where they were going.
Why had she not realized something else was going on before her little man was threatened by someone? Someone who should be doing everything they could to keep him safe. How did she repair what her husband had broken? Was it even possible?
How did she get past this? She’d already felt bad about not seeking a divorce earlier. How could she ever forgive herself?
Gunner’s voice asking her if she was ready to get off his bike pulled her from her downward spiral. He unlocked the door and led her in.
He’d mentioned the room, but he hadn’t gone over procedures.
He talked her through taking off the jacket and sliding the large coveralls over her clothes.
She tucked her shoes in the cubby against the wall, slipping on the ones provided along with the shoe covers.
Her ensemble was completed by sliding the hood over her hair and putting on the protective glasses and gloves.
Once Gunner had helped her, he quickly slipped on his protective gear.
Leading her through the door, he grabbed an old large television, setting it on the cement table in the middle of the room.
He stared at her for a minute before going to a pile of items and picking out a large computer console.
Setting it beside the TV, he went back over to the pile.
He placed a large metal plant holder that had a hole rusted in the bottom.
He led her over to the wall where she could pick out what tools she wanted.
She wanted to destroy stuff, but she wasn’t a big girl.
She didn’t lift weights. She picked out a big mallet and swung it back and forth.
Not too heavy for her. She grabbed a crowbar and walked over to the tables and turned back toward Gunner.
He gave her a thumbs-up and pressed the buttons on the wall, turning the music on.
She stared at the items for a minute, trying to decide where to start. She breathed deeply and just let out all the rage she felt for the man she’d married and entrusted with their children.
The actions became a blur as she destroyed the ones on the table. Once the items were decimated, Gunner would make sure she wasn’t swinging again and would replace them.
She lost track of the number of times he replaced the items. Finally, after she’d expended all the anger, she let go of the crowbar. The clang as it hit the floor was loud, even over the music. She dropped to the floor and let the tears she’d been holding back come.
Each time he’d broken her trust or her kids had to do without as she rebuilt their life, she’d pushed aside her feelings to just make it through.
Gunner wrapped his arms around her and let her cry against him.
He didn’t try to tell her it would be better or that it wasn’t her fault.
He held her while she cried and let all those emotions out.
Rachel wasn’t a pretty crier, and when she went to wipe her nose with her sleeve, Gunner stopped her.
“We’re covered in glass. A little snot isn’t going to bother me. Get the tears out, and then we’ll get cleaned up,” he said.
She turned to stare at him through her protective glasses that had fogged during her crying. No one had ever cared for her when she cried. Gunner was protective and was more worried about her hurting herself than about the snot running down her face.
“Why?” she asked.
“Why what?” he replied.
“Why are you helping me?” she asked.
He smiled, his teeth white against his tan skin and his beard.
“Friggin’ fudgesicles,” Gunner grunted, turning his head to stare at the ceiling. He turned back to her, shaking his head and smiling at her.
“I know you’re probably not ready to hear this, but I can’t start this by lying to you.
When you opened that van door and I caught a glimpse of you, something happened.
It was like that part of my life that was missing was there in front of me.
And then, when I saw the kids, I was worried you were married and in love with someone else.
My heart started to beat again when I realized you could be mine, and this is, like, the worst time to bring it up.
But you mean too much to me to start us off with a lie,” Gunner said.
What exactly was he saying? He wanted to have sex, or he wanted more? She wasn’t sure, but the emotions swirling through her had her feeling adrift.
“Hey, I see your eyes looking at me with disbelief. You don’t need to respond to anything I said.
We’re still co-workers and, I hope, friends.
I can wait until you’re ready for something more, but for now, I need you to know that I will do whatever it takes to ensure your safety and that of your children,” Gunner said.
Rachel let him help her up and then out of the room, where they changed out of the protective clothing, putting it in a barrel to be cleaned later.
Gunner flipped the light off. As she followed him out, she tugged his hand.
She couldn’t just say nothing. It was rude, and even though she was falling apart, she couldn’t do that to him.
“I heard what you said. I appreciate you sharing that with me and not lying to me. It means the world to me. In the last four days, I’ve packed up my life, moved to a new place, and the kids start school tomorrow.
I’m just not ready to respond because I feel like if I have to deal with one more thing, I’ll break into a million pieces.
I just need to get through a couple things and hold everything together,” Rachel said.
Gunner nodded, and she had to wonder if he thought she was crazy and was rethinking what he’d said. The woman you profess to be attracted to admits that she might be a little crazy and heading toward a nervous breakdown.
Gunner grasped one of the straps of her overalls, tugging her closer until he leaned down far enough for their foreheads to touch. This close, she could smell his scent that she’d come to associate with safety. Just a little closer and his beard would brush her face.
“Take all the time you need. Whenever you feel like you’re breaking into pieces, come find me. I’ll always help hold you together,” he said softly.
Rachel closed her eyes, slid her arms around his waist, and relaxed to breathe him in.
He was a biker, a chef, and someone she trusted.
Less than three days in Bluff Creek, and Gunner had broken through her walls.
In his arms, she knew she could be herself.
She wasn’t sure how long they stood there, him holding her.
“You ready to go back?” Gunner asked.
She nodded and slid on the jacket, waiting while he helped fasten her helmet. She had a lot to think about, but one thing she was sure of was that she’d made a good decision coming to Bluff Creek.