7. Julius
— ? —
Julius
Two evenings later, Ramona stands beside the covered arena gate with my jacket folded over her arm.
The night she waited up for me, I told her the riding could wait until I wasn’t dead on my feet.
I’ve said it once more since. Today I sent her a message at noon asking her to meet me here at sunset.
The lights above the empty stands are on, and both horses are saddled.
She looks at my truck, then at me.
“You missed the sunset.” She hands me the jacket without coming closer. “That was the part I wanted to show you.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I take it, but she turns toward the horses before I can reach for her. “I should have left when I said I would.”
“You should have told me you weren’t coming yet.” She checks a strap that’s already fastened. “I could have stayed with June instead of standing here.”
Behind her, our name stretches across the arena wall. I put the roof over this sand, and the seats, and every light above it, and my wife has been waiting beneath them alone.
“I’m here now, and I’m staying.” I put my jacket over the rail instead of putting it on. “Tell me what you need.”
Ramona turns toward me with her fingers still around the saddle strap.
“I need you to stop making that sound generous.” She releases the leather. “You asked me to meet you.”
“I did.” I stay where I am instead of reaching for her again. “I’m glad you didn’t leave.”
I open the gate for her and wait while she leads Pearl through, then get on Cash before she can leave me standing again.
***
Ramona takes us around the arena at a walk, letting the horses get used to the lights on the sand before she asks Pearl for more.
I stay beside her through the first lap.
On the second, she glances over to make sure I’m watching, and then she’s gone, her braid lifting off her back as Pearl stretches out along the rail.
I let Cash have his head and catch her near the far gate.
“You’re doing that on purpose.” I draw alongside and match Pearl’s stride.
“You looked distracted.” She smiles at the sand ahead of us instead of at me. “I thought I’d help.”
“I’ve been looking at you since we got in here.” I ease Cash down when she slows, and the horses fall back into a walk with their breath showing in the cold.
“That’s a start.” She drops the reins onto Pearl’s neck and reaches up with both hands to pull her braid over one shoulder, and the movement bares the back of her neck where her collar has slipped.
I watch her fingers work longer than I should before I make myself check where Cash is going. She notices, because she always does, and she points ahead of me and laughs when I have to correct him.
“You’re about to ride into the fence.” She waits for me to come back beside her.
“I thought you wanted my attention.” I stop Cash square with Pearl.
“I’d like you to survive giving it to me.” She brings Pearl closer until her knee almost touches mine and the saddles creak against each other.
I reach across the gap. She looks at my hand first, deciding whether to take it, the way she did when she was sixteen, and then she places hers in it.
“I’ve missed this.” I rub my thumb over her wedding ring.
“We’re allowed to do it more than once a year.” She holds my gaze while she says it, and her smile fades before she finishes.
“What did you do today?” She keeps her hand in mine.
“Paperwork. Walked the new stock.” I keep hold of her hand.
The rest would bring us back to riding and whether I’m going to do anything about it. I still haven’t decided. We finally have the horses out and an evening without people calling across the yard.
“Nothing worth telling.”
I’ll talk to her when I can explain it properly. Tonight doesn’t have to become another discussion we leave unfinished.
Her fingers go still in mine. Then she gives them a squeeze and takes her hand back for the reins.
“You can kiss me properly when we get down.” She turns Pearl toward the gate. “Provided you help put the horses away.”
“I’d have done that for free.” I bring Cash up beside her.
“Don’t ruin your offer by telling me that.” She rides close enough that her shoulder brushes mine the whole way out.
***
The last hand leaves us in the tack room after checking the outside gates. Ramona finishes brushing Pearl while I hang the saddles, then watches me struggle to get the cover straight.
“You own this whole place, and you still can’t fold that.” She takes one corner from me.
“I have other qualities.” I let her guide my hands into position.
“You’ve mentioned them.” She folds the cover between us, keeping her face lowered.
“I could remind you.” I put it on the shelf once she’s satisfied.
“You could shut the door first.” She looks toward the open passage.
I close it, leaving the upper section open so we can hear the horses. When I turn back, she is sitting on the wide bench beneath the window with her boots planted apart, and she crooks a finger at me.
That’s my wife. Stop making her ask twice.
I stand between her knees and rest my hands against the bench.
“Was the evening worth waiting for?” I brush a loose strand of hair away from her cheek.
“You don’t get to ask that.” She catches my shirt before I can draw away. “But I’m glad we stayed.”
I kiss her slowly. Her grip tightens, pulling me closer until I have to brace a hand behind her, and she smiles against my mouth when I pause.
“You were saying?” She slides her fingers beneath my collar.
“I can’t remember.” I lower my head again.
She laughs, then kisses me hard enough that I stop smiling. Her hand moves into my hair while I pull her to the edge of the bench.
Outside, a horse shifts in its stall and knocks a bucket against the wall. I stop long enough to listen for a second sound, and Ramona catches my chin and turns my face back to hers.
“They’re fine.” She waits until I’m actually looking at her. “You can stay here.”
“I’m staying.” I rest my forehead against hers, and her thumb moves along my jaw until I close my eyes beneath it.
My phone vibrates in my jacket where it hangs on the rail. Ramona’s fingers stop at my collar, and I keep my hands at her waist and wait it out. The buzzing quits. She lowers her hand to my chest and leaves it there, and I’m about to kiss her again when it starts a second time.
“You can look.” She releases my shirt and shifts back on the bench, putting an inch of air between us that wasn’t there before.
“I don’t need to.” I reach for her hand, and she gives it to me, but her eyes go to the jacket when a third message comes through and the leather twitches against the rail.
I tell myself I’ll check once so we can stop listening to it. I get the phone out of the pocket with my free hand, and Dakota’s name fills the screen.
The chestnut had stomach trouble. The vet’s been. I’d like you to see him.
I read it twice. By the time I look up, Ramona is already on her feet with my jacket off the rail, holding it open for me, which she has done a hundred times at a hundred doors.
“What’s happened?” She shakes the sleeve so I can find it.
“One of the horses wasn’t well.” I put my arm in. “The vet’s already been, but Dakota wants me to check him.”
“Is she still worried?” Ramona watches my face while I reach for the other sleeve, and she settles the jacket onto my shoulders with both hands.
“I’ll find out.” I pull it into place. “I shouldn’t be long.”
She looks past me toward Pearl’s stall and bends to pick up the brush she dropped when I first kissed her.
“I’ll check June while you’re there.” She doesn’t straighten right away. “Come get me when you’re done.”
I catch her hand before she can, and she lets me lift it.
“I will.” I kiss the inside of her wrist, but when I look up, she’s watching my phone.
***
The chestnut has his head in his hay when I reach the program barn.
Dakota stands outside his stall with a folded towel over her arm. She straightens as I approach.
“He looks comfortable.” I stop beside her, checking the horse before I look at her. “Is the vet coming back?”
“Only if he starts showing signs again.” She moves aside so I can see him properly. “He was pawing and looking at his side earlier. I didn’t want to take a chance.”
“You were right to get help.” I rest my hand against the door.
“He’s been settled since the vet left.” She folds the towel smaller, watching my face. “I’m sorry. I probably didn’t need to bring you down here.”
He looks comfortable, but Dakota called the vet for a reason. If I’m going to be responsible for this barn, I ought to hear what happened before I leave. Ramona is checking June anyway. A proper handover now might save another call once we get home.
“Show me what happened.” I unfasten the latch and step inside.
Dakota follows, leaving space between us while she explains where the chestnut stood and what made her worry. I listen with my hand against his neck, although she has already told me the important part. He’s all right.
My phone vibrates before she finishes.
A hand wants to know where to park the horse trailer coming from the airstrip. I type an answer, then see another message waiting about the morning.
Dakota lowers her eyes and gathers the towel against her stomach.
“You don’t have to stay.” She keeps her voice even. “I know everybody needs you.”
“I can give you a minute.” I switch the phone off and put it away.
She looks up.
“I didn’t know you did that.” She glances toward my pocket, smiling a little.
“Neither did I.” I turn back to the horse before she can hold my eyes any longer.
If I keep answering, I’ll be here all night. Finish this one conversation and get the report, then go home. That’s what Ramona wanted from me too. Stop letting every new message interrupt whatever I’m already doing.
Dakota shifts her weight, and her knee catches. She grips the stall door before lowering herself onto the bench beside it.
“Does it still bother you every day?” I close the stall and move toward her.
“Most days.” She rubs the side of her knee through her jeans. “It gets worse when I pretend it doesn’t.”
“What happened?” I lean against the opposite rail.
She studies her hands before answering.
“My horse went down coming around the third barrel.” She presses her palms together. “I knew before I got up that it was bad.”
I stay quiet while she smooths her jeans over her knee.
“I had surgery. Then another one.” She lifts her face toward me. “Every time, somebody told me to wait and see. I kept waiting.”
“Until they told you to stop?” I push away from the rail.
“The last doctor did.” She gives a small laugh without smiling. “I walked in asking when I could compete again. He asked whether I could get through a grocery store without pain.”
“That’s rough.” I sit on the other end of the bench.
“I still get annoyed when people say I quit.” She picks a thread from the towel. “I would have kept going if I could.”
I look at the dirt on my boots.
“I wonder where I’d be if I had.” I press my palms against my knees.
Dakota turns toward me.
“You could still find out.” She keeps her voice low.
“I’ve got a whole life here.” I glance toward the barn doors.
“I can see that.” She follows my gaze, then looks back. “You’ve got more land than most people can drive across in an afternoon. You also looked happy on that practice bull.”
I smile before I mean to, and Dakota catches it.
“There he is.” She folds the towel across her lap. “You don’t have to stop being him because people depend on you.”
Dakota isn’t saying anything against Ramona.
She’s talking about the work and the people who depend on me, and there are plenty of those.
I look toward the old riding photograph through the office door, trying to remember the last time I wanted a thing without first working out who would be inconvenienced.
“I don’t know how to have all of it.” I rest my elbows on my knees.
“You could start by admitting you want it.” She lets the words sit between us while the chestnut pulls another mouthful of hay.
***
Ramona is still in the main barn when I get back.
She sits on the bench with a book open across her knees. Her head rests against the wall, but she lifts it the moment my boots touch the concrete.
“You’re back.” She closes the book around one finger, looking past me before returning her eyes to my face.
I crouch in front of her.
“I’m sorry I took so long.” I tuck her hair behind her ear.
“Is he all right?” She puts the book aside and leans forward.
“He’s fine now.” I take her cold hand between mine.
“Did the vet have to come back?” She watches me while I rub warmth into her fingers.
“No.” I glance at June, who has her head over the door. “I wanted to make sure he stayed comfortable.”
Ramona’s shoulders lower.
“I thought that might be it.” She squeezes my hand. “I sent you a message, but it didn’t go through.”
“I turned my phone off.” I keep my eyes on our hands.
“Oh.” She pauses, then tries a small smile. “You finally figured out how.”
I lift my head. She is giving me a chance to make it a joke. I can see it in how she waits, her fingers still curled around mine.
“I did.” I bring her hand to my mouth.
She reaches out and tugs my shirt so it sits right.
“You’re freezing.” I stand and take off my jacket, settling it around her shoulders.
“It cooled down while I was waiting.” She slides her arms inside, disappearing into the sleeves.
I help her up. She leans against me while I turn off the light, then stops with her hand resting on my chest.
“I’m glad you stayed until he was all right.” She looks up at me. “I wouldn’t want you leaving a sick horse because of me.”
The horse was eating when I arrived. I stayed after I knew he was comfortable, and some of that time had nothing to do with him.
But Dakota had been worried. She’d had a rough evening, and I listened. Telling Ramona that now would make it sound as though I’d gone down there looking for an excuse to leave her.
I damn well didn’t go looking for one.
I kiss her forehead, and she slips her hand into mine.
“I knew you had a good reason.” She pulls my jacket closer with her free hand.
I tell myself the reason I went is still the reason that matters. Tomorrow I’ll leave earlier. I’ll make sure the staff know what needs a call and what can wait.
Ramona leans against me on the way to the house. I hold her hand and start planning how to do better next time instead of explaining this time properly.