9. Ramona #3
“Because she had to stop?” I sit back slowly. “Julius, you chose to. You told me you wanted more time at home. I believed you.”
“Maybe I’m wondering whether I made the right choice.” He turns back toward me, his voice sharper now.
My hands go still in my lap.
“Then tell me that.” I keep my eyes on him. “I don’t want you pretending you’re happy. I want you to tell me before you’ve already worked through it with somebody else.”
“You get scared every time I bring it up.” His jaw tightens as he leans forward. “Talking to her is easier because she doesn’t flinch.”
“It’s easier with you.” I say it back to him without raising my voice. “You don’t get scared every time I mention riding.”
He goes still.
“I was outside the program barn that night.” I keep my hands in my lap. “I heard you say it to her. I’ve been waiting since then to see how much of it you’d tell me yourself.”
A chair scrapes on the terrace beside ours. Julius glances toward the sound, and I get up before he turns back.
“Ramona, that came out wrong.” He stands with me, reaching for my arm.
“I watched them carry you out.” I step away from his hand. “You kept asking me what happened because you couldn’t remember. I sat there answering you until I couldn’t get the words out anymore.”
“I remember.” He lowers his hand, his face changing as I pull my coat against my chest.
“Then don’t act as if being scared means I don’t understand you.” I wipe my cheek with my sleeve. “She didn’t have to sit there wondering whether you were going to wake up and know her.”
“I’m not saying you don’t care.” He moves closer, stopping when I shake my head. “I know why you worry.”
“No, you don’t get it.” I grip the coat harder. “You’re still explaining why you like talking to her. I’m telling you what it feels like to be left out by my own husband.”
He opens his mouth, but I can’t listen to another answer yet.
“I don’t want to explain this again.” I turn toward the doors, fumbling the handle before I get it open. “I want to go home.”
He follows me through the hotel room while I pull my bag from the closet. I put it on the luggage stand and start gathering the clothes I left folded beside it.
“Please don’t pack yet.” He stops beside the bag without touching it. “We still have today. Let me fix what I said.”
“It’s not just what you said.” I push a sleeve into the bag, then pull it out because it’s caught beneath the zipper. “You’re sorry because I’m crying. You weren’t sorry when talking to her felt good.”
His hand settles over mine, stopping me from tugging at the shirt.
“I don’t want you to give up on us.”
I leave my hand beneath his, but I can’t make my fingers close around it.
“Then stop leaving me to do this by myself.” I look down at our hands. “I booked the weekend, Julius. I’m the one who asked you to come.”
***
On the jet, Julius sits across from me instead of taking the seat beside mine. He opens his laptop, catches me looking, then closes it again. His hands stay on the lid while the attendant sets down our water.
“I’m sorry for what I said.” He leans forward once she’s out of earshot. “You didn’t deserve that.”
“I know you’re sorry.” I pull the throw over my knees, leaving the other half folded on the empty seat beside me.
He looks at it, but before he moves, his personal phone vibrates on the table. Dakota’s name appears above a message, and I read it before he turns the screen off.
Sorry, I tried the other one first.
“She has both numbers.” I lift my eyes to his while he keeps his hand over the phone. “You gave her this one, too?”
“I gave it to her when she started.” He draws his hand back and rubs the side of his neck. “In case she couldn’t reach me on the work phone.”
I press my fingers into the throw. Across from me, he shifts forward again, but I keep looking at him until he settles back.
“Your staff leave messages when you don’t answer.” I loosen my grip enough to smooth the fabric over my knee. “They wait for you to get back to them. Why does she get another number to try?”
“She was new. I wanted her to be able to find me if she needed help.” He glances toward the front of the cabin, then lowers his voice. “I wasn’t thinking about weekends away.”
“You thought about her needing you when you weren’t working.” I look down at the phone between us. “That’s why you gave it to her.”
He opens his mouth, then rests his forearms on his knees without answering. The attendant moves behind him, quietly collecting a glass from another table, and I wait until she’s gone.
“What did you tell her?” I make myself meet his eyes again. “When you gave her the number, what did you say?”
“I told her she could try it if I didn’t answer the other one.” He turns his hands over before continuing. “That I always check this phone.”
I reach for my water, but the glass knocks against its holder. Julius starts to stand, and I shake my head before he can come around the table.
I thought she kept interrupting because she didn’t care that he was with me. He told her how to reach him when everyone else had to wait.