20. Ramona
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Ramona
Julius stops outside June’s stall while I’m brushing mud from her legs. He has his hat in his hand, and he waits until I straighten before speaking.
“Would you go out with me?” He rests his free hand on the door. “We could leave the ranch for a while.”
“I don’t want to go out tonight.” I turn back to June, working the brush through the hair above her hoof.
“All right. I’ll leave you to it.” He puts his hat on and steps away.
I hear his boots move down the passage. When I look over the stall door, he’s already gone, leaving me with an answer I asked him to accept.
He listened. You don’t get to be angry about that.
June shifts beneath my hand, and I finish brushing her before I let myself look toward the door again.
***
His truck pulls up beside the south pasture while I’m filling a water tank. Julius gets out carrying the replacement latch I asked one of the hands to bring over.
“I can fit this while you finish.” He sets his tools on the tailgate and waits for me to move clear of the gate.
“You don’t need me to supervise.” I turn toward the tank, checking the water before it reaches the top.
“That hasn’t stopped you before.” He crouches beside the post, smiling down at the latch.
He works while I put away the hose. There’s no mention of dinner or leaving the ranch, and he doesn’t look over every time I move. When he finishes, he asks me to shut the gate so he can check how it catches.
I close it, then open it again without having to lift the whole thing.
“That’s better.” I step back while he gathers his tools. “Are you busy tomorrow?”
He straightens beside the truck and puts the wrench away before facing me.
“Tomorrow?” He rests a hand on the tailgate.
I think of the hotel terrace and the private plane that couldn’t get me home fast enough. Julius could take me anywhere, and I don’t want another room full of expensive things.
“Horses, burgers, and the creek.” I rub water from my palms onto my jeans and watch his expression change. “That’s all I want. Don’t book anything else.”
“I can do that.” He starts to smile, then catches himself. “You’re asking me out.”
“I’m asking you to ride to the creek with me.” I step away from the truck before my own smile gets too easy. “Bring the burgers.”
“I can do that too.” He closes the toolbox without fastening it, and half the contents shift when he tries to lift it.
I catch the lid while he puts it down again. He looks at me, and this time I let myself laugh.
***
Julius is waiting beside the trail entrance when I arrive. Pearl and Cash are saddled, and his truck and trailer are parked where the gravel gives way to grass.
His phone is on the hood. I notice it before I notice the saddlebag holding our food.
“I’m turning it off.” He picks it up and does it while I’m looking, then locks it in the truck. “Nobody’s expecting me back before tonight.”
I reach for Pearl’s reins, and he passes them to me without saying anything else about it.
I look down at the leather in my hand. He’s answered a question I didn’t want to ask, and I don’t know how to thank him without sounding grateful for too little, so I don’t try.
“Did you get the burgers?” I check the saddlebag while he nods.
“They’re wrapped up, and there’s water.” He holds Pearl steady as I put my boot in the stirrup. “I remembered you get thirsty while you’re telling me where to go.”
“You’re very brave before I’ve agreed to stay all afternoon.” I settle into the saddle and adjust my feet.
“I’m hoping the food buys me some time.” He smiles, then waits when mine fades.
I look toward the trail. I remember him standing beside me after our first date, watching my mouth while he tried to decide whether to kiss me. I also remember him standing beside the car with my ring in his hand.
“I’ve changed my mind about this several times today.” I keep my eyes on the path until he answers.
“Do you want to go back?” He leaves his hand against Pearl’s neck.
“I want to go with you.” I turn toward him. “I just don’t want to spend the whole time pretending it’s easy.”
“You don’t have to.” He gives Pearl a final pat before going to Cash. “Tell me if you need to leave.”
He swings up, and we walk the horses past the trailer and onto the trail. We ride beside each other where the path allows it. Julius doesn’t keep asking whether I’m enjoying myself, and after a while, I stop preparing an answer.
His sleeves are rolled up. I watch his hand adjust the reins, noticing the scrape beside his thumb before my gaze moves along his forearm.
“You’re letting her stop for grass.” He nods toward Pearl, whose head is getting lower.
“I saw her.” I correct her before she can reach it.
“I’m sure you did.” He faces forward, but I catch his smile.
“You could try being less pleased with yourself.” I bring Pearl alongside Cash again.
“I’m on a date with you.” He glances over. “I’m having a good afternoon.”
I let Pearl walk until the trail opens, then draw back beside him.
“Do you want a fair start?” I check the clear ground ahead while he turns toward me.
“Are you asking me to race?” He sits straighter, his grin returning.
“I’m giving you a chance to stop complaining about the first one.” I settle my feet and wait until we agree where to stop.
We set off together. Julius gets ahead near the bend, and I’m laughing too hard to complain by the time we slow above the creek.
He reaches the rail first and gets down while I stop beside him.
“You’re supposed to be impressing me.” I look down at him as he takes Cash’s reins over his head.
“You told me not to let you win.” He holds out a hand, but I dismount without taking it.
“I didn’t promise to be pleasant about losing.” I brush dirt from my jeans.
He laughs and takes both horses to the rail while I retrieve our food. When I come back with the saddlebag, he has a blanket spread on the bank. I sit beside him and take the burger he offers.
“No onions.” He watches me open the wrapper. “They put them on the first one, so I had them make it again.”
“You could have picked them off.” I lift the bun and find extra pickles underneath.
“You’d still taste them.” He opens his own food. “I’ve learned a few things.”
I take a bite so I don’t have to answer. It’s exactly right.
Julius tells me about Cash refusing to pass an empty feed sack that morning. I laugh when he describes getting down to move it, only for the horse to follow him straight over it.
We finish eating without an interruption. When he reaches for my wrapper, I hand it over and keep watching him fold it into the bag.
“What is it?” He stops before putting the bag aside.
“You’re making this easy today.” I draw my knees toward me. “I keep wondering why it got so hard at home.”
He rests his hands on the blanket, taking a moment before he answers.
“I started treating time with you as the part I could move.” He looks at me instead of the water. “You’d still be there when I finished.”
I nod, although my eyes have started burning.
“I still love you.” I rub a dried patch of mud on my knee until it flakes onto the blanket. “That’s why this is so fucking hard.”
“I love you, too.” He says it quietly and turns his hand palm up between us.
I look at his hand for a moment before putting mine in it. He closes his fingers gently, and we stay beside the creek until I’m ready to get up.
***
At the trailer, Julius puts away the saddles while I give the horses water. I finish first and watch him lift the second saddle onto its rack, his shirt pulling across his back.
He catches me looking when he turns. I don’t pretend I was watching the horse.
“Are you ready to go?” He hangs the reins carefully, then comes to the trailer door.
“I don’t want to leave yet.” I put the bucket down before I can keep it between us. “I want you to kiss me.”
His hand stays on the door while he looks at my face.
“I want to.” He closes it and steps nearer. “You can change your mind if you need to.”
“I know I can.” I catch the front of his shirt. “I’m asking you now.”
He touches my jaw before leaning down. I lift my face to meet him, and when the first kiss ends, I keep hold of his shirt and bring him back.
His hand settles at my waist. I slide mine around his neck, feeling him take a breath when I press closer.
For a moment, I don’t have to decide how much of us is left. I can feel his mouth against mine and his fingers holding me carefully.
When I pull back, he stays still.
“I’m still angry with you.” I rest my forehead against his.
“I know you are.” His thumb moves gently over my side.
“I want you anyway.” I lift my head enough to see his face.
“Then tell me what you want tonight.” He keeps looking at me while I loosen my grip on his collar.
I take his hand and lead him toward the truck. At the tailgate, I turn back and pull his shirt free of his jeans.
He catches my wrist gently before I reach beneath it.
“We can stop at kissing.” He waits while I shake my head.
“That isn’t what I’m asking for.” I put my free hand against his cheek. “Get the blankets, Julius.”
He does. He drops the tailgate and spreads them across the bed while I stand there with my heart going too fast. Then he turns back to me, lifts me onto the edge, and steps between my legs, his hands sliding up my thighs while he kisses me slow and deep.
I grab his shirt and yank it over his head, needing to feel his skin against mine.
His chest is warm under my palms, and I trace the muscles there while his mouth moves down my jaw to my neck.
“I’ve thought about this every night since you left.” He unbuttons my flannel one button at a time, his lips following his fingers down my chest. “Every single night, Ramona. Lying in that bed alone, thinking about how you taste.”
“Stop talking.” I reach for his belt buckle and work it open with shaking hands. “Show me instead.”
He catches my wrists and pins them against the blankets above my head, his body covering mine. His eyes are so dark I can barely see the gold in them anymore.
“You said show you.” His voice drops low enough that I feel it in my chest. “Hold on to something.”