28. Julius
— ? —
Julius
Ramona notices Dakota before I do. Her fingers tighten around mine as we enter the hall, and I follow her gaze to a table near the far wall.
Dakota lowers her glass when she sees us. She watches while an attendant approaches for Ramona’s coat, but my wife turns toward the woman and slips her arms out without looking away from her.
“I see her.” Ramona takes my hand again once her coat is gone. “Keep walking.”
I match her pace instead of asking whether she’s sure. People greet us as we pass. One man starts toward me with his hand extended, but I return his greeting without stopping. Ramona stays close, her bare arm brushing my sleeve.
She chose a dress she already owned. I remember helping her out of it after a wedding, laughing when she accused me of being too impatient with the fastening.
Tonight, I waited outside the cottage door until she asked me to fasten her necklace, and my ring is on that chain, hidden beneath the dress.
“Would you like water?” I pull out her chair when we reach the table.
“I’d like to get through this without anybody telling me how brave I am.” She sets her bag beside her seat and looks up at me. “Water would help, too.”
I ask the server for some before taking the chair beside hers. A man approaches before I’m settled, gesturing toward the windows where a group is waiting.
“Could we borrow you for a minute, Julius?” He rests his hand on the empty chair next to me. “There are a few people I’d like you to meet.”
“I’m staying with my wife tonight.” I put my arm along the back of her chair without touching her. “They’re welcome to come say hello.”
He glances at Ramona, then greets her properly before returning to the others.
Beneath the table, her knee rests against mine. I leave mine where it is while she accepts her water and takes a drink.
***
The man opposite us mentions the screenshots after the first plates arrive. He has been glancing at Ramona since he sat down, and when he lowers his fork, I put mine aside.
“I read your statement.” He looks directly at me. “People still have questions about what happened.”
Ramona’s hand stops beside her glass. I can see her thumb pressing against the stem, but I keep my attention on the man.
“What would you like to ask?” I rest my hands on the table.
“Were you having an affair with Dakota?” He lowers his voice, although the people beside him have already stopped talking.
I don’t look at Ramona for permission to answer.
“We weren’t sleeping together.” I wait until he meets my eyes again. “I was having personal conversations with her that I kept from my wife. I let them become important to me, and I hid that.”
The woman beside him puts down her glass. Ramona stays still while I continue.
“Some of the messages are mine.” I take a breath before finishing. “There are others I don’t recognize, but I deleted the conversation. I can’t show Ramona the full thread, and that’s my fault.”
“So you’re saying some of them are fake?” He leans back in his chair, looking toward Dakota’s table.
“I’m saying I don’t recognize all of them.” I keep him looking at me. “The ones I know I sent were enough to hurt my wife. I’m not going to use the others to avoid answering for those.”
Ramona puts her hand on my leg. I cover it beneath the table, keeping the gesture between us while the man nods.
The guest beside him clears his throat.
“Did your wife make you quit riding?” He glances at Ramona before looking back at me. “I’ve heard that mentioned.”
“I chose to stop.” I answer before he can explain who told him. “I wanted more time at home. I wanted to work on the ranch and finish the house.”
“But you missed competing.” He reaches for his water.
“I did, and I should have told her.” I wait while he lowers the glass. “Instead, I let people think her fear was the reason I couldn’t go back.”
Ramona turns her hand beneath mine.
“I was there when he decided.” She looks across the table, speaking clearly enough that the people nearby can hear. “I would have listened if he’d told me he missed it.”
I turn toward her.
“You kept asking what was wrong.” I hold her eyes. “I didn’t answer honestly.”
She takes a slow breath before looking down at her plate. I leave my hand over hers without asking whether she’s all right. She has chosen to sit beside me. That doesn’t give me the right to make her reassure me in front of everybody.
***
The conversation gradually returns to the rodeo. A man tells us about his daughter’s first competition, and Ramona asks whether she enjoyed it.
I listen while his wife answers. When the woman asks about June, Ramona sits forward a little.
“She’s comfortable.” Ramona sets down her fork. “She still tries to chew my sleeve when I take too long with her feed.”
“That sounds encouraging.” The woman smiles and asks about the vet’s latest visit.
I stay quiet while my wife explains. Her hand has relaxed beneath mine, and she no longer checks the faces farther down the table before speaking.
Then a man beside me laughs and lifts his wine.
“Ramona always did worry enough for everyone.” He turns toward me. “I suppose you’ll have to keep those rides short.”
A few people smile before I put my glass down.
“Don’t do that.” I look directly at him until he lowers his drink.
“I was only kidding.” He shifts in his chair, waiting for me to laugh with him.
“She’s already told you what happened.” I keep my voice level. “You don’t need to make her sit through a joke about being scared.”
He looks at Ramona. She stays facing him, giving him no help.
“I’m sorry.” He sets his glass on the table. “That was thoughtless.”
She nods once, then turns back to the woman who asked about June.
I let her continue without asking for an apology of my own. Under the table, she threads her fingers through mine, and I hold her hand while she finishes speaking.
***
Dakota approaches after the plates are cleared. I see her coming between the tables and set down my coffee before Ramona follows my gaze.
She takes her hand from mine and moves her bag onto her lap. Dakota stops behind the empty chair beside her.
“I heard part of what you said.” She looks at me. “About the messages.”
“Then you heard what I’m taking responsibility for.”
“I heard you say some of them were yours.” Her fingers settle against the chair. “People have been asking me questions too.”
Ramona turns toward her.
“What have you told them?”
Dakota glances at the guests across from us.
“That there was more to it than a few conversations about horses.”
“There was.” I keep my voice even. “I’ve told Ramona that.”
She pauses. I can see her waiting for me to soften the answer or add a line meant only for her.
Ramona puts her glass down.
“What do you think I haven’t heard?”
Dakota looks at her properly then.
“I don’t know what Julius tells you now.”
“Then ask him a question. Don’t stand here hinting there’s some secret you could tell me.”
The woman opposite us shifts her cup onto its saucer. Dakota notices the sound and takes her hand off the chair.
“I’m not suggesting anything.”
“You came to our table to talk about your conversations with my husband.” Ramona keeps her voice level. “What did you want us to do with that?”
Dakota looks at me again.
“I wanted to know whether you’re going to deny that they mattered.”
“No, I’m not.” I turn toward her fully. “They mattered enough to damage my marriage. I’m not going to deny that, and I’m not going to have another personal conversation with you here.”
She draws back slightly.
“You make it sound as though I’m the only person who wanted them.”
“I wanted them.” I leave the answer where the whole table can hear it. “I’m responsible for continuing them. I’m also responsible for ending them.”
Ramona’s hand finds mine beneath the table.
Dakota looks down at the movement, then straightens.
“All right.”
She says it to me, not to my wife.
Ramona stands and retrieves her bag.
“Julius, I’m ready to go.”
I get up with her. A guest asks whether we’ll stay for the final presentation, and I tell him good night without asking Ramona to reconsider.
At the doors, I take her coat from the attendant and hold it while she slips her arms inside.
“Did you want to stay longer?” She turns as I settle the collar.
“Not enough to leave you waiting again.”
She looks at me a second longer. I offer my hand, and she takes it.
We walk to the elevator together.
***
Ramona reaches behind her neck once the elevator doors close. Her fingers catch in her hair, and she draws a frustrated breath before trying again.
“Let me.” I reach for the clasp.
“The clasp is caught.” She turns enough for me to reach. “Don’t pull.”
I free the strand carefully and let the necklace settle back into place. My ring slips into view before she tucks it beneath the neckline.
When she faces me again, she puts her palm against my chest.
“You didn’t wait for me to ask tonight.” She watches my face. “When he made that comment.”
“I heard him.” I cover her hand with mine. “I should have done that the first time.”
“I know.” She looks down at our fingers, then back up. “I wanted you to know I noticed.”
The elevator slows. I kiss her forehead before the doors open, and she catches my sleeve to keep me close for another moment before she lets go and walks out beside me.
***
We see the lights near the lower pasture as we drive onto the ranch. Ramona sits forward, looking past the dashboard toward the moving beams.
I stop beside a hand waiting near the gate.
“Brutus got through while we were moving the water tank.” He points toward the wrong field, where the bull is pacing along the fence. “We’ve kept everyone clear.”
Ramona opens her door, then looks down at her shoes. I reach behind the seat for the boots she leaves in the truck and pass them over.
“Move the younger horses into the next field first.” She pulls off one shoe while the hand listens. “Give Brutus somewhere to go without anybody crowding him.”
He heads toward the others. I wait while she changes, holding her shoes so she can gather the dress above her knees.
“You can stop looking.” She catches me watching as she pulls on the second boot.
“I was going to offer to hold the dress.” I meet her eyes.
“You can do that when I get out.” Her mouth lifts briefly before she turns back toward the pasture.
The hands clear the younger horses and open the fenced lane leading to Brutus’s field. Ramona stays outside the fence while they put feed beyond his gate and move away, and Brutus turns at the sound of her voice.
“Come on, you’ve had enough excitement.” She walks along the outside of the fence, stopping where he can see the opening. “Your food’s over there.”
He takes a step, then stops to inspect the ground. Ramona waits instead of reaching through the rails. I stay behind her with the hands, and nobody moves closer.
Eventually, Brutus starts walking again. She keeps talking as he enters the lane, and we wait until he’s safely through before closing the gate behind him.
Ramona turns toward me with her dress gathered in her hands.
“You can help now.” She passes me a clean section of the skirt so she can straighten her boot.
I hold the fabric while she braces her palm against my shoulder. Her hair is loose around her face, and there’s mud near the hem of the dress she chose so carefully.
When she straightens, I’m still watching her.
“What is it?” She takes the skirt from me, checking the dark marks.
“I’d like to take you somewhere you can sit down.” I brush a loose strand of hair away from her cheek. “You’ve had enough people and animals to deal with tonight.”
“Are you coming with me?” She catches my hand before I lower it.
“I’m coming.” I tuck the strand behind her ear this time. “Your porch or mine?”
“Mine. It’s warm enough.” She keeps hold of me as we walk back to the truck.
***
At the county rodeo, I spot Dakota while Ramona is speaking to the woman checking our passes. Dakota stands near the practice pens in a shirt with the training company’s name on it, pointing toward a gate while a man beside her listens.
I wait until Ramona finishes, then touch her arm.
“Dakota’s working over there.” I nod toward the pens. “I didn’t know she’d be here.”
Ramona follows my gaze. Her fingers tighten around the passes before she gives me mine.
“Do you want to leave?” I keep my hand light against her sleeve.
“I want to watch the rodeo.” She looks up at me. “I’d like to do that with you.”
We find our seats, and I stay beside her while she reads the program. I try to watch the arena, but she catches me looking toward the practice pens when she lowers the page.
“If she comes over, we’ll deal with it.” Ramona rests her hand on my knee. “You don’t have to spend the afternoon watching her instead of sitting with me.”
“You’re right.” I put my hand over hers. “I’m sorry.”
She leaves her fingers beneath mine as the announcer begins. I turn toward the arena and listen until someone stops beside our row.
A man in the same company shirt waits in the aisle with his phone in his hand. He introduces himself as Dakota’s manager and nods to Ramona before looking at us both.
“Could I speak to you somewhere quieter?” He waits while a family moves past him. “It’s about the screenshots.”
Ramona’s hand tightens on my knee.
“What about them?” I stay seated while he looks from me to her.
“Our office has been getting calls since the posts went up, and I’ve been asking her questions she doesn’t like.
” He keeps his voice low. “Dakota says the screenshots have been taken the wrong way. She says the whole conversation shows what the two of you were to each other, and that once your wife has read it, nobody will need to ask why she sent what she sent. She’s been telling me that for two days. I told her to prove it.”
“She’s agreed to open both threads herself. His work number and the other one.” He holds his own phone against his leg. “All of it, from the start.”
Ramona stands, keeping the program clutched against her stomach.
“From the start?” She waits for his answer before stepping into the aisle.
“That’s what she’s agreed to.” He moves aside so she can pass.
I get up beside her. She turns toward me before following him, her eyes searching my face.
“I want you there.” She gives me the program because her hands are shaking. “I want to ask you while I’m reading it.”
“I’m coming.” I fold the program and put it in my pocket.
She starts down the aisle, and I stay beside her. I’ve answered what I remember, sometimes carefully and sometimes badly, but I haven’t been able to put the messages in her hands.
Dakota still has the conversation I deleted. She thinks reading all of it will prove she mattered to me. It will. It will also show Ramona the message where I ended it, and every message before that one I never should have sent.