15. Trust #2
“The suit still has plenty of charge. We could stay out a little longer.”
I’m tempted enough that refusing takes effort. She has spent the last hour finding things I stopped noticing centuries ago. I want to see what else she would make me look at again.
“We’ll come out again after Ysra checks the suit. Next time, we can go farther.”
Her smile appears immediately. “I’d like that. I wish you’d trusted me enough to bring me out sooner, but I’m glad you finally did.”
I loosen the tentacle around her waist and let it slide away from the armor. Valerie steps into the chamber, and I follow her instead of remaining outside. The outer doors close behind us, and neither of us speaks while the water drains.
Valerie seems content to watch the level fall across the visor, still carrying some of the quiet from the trench with her. I stand beside her and hear her last words again.
She thinks I finally trust her. By the time air fills the chamber, I know I can’t let her walk away while still keeping secrets.
The pressure wards release, and I move behind her to open the clasps she can’t reach. Valerie pulls the helmet free once the seal loosens and draws a deep breath, damp hair falling around her face.
“That might be the strangest thing I’ve ever done.” She sets the helmet on the bench and gives me a tired smile. “I want to do it again.”
“We will.”
I remove the heavier shoulder section and help her work one arm, then the other, out of the suit. Once the bulk of the armor rests on the bench beside us, Valerie rolls her shoulders and flexes her fingers. She looks happy, and I am about to destroy that.
“There’s something about Saltweather I should have told you,” I blurt out.
Valerie’s tired smile disappears, and she turns toward me with sudden wariness. “What happened?”
“The eviction is canceled. That hasn’t changed, but it was never the only claim against the town.
” I stay beside the bench rather than moving closer.
“Before you came to me, my mother made a territorial agreement with a leviathan named Lotan. His kind needs enormous stretches of water to raise their young. Solveig promised him the coastline around Saltweather to keep a territorial dispute from becoming a war.”
Valerie stares at me for a moment, plainly trying to reconcile what she has just heard with everything I told her before.
“When you say the coastline, do you mean the water around Saltweather?”
“Saltweather itself and the surrounding waters. I refused to honor that part of the agreement when I learned about it. I offered Lotan another oceanic basin instead. Rakan is altering the water there so Lotan and his brood can survive. But the work isn’t finished yet.
“Lotan hasn’t accepted the exchange, not entirely. I’ve spoken about it with him, but until the basin is ready, Solveig’s original promise still stands.”
The confusion leaves Valerie’s face. What replaces it is much worse.
“You told me my town was safe.” She takes a step away from the bench, her damp hair still clinging to her cheeks.
“You told me the contract was fulfilled, and you knew exactly what I thought that meant. I thought maybe this whole mess had finally given us something good. But you knew my home was still being threatened by a monster I didn’t even know existed. ”
I let her finish before I answer. “I thought I could settle it before Lotan ever came near Saltweather again. I convinced myself there was no reason to put that fear back on you if I could remove the threat first.”
Valerie gives a sharp laugh with no humor in it. “That is an incredibly convenient definition of protection.”
She comes toward me now, anger carrying her across the room.
“You keep doing this. You decide what I can handle and pretend it’s for my sake. First you stayed away because you were convinced your world would destroy me. Today I proved I could walk into it just fine. And all along you were hiding something that actually affects my life.”
There’s no defense worth offering, because protection was never the whole reason.
“I was afraid you’d leave.” I keep my eyes on hers as the admission comes out. “I wanted more time with you. I let myself call that protection because the truth was harder to admit.”
Valerie stares at me for several seconds. Then she crosses the remaining space and shoves both hands hard against my chest.
“You unbelievable bastard.” She pushes me again when I barely move beneath the first blow. “You spent weeks making both of us miserable. You stayed away and called it restraint. Then the first time the truth might actually make me choose to leave, suddenly my choices stopped mattering.”
Her palms remain against my chest, and her fingers gather handfuls of my shirt.
“You could have told me you wanted me here. You could have told me the truth about Saltweather. Maybe I would have been angry. Maybe I would have told you to go fuck yourself. But at least I would have known.”
Every part of me wants to close my hands around her waist, but after everything I have just admitted, I keep them at my sides.
“I wanted you badly enough I made cowardice sound reasonable to myself. I told myself I was sparing you the fear, but really I was afraid you’d choose Saltweather over me.” Her grip tightens as I speak. “I should have trusted you with the truth.”
Valerie’s breathing is still fast, but she doesn’t shove me again. When she looks up, the fury in her face has tangled with something harder to name.
“You should have fucking asked me.”
The words are quieter than everything before them. There’s nothing I can add without repeating what she has already said, so I don’t try.
Valerie holds my gaze for another second, then gives my shirt a vicious pull and drags me down to her.
Her mouth hits mine hard. There’s no hesitation and nothing forgiving in the kiss. Her anger comes with her in the sharp press of her mouth against mine. I catch her around the waist when she pushes closer. The warmth still trapped in her skin from the pressure suit meets my cold skin.
One tentacle slides behind her thighs and lifts her.
Valerie wraps her legs around me as I bring her against my chest. Her fingers push into my hair before she kisses me again.
Her teeth catch my lower lip, sending a sharp sting through me.
I tighten my arm around her while keeping the tentacle beneath her steady.
For several breaths there is nothing but her mouth, the weight of her in my arms, and the anger neither of us is pretending has disappeared. Valerie breaks the kiss first and draws back only far enough to breathe. Her forehead rests against mine, and one hand remains buried in my hair.
“This does not mean I forgive you,” she murmurs. “I’m still so fucking angry I could hit you again.”
“I know better than to mistake this for forgiveness.”
She studies my face for a moment, then tightens her fingers in my hair and kisses me again.
This time, the kiss builds more slowly. Her mouth opens beneath mine as her body settles more firmly against mine.
The anger is still there, but it no longer has to carry every movement.
Desire has found its way into the space beside it, messy, inconvenient, and impossible to separate cleanly from everything we’ve just said.
Valerie makes a small sound against my mouth. I feel it through her whole body. By the time she finally breaks away, we are both breathing harder. Her lips are flushed, my lower lip still stings where she bit it, and her legs remain locked around my waist.
Neither of us has time to decide what happens next.
The staging-room door crashes into the wall.
Valerie jerks in my arms. I turn toward the sound and lower her to her feet. Bastian rushes through the doorway, catching the frame with one hand when his momentum carries him too far.
I’ve never seen him arrive anywhere without perfect composure. His panic clears my head immediately. “Bastian, what’s happened?”
“My lord, Lotan has entered the Great Hall.” His gaze flicks once toward Valerie before returning to me. “Representatives from the merfolk clans arrived with him.”
Valerie still has one hand twisted in my shirt. I feel her fingers tighten at the name she learned only minutes ago. I want nothing more than to protect her from this. But I know things have escalated beyond my ability to control them.
Lotan and the merfolk barely tolerate one another. They wouldn’t come here together without a serious reason. They certainly wouldn’t arrive unannounced in the middle of stalled negotiations.
Whatever changed while Valerie and I were outside has already reached the fortress.
The leviathan I have just told her is threatening her home is here, and we have no choice but to face him.