Olivia
Kiersten hasn’t blinked in thirty seconds. I’m not even sure she’s breathing anymore. It’s like her face is just stuck. Paused like one of those weird horror movies.
And as for Henry, well. Henry’s jaw is on the floor. So is his Asiago cream cheese bagel because as soon as I said what I said, he dropped it.
“Say that again,” Henry says.
“Should I?” I ask. “Because I’m pretty sure I just gave you a heart attack and might have sent you into a coma.”
“No, he’s right,” Kiersten says after taking a breath. Thank God. I was starting to think she had awake sleep apnea. Is that a thing? “I need you to say that again. Not just for us. But so you can hear it yourself.”
“I’m falling in love with him,” I repeat.
“Him who?” Henry asks.
“Luca! Luca Laurent,” I exhale. “I am falling in love with Luca Laurent.”
“Damn,” Henry lets out. We have exactly five minutes before we are supposed to go on the air for another episode of our catfish series.
I decided that given the blowout with Sadie and the wine induced, balcony conversation with Luca, they needed to know.
Especially since they are probably assuming I’m going to give an update on air.
Which, I’ve decided, I’m not. Not lying to anyone anymore means everyone. Luca, Sadie, Kiersten, Henry, and yes, my listeners. Four down…a couple hundred thousand to go.
“This is…” Kiersten stammers.
“Crazy, I know,” I say.
“I was going to say not going to work,” she says.
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you’re in love with him, that derails everything,” she goes off.
“Oh, I’m well aware,” I say.
“The series is going to go flat. And God only knows what it’s going to mean for the podcast,” she says.
“I was talking about my life,” I say back. “You think I wanted this?”
“I think it could have been prevented,” she says, and my mouth pops open in disbelief.
“Oh, right, because we have a say in who we fall in love with,”
“A little bit. I mean, some people are off-limits,” she says.
“What was I supposed to do?” I ask. “I was literally going out with him on dates to dinner and parties and hotels and–”
“The hotel part was your doing,” she snorts. “Nobody made you sleep with him.”
“Are you for real right now?” I ask, and Henry steps in.
“Ladies. This is a bit of a conundrum for sure,” he starts.
“It’s a fucking catastrophe,” Kiersten cuts him off. “Next she is going to tell us that she doesn’t want to do the podcast anymore.”
“I’m going to do the podcast,” I cut in, “but I do think the listeners need to be informed. I mean, I was wrong. We were all wrong. Luca isn’t what people think and–”
“Oh my god, you cannot be real right now!” Kiersten goes off. “You are literally throwing an iceberg in front of the Titanic right now,”
“I think that might be a little bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think?” I ask.
“Oookay!” Henry says over us, making his second attempt to gain control over the room. “This is not ideal. Obviously, if Olivia is in love with the king of catfish–”
“He’s not the king of catfish,” I say. “I feel like you guys aren’t hearing me.”
“Oh, we are hearing you alright,” Kiersten says. “You’re telling us you’re going to tank our most successful series to date all because being wined and dined is your type.”
“Kiersten,” Henry snaps. “We have two minutes. Two minutes to figure out what we are going to do.”
“I know what we are not going to do,” Kiersten says. “We are not going to sabotage our podcast!”
“Thirty seconds,” Henry warns us.
“Okay, you know what?” I say. “I just won’t talk about it.”
“Good,” Kiersten says, and we put on our headphones. I unwrap my straw and shove it in my coffee. Then I take a long sip and a long breath and force a smile.
“Good morning, romantics. I am Olivia Ramone.”
“And I am Kiersten K.”
“And you are listening to Unmatched. Right Swipe, Wrong Person,” I begin, taking a second, undetectable through the microphone.
“We have all been there. We match with someone online and everything seems too good to be true. And as much as I hate to say it, that probably means it is. I’m talking about the ones you think you know, the ones that seem perfect for you, only to find out that they are someone else entirely.
I’m talking about…catfish. And unfortunately, they’re everywhere, just waiting to hook, reel, and deceive. ”
“Yes, they are,” Kiersten pops in. And while it is her turn to speak according to my script notes, I noticed that she’s not looking at her tablet, which tells me that she’s going rogue.
Not that we always use a script. Most of the time, our conversations are organic.
But for time purposes and to guide us through some of our more targeted episodes, we follow notes.
Or I do, anyway. Kiersten apparently does whatever she wants.
“Sometimes they are so good at what they do–deceiving us through charm. It clouds our better judgement and we keep the hook in our mouths even after being thrown back to sea.”
Kiersten’s eyes are on me. I can feel them, hot and judgmental. But I keep my eyes on my notes.
“Which is why we are here to help you identify those people and eliminate them from your life,” I go on.
“Exactly,” Kiersten says. “And speaking of catfish, how was your last date, Livv? With the king of all catfish.”
I’m smiling. But I am also gritting my teeth. “Interesting you should ask,” I say. “Because Luca and I have been out on another date…multiple dates, really…and–”
“And from the sounds of it, he’s laying it on thick, am I right?” She asks and waits. Henry is staring between us like he’s going to puke. But I’m not afraid of Kiersten. She’s always been on the salty side. It’s half the reason I love her and half the reason I’ve got a backbone.
“Luca has been…a surprising adventure,” I chose my words very carefully. All the while, Kiersten shoots me a warning look.
And with that, I am done.
“For those of you just joining the conversation,” Kiersten takes over.
“Olivia has been going out with Luca Laurent, the CEO of Realr and the world’s biggest playboy.
This is a man known for his belief in love, and yet, he doesn’t even believe in romance.
Yet after five…or more…dates with Olivia, he is pulling the most strategic and sneaky move of them all…
pretending to be in love in an attempt to save his reputation.
Crazy right? I mean, seriously, this man deserves a slow clap for his performance. He truly is the king.”
With that, I rip my headphones off. Kiersten looks up at me. Henry looks panicked, and I am done giving a fuck. Am I going to blow up on the air? No. I don’t actually want to tank my podcast and my career. But I’m not going to sit here and smile while Kiersten rips me apart either.
So I leave. I grab my coffee, my bag, my dignity, and walk out.
I fly down the stairs, half angry and half on the verge of tears.
Mostly just angry, though. Because I am tired of defending myself.
I know how it looks to everyone. I know what people believe about him.
But none of those people have actually been out with him.
I get in my car and grip the steering wheel in my hands. I take in a deep and shaky breath and let it out slowly. My life has never felt more right. And yet, it’s spiraling out of control.
Suddenly my phone buzzes with a text.
Luca: Dinner tonight?
It’s amazing how such a simple question calms my nerves, and I’m no longer strangling my steering wheel.
Olivia: What did you have in mind?
Luca: My place.
Olivia: You can cook?
Luca: You’re not cute.
Olivia: Yes I am.
I smirk.
Luca: I hope you like fettuccine…
Olivia: I love fettuccine. Want me to pick anything up from the store?
Luca doesn’t answer back, and I assume he’s driving or shopping or cooking. I don’t really care. But I do know I’m not going to let my friends get to me. And they’re definitely not going to ruin this evening for me.
They don’t know him like I do. I don’t think anyone does. And I am done trying to prove it to people. The only person’s opinion that matters at this point is Luca's. And nothing is going to mess it up.