Chapter 21
Once we arrive at the bar in Frisco, I begin to feel glad that I gave in and came. These four are so welcoming and inclusive that I should always know that they’ll have my best interests at heart. I grew up with Dalton as my only likable relative, and Caleb has been the second brother I never had. Both of those men are protective and caring, and the women they’ve decided to make theirs are just as good of company, if not more. In Lauren and Aubrey, I have real, honest-to-goodness, actual friends for the first time.
Still, being here with two couples reiterates the fact I’m a fifth wheel. I’m a single with their pairs. I don’t fit in. Watching them together makes my heart sink just that little bit more. I fall back into the pit of missing Sawyer and wishing for something more with him. I envision him here, smiling and holding my hand as we complete the night as a third couple.
But he’s not here. Other than stopping in my cabin to scare the crap out of me, just walking inside to pick something up, I haven’t seen him or heard a peep from him. No calls or texts. No plans to work on the cabin. It was so weird, knowing he saw me like a mess as I worked on framing the dress, but he hadn’t shown any sign of being bothered by my appearance.
Sawyer has fallen off the face of the Earth as far as I’m concerned, so when Aubrey introduces me to a man who resembles the cocky contractor I can’t stop thinking about, I’m intrigued.
“Claire, this is Kevin, Sawyer’s brother.” Aubrey beams at the man as he approaches. He seems to have had the same idea as us, to grab a drink at this bar connected to the hotel Lauren and Caleb flipped last summer.
“We both teach at the same school,” she says. “Kevin, this is Claire, Dalton’s cousin.”
“Nice to meet you,” I tell him after he says the same and takes the seat next to me. “Younger brother?” I guess.
He nods. “Yeah. Jason’s the oldest.” A wry smile hits his lips. “Obviously. Then Sawyer and me.”
“I’ve met Jason at the Goldfinch.” And I’ve heard about Kevin. Sawyer mentioned him previously, but he never put many details into their relationship. Honestly, I forgot about him, and I can’t help but wonder if Sawyer intended that. If this relationship isn’t a fond one.
“Jason’s been up that mountainside more than ever,” Kevin says as his drink is delivered.
I nurse my cocktail, not very interested in seeing it disappear too soon. “Because of Marian?”
He chuckles, and I notice how different it is from Sawyer’s. Sawyer’s voice is deeper, sexier, no matter if he’s joking, whispering, or laughing. Kevin is much more proper, more like a man my mother might approve of. Not crude and laid-back enough to let loose like Sawyer.
“Jason and Marian are a good fit. I wonder when they’ll both give in and just admit he’s going to move in there to be with her. He’s got to be getting tired of pretending to be needed or wanted there for projects that need to be done.”
“Maybe it’s like a slow build-up.”
“Maybe,” he agrees. “And with how long Marian’s been alone after her husband passed away, it makes sense that she would be slow and cautious to officially announce anything with anyone.”
I smile, loving how everyone not only knows the older, smart woman running the BB but also how they admire and look up to her. It’s something I sure lack practice with. The only maternal figure in my life, my mother, has never encouraged admiration from me.
“It would be good for Jason to settle down. He’s always been a bachelor, and now that he’s retired and has given Sawyer his half of Dad’s company, he’ll have plenty of time to finally spend it with someone.”
His comment seems multilayered, and I’m not sure what to pick at first. “Jason and Sawyer run your dad’s company?”
“Sawyer does. When Dad passed away, he gave it to both of them.”
I raise my brows. “Nothing to you?” That sounds like fodder for resentment.
“No. I got some money. I’ve never been interested in construction, not like those two are. Jason grew up with it, so it’s natural that he would follow in Dad’s footsteps. After Jason’s mom passed and Dad remarried, Sawyer came along and fell right in with the business.”
“You didn’t?”
He shrugs. “Like I said, I was never interested. I was already halfway through getting my education degree when he passed away. My calling has been to teach, not bang a hammer around outside all day.”
I frown at my drink. There’s resentment, all right. Sawyer is a hardworking man in a manual-labor field of careers, but even I know he doesn’t just ‘bang a hammer around all day.’ He’s smart, analytical, and probably one of those super wise math geeks who can master chess and just see how dimensions line up. I’ve never been good at math, much stronger in the creative department, but it saddens me that his own brother would be so quick to belittle him.
More so, it’s depressing to realize even closer-knit families with siblings can still be as dysfunctional as the relationship between me and my mother.
Kevin shrugs again, almost as though he wishes he could get the topic of his brother off his shoulders and out of his mind. “Sawyer and I have never been close.”
“That’s understandable. You have different interests. Dalton and Caleb are the closest things I’ve had to a brother, and I know they will never relate to my career or even understand it.”
“What do you do?” he asks, looking me up and down.
I almost want to bristle at his tone. Was he implying he’s surprised that I do anything? That I look like a spoiled woman who never works? I feel like he’s judging me just like that.
“I’m a fashion designer. Bridal gowns, specifically.” It feels stupid to claim that. I haven’t actually done that yet to declare it as my job, but once Lauren’s dress is finished, it will be true—with or without my dream shop.
“Ah.”
“So, I get it. If I had a sister or a real brother, I bet they’d have their interests while I have mine.” He doesn’t reply, staring at his drink. I’m waiting for a deeper explanation about why he and Sawyer aren’t close because I’m that thirsty for more clues about the man I can’t get out of my head.
“Are you not close with Jason either?” I ask. If the difference of interests is what split the brothers, it seems Kevin wouldn’t be close with Jason either.
“He’s all right. We get along. But Sawyer…” He sighs and faces me, studying me directly. “You’re really curious, aren’t you?”
I smile, not sheepish to show that he’s caught me there. I am curious about everything about Sawyer, including details about his family members and why his brother might not be close to him. I’m deluded, thinking the more I know about that sexy man, the better I can be rational with my decisions about him.
Yeah, right. I’ll only want more and more. It’s a scary notion, this need to get more involved with Sawyer when I know nothing will ever last. I meant it when I told Dalton I’m not going to my mother in New York, but that doesn’t mean staying here. The urge to rub my face hits me, but I refrain from showing my frustrations like that in public. Simply put, I have no clue what to do or where to go. I see no answers anywhere.
“Sawyer is a…” I can’t even figure out what to call him. He’s more than a friend now, one who wants to pretend I don’t exist.
“Ah.” Kevin nods. “That kind of a friend.”
I purse my lips, hating how he might be judging or viewing me now.
“I’m surprised.”
Okay, red flags galore here. “Why?”
“You’re not his type.”
I giggle. Well, everyone would think that. I’m confident that Sawyer’s far from what should be my type, too. “We do seem like a case of opposites attract.” I smile, twirling my straw in my drink. “He calls me high-maintenance.”
Kevin smiles, not making eye contact. “I would think he’d know better then.”
I frown. “Because…a ‘high-maintenance’ woman isn’t worthy of his time?”
“No. It’s just what you’ve said. He’s your opposite. Sawyer is, uh, not high-maintenance. He’s a simple working man.”
I furrow my brow as I focus on my drink. I don’t want to dignify that comment with looking at him. That’s a cruel comment. Sawyer isn’t simple, and to know his brother views him so poorly hurts.
“I’m not one to claim to know Sawyer, all right? We’re not close, so please, whatever you’ve got going on with him, don’t take my words to heart.”
Ha. Too late for that.
“Well, we’re in the same boat there. I feel like I don’t know him that well either.” Except, um, in the naked sense. “And I have a hunch Sawyer doesn’t really know what he wants anyway.”
Kevin nods. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
Maybe he thinks I’ve said something accurate, but it feels wrong to speak it.
This funkiness remains with me for the rest of the night. Even though Kevin moves aside to chat with Aubrey and another colleague from the school they work at, I can’t shake Sawyer from my mind.
I miss him. I wonder what I’ve done wrong to make him want to avoid me. I hate that he can’t have a good relationship with both of his brothers. And more than anything, I wish that whatever changed his mind about me could no longer stand between us.
I don’t know what to do next or where I’ll go in the next phase of resisting my mother’s efforts to marry me off, but I wish that while I am here in Colorado, I could spend every possible minute with Sawyer.
***
Dalton and Aubrey drop me off at the cabin, and I jump right into working on Lauren’s dress. It’s all I have to distract myself. My hope is that I will tire out my eyes and force a decent night of sleep on myself.
Headlights flash through the windows, though, capturing my attention. No one ever drives out this way, and since it’s Dalton’s private property, no one should be out here.
Except…
Sawyer headed to those older cabins.
I cling to the idea that it could be him driving so late, and I hurry to the porch.
Too many questions sit in my mind about him. While I’m stubborn enough to avoid the vulnerability of reaching out to him, I wish he would come to me.
Stop getting your hopes up. Clearly, it was a mistake. As I prop my forearms on the porch railing to watch him inevitably drive past, I sigh and think back to how Kevin judged me earlier. He was so quick to think Sawyer wouldn’t ever be with a woman like me. He pointed out that I was the opposite of his laid-back brother, and it hit me like a lightbulb going off.
Was I too needy that night? Doubting myself and rejecting his compliment? Did I make myself too vulnerable that Sawyer felt like he had to take care of me, getting nothing in return? Maybe that’s why he’s done and moving on.
To my surprise, his truck slows, then stops in the drive.
I hold my breath as the driver’s door opens. It’s like I’ve summoned him here, and I don’t know what to think or how to act.
He steps out of the truck, his intense gaze on me. The lights on the porch show me plenty of details on his rugged face, and I swallow at the instant hit of desire that cloaks me.
I want him. Damn, do I want him as he stalks toward me, climbing the steps to reach me up here. Without a word, he stares at me so intensely, and I fall under the spell of wishing he could just be mine.
“Did I do something wrong?” I regret that it’s the first thing I blurt out. Not a hello. No question as to what he’s doing here. Just an automatic worry and assumption that Sawyer and I can’t work. That Kevin is right to scoff at the idea of his brother wanting me.
Sawyer shakes his head, sighing as he sets foot on the porch. He pauses for so long that I get impatient, too curious for any mind games.
“No. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he says carefully.
A tense moment spans between us, but beneath the silence of our stare-down, I want to crumble under the suspense. This electricity still sizzles between us, and more than ever, I’m drawn to him.
“I—”
I lose track of whatever I was going to blurt out, cut off by his quick steps over the wooden planks. He approaches me swiftly, sauntering toward me with an unreadable expression that looks a lot like desire.
He reaches out to grab my sides, and I give in. I cave. Leaning close, I fall against his hard chest as he hugs me tightly and slams his lips to mine.